


Someone Lost, Something Gained

by unn_known



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Loss, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Mourning, Slow Burn, Updating tags as I go, the cutest puppy i've ever written about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:41:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 89,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24074629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unn_known/pseuds/unn_known
Summary: Veda Mitchell has never had a good relationship with anyone in her family except for her grandfather. When he’s diagnosed with terminal cancer, Veda immediately and without hesitation moves in to take on the role of caregiver. He’s done so much for her throughout her life. Caring for him, making his life easier before it ends, is the least she can do to repay him.The routine she follows is steadfast, set in stone, and it brings her comfort. Meeting Niall wasn’t in the plans, but Veda finds herself yearning for his bright, infectious smile and calming presence when everything goes wrong. And wrong it goes.
Relationships: Niall Horan & Original Female Character(s), Niall Horan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 126
Kudos: 18





	1. ★uno★

Veda takes a sip of the champagne, her nose wrinkling at the bubbles that tickle the back of her throat. The brilliant glow of the setting sun sweeps over the venue through the windows, and the shutters swing lightly in the breeze that passes by. She breathes in the floral perfume of the bouquets that sit in the centre of every table, bright petals like beacons in the room.

It’s been a long time coming, but the day is finally here. She can’t be any happier for her best friend.

Ellie and Christopher have been planning their wedding for nearly two years, juggling work and schooling and everything that comes with an impending ceremony. Veda is just thankful to be able to have come. She wasn’t sure she would have had the chance, but here she is to support the woman who has been by her side since they were sixteen.

Elizabeth had come into Veda’s life like a hurricane, and each passing day has only strengthened the quick bond created in their sophomore year of high school. Distance hasn’t been enough to sever that connection, and that alone is the most comforting bit.

“Ready for the speech?”

Veda turns from the window to see Mrs Hargrove approaching. “Absolutely. Ready to see your daughter cry off all her pretty makeup?”

“Honey, if you can make that girl cry, I will pay you a thousand dollars.”

“I’ll take that bet,” Veda laughs before setting off for the head table.

Ellie is already there, sat next to her now-husband, and the man talking to the couple gives Veda an impatient look but moves away without another word. She stares after him with a frown then takes her seat next to the bride.

“I see your uncle still doesn’t like me.”

Ellie giggles. “In his defence, you _did_ key his car when he decided to be a racist pig against Marissa’s boyfriend.”

“He doesn’t like me, either,” Chris reassures Veda in an undertone, leaning across his wife to speak quietly enough that he can’t be overheard. “And I’ve married into the family.”

Veda smiles and accepts what Chris is saying. Ellie gasps quietly when Veda taps her fork against the champagne flute. The noise manages to cut through the low buzz of conversation, and the guests fall silent as she rises to her feet again. Drawing in a steadying breath, Veda grins down at her best friend.

“What can I say about Elizabeth Mariette Hargrove? Besides the fact that she’s absolutely stunning, she is the best person I have ever met. Really. I know loads of people tend to be a bit… hyperbolic about their friends, but I will never meet anyone as selfless, kind, and generous as El. She’s so much more than that, though. For those who don’t know, we met one fateful day in high school. I was at my locker, getting out my - what was it El?”

“Chemistry,” she supplies in a watery voice, but her eyes remain dry despite the way they glimmer in the gentle lighting.

Veda nods sharply at the reminder, turns back to the guest. “Right. My Chemistry book. Fucking Chemistry, man. I hated that class. I digress! Sorry. But definitely remember what class I was heading to.”

She continues on, telling everyone in the room about the fist time she saw Elizabeth. Ellie had the quarterback of the football team cornered against the bay of lockers and was shouting herself hoarse at him, for whatever crime he had committed. Veda had found the other girl to be a beautiful, vengeful sort of angel. Of course, a teacher had come to break up the fight, but Ellie could be heard from across the courtyard long after the bystanders scattered.

Halfway through class, the girl had come in, dropped into the seat next to Veda, and that was it. They’d talked as if they had known each other their entire lives. It didn’t matter that Veda already had a lab partner who was only out sick for the day. Ellie came into her life and refused to leave.

“Chemistry is a weird thing. I may have hated the class, but I can’t deny that we’ve had chemistry from the very beginning. She was my kind of weird. My kind of crazy. She made me more outspoken, and I kept her from unleashing righteous fury on people. Well, I _tried_ ,” Veda amends, and the guests laugh along with her as she reaches for Ellie’s hand. “Without her, I definitely wouldn’t have made it to graduation as relatively unscathed as I did.”

Ellie’s tears finally spill over as Veda recounts the time Ellie had called after a terrible date she’d gone on, how Veda had done what any best friend would do - commiserated, assured Ellie that she would never have another date as awful as that one, and offered to fly all the way to Stanford to eat their weight in ice cream. Ellie had laughed and said she was okay, she was going out again with him the following weekend.

Veda chokes on her own giggles as she tells everyone how gobsmacked she’d been that Ellie would want to put herself through the torture of another date when the first one was so horrendous. Her amusement fades away, and she stares between Ellie and Chris, smiling slightly.

“I knew why. That’s just El. So willing to give second chances where most people wouldn’t. And I’m glad she did. Chris is such an amazing, wonderful partner. He’s been there for her when I couldn’t. Normally, I’d be jealous that someone is taking my place as the sane one in our dynamic duo, but… it’s _Chris_. He keeps her grounded. He loves her almost as much as I do, though in decidedly different ways.

“My point with all this rambling is that Elizabeth is the best woman I have ever known. She deserves everything that’s great in this world, and well, Chris is pretty much the greatest thing to happen to her. Besides me, of course.

“I’m thankful that Ellie gave him a second chance to wow her, because their love gives me hope that one day I might just have an awful, no-good, horrible date of my own. And maybe, just maybe, I might have someone who makes my life - and myself - better.

“To Ellie and Chris. May you have the rest of your lives together for terrible dates.”

Veda sips from her glass as everyone echoes the sentiments. Ellie stands, giving Veda no warning before hugging her tightly. Veda kisses Ellie’s cheek and swallows back the dark that rises up. She can’t let her tears get to her. Today is all about Elizabeth and Christopher. It’s not a prime-time showing of the Veda Mitchell Show.

Conversations resume, and the staff serves the dinner. Veda’s appetite is nonexistent right now, but she forces herself to take at least a few bites. The caterers worked hard to ready the meal, and she doesn’t want to worry anyone. Someone clinks a fork against their glass. Ellie giggles but dutifully leans over to kiss her new husband.

Thankfully, dinner doesn’t last long. Everyone is far too distracted with talking and congratulating the newlyweds, so within the hour, Chris is leading Ellie to the middle of the room. _Thank You for Loving Me_ starts up. Veda watches her best friend sway slowly with her husband to the familiar raspy quality of Bon Jovi’s voice.

The pocket of Veda’s dress starts vibrating just as the music swells, and she nearly falls out of her seat with surprise. She checks that the guests’ attention is purely on the dancing couple then ducks out of the room.

“What happened?” she says once the call connects.

A sigh crackles down the line, and she chews on her lower lip while she waits for Patrice to respond. The taste of her lipstick floods her mouth. After a long moment, the in-home nurse speaks.

“You need to come home.”

“What. Happened?”

“Nothing happened, but, Veda… It isn’t looking good right now. I don’t think it’ll be long.”

“Can, can I speak to him?”

Patrice exhales sharply, though she doesn’t argue. Veda swallows thickly and waits for the nurse to pass the phone over. Rustling comes along the connection, the grumpy rumbles of a man being awoken. She can’t stop the tears when she hears his voice clearly.

“Percy? That you?”

Her throat tightens, and she has to cough slightly before she can speak. “Hey, Granddad. It’s me, yeah. How you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m fine. Pat’s just worryin’ for nothing. I’m _fine_. Now stay and enjoy the party, okay? Tell El and her husband I said congratulations, and I’ll see you when you get home.”

“Granddad -”

“Be a kid, sweetheart.”

“I’m twenty-five, not five.” She sniffles and scrubs at her cheeks, tears coming no matter how hard she tries to keep them at bay. “I’ll be home soon. I love you.”

“I love you, too, honey.”

Veda hangs up, breathes in as deeply as possible. Her lungs are too small, and her throat aches with all of the emotions she’s been struggling with since this nightmare started. She leans against the wall behind her. Staff goes in and out of the ballroom, but none spare her a second glance. She’s oddly grateful for that - if anyone speaks to her right now, she may just shatter to pieces.

Fighting to get herself back under control again, she waits another beat before heading back through the doors. Ellie evidently noticed her missing, because she is immediately at Veda’s side without bothering to excuse herself from the relatives with whom she was talking. Chris, ever attentive, follows closely behind, though he does say something to his in-laws first.

“Veda?”

“I, uh, I have to go.”

“Is he -?”

“He says he’s fine, but Patrice…”

“Oh, honey, go. Call me as soon as you make it home, all right?”

“I will. Thank you so much, Ellie.”

“No, thank _you_. I wouldn’t have been upset if you hadn’t come, but it means everything that you did.”

Ellie embraces Veda with surprising strength then runs her fingertips under Veda’s eyes gently. Chris passes over his handkerchief, and Ellie wipes off the mascara and eyeliner with a thankful smile. Turning back to Veda, her eyes darken with concern.

“Let me know if I can help in any way.”

“Enjoy your honeymoon. Chris? Keep loving her. I won’t be there to pull her ass out of the fire any more, so that job is on your shoulders now. She’s a handful.”

Chris laughs quietly, kisses Veda’s cheek. “You’ve done a terrible job at that, but I’ll do my best.”

Veda pulls them both in for one final hug then heads to the table to gulp down the rest of her champagne. Waving at the couple over her shoulder, she hurries from the ballroom and down the corridor. The lift is already waiting, and she darts inside, thumbing at the button for the top floor.

Veda pulls her room key out of her clutch as the lift rises. It dings at every floor it passes, and her breath hitches when it comes to a juddering stop. The doors slide open with a soft chiming noise.

Packing her belongings take very little time. She doesn’t bother changing out of the 50s-style swing dress that Ellie chose for her, or to take off her makeup. She just shoves her toiletries and pyjamas into her carry-on. She does slide of her heels and toss them in, exchanging them for the flip-flops she brought with her.

She stops by the wedding suite and slides her room key under the doors, hopes that it’s good enough. Just to be certain, she sends a quick text to Chris’s brother, informing him of the key’s location.

_Hold on, Granddad, I’m on my way._


	2. ★due★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i'm too impatient to wait to post this next chapter, here ya go! unfortunately, i can't promise any sort of posting schedule with this story or _**scars & souvenirs**_. it's basically just whenever i finish a chapter, so... sorry! 
> 
> anyway. enjoy.

The airport is surprisingly busy for being so late in the night. It takes Veda half an hour to get to the front of the queue, and by the time she does, her panic has ratcheted to a height she hasn’t experienced in a very long time. She is angry at the situation, all of it, and the poor staff doesn’t deserve her wrath. But she can’t bite it back once they tell her that the next available flight won’t be until morning.

“Look, I… I have a family emergency, okay? I _have_ to be on a flight tonight. Isn’t there anything you can do, maybe bump someone off a flight leaving tonight? Fuck, I’ll take a flight to Boston and drive the rest of the way, I don’t care.”

“I’m really sorry, ma’am, but the last flight for today to the East Coast just departed five minutes ago.” The man gives her a sympathetic smile that does nothing to placate her. “There are two flights directly to JFK in the morning that I might be able to get you on.”

Veda knows there is no point in arguing any more; it’s not like the man can just call back a fucking aeroplane. So she accepts the earliest flight and waits as he does his magic to get her ticket switched.

Her skin crawls with goosebumps, though she isn’t sure if it’s the cool air of the building or her fear. Once he assures her that she will be part of priority boarding, Veda thanks him as sincerely as possible then makes her way to the waiting lobby outside the terminal.

>   
>  **To: Ellie**  
>  _No chance tonight. Will be heading out first thing in the am. I’m so so so so sorry for having to ditch so early._
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  _I’ll pass the message on to Elizabeth. Please be sure to send your grandfather our love. Love, Irene_
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  _Thanks, Momma Hargrove_

Veda curls into herself as she sits in the chair, stomach churning with anxiety. She is well aware that she can’t do anything from an airport almost three thousand miles away. It would have been a better choice to return to the hotel for the night, but the thought of going back to the festivities is hard to handle.

Hearing her granddad’s voice had done little to assuage her fear. In fact, hearing him so tired, so brittle and worn thin, works to convince her that she is going to be too late. Her throat tightens, eyes burning, as her mind replays the short conversation with him. A tear trickles its way down her cheek, but she doesn’t bother wiping it away.

Why waste the effort when more are just going in?

The hours drag on. Flights arrive, flights depart, but Veda stays stuck where she is in the corner. She rereads the texts from Patrice, though all that does is conjure up worst-case scenarios from every word the nurse has sent.

_He’s sleeping right now._

_He’s taken his medication and has eaten a little._

_He’s having more difficulty breathing on his own, but hte mask is working._

Patrice is a godsend, Veda cannot deny that. But that isn’t enough to ease the unadulterated terror that grows with each passing second.

“You look cold.”

Veda jolts at the unexpected Irish-accented voice, but before she can do more than blink at the newcomer, something soft is wrapping around her shoulders. She stares stupidly down at the zip-up hoodie the man has offered. It takes a second, then she realises: He’s right, she’s freezing.

He finishes plugging a charging adaptor into an outlet, and the phone in his hand lets out a soft ding as electricity runs through the cord. He sets it on his thigh and finally meets her eye. Contrition flits across his face.

“You, er, don’t have to use the jacket if you don’t want to. I just thought you might be cold.”

“I-I am. Thanks.”

He shifts awkwardly in his seat, brows drawn tightly together. “So… forgive me for this, but you seem upset. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she replies immediately then - surprising even herself - she admits, “Talking about it will make it real.”

He nods, slowly as if he’s mulling over her words, and Veda wonders if he truly does understand or if he is just attempting to empathise. Neither of them speak again for the rest of the hour, but Veda doesn’t care; she’s too caught up in her own thoughts.

When she barely manages to stifle a yawn, he suggests that she take a nap, promising to keep an eye on her luggage. She shakes her head with a forced smile and bites back the words that will only expose too much - sleeping will only bring terrifying dreams that are too close to real life.

Dawn arrives with little fanfare, heralding a new day, and Veda jerks to alertness as the flight is called overhead. The stranger dozes in his chair, head lolling to the side as he sleeps. Veda hesitates. Should she wake him?

She doesn’t give it much more thought, just reaches over and nudges his shoulder. His eyes peel open, and he blinks sleepily a few times before bolting upright. Veda fidgets with the zip of the jacket.

“I, I didn’t know if you were on the flight to New York, but it’s just been called, so…”

“Oh. Yeah, thanks.”

She reluctantly removes his jacket, suppressing a shiver when she is no longer surrounded by the warmth and pleasant aroma of spiced cologne. He takes the hoodie back with a smile, and she turns to grab her carry-on while he shoves the hoodie into his backpack. Before she can walk away, he apologises for falling asleep instead of keeping her company.

Veda hesitates but shrugs it off, hurrying to the gate. The flight attendant checks her ticket then gestures her forward with a scripted “Have a nice flight”.

Luggage stuffed into the overhead compartment and belt securely fasted, Veda lets her head fall back against her seat, swallowing hard to dislodge the lump in her throat. An internal countdown begins as the other passengers board and find their own seats. The stranger waves shortly before dropping into a chair five rows ahead of her.

It shouldn’t be comforting to see him on the same flight, sitting so near, but for some inexplicable reason, it is.

It’s far less comforting when he sits in the empty seat next to her a few minutes after the seatbelt lights go off. Veda honestly just wants to be left alone right now, but the pleasant smile on his face tells her she won’t get that isolation, the peace and quiet.

Shame twists in her gut at the realisation that he’s going to want conversation. She can’t find it in her to do anything about it, though, to start talking about mindless things. Her mind is firmly on the man waiting for her to come home. And whether he’ll even still be there when she does.

“I’m Niall.”

“Uh, Ve-Veda.”

“Well, Ve-Veda, what brought you to California?”

“My best friend got married.”

“Nice! I wish the best for the couple.” He squirms to get more comfortable, tapping quickly at the screen of his phone before turning it off. “Excited to get back home?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“You’re not a talker, are ya?” he asks on a quiet laugh when she doesn’t offer more.

“Sorry. I just, I have a lot on my mind right now.”

“Need a distraction? I’ve been told I’m rather good at blathering on and preventing people from focusing.”

His bright, innocent grin is enough to sway her, and Veda resists the knee-jerk reaction of telling him no. Instead, she nods and settles into her seat as his eyes take on a faraway glaze. The silence between them doesn’t last much longer.

When he starts speaking, it’s pleasant - or it would be if she wasn’t so caught up in the fears that have plagued her for the last few months. His voice has a steady cadence while he tells her that he’s been in California for two weeks to help a friend set up for a gallery opening.

Veda relaxes into the rising and falling of his voice as he describes the friends he has, the ones he lives with. He even goes so far as to show her a picture of his dog, an adorable puggle he affectionately calls an idiot who can’t find his way out of a wide-open box. The photograph is a nice touch, she thinks. Another sense to engage.

His words are softer, rounded with emotion, when he talks about his job as a nurse in the paediatric wing of a hospital surprisingly close to the home Veda shares with her granddad. She understands the conflicting views he confesses of his career. As a registrar, the only contact she has with patients is to get information about insurance from them, but spending any amount of time with people sick or broken is hard. She can’t imagine how much more difficult it is to actually be in charge of their care. Especially children.

The haunted darkness behind his eyes disappears after a moment, and Niall clears his throat. Veda is impressed with how quickly he slips back into someone so at ease with being open, talkative, personable. She barely manages to admit even to herself that listening to him chatter on is helpful.

It gives her something to concentrate on instead of the running mantra that tells her she’s failing. She can anchor herself to this conversation while pushing the worries out of focus. They’re not gone, not by a long shot, but they are fuzzier, less overwhelming. The best part is Niall doesn’t seem to expect a response. He appears to be content enough to just... talk without anything in return.

She idly wonders, as she stares out the window to the puffy sea of pink and gold, if he’s as uncomfortable as she is but better at hiding it. When he continues speaking with no sign of awkwardness, she pushes the thought from her mind and listens to him recount a story about his pup chasing a butterfly only to run face-first into a parked car’s tires. A reluctant giggle escapes her. Niall beams at the sound, like he succeeded in a goal he never uttered.

It feels like no time at all before the pilot is announcing the impending arrival to JFK, and Niall pats Veda’s hand gently and makes his way back up to his seat. She almost wishes he’d stayed when the landing is less than smooth, jostling passengers as it coasts to a stop on the tarmac.

Veda unbuckles her belt as soon as she can, stands to grab her luggage. Without thinking, she searches for him in the aisle ahead of her, but he is nowhere to be seen, already off the plane. She swallows down the unexpected disappointment and follows the line of passengers. It’s fine that he’s gone. She can handle this on her own.

“Need a lift?”

Veda huffs out a laugh when the already-familiar voice comes from her left, and she steps out of the way of the people still coming from the gate. Niall grins widely once he’s caught her eye and repeats his question. She bites the inside of her cheek as she deliberates.

He’s a near stranger, no matter the information he unloaded on her during the flight. For all she knows, he could be planning on taking her somewhere isolated to kill her and drop her corpse where it won’t be found. She sighs, the nail of her index finger picking at the plastic handle on her carry-on.

“Look, I appreciate you distracting me. I really do even though I, well, I most likely didn’t show it well. But -”

“I probably won’t kill you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He laughs at whatever expression her face pulls, but the sound is vibrant, not unkind. “No, I promise this isn’t an elaborate ruse to murder you. It’s just that my friend is outside in the car park waiting, and it really wouldn’t be a problem to drop you at yours on the way.”

“I can’t ask this of you.”

“Good thing you’re not. Seriously, Veda, it’ll be quicker than fighting for a cab or risking someone stealing your luggage on the subway.”

That alone seals the deal. Veda can’t argue with his logic, so she doesn’t try, accepting his offer without any further arguing. He gestures for her to follow him to baggage claim. She does, then trails behind him toward the exit. He repeatedly looks back over his shoulder as if to make sure she isn’t pulling a disappearing act, his smile brightening each time he confirms she is still there.

A heavy, wet cold engulfs them as they step outside. One thing Veda hasn’t missed about New York is the humidity that lingers no matter the weather. Niall wraps an arm around her shoulders as they dart through the line of taxis waiting along the pavement. Veda grimaces and waves in apology when a driver has to slam on their brakes, though it was totally the driver’s fault for trying to speed in the pick-up/drop-off lane.

True to Niall’s word, his friend is indeed parked in a stall, engine idling as his friend waits. A shiver unrelated to the chilly air runs down Veda’s spine when Niall tightens his hold on her, steering her toward the vehicle. He holds open the front passenger door, gestures for her to slide in, and she hesitates for a second then does as he’s asked. He slips into the backseat.

“Hey, mate, this is Veda. I offered her a lift back to hers. Ve-Veda, this is Harry, and _this_ is David Barkie.”

Veda turns in her seat and stifles a giggle at the dog that’s currently bouncing all over his human. The pup lets out a soft yip then burrows into Niall’s chest. His fingers immediately start scratching behind the dog’s ears, which seems to be exactly what David Barkie wants. His tongue lolls out of his mouth, eyes drooping. She faces forward again, and her hands start wringing around themselves as she catches Harry’s eye.

“Thanks for this.”

“No problem. Where to?”

She gives him the address and hopes that he can get her home in time. Niall and Harry chat to each other about what has happened in their lives over the last couple of weeks, but she ignores them in favour of digging her phone from the side pocket of her carry-on. She turns it on and waits impatiently for it to boot up. She knows it’s a bad habit, but that doesn’t stop her from chewing at the corner of her thumb-nail.

Within seconds, fifteen notifications pour in, all of them texts. Ellie’s thank Veda again for coming to the wedding and making the start to her married life with Chris perfect, demands that Veda gives Granddad her love. Patrice’s messages are full of updates regarding Percy’s health since last night. Veda isn’t sure if it’s real that each message comes across as less hopeful than the last.

Harry pulls up to the kerb outside of her house, and Veda stares up at the weathered bricks and swallows thickly. This is it. Thanking him again in a soft voice that breaks, she grabs her luggage, steps out of the car. Niall carefully sets David Barkie in the front seat before sliding out of the back. His hand is cool from the air-con as he grabs her arm to pull her to a stop.

“Here, in case you need anything. I can’t promise much, but… as good of a talker as I am, I’m an even better listener.”

Veda takes the crinkled McDonald’s receipt, hands trembling. Now that she’s so close to being with Granddad again, all the anxiety and panic is catching up, and she could collapse under the weight of Niall’s comforting, reassuring smile. She blinks against the tears that fight to surface. She murmurs out a quick thanks then awkwardly walks backwards for a few steps. He opens the passenger door and moves the dog from the seat. She turns and hurries inside with the image of him kissing David Barkie’s nose imprinted in her mind.


	3. ★tre★

The house is dark when Veda steps inside. Toeing off her flats, she sets her luggage on the floor just inside the door then makes her way through the halls until she reaches the kitchen. Everything looks the same.

Pill bottles line the counter, organised by time of day, and the list of emergency numbers is pinned to the refrigerator with a disfigured cactus magnet. Veda spares a second to open the curtains over the windows, and bright sunshine fills the room, dispelling the darkest of shadows that desperately cling to the corners.

Silence presses down oppressively as she heads to the stairs. It should hurt, really, that there aren’t any photographs of the family on the walls past Hattie’s second birthday. It doesn’t affect Veda any more. It’s been almost twenty years since they were all in the same room, and her life is absolutely better without them anyway. Blowing out a breath, Veda comes to a stop outside a door right off the landing. The wood is cool beneath her fingertips, then she’s stepping into the bedroom.

Patrice glances up from the book in her hands, smiling softly through the little sunlight that peeks in through the blinds. “Hey, honey. He should be waking soon.”

“How’s he doing?” Veda whispers, though she isn’t sure she’s ready for an answer.

“I…” The nurse sighs, turning off the small light clipped to the pages of her book, and sets the novel aside. “I don’t think it’ll be much longer. He’s been fighting so hard to make sure you were home, and I, I think he’s tired.”

“I’m not ready.”

“None of us are, baby, but…that’s not in our control.”

Veda doesn’t know what else to say, so she stays silent. She sits on the edge of Granddad’s bed, making sure to not jostle the oxygen tube, and stares at his sleep-relaxed face. He seems to have aged years in the three days she was gone. The lines around his mouth and eyes have grown deeper, his skin more translucent and ashen. She clears her throat and reaches for his head. Tears slip down her cheek at how frail he is.

“I’m going to go,” murmurs Patrice after a few minutes, and she kisses Veda’s forehead on her way to the door. “Call if you need anything, sweetie.”

“Thanks, Patty-melt.”

The nurse sticks her tongue out then she’s gone. Veda moves to the now-vacant armchair on the other side of the bed, settles in to wait. True to what Patrice said, Percy stirs awake about fifteen minutes later. He grumbles quietly before groaning low in his throat, and Veda instinctively grasps his hands again. His gaze is slow, stilted, but it lands on her soon enough.

“Percy? I to-told you not to cut your vacation short.”

“I know, Granddad, but you know me. I’m too stubborn to listen to ridiculous orders.”

She smooths down the blankets and adjusts the cannula so he can get unobstructed airflow. He swats tiredly at her hands. Fear zips through her at the weakness in his movements. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Veda pushes his silver-white hair from his forehead, making a mental note to lotion his skin. It’s too reminiscent of paper.

“So. Patrice told me you tried throwing a rager while I was gone. Thought we talked about this, Granddad.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, young lady. I wanted some tail, and no granddaughter of mine is gonna stop me.”

“You are an awful old man. I’m… I’m glad I came home early.”

“I wish you’d stayed with Ellie just a bit longer. How was the wedding?”

“Oh, Granddad, it was beautiful. I have pictures, if you wanna see?”

Veda hands him his glasses off the bedside table then unlocks her phone. After helping him to sit up against the pillows, she curls up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, and shows him all the photographs she took. He makes the appropriate comments at the images of Ellie and Christ as they got ready, the ceremony, and the little bit of the reception that Veda was there for. His bright smile, feeble and brittle though it is, warms her through to her core.

Granddad pats her arm gently once she reaches the end of her camera roll, and she tosses her phone onto the nightstand. She laces her fingers with his, closing her eyes tightly when he gives her hand a weak squeeze. He murmurs something under his breath, quietly enough that she thinks she imagines him saying he’s proud of her.

“You still awake?” she asks softly after a few minutes, wanting to hear his voice. Wanting to hold onto him just a bit longer.

All Veda gets in response is the shaky yet steady breathing of a sleeping man. She waits for another minute, making sure he’s really asleep, then heads to the attached bathroom. After using the toilet, she washes her hands and stares at her reflection in the mirror. Her makeup from yesterday is a mess, her hair not any better. Sighing, she turns, tiptoes through her grandfather’s room. The hardwood floor creaks under her feet as she scurries down the hallway to the stairs, up to her bedroom.

Being away from Granddad makes her heart pound - every second carries too much risk - but she can’t stay in the bridesmaid dress any longer. Grabbing a pair of clean pyjamas from the dresser, Veda changes quickly and pulls her hair out of the bun it’s been in for the last sixteen hours. She groans, tugging a brush through the tangled puffy mess of her hair, but it does no good.

Braiding her hair as best she can, she runs back down to Granddad’s room, heart in her throat. He’s still sleeping peacefully, completely unaware of how his granddaughter can scarcely breathe through her fear. She curls up in the armchair, watches his chest rise and fall. Her entire body trembles, tension wreaking havoc on her muscles, and Veda reaches for his hand and holds it tight.

She keeps watch over him for the rest of the day. The only time she leaves her post is to use the toilet, and even then, she doesn’t go far for long. Veda knows she should eat something, but her stomach churns uncomfortably at the thought. So she stays hunched in on herself in the chair, counting the seconds that pass as a victory against the inevitable.

“You are the strongest man I have ever known,” she whispers, long after the clock chimes midnight. Her voice cracks with emotion and disuse. “I’m so thankful for everything you have done for me. You taught me how to be a good person. A kind person. How to drive, cook, fix things I’ve broken. You taught me to apologise when I was wrong. If it wasn’t for you… I’d be nothing. I’d be Debbie or, worse, I’d be _Olivia_. But you stopped that from happening.”

Her words fall away, replaced by her sobs, and she drops to her knees at his bedside. The sheets rustle under her forehead. Clinging desperately to his hand in hers, Veda lets herself be swept up in the maelstrom that explodes through her soul. Tears drop steadily onto the mattress, coat her cheeks, and she sniffles through a stuffed nose. She turns her head so she can stare up at Granddad’s lined, fragile face. Her vision blurs again.

“I don’t want to let you go. I fucking need you so much. You’re all I have, and I, I can’t lose you. I mean, what am I supposed to do without you?” she pleads for an answer, shoulders shaking and heart clenching. She wants to scream with the unfairness of this all. “I’ve never been without you, and I’m so fucking scared. I don’t want to live without you.”

Veda releases Granddad’s hand long enough to clamber onto the bed beside him. She tucks her head against his shoulder, fingers curling into the fabric of his nightshirt. Her heart pounds out a tattoo beneath her sternum, beats a wild rhythm that steals her breath away. Or maybe that’s the tears that won’t stop coming.

She closes her eyes, whispering, “I can’t be selfish, can I? I can’t keep asking you to fight just because it’s going to be hard for me.” Granddad doesn’t respond, but she listens for the part of her that doesn’t want him to keep suffering. It tells her all she needs to know. She has to lie to him. “So if… if you’re ready, you can stop fighting, Granddad. You can be with Mom-Mom again. It’s okay. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you on the other side, yeah?”

Veda tries her damnedest to stay awake through the night. She doesn’t want to lose any time with him. She doesn’t want to lose _him_. But sleep eventually claims her as its victim, dragging her into the dark.


	4. ★quattro★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **trigger warning:** this chapter contains _minor character death_ and _grieving_. please take care while reading.

The room is cold, dark, when Veda jerks awake. Nothing is out of place, everything exactly as it was before she fell asleep curled into Granddad’s side. The clock ticks away the seconds, mocks her for her uncertainty. Her mind slowly clears of its sleepy fog, and her world shatters around her.

She pushes away from the man she’s lost, and bile climbs in her throat. A broken scream tries to claw its way from deep inside of her, but a numbness smothers it, spreading freezing fingers through her being. Any and all nonessential functions cease as she stares at Granddad - the husk of who he was.

Veda lied to him, and now she’s paying the too-heavy price.

She turns off the oxygen, carefully pulling the cannula from his nose. He remains stiller than she has ever seen him. Veda turns away, hangs the tubing on the post of the headboard. The heating system kicks on, filling the room with a heat that can’t reach her through the ice that consumes her.

Phoning Patrice is easier than it should be. It should be utterly impossible for Veda to tell the woman that Granddad has died. It should kill her to say those words. Patrice breaks down on the other end, but Veda feels nothing as she hangs up, cutting off the sound of crying. It isn’t fair to the nurse, Veda knows that. She just can’t handle the sound of another’s emotions right now.

The empty, hollow cold doesn’t leave as Veda calls Granddad’s doctor. It remains as she calls for a coroner. The dispatcher promises to send someone out as soon as possible, and Veda hangs up without another word. Her voice is gone now. She crosses the room on wooden legs to the safe sitting under the desk.

Of course he set the combination to her birthday. The thought should be heartwarming, but how can it warm a heart no longer there? Her hands tremble when she reaches for the file folder, and she clenches her fingers into a fist, if only to stop the shaking. Finally, she manages to pull out the papers necessary for this next step.

The neighbours are watching from their windows and front stoops when Veda pulls open the front door to let the paramedics in. She informs them tonelessly that he signed a Do Not Resuscitate order, assigned her as his medical proxy. The woman does a double-take, staring at Veda with too much sympathy, but then she steps into the bedroom with her partner.

Veda stares through the door, staring at the man she needs so desperately and the man who’s come to confirm the death. His voice echoes in the bitter silence. Her skin divots under the pressure from her fingers, digging deeply until her nails break the skin through the sweater she wears. Shaking her head, Veda turns, thanking them for their time.

They leave, condolences hanging in the air, suffocating Veda with the insincere platitudes. She makes one last phone call then curls up in the armchair; the file folder lies, ugly and screaming of her loss, in her lap. She fidgets with the corner of the folder and stares at the tubing and the tank of oxygen that kept Granddad breathing for so long. Her vision goes blurry and hazy at the edges, like a photograph’s vignette border, but she doesn’t blink.

“Would you like a moment to say goodbye?”

Veda finally drags her gaze to the funeral director. Nothing of what he’s said has registered in her mind, except for the final question. She opens her mouth to say something, though there is nothing she can say that would be acceptable. Nothing will bring Granddad back. So she pivots on her heel, goes back downstairs instead of replying. Her departure can be answer enough.

“We’re sorry for your loss, ma’am.”

She blinks owlishly where she stands at the base of the stairs, refrains from flinching in the face of his sympathetic smile. He seems surprisingly calm at her lack of reaction, speaking. Veda knows he must be accustomed to this - or worse. After a long moment, she gives a succinct nod and ducks her head to avoid his muddy-brown eyes that see too much where there is nothing.

He follows his associate outside, and Veda closes the door behind them. Through the window, she watches them load their van then climb inside. They pull away and take everything from her. She wraps her arms around her middle, moves to stand with her back to the door. The weight of the morning has never felt heavier.

It’s colder now that she’s alone, truly alone, for the first time in months. Never before has she felt so isolated. Not as a child, spending days and nights by herself when she was far too young to learn how to fend for herself. Not even when she first moved out of Olivia’s at fourteen and slept on the streets for weeks, digging through dumpsters for meals and relying on charity of strangers for everything else.

Veda has tried her best to live on her own throughout the last eleven years, but she’s always gravitated back to Granddad’s. He had searched relentlessly for her once Olivia let it slip to Debbie that Veda ran away, bringing his granddaughter back to his home without any hesitation. She felt obligated to repay him for that. More than that, she know that she couldn’t treat him the way her family always has. He deserved better.

Of course, growing up the way she had meant that she was wilder than Granddad expected. Too many times he had to let her run away, to learn that home with him was the better choice. Too many times he had to watch Veda go back to Olivia until the cycle repeated itself. Too many times she broke his heart, and he forgave her each time.

Not taking care of Granddad hadn’t been an option. Her entire existence started revolving around him, and now that she doesn’t have that, Veda is absolutely terrified. She has no idea where to go from here. Her throat tightens, and she swallows thickly, pulls her phone from the pocket of her sweater.

> **To: Clarissa**   
>  _Can’t come in tomorrow. Sorry._

The silence grows heavier the longer she stands there, and everywhere she looks are the ghosts of memories. In everything that the house contains is Granddad’s presence, the solid comfort and unwavering strength of who he was. It presses down on her until she can barely stand on her feet. Veda grabs her keys off the hook, shoves her feet into a pair of tennis shoes, and pulls her jacket on as she steps out onto the stoop.


	5. ★cinque★

In a cruel twist of irony, the sun outside is bright, stretching warm fingers over the borough. Veda pulls her jacket more securely around her, but it isn’t the chill in the air that has her so frozen. The cold comes from within, from the icy tendrils that engulf every molecule of her being. She doesn’t know where to go. She has nothing now.

Losing Granddad has cut away the last of her connection to the living world. Sure, the rest of her family is still alive, but they aren’t around. They are family only in blood, not where it counts. Veda swallows thickly at the first feeble stirrings of something deep in her soul, though it flickers from existence as quickly as it appeared. Her heart hammers in her chest, each beat singing _you’re alone you’re alone you’re alone_. She double-checks that the door is locked then sets off.

Veda doesn’t have a destination in mind. Remaining in the house wasn’t an option, though, not when it is so full of memories but devoid of the one person she loves most. So she lets her feet carry her wherever they decide. A small voice in her brain whispers that she’s just running from her responsibilities, but she can’t run forever. It will all still be there when she stops running.

“I don’t _want_ them,” she mutters to herself, small and powerless in the face of reality. It doesn’t matter what she wants, though. The fact remains that it’s all on her shoulders now.

Not even anger manages to make itself known. Anger that it is all up to her to fulfil Granddad’s wishes, anger that she’s sacrificed so much to care for him while his children and grandchildren did nothing. The only positive that’s come from his diagnosis was that they stopped calling to ask for money. They didn’t want to risk being asked to stop being selfish.

As if Veda would ever consider asking that of them. She didn’t want this particular duty, but she would be damned if she entrusted it to any of them. She hasn’t reached out even for one of them to drive across the city and sit with him while she worked - she hired Patrice for that. The only one she can come close to considering trustworthy is Hattie, and Hattie didn’t deserve to have her life upended.

A sharp breeze rushes past, swirling her honey-blonde hair around her face, and Veda hunches further into herself, raises the hood of her jacket over her head. People push their way around each other as she walks; she can’t help but feel they are all giving her far too much space than necessary. Or maybe it’s the numbness that prevents her from feeling them brush by. She aches to feel something, even the crushing weight of her loss.

Nothing comes.

Cars honk, footsteps march on, and time continues to pass. The borough is alive and bustling. The sunshine hurts against her skin, but Veda relishes it. As much as it contrasts her mood right now, she doesn’t think she could handle if it was raining. She turns her face down when she reaches the corner, avoiding looking at the others, and waits for the signal to change.

Her brain catches up to her surroundings once she’s sat in the hard chair. A bright ribbon of yellow paint splits the blue walls dotted with a rainbow of fish and coral. Toys sprawl across the carpeted floor, bright beacons against bright patterns. A toddler sits by the alphabet poster as his mother points to each of the letters and says them aloud.

A voice comes over the announcement system every so often, paging doctors and nurses and the owner of the green Toyota. Veda inhales unsteadily, shivering and wondering why she’s come here.

“Ve-Veda?”

Her eyes cut from the child to the man standing in the archway. The concern on his face would cause her to burst into tears if she could feel anything right now. Instead, she absentmindedly picks at the edge of her thumbnail and tries to smile.

Niall doesn’t look reassured. If anything, the frown on his face grows. He glances down the corridor behind him then comes to sit next to her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she mumbles, the lie scratching and acidic on her tongue.

His blue eyes narrow, and she resists the urge to hide from his scrutiny. She couldn’t bear if he sees how broken she is inside. He reaches out to touch her shoulder. It’s a gentle thing, kind and considerate and offering comfort, but she still flinches away.

“C’mon, let’s go get a coffee, and you can tell me why you’ve come.”

His words remind her that they don’t know each other, not really, and she’s a fool for ever showing up. What did she actually expect of him - to comfort her without question? To know what she needs and give it to her without her saying a word? She can’t believe herself, can’t believe that she’s just appeared at his work. He must think she’s a creep, a stalker...

She blows out a breath and rushes to her feet. Niall calls her name even as she runs down the empty hallway to the lift, slamming her thumb against the button repeatedly. Heat floods through her cheeks, and Veda says a silent prayer that the lift will arrive sooner than Niall.

“Veda, wait!”

Some sort of god must be listening: The doors slide open with a pleasant dinging sound, and Veda shoves her way past the people disembarking. She keeps her gaze on the floor and waits for the doors to shut again. Right before they close, she lifts her head and gets one last look at Niall’s face. The confusion is evident, even from the distance, and it hurts her to see what she’s done to him. But she can’t think of that now.

Leaning against the railing, she closes her eyes. Her breath comes in shallow pants, uneven and burning in her lungs. Her brain, muted and frozen though it is, screams of how stupid his was. She hadn’t even known she remembered the name of the hospital he works at - all she can recall of meeting him on the flight is how soothing his voice was, the steady cadence dragging her from the edge of panic.

But that isn’t even the worst part of her showing up like this. The absolute worst part is that she’d hoped, no matter how subconsciously, that he would be able to help her.

“Fucking idiot,” she growls under her breath, scrubbing a hand over her tired eyes. “What would Granddad say?”

_Nothing. He’s dead, remember?_

She remembers too well.  


**_______________**

Fire in her bones, every inch of her body screaming. Nothing so loud as the shrieking of her heart that begs, pleads, cries for Granddad to come back. Veda doesn’t want to stand, but if she doesn’t, she will never get off this damn subway. There is no grace or apology as she shoves through the people between her seat and the doors.

It’s even worse once she reaches street-level. Everyone is out today, heading home or to work or to the date they’ve been looking forward to in their perfect outfits with their perfect hair and their perfect lives. None of them are struggling with the hours after the death of their most cherished loved one. They push past her as they laugh and talk to each other and on their phones. Veda wants to punch every single one of them in the face for daring to be happy when her entire world has been destroyed.

Veda comes to an abrupt stop halfway down her block, stares blankly at the stoop where some of the neighbours have congregated. When she realises they’ve seen her, she knows she can’t turn and run away. Her nails bite into her palms, hands clenching into fists in her jacket pocket, and she slowly approaches. An older woman peels herself from the group, bustles down the stairs, and cups Veda’s cheeks with gentle hands.

“Oh, _piccolina_ , we are so sorry.” When Veda can’t speak, Nonna Costa’s eyes brim with tears. “If you need anything, please let us know?”

Veda forces herself to nod then steps past the woman who has become the grandmother of the block. The others part, let her climb the stairs to her door, and she leaves the door wide open behind her. She’s been a member of this mourning party before. Someone on the block dies, and the rest gather long enough to drop off ready-to-heat meals and condolences. There is no point in arguing, in turning them away.

Nonna Costa is the last to leave, staring at Veda with big dark eyes that say so much but nothing that Veda wants to hear. Then the woman leaves, pulling the door closed quietly, and the silence left behind is overwhelmingly damning.


	6. ★sei★

Veda blinks slowly in the glow of the street-lamp pouring in through the window. The hours have dragged on since she got home, but time means nothing any more. Her stomach growls for the first time since she got home. She knows she should eat. Moving without Granddad… it’s impossible.

Eventually, though, she pushes herself to her feet and sways as blood rushes through her body. She drops back down onto the couch, tucking her head between her knees, until the world steadies around her once more. There is no need to turn on the lights while she makes her way to the kitchen; Veda has walked through this house hundreds of times over the years, can pinpoint the position of the furniture, even in the dark.

She throws together a quick sandwich then eats it standing at the counter. The freezer is full of casseroles and lasagnas, the fridge just as stocked with meals she can reheat easily, but any extra effort is too much right now. She loves her neighbours and truly appreciates their generosity. The food simply reminds her that this generosity is only coming because of Granddad’s death.

It isn’t until she reaches the foyer that she remembers she never unpacked. A piece of paper flutters from the side pocket of her carry-on when she picks it up, and Veda stares down at the white rectangle on dark wood. Setting the bag aside, she crouches down. Black ink against white, the phone number stares back at her.

She had forgotten about Niall giving this to her before everything went to Hell. The paper crinkles as she lifts it from the floor, and she sucks her bottom lip between her teeth as she stands again.

He’d said he’s a good listener, gave her his number so she could reach out if she needed to. Should she? God, it would be great to not be alone, but they don’t know each other. He may have told her practically his entire life story. A friendship, though, it doesn’t make.

With a sigh, Veda decides to save the number - just in case - though she doesn’t send a message. She can’t latch onto him simply because he showed her a kindness. She tucks the receipt back into the pocket of her luggage then carries the bag up the three flights of stairs to her bedroom.

Veda settles into the armchair in Granddad’s room, curls into herself with the sleeves of her sweater pulled down over her hands. Everything is as it always has been - overstuffed bookcase with dozens of books spread around once the shelves ran out of room. The closet is lined with clothes, hanging neatly on their hangers in no discernible order except for “tops” on the left and “bottoms” on the right. Photographs hang on the walls, the frames coated with a thin layer of dust but the glass wiped clear. Papers and manuals clutter up the desk in the corner, an organisation system only he knows.

 _Knew_ , she corrects herself mentally, and finally, the dam breaks.

**_______________**

Monday morning comes too quickly. Somehow, the hours have melted away with Veda spending almost all of them in the chair. She’d only moved to use the toilet. Patrice had come by early on Saturday, forcing Veda to eat a small meal, but then she left. Veda was grateful for the silence. Conversations are too hard.

All she wants to do today is sleep. Maybe then she can wake up to this all being an awful dream. Maybe she can dream the last four months out of existence. Maybe she won’t be left alone with so much responsibility on her shoulders.

Veda draws in a steadying breath, tightens her grip on the file folder in her hand, and pulls open the door. The receptionist tells her to have a seat, that Mister Hunt will be ready for her in just a minute. Veda nods, but she remains standing.

“Miss Mitchell? Hi, Duncan Hunt. Come on in.”

Veda follows the white-haired lawyer into his office, sits when he gestures for her to do so. He settles into the wingback chair behind his desk, sighing softly as he gets more comfortable; once done, he links his fingers together and leans forward across his desk.

“I assume you’ve been left in charge of an estate?”

“Uh, yeah,” Veda croaks. She clears her throat and holds out the folder. “My grandfather. He passed on Friday, and I just wanted to make sure the will he left behind was valid and can’t be contested.”

Mister Hunt chuckles, reaching for the folder. “Your relatives not gonna like it?”

“They get nothing.”

The estate lawyer pauses, gaze darting from the papers to Veda’s face, then he slowly sets the file on his desk. Shifting again, he scratches at his forehead, and Veda wants to scream for him to get on with it.

“Miss Mitchell, I can tell you now that if this will is indeed valid and your relatives do indeed inherit nothing from his passing, it is going to be very ugly for you. I’ve been doing this for over thirty years, and I have yet to see a situation like this be resolved peacefully. Are you prepared for that?”

Veda dips her chin - of course, she’s prepared for this. She’s had her entire life to be prepared for the ugliness that is her family. She clenches her hands into fists on her lap, steeling her spine. Mister Hunt seems to understand that she’s not willing to discuss it further. Instead of saying anything else, he picks up the will and reads over it.

“I can’t see any reason why this would be found invalid, Miss Mitchell,” he announces after thirty minutes. He blinks rapidly before meeting her gaze, though there’s a slight unfocused daze to his hazel eyes.

“Good. That’s good. Uh, can I keep the original here with you?”

He nods, a slow movement to match his pace of speech, and presses a button on his telephone. “Of course, Miss Mitchell. I’ll have Gail make a few copies for you to take with you.”

“Thank you. Uh, how much is your fee?”

“I’m going to waive the fee until after the life insurance is paid out. You’re already going through an incredibly difficult time. As I’ve said, I’ve been on this career path for quite some time and have learnt well enough that this situation doesn’t need to be made more difficult by me hounding you for money.”

“Thanks. Again.”

As soon as Gail hands over the last copy of the will, Veda turns toward the exit. Knowing that her family doesn’t have a leg to stand on is reassuring, but she has no doubts that they will try. All of them, with the exception of Hattie, will do their damnedest to make this even more difficult on Veda.

The only time any of her closest relatives came around was to leech more from Granddad. Money has always been the biggest motivator for their presence, and Veda is damn sure that the prospect of money will have them immediately circling like vultures over roadkill. At least Granddad won’t be able to witness the final destruction of their family.

Hattie is the only one that Veda can never push away. Sweet, dear Hattie who’s beginning to stretch her wings and find out who she really is. Veda has put her trust in the hope that Hattie can keep information to herself, not cave into the demands of their family. So far, Hattie hasn’t let her down. Veda just hates that she can’t tell her cousin the truth right now.

Hattie deserves to know, but Veda can’t bring herself to make that call. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i said on my [tumblr](https://unn--known.tumblr.com), things are really, really, really rough for me right now and i'm barely able to keep myself together. i have 3 chapters of "feels like forever", 9 for "to the end", and a couple more for this one ready to go, but after that i'm not entirely sure that i can promise any sort of consistent updates. anyway. have a chapter! 🖤


	7. ★sette★

Veda stares at the screen of her phone, the plane emoji next to Niall’s name mocking her. She can’t imagine what could have possessed her to show up at his work. She was sleep-deprived, that has to be the reason. Any other excuse shows too much weakness.

She’s caught herself composing text after text to the man she doesn’t know, but she deleted each message before she could press send. He may be genuinely interested in some sort of contact with her. She just... can’t. Can’t do that to him. Can’t fathom ever caring about anyone else when she has lost the only one she’s ever cared for more than herself. Can’t imagine feeling anything ever again.

Exhaling slowly, Veda locks her phone and makes her way up the stairs on wooden legs. The bedroom door is still closed just as it has been since he was taken away. Her fingers dance along the handle, but she jerks her hand back as if scalded. Opening the door can only open her up to even more pain, and right now, Veda is content to sink into the numbness. The alternative is too hard to process.

She can’t even hide away in her own bedroom. The silence of the house is haunting, reaching the furthest depths of every corner. It leaves a chill in the air that won’t go away. Echoes of Granddad’s love and life stain the very framework of the house, bleed throughout the things he left behind.

So Veda paces up and down the stairs, through the living room and kitchen, front door to back. Her path studiously avoids Granddad and her bedrooms. The silence is resounding and heavy, but it pales in comparison to how weighted down she feels with the numbness. Breaking down the other day did nothing to bring about her emotions. If anything, it seems to have pushed her feelings further out of focus.

Thankfully, the crematorium calls the next morning to let her know his ashes are ready for pick-up. The subway ride back home is awkward, and she clutches the plain box tightly to her chest and hopes no one jostles her. Dropping it isn’t an option - not only would it be a biohazard, but it would be another loss.

Veda sets the box on the coffee-table, staring blankly at it for a long minute. After too much silence, she pulls her phone from her pocket and finds Hattie’s name in the admittedly short list of contacts. Her cousin picks up almost immediately.

“Great timing, V. Just got out of class. What’s up?”

“Uh...”

Hattie draws in a sharp breath, someone shouting on the other end and a thunk of a car door before it all goes quiet. “Veda? Please, please don’t tell me what I think you’re about to say.”

“I’m sorry,” whispers Veda, and she covers her face with one hand. “Hattie, I’m, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“When?”

“Sometime in the night between Thursday and Friday.”

“It’s - Veda, it’s fuckin’ Wednesday! It’s been almost a week, and you’re just _now_ calling me?”

Veda sniffles and digs her fingertips into her scalp, throat tightening as the tears slip from her eyes. “I’m sorry! I just couldn’t - I couldn’t deal with the thought of everyone barging in when I had shit to take care of. You know as well as I do that none of them woulda gave a damn about arrangements getting made and only about what they could get. I wanted to tell you so goddamn bad, Hatchling.”

“Don’t think using my childhood nickname makes everything better,” Hattie whispers in a watery voice, but she doesn’t sound nearly as angry now. She must understand. “Okay. I’m still hurt that you got to, to grieve longer, but I get it. Want me to call everyone?”

“Please? I only have your number, and I don’t think I could tolerate hearing their voices right now.”

“All right. I’ll call you back when I’m done, okay? Hey, can you - do you think you could save me Mom-Mom’s quilt?”

“Absolutely. She wanted it to go to you, so it’s yours. Thanks, Hatchling.”

Hattie hangs up without another word, and Veda drops her phone to the table and waits. She knows the instant Hattie tells Debbie, everyone will know within minutes. Then the relative peacefulness of the situation will be shattered.

Settling back into the couch, Veda brings her thighs to her chest, resting her cheek on her knees, and stares through the thin curtains to the sunshine outside, the neighbours that pass by and the cars that honk before disappearing from view. Everything outside the window looks so bright. So happy. So much of what Veda used to be.

How long she sits there, she has no idea. She’s lost track of the seconds and minutes that slip by unnoticed, but the buzzing of her phone comes after the sun has risen above the window frame, no longer sending rays of light to illuminate the dust motes that dance and sway in the air. Her joints creak and pop as she finally moves.

“Veda, I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I couldn’t convince them to wait until you called about the will.”

Veda exhales slowly. Of course her aunt and uncles and cousins wouldn’t wait. They never have been patient when it comes to money they believe is owed to them. She expected this. She’s ready for this.

“When are they coming, do you know?”

Hattie’s sigh crackles the line. “I’d be surprised if they aren’t there by sun-up. I mean, everyone except Olivia. I wasn’t able to contact her, and Mom doesn’t have her number any more. Have you heard from her?”

“Last I knew, she moved across the country with her latest husband. Don’t really care to know more.” Veda pushes herself to her feet, thankful for something to do instead of dwelling in the cold emptiness of the house. “Thanks, doll. You’ll be here?”

“Heading that way as soon as I can.”

“See you then.”

Veda shoves her feet into her shoes, grabs her bag, and steps out onto the stoop. Once the door is locked behind her, she points herself in the direction of the nearest hardware store, calling the lawyer on the way. Mister Hunt promises that the copies of the will in her possession are indeed valid but she would do well to have an officer or two at her house whenever her relatives show up.

Veda has never been more thankful for the world wide internet as she is later that afternoon. The WikiHow article is far more informative than she would have thought, and soon enough, the locks on both the front and back doors are changed. She doubts that it would be possible, but that uncertainty isn’t enough to stop her from checking that every window - even on the third floor - can’t be jimmied open.

Hiding anything of value takes longer. She has to force herself into the parasitic mindset of the others, which is almost impossible, but she manages it. Everything that could be put into hock by the others is secreted away in various places all over the house, in boxes full of less-coveted items that Phil will overlook and Debbie will turn up her nose at.

She tucks the photo albums and Granddad’s ashes into the trunk under her loft bed, covering it with the pile of quilts. After changing into a clean pair of pyjamas, she makes her way down to the kitchen for a cup of tea. It isn’t much, and it certainly won’t calm her nerves anyway. But it’s all she has right now.

She falls asleep on the couch while waiting for the Hell that is her family to be unleashed onto her world.


	8. ★otto★

Fingers of pale pink-gold stretch through the living room, the early birds tweeting and chirping their songs outside the window. Peace and serenity fill the block; no one else is awake yet, and the silence of the dawn is evidence of that.

That is, until the house echoes with the banging on the door.

Veda just barely manages to stay on the couch as she’s jerked out of her thoughts, and she grimaces at the way her spine pops rather painfully when she stretches. The pounding comes again, joined in by someone smacking on the front window, so Veda pushes herself to her feet and heads to the kitchen.

They can just wait until she’s got coffee. It’s the least they owe her.

As the coffee brews, she hurries up the stairs to grab one of the copies of the will. It would be ill-advised to take more than one. She takes her time brushing her teeth and combing her hair into some semblance of order, pulling it back into a low ponytail.

The coffeemaker beeps as she steps off the stairs, and Veda hesitates, longs for a hot cup of coffee. Reluctantly, she turns away from the kitchen and reaches for the doorknob. The glass rattles in the frame as a fist hits the door once more.

Phil immediately tries rushing past her once the door is open, but Veda shoves him backwards, can’t even take pleasure in the dumbstruck expression on his face that he’s been thwarted. Hattie smiles apologetically from behind the others. Veda draws comfort from that, inhaling slowly and meeting the angry faces of her family.

“What do you want?”

Her aunt gapes, mouth opening and closing a few times, before Debbie rises to her full five-feet-even height. “What do we want? We want what’s ours! We want a reason as to why no one bothered to inform us of our father’s death. We had a right to know!”

“Really?” Veda crosses her arms over her chest and raises a brow. The numbness has receded enough for the flicker of anger to grab hold. “Because as far as I’m concerned, you forfeited that so-called ‘right’ when none of you ever bothered to check in on him. No phone calls to even ask if he was doing okay. As soon as you all heard about his cancer - and you can bet your bottom dollar that I warned him against that - you buried your heads in the sand and waited until he died so you could take everything he worked for like fucking parasites.”

“You warned him against telling his own children about him being sick?” Phil snaps, and Veda huffs out a humourless laugh.

“‘Course I did, Philly boy. Because I knew this was going to happen. I knew you lot wouldn’t give a damn about him. It was always all about what you could get from him, not... Ya know, you didn’t even have to be the ones taking care of him. I was doing that just fine on my own. But you didn’t call to let him know you were thinking of him. That you loved him.”

Connor sighs, holding up a hand when Debbie goes to open her mouth. “Of course we loved him, Veda. It wasn’t easy for -”

“Don’t. My patience is already thin as Hell right now, Con, and I swear if I hear that it wasn’t easy on you to deal with his diagnosis, I will come at you like a fucking lion on a gazelle. Because guess what.

“It wasn’t ‘easy’ on me to watch him die, knowing I couldn’t do a thing to save him, knowing that I was all alone in making sure his final days weren’t a living Hell. It wasn’t ‘easy’ on him to know his kids and grandkids didn’t love him enough to be there for him while he died. So don’t you dare talk about anything not being ‘easy’, because you don’t know the fucking half of it.”

Veda thanks the heavens for small miracles when no one speaks, too busy exchanging pointed looks with each other. As usual, Libby hangs back, uninterested in anything that doesn’t directly involve her; Maria, though just as selfish and self-absorbed as her sister, isn’t quite so disengaged from the conversation. JJ seems content enough to let his mother take over the conversations, while his brother Marshall tries to glare Veda into submission.

She stifles the rush of humour at seeing the group separated into factions. Libby and Maria stick close behind their father, Phil. Debbie stands in front of her sons but completely ignores Hattie. Veda isn’t surprised. Hattie hasn’t been Debbie’s favourite since she learnt to talk.

“Did you know that he died believing he failed all of you?” Veda asks quietly, and everyone’s eyes flit back to her. “He believed that he somehow fucked up and failed you, but _you_ are the ones who failed _him_. You can’t claim to give a shit now when you’ve never showed it before.”

Voices overlap, each of them trying to argue, but Veda ignores them. Even as JJ and Marshall start shouting demands to be let inside, Veda doesn’t bother responding. She just unfolds the will and begins reading it off. Time freezes when she gets to the part about who Granddad left everything to.

Phil yanks the papers from Veda’s hand, skimming over them quickly, but then Debbie is reaching for them, then the cousins. The pages get ripped in the scuffle, but Veda doesn’t care. She just stands tall and steady as Phil turns a murderous glare onto her.

“ _You_?”

“Yes. Me.”

“You turned our dad against us!”

“Knock it off!”

Hattie’s shout is enough for the small crowd to go quiet, mostly from shock that she’s raised her voice, and Veda nods at her before explaining that the will is dated a month prior to his diagnosis. She had no say in who he assigned as the executor of his estate, who he chose to give everything to once he died.

“This isn’t fair,” Debbie shrieks as she steps onto the next highest step.

Veda loses the tenuous grip on her temper. Her throat burns with emotions she dares not show, and she digs her fingers into her sides to keep hold of herself. She stares at her relatives with all the disgust and hatred she has felt since she was a child.

“Not fair? You wanna talk about what’s not fair? Where the hell were all of you for _any_ of the last five months? Where were you lot through the hospitalisations, the chemo and radiation, the long nighs spent forcing water down his throat just for him to puke it all back up again? Through having to hold him up because he couldn’t stand alone, being there to do _everything_ including wiping his ass because his heart threatened to give out at the first bit of exertion? Don’t interrupt me, I swear to God I’ll hurt you if you try,” she snaps, and Marshall’s mouth closes immediately.

“Because I didn’t see a damn face when I was sacrificing sleep and risking losing my job and friendships to take care of the man who literally raised every single one of you. Debbie, you were too strung-out to care for your own kids, so who did it for you? And you, Phil, who gave you money for your bills even though he knew - he fuckin’ _knew_ \- you’d waste it on gambling and blow? Connor, you just disappeared as soon as you could and never even looked back.

“And all of my dearest, precious cousins. Who gave every last dime he had to make sure you got what you needed and wanted? Who taught you to work on cars and do household repairs and how to balance a goddamn check-book? Who taught you to ride a bike? To cook and clean properly? Because it sure as Hell wasn’t your parents.

“With the exception of Hattie, you all used Granddad. You abused his generosity and his heart and the fact he couldn’t tell you no. Don’t think I didn’t hear all those whispers about what you’d get when he died, long before he did. So fuck every single one of you. You will not step foot into this house ever again. You will get whatever I decide is fair to give to you, and you will be happy with it.

“The house is mine. Everything in it is mine to do with as I please. Get off my property before I call the cops for trespassing, and don’t think I won’t.”

Veda relishes the dumbstruck expressions on their faces for a long moment, the prideful smile that Hattie tries to hide, then pivots sharply on her heel. Shutting the door has never felt more satisfying in her life.


	9. ★nove★

Eventually, Debbie seems to get the hint that Veda won’t open the door again and follows after her siblings, leaving with a squeal of tires. Veda turns away from the front window with a self-satisfied smile. She has to admit that the encounter could have gone in a worse direction. It was, quite frankly, the best outcome that she could have expected.

She isn’t sure what to do with herself now that it’s over, though. The anger she felt during the interaction, the _pride_ at standing her ground, is gone again, smothered into nonexistence by the hollow cold that has enveloped her over the last week. Veda sighs and runs her fingers through her hair.

A week.

Veda can’t believe it’s been a week since Granddad passed. Losing him seems to have cut off any grasp she ever held on time. She pads quietly to the couch, dropping onto the cushions without ceremony, and stares blankly ahead.

“What are you doing here?” Veda asks quietly once she pulls open the door two hours later, and Hattie gives her a grim smile and holds up a bottle of bourbon.

“Figured maybe we’d wanna visit Granddad’s old pal.”

A true smile, small and wavering but still genuine, twists at Veda’s lips, and she steps back to let her cousin into the house. Hattie passes the Jim Beam over, pulls off her heavy jacket and boots while Veda heads to the kitchen. It may be barely ten in the morning, but Veda won’t turn this down.

Glasses full of ice and bourbon, Veda follows her cousin back to the couch. The pair drinks in silence for a while, but Hattie breaks the quiet after their second glass. She reaches out for Veda’s hand, squeezing gently, as a laugh bubbles up.

“D’ya remember when- when Granddad was helping me to learn to ride a bike, but you got so mad because it meant that we had to use your bike, and you just, you laid down in the middle of the street and screamed of the injustice in the universe.”

Veda bites her lip, nods and ducks her head. “I swear, Granddad about laughed himself unconscious over that. Which just made my tantrum worse.”

“Didn’t you only move because of Nonna Costa?”

“Well, she was Mamma Costa back then, but yeah. She scared me.” Veda sighs and sips at her bourbon. “Oh, oh! Do you remember when we got into a fight over who’d have the top room whenever we came to visit? And Granddad told us we’d better make a choice or he’d move all his shit up to the room and make us sleep on the couch?”

Hattie giggles, pushing her hair from her face. The mid-morning sun casts a spotlight on the tears in her hazel eyes. Veda stares at the amber liquid, gleaming a light golden in the sunlight, and recalls the feeling of righteous indignation she’d felt when Hattie drew the longer piece of the spaghetti noodle. She snorts in amusement when she remembers exactly how _she_ ended up in the room by the next night.

“Is that room still haunted?” Hattie asks after a moment, and Veda pauses with her glass halfway to her mouth.

“It, uh, it never actually was.”

“Yes, it was! Or are you telling me I imagined all the scratching sounds and the voices?”

“Well, you didn’t imagine the noises, no, but… it was me.”

Hattie stares, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, as Veda admits that the scratching and thumping came from the broomstick handle against the ceiling of the second-floor bedroom, the whispering from Veda climbing on top of her dresser to moan and groan into the air vent that ran between the two rooms. When Veda finally goes quiet, feeling more and more like a total jerk, Hattie slaps her arm.

“You asshole! I stayed up all night that night, freaking out because I thought some ghost was going to murder me!”

“I’m surprised you never told Granddad about it.”

Hattie shakes her head, her grin dimming slightly. “We’d argued for hours over that room, I didn’t wanna admit that I regretted the victory. Figured telling him I felt bad that you were so upset was a good way of, what’s the word, mitigating that.”

“I hate that you don’t have very many recent memories of Granddad,” Veda admits softly as the amusement fades. “Honestly, it breaks my heart that you didn’t have the relationship with him that I did.”

Hattie blows out a breath and swallows down the last of her drink. Veda watches her cousin refill her glass, drink it all in one long swallow, then pour more Beam in. Once Hattie settles back into the cushions, her lips curve into a slight smile, and she runs her finger along the rim of her glass.

“I wish I did, it’s... better, I think, that I didn’t. That I wasn’t around a whole lot after I turned ten. I mean, I was like you for a very long time. I thought everything my mother said was the truth. That she couldn’t - _wouldn’t_ \- lead me astray. Grandpa didn’t need that. If I’d been allowed around him, I woulda just learnt to use him like the rest of them. At least he had you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You weren’t ever like our family, even when your mom had her nails so deep into you that you were her mirror.” Hattie shrugs, a jerky rise and fall of her shoulders. “You never treated him like they did. Not as badly as they did, anyway. Sure, you fucked up and kept going back to Olivia, but you broke free.”

Veda leans against her cousin, lets their heads come together. She lifts her glass in the air. “To Granddad, the most amazing man we have ever known and who deserved more than he got.”

“May he be gettin’ some tail up in the afterlife.”

Their giggles slowly morph into identical weeping, and Veda is so thankful she isn’t alone for this breakdown. Having someone here who feels the same as she does makes it easier to let herself feel anything, even the crushing weight of Granddad’s death and the hole he’s left behind.

****

**_______________**

Waking up with a hangover is something that Veda hasn’t experienced in a while, and she spent all of Friday nursing cup after cup of coffee that slowly grew cold, incessantly whining and moaning about the pounding in her skull. Hattie didn’t leave until late in the evening, promising to call Veda as soon as she reached her dorm room. The quiet after she left hadn’t been nearly as oppressive.

Veda kept herself busy on Saturday by going through Granddad’s records, making a list of which accounts to cancel and which to transfer into her name. It hadn’t been much - the house was completely paid off, a wedding gift to him and Mom-Mom all those years ago, but there were still utilities and property taxes that needed to be paid. Plus, she has to pay an inspector to come in and make sure the house is still inhabitable.

Three days after that drunken morning spent with Hattie, Veda finds herself stood in the corridor of the children’s wing, staring around at the passing nurses. Hoping for a somewhat familiar face. It’s a Sunday, but she isn’t certain what that means in the whole scheme of scheduling.

“Uh, hi, I’m - I’m looking for Niall. He’s a nurse on this floor.”

The woman behind the desk glances up from the file in her hand then immediately goes back to it. “Sorry, doll, can’t give information about staff or patients.”

“I know, I know the restrictions. I work in a hospital, too. I just... Okay, well, if you see him, can you tell him Veda needs to talk to him?”

“Will do.”

Veda nods though the nurse doesn’t see it. Turning on her heel, she heads back to the lift. The to-go cup of coffee in her hand bleeds warmth into her fingers and palm, and she focuses on that the too-hot heat. It isn’t until she is sat on one of the benches outside that she realises that even if the nurse does pass on the message, Niall is going to have no way of contacting Veda.

“Wow, really don’t think things through, do ya?” she mutters under her breath, fingernail picking at the edge of the cup lid.

People pass by, to and from the building, and an ambulance screams into the bay around back. Birds land and fly away, crumbs clutched in their beaks like prize-winning meals. An undulating worm of cars inch down the block - red, black, silver, blue, blue, lime green, black... The cup slowly grows colder in her hands, but still Veda sits.

Footsteps stutter to a stop then double-back.

“Ve-Veda?”

Veda finally looks away from the toes of her shoes, forcing a smile at Niall. The sun has shifted further to the west in the sky overhead, and she blinks in surprise. She hadn’t realised so much time has passed. She tightens her grip on the cup in her hand and clears her throat.

“Can we go get that coffee now?”

Her heart sinks when his confused expressions turns pained. He shoves a hand through his already-mussed hair and blows out a heavy breath.

“I just got off a thirteen-hour shift. I, I don’t really think it’s a good time for that.”

Veda knows her smile is far too brittle, but she nods and says, “Oh. Okay. That’s fine. Yeah, totally fine. I just, uh, wanted to see if the offer was still open. That’s all. Totally fine.”

She hides her mortification - and disappointment - by taking a sip of her coffee, grimacing at how cold and stale it’s become. Tossing the cup into a nearby bin, she adjusts her jacket and bustles past Niall. He wraps his fingers around her wrist as she passes, tugs her to a stop. She avoids meeting his eye directly. Instead, she stares at the curve of his eyebrow.

“I have tomorrow off, though,” he says softly. “I can come by yours around nine?”

Veda swallows, dipping her chin. “That sounds great.”

“Are you okay?” he asks after a pregnant pause; his blue eyes skim over her face as if trying to read the answers there.

“I’m… not sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, Niall.”

He releases her wrist, fingers sliding lightly across her skin as she pulls her hand back, and she sends him another smile before walking away. Something other than the usual grief niggles at the edges of her soul. It takes a long moment, but she eventually puts a name to it - hope, comfort.


	10. ★dieci★

Veda finishes scrubbing the last dish, rinsing the soapy water away and setting the casserole dish in the draining tub. She’s spent the better part of the afternoon walking around the borough, avoiding thinking about the plans for tomorrow, but now it’s all that occupies her mind. What could she possibly have been thinking to agree with him coming over?

She should have insisted on going to a Starbucks or any of the crappy diners that can be found anywhere in the city. There is an abundance of crappy diners and Starbucks and she still said yes to Niall coming here. Where memories and emptiness reside. What a stupid decision.

Sighing, Veda dries her hands on a dishtowel. It’s too late to change her mind. He’s at home sleeping off his long shift, and... he was so kind. He had every right to turn her away, to keep walking right past her as she sat on that bench outside the hospital. But he didn’t. He stopped, he accepted the invitation, and he asked after her well-being. It would be cruelty of the highest order to repay that kindness by being rude.

Veda makes her way through the house to the living room, turning the kitchen light off as she goes. Quiet presses down on her from all sides; it should be terrifying to be so alone again, but having Hattie around for even a short time helped. Veda isn’t so much at risk of falling apart now. The pain is still there - it always will be - but it’s less suffocating, more a part of her.

She turns the television on, changing the station to the one that plays all of Granddad’s favourite shows, and settles in on the couch. She already misses the quilt that used to lie across the back of the sofa. She spent so many nights curled up under that quilt, drinking coffee and watching old westerns with Granddad, but giving it to Hattie was the right thing to do. It’s what Mom-Mom wanted.

After making a quick trip up to her bedroom to drag the comforter off her bed, Veda fluffs up a throw pillow and wraps herself in the blanket before flopping face-first onto the couch. She wiggles around until she’s comfortable then stares blankly at the television while _The Rifleman_ plays.

Her thoughts drift from Lucas and Mark McCain, and she frowns when she remembers that it’s been four days since the rest of her family found out about Granddad’s passing yet Olivia still hasn’t called. Veda had to deal with Phil, Debbie, Connor, and the cousins, but her mother doesn’t care enough to make her continued existence known. As unsurprising as it is - and it’s truly the least shocking thing in Veda’s recent life - she can’t help but be so goddamn angry that Olivia is so self-absorbed that she can’t at least pretend to be upset.

“Fuck her,” Veda mutters to herself, tugging the blankets more tightly around her.

She falls asleep in the middle of a late-night infomercial about some blender supposedly not found in stores. When she wakes, the sun has barely crested over the tops of the homes around her, but her neighbours are already awake, moving around and shouting to each other about the weather and recipes and what the grandchildren are up to.

Veda huffs out a quiet laugh when a stream of cursing comes from across the street, the Italian as familiar to her as the English she speaks. She sits up, shuts off the television, and wonders what has Nonna Costa’s britches in a bunch this early. Probably Antonio staying out all night partying with his friends instead of being a respectable young gentleman.

Veda thanks the heavens that she bought Granddad an automatic coffeemaker for Christmas as she shuffles into the kitchen. The aroma of coffee has been her morning wake-up since she was a little girl, and she will never find anything that’s so comforting. She pours herself a cup and makes her way to the front door, stepping out into the chilly morning, still wrapped tightly in her blanket-burrito.

Nonna’s ranting cuts off, and the woman smiles brightly. “Oh, good morning, Miss Veda.”

“Morning, Nonna. Antonio just coming home again?”

“I wish it was him, I expect it of him! No, it is Aida this time.”

“Sweet Aida? That’s not like her.”

“Indeed. How are you doing, _piccolina_?”

“I’m okay, I think. It’s... taking some time to getting used to being alone again.”

Even with the distance, Veda can see the way Nonna’s eyes glimmer with tears. The older woman places her hand over her heart, but whatever she’s about to say is cut off by her front door swinging open. Antonio bounds down the stairs, presses a kiss to his grandmother’s cheek, then jogs to his truck. He waves at Veda before he’s gone.

She moves to sit on the top step, staring out over her street as she sips at her coffee. Mister Nadir comes out long enough to get the paper, and old Mister Thompson plants himself in his rocking chair where he’ll remain all day. Miss Sylvia - Miss, _not_ Mrs - walks by, her tiny chihuahua trotting obediently at her side. The Marion kids spill from their house, down to the pavement, and Veda watches as Louisa and Jamie swing a skipping rope as their brothers and sister jump in unison.

Life goes on, even after death, and Veda never thought she’d be grateful for that.

She is on her fifth cup of coffee by the time the street goes quiet. Nelly Marion screeches when she trips over the skipping rope, suddenly lying motionless against the concrete, but then even she falls silent. Veda follows everyone’s gazes to the end of the block, swallowing thickly at the figure that’s making their way down the pavement.

Niall shifts awkwardly when he comes to a stop at the base of her stoop. “Hi.”

“I thought we said nine,” she jokes and gestures to the sky. “Looks closer to eight to me.”

“I, uh, hope you don’t mind that I kinda had to bring someone with me,” he replies, holding up the end of the leash, and David Barkie lets out a soft yip.

“I only mind if you don’t let me snuggle that cutie. C’mon in.”

Niall and his dog follow Veda into the house, and she shuts the door on the inquisitive looks being sent her way. He stands awkwardly, fidgets with the leash, when she turns to face him again. Now that he’s here, her nervousness is back in full-force. What the Hell could she offer him with her company? She should have said no. She should never have gone to the hospital.

 _Too late for that_ , her brain whispers, and she sighs, waving a hand toward the couch. The comforter gets caught under her feet as she makes her way over, but she manages to sit down without obtaining any injuries. Niall crouches down to unhook the leash from David Barkie’s collar before scooping the puggle up and setting him on Veda’s lap.

“Oh, shit, I didn’t offer you anything to drink,” she realises belatedly, pulling her head back out of reach of the puggle trying to exuberantly lick her face, but Niall waves it off.

“I think I’m capable of making my own coffee, Ve-Veda.” He stares down the short hallway to the kitchen. “Though you might need to tell me where everything is.”

Veda laughs, cradles David Barkie to her chest, and follows Niall to the other room. He listens to her directions carefully, even when her tone is a bit sharper than necessary when he reaches for the large black mug with a chip in the rim. She doesn’t know how to explain that it was Granddad’s, that she is far too attached to the sentimentality of it, so she doesn’t. She just points to the tin of sugar on the counter by the fridge and makes her way back to the living room.

Niall drops onto the other end of the sofa a moment later, sighing heavily as he situates to get more comfortable. “So. We’ve got that coffee. Does this mean we can now talk about why you’ve shown up at my work twice?”

Veda exhales slowly, staring down at the dog curled up on her thighs, and focuses on the softness of his ears between her fingertips. Niall doesn’t break the tense silence that threatens to suffocate them, he lets her gather her thoughts without pressure or rush. She knows she can’t drag it out too long or the words will choke her, so she closes her eyes and opens her mouth.

“Granddad died. Last week. Uh, the night I came home, actually. And I knew it was coming, y’know? Hard not to know when I’ve been the one caring for him,” she bites out on a ragged laugh, blinking to clear her eyes of the tears, “but it’s still really fucking hard.”

Niall moves more quickly than she anticipates; he sets his cup of coffee on the table and wraps his arms around her shoulders. There is no hesitation, no demands, in his touch, so Veda lets him pull her into his side. This should be mortifying, this should make her want to run far away, but she allows herself to cry as he holds her.

“I swear, I didn’t agree to you comin’ ‘round today just so you can see _this_ ,” she croaks, pointing to her tear-stained cheeks.

“Oh, hush. You never have to apologise for showing emotions. This is… it’s a really fucking unfair time for you right now.” He pushes a lock of hair from her face, frowning. “Have you been alone since?”

“Kinda? My cousin, the only one I can stand, came over the other day, but yeah.”

“No one else has helped you handle everything? Make arrangements? Nothing?”

Veda snorts derisively and scratches lightly at David Barkie’s ear. “Even if they offered, I certainly wouldn’t accept.” At his confused expression, she sighs and shrugs. “My family is not good people. No one except Hattie.”

“Not even your mum?”

“Not everyone is the fucking Cleavers,” she snaps then grimaces - it isn’t his fault her relatives are so messed up.

He only nods and tightens his grip on her, a solid steadiness that she clings almost desperately to. “Well, I can’t promise I can be much help, but I’m here for you. Even if you just need to call and scream and cry. As I said, I’m a really good listener.”

She listens to his breathing, a rhythmic cadence the soothes her, one she finds herself subconsciously trying to match. Veda knows she should pull away. She knows this can’t last. But she stays where she is cuddled into his side, soaking up the comfort he offers while his dog tries to shove himself between them.

“I don’t want to be alone,” she whispers after minutes have passed; her voice is broken, cracked and harsh. “I haven’t been alone like this in so long, and I…”

Niall presses his lips to her hair, and she hates how much she craves more of the affection he offers. His hand is gentle as it runs along her arm.

“You don’t ever have to be alone.”

God, she wishes she could believe him.


	11. ★undici★

Veda frowns when Niall pushes himself to his feet and heads to the kitchen. She hadn’t noticed he finished off his coffee. The tap runs, then there’s the sound of porcelain against stainless steel. He comes back into the room, lips quirking into a smile.

“How do you feel about going for a walk? I’m sure David Barkie would appreciate it.”

“This is just your way of trying to get me out of the house, isn’t it.”

He opens his mouth then closes it with a snap. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I suppose. Uh, wait here so I can change.”

She turns and hurries up the stairs. She can’t quite place what she feels about this. All Veda knows is this morning has been both harder and easier. Harder, because she’s let herself admit just how terrified she is to be alone, but easier because she… isn’t alone. There’s a certain edge of fear that comes with that fact - what is she going to do when Niall inevitably walks away, and she’s left on her own after leeching comfort and company from him?

_Shut up_. She shakes her head to clear the thoughts and strips off her top as soon as she steps into her bedroom. It doesn’t take long to grab a pair of leggings and an oversized hoodie, pulling them on as she rummages through her drawers for a pair of socks. Grabbing her trainers from the rack by the door, Veda heads down to Granddad’s room.

His favourite beat-up ball cap still hangs on the hook just inside the door. She avoids looking at the empty bed as she stuffs the cap onto her head. A shiver runs down her spine, and she slowly turns to look - finally _look_ \- at the room left behind. The air grows thin, leaving her gasping for breath, and she stumbles backwards out of the room. Her hand trembles as she yanks the door shut.

It takes a moment for her breathing to even out, but then she is able to walk without the risk of collapsing. Her heart beats out a painful rhythm in her chest, each _thump-thump-thump_ pushing pain throughout her being. Veda draws in a steadying breath then heads for the staircase.

Niall gives her an assessing look once she stops on the bottom step. Her breath hitches in her throat when he nears, gaze tracking his hand as it rises. His fingers brush against her temple, and she closes her eyes at the gentleness as he pushes a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Perfect. Ready?”

“Lead the way,” she whispers, and his smile lights up the room, dispels the darkness that comes from within her.

He waits while she locks the door behind them, and she waves awkwardly at Mister Nadir as they pass. Her neighbour gives her a succinct nod then goes back to keeping an eye over the block. Conversations fade out when the inhabitants of the street watch the pair make their way to the corner, but nobody says anything to Veda.

As she walks side-by-side with Niall, Veda lets herself get lost in her thoughts. The pain of losing Granddad has receded enough that she can breathe, she can feel the warmth of the sun and the slight bite to the air, she can find the music in the birdsongs that come from all around. She knows without a doubt that the hole in her heart will never heal, not fully, but... she thinks she might be okay.

Veda shoves her hands into her hoodie pocket, watches as David Barkie sniffs at yet another tree. Niall whistles sharply every time the puggle tries to go toward the street, and every time, Veda jolts in surprise at the shrill noise coming from her left. After the sixth time, he notices her reaction, huffs out a laugh.

“Sorry. We’re still working on his recall, and I’m used to walking him out of the city.”

“You don’t live in city limits?”

Niall shrugs, adjusting his grip on the leash so David Barkie has no choice but to stop as they near the corner of the block. “I do, but we have a fence around our garden. So he can run around without a leash.”

“Where do you take him for walks, then? I mean, when you walk him instead of letting him out the back door?”

“There’s some land about an hour away that we go to.”

Veda nods slowly, chewing on her lower lip. His continued usage of “we” is confusing; does he mean his roommates? Or does he have a girlfriend he’s neglecting just to make Veda feel better? Her heart skips, breath catches in her throat, at the thought. She has just opened her mouth to ask when she catches him staring at her from the corner of his eye.

“You could come with us someday. If you want to. The lads won’t mind having you tag along.”

“I’ll, uh, I’ll think about it,” she promises after a moment of speechlessness.

His answering smile is brighter and warmer than the sun overhead. Veda turns her face to watch where she’s going instead of focusing on him. David Barkie trots ahead of them on the way back to the house, barking once at a pigeon that lands in front of him. The bird ruffles its feathers and flies away with an indignant squawk.

Veda makes it halfway up the steps of her stoop before she realises he isn’t following. When she turns to look back at him, her head cocks on instinct. He is frowning down at his feet while he shifts the leash between his hands. She clears her throat quietly.

“Niall?”

“Hm? Oh. I, er, I should probably go home.”

“Oh. Of- of course.”

“It’s just that I was meant to do some cleaning today. I’d much rather hang out with you, but… my mates might have a problem with me not doing my part ‘round the house. But Ve-Veda?” His lips quirk when she smiles, albeit reluctantly, at the nickname. “Promise me that you’ll call or text me if you need anything.”

There is no hesitation on her part. She nods and promises. He grins, eyes lighting up, then whistles for David Barkie. The dog whines and tries to go up the steps but then follows his human obediently, and Veda watches them go. Her heart isn’t so heavy, her world isn’t spinning off its axis. Even knowing she’s going back into an empty house doesn’t scare her as much as it did before.

She gathers up a pen and some paper, sitting at the kitchen table to write thank-you notes. Once the notes are done and folded, she tapes one to the inside of each dish that held the meals that have kept her fed over the last week. The ghosts of memories still clinging to the house no longer send chills down her spine. They’ve become familiar, almost… comforting.

She lost Granddad, but she will never lose the love he gave her. And that has to be enough.

Veda carefully stacks the dishes into a wide-bottomed laundry basket and carries it out onto the porch. She doesn’t have to say a word - Nonna Costa immediately starts rounding up the neighbours to come get their cookware. Veda smiles but steps back inside before anyone can say anything to her.

She doesn’t need their condolences.

> **To: Niall** ✈️  
>  _< Thank you for coming over today. I really appreciate it._
> 
> **From: Niall** ✈️  
>  _> It was no problem. I’m glad you let me be there for you_  
>  _> This is Veda , right?_
> 
> **To: Niall ✈️**   
>  _< No, it’s some other chick you met on a flight to NY then sat with while she cried her eyes out in front of you like an idiot._
> 
> **From: Niall ✈️**   
>  _> Not an idiot_   
>  _> Just someone who needed a shoulder like every other human_   
>  _> We aren’t meant to be solitary creatures, Ve-Veda. We need a village._   
>  _> And Veda?_   
>  _> Thanks for letting me be part of your village._


	12. ★dodici★

Veda stares up at the building in front of her, sighing heavily. It’s her first day back since she went on bereavement leave, and she really isn’t looking forward to the questions or sympathy. She does have to admit, though, that she is thankful for the prospect of not being sat at home with nothing to do but think.

“You know you can’t do your job out here, right?”

Veda bites back her smile, turns her head to catch Pauline’s eye. “I know, I know.”

“How ya doin’, kiddo?”

“I’m okay. I swear I am,” she laughs softly at her coworker’s disbelieving expression, hitching her bag further onto her shoulder, as she follows Pauline into the hospital. “Not gonna lie, it’s a bit too quiet around the house now, but... what can ya do.”

“You’re always welcome to come to mine if you need to.”

“Oh. Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

The women fall silent on their trek to the employee locker room, then Pauline pats Veda’s shoulders and makes her way to the back of the room. Veda deftly spins the combination lock around until it snaps open, shoves her bag into the recess, and pins her name-badge to the front of her top. Dropping her phone into her pocket, Veda locks up the cabinet and heads out into the corridor.

Clarissa gestures toward a small stack of clipboards with a smile. “Welcome back, Veda.”

“Thanks.” Veda reaches for the top board, skimming over the patient information. “And thanks for filing the bereavement paperwork for me.”

“You had enough to deal with. Now get to work. And Veda? We’ve missed you.”

“Surprisingly enough, I missed you lot, too.”

It is shocking how easily she slips into the rhythm of her job. The aching and fears melt into the background of her mind, and Veda focuses on each patient she visits, promises that they’re in the best of hands, eases their worries as much as she can. Her own heart may still be broken, but there is no reason to not lessen the troubles if she has the ability. These people are already scared. Their futures are uncertain. Why should she make it any harder?

“You remind me of my daughter.”

Veda’s words falter, disappear, and she finally glances up from the clipboard in her hand. The older woman frowns, fusses at the hemline of her blanket. Veda glances behind her then sits down on the edge of the bed. She sets the papers aside and reaches for the woman’s hand.

“Are you alone, ma’am?”

“Yes. I haven’t - haven’t spoken to my daughter Belinda in almost two years. But I suppose that’s the way it goes.”

“Would you like me to call her for you?”

“Oh, she wouldn’t want to be bothered. It’s quite all right, dear.”

“Ms Cortes, no one deserves to be by themselves, even when they’re healthy. So to be in hospital, trying to find out what’s wrong, and not have someone by your side? That’s not okay. So if I can get her here, would you be okay with that?”

“As long as it doesn’t get you in trouble,” the woman murmurs after a moment.

“I’ll be sneaky, I promise.”

Ms Cortes gives Veda a watery smile, and Veda finishes filling out the forms with the information the patient gives. She leaves the room with a promise to be right back with an update; Lyle falls into step beside her as she makes her way back through the halls.

“Clarissa is gonna be upset.”

“Clarissa isn’t going to find out. Is she?”

“Not from me.”

Veda stops abruptly, tugging Lyle’s arm so he quits walking. “Lyle, she’s alone. She’s scared. She needs her family with her.”

“I know.” He puts his hands on her shoulders, squeezes gently. His hazel eyes soften behind his glasses. “I know. I’m not saying don’t do it. I’m saying be careful. Clarissa put the rules in place for a reason.”

“Because getting attached to patients and interfering with their lives can only end with one of three outcomes: You get hurt, the patient gets hurt, or the hospital ends up with a lawsuit. I’m aware.”

“This has to do with your grandfather, doesn’t it?” he asks quietly as Veda exchanges clipboards.

“It might,” she admits after a pregnant pause. “Tell anyone...”

“I’m not desperate for my own demise. All right, I’m off to lunch. Green jello is in the caf today. Woo!”

“C’mon, we all know red is superior.”

“Superior to toilet water, maybe.”

Veda watches him go, laughing softly at the odd looks thrown his way from the nurses, then looks down at the file in her hand. Patient’s name, room number, age...

_Oh_.

The seven-year-old doesn’t bother looking up when Veda knocks on the door. She ducks inside and gives him as charming a smile as possible, though he doesn’t see it. Glancing around the room, Veda takes stock of the purse in the chair, the stuffed animals on the bed, the pile of tissues bunches up on the table.

“Hey, bud, is your mom around?”

“She went to the bathroom,” he mutters, gaze intently on his fingers as he flexes and relaxes them; the IV in the back of his hand jumps with the movement.

“Oh, okay. Mind if I stick around until she comes back?”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m Veda.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, goodness me, is that - that’s an Optimus Prime plushie, isn’t it?”

This question gets his attention. His head snaps up, and a smile splits his face. “You like _Transformers_?”

“Are you kidding me? I absolutely love the _Transformers_! My favourite is Bumblebee.”

“Mine’s Optimus. He’s in charge of everybody. It’s awesome!”

“Did you know there’s a cartoon on Netflix called _Rescue Bots_ , where Optimus sends four bots to an island to take care of the citizens there?”

His eyes widen, and he leans forward. “Really?”

“Oh, yes. I watch it all the time.”

“But you’re old! Old people don’t watch cartoons!”

“Well, this old person does,” laughs Veda. “Oh, hello.”

David’s mother smiles wanly as she passes Veda. “Hi. Can I help you?”

“Yes. My name is Veda, I’m just here to get some information from you so we can make sure David here gets in the system properly.”

It takes longer than it should to get the paperwork filled out, due to David interrogating Veda on her Autobot knowledge. She seems to pass muster, his bright grin lighting up the room each time she answers a question correctly. She knows she runs the risk of getting into trouble, but she doesn’t care, though. Her bones grow light, hollow like a bird’s, as the haunted glaze to his mother’s eyes disappears further with his enthusiasm.

“Well, that’s all I need from you two,” Veda announces, clipping her pen to the board. “Thanks. And David, remember to check out that show, okay? It’s amazing.”

“I will! Thanks!”

Veda ducks into the nearest bathroom, pulling her phone and the piece of paper from her pocket. Her heart races in her chest as she dials the number, and she leans against the wall while the line trills in her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is - is this Belinda Cortes?”

“Yes. Who is this?”

“Hi, my name is, uh, Veda. I work at, at Saint Francis Hospital in Brooklyn. Your, um, your mother is here right now, and she would really love if you could come see her.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

Veda sighs and checks the time. “I don’t know, ma’am. All I know is she misses you and wants to see you.”

“Did she tell you we haven’t talked in over two years?”

“Yes, ma’am, she did. She didn’t tell me why, she actually tried to get me to drop the idea of calling you. But…” Veda blows out a breath, scrubs at her face with her hand. “It’s ultimately up to you, but I just really don’t want either of you to regret missing time with each other.”

“I’ll - okay. Thank you.”

Belinda hangs up without a goodbye, and Veda slumps against the wall. The conversation went better than she anticipated, but why does she feel like it wasn’t successful? She taps the casing of her phone against her chin, mind going a mile a minute.

>   
>  **To: Niall ✈️**   
>  _Can I have a picture of David Barkie please??_
> 
> **From: Niall ✈️**   
>  _Yeh_
> 
> _Everything okay?_
> 
> **To: Niall ✈️**   
>  _I’ll text when I go on lunch._   
>    
>  _Thank you._
> 
> **From: Niall ✈️**  
>  _I have plenty . An unhealthy amount, really. . . Whenever you want one, just ask_ 😊  
> 

Veda can’t help but giggle at the dopey smile on David Barkie’s face as the photo comes through. She thanks Niall again before shoving her phone into her pocket and going back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meet [david barkie](https://patch.com/img/cdn/users/64528/2011/04/raw/edd66e1b117416743d64d44ce95b27d3.jpg) [yes, it's an image i took off of google, don't even care]


	13. ★tredici★

Veda steps closer to the pole so the drunken man can pass. The odour of tequila and rum follow him, a noxious cloud that announces he’s a few too many drinks past his limit. It’s not even four-thirty, and he’s barely able to stand without swaying. He stumbles and drops into a seat toward the back, and Veda exchanges a look with the woman sitting there.

The past three days have been incredibly long. Clarissa somehow found out about Veda calling Ms Cortes’s daughter. Veda spent twenty minutes being reprimanded and threatened with a write-up if it happened again. Lyle had been Veda’s saviour: He had warned her about their boss’s ire, disappearing immediately after. It gave her the chance to pretend to be sufficiently contrite about her actions.

She doesn’t regret phoning Belinda Cortes, though. How can she, after seeing the two women trying to bridge the gap between themselves. Ms Cortes fell asleep that night still smiling, and Belinda had searched for Veda to thank her for putting her nose in their business. Both women knew it was against protocol - the nurses should have done it, not the woman in charge of getting insurance information.

Veda sighs, pushing her way through the crowd to the stairs. The city air outside isn’t much better, but at least there’s space between her and the next body. She makes her way down the pavement, weaving around clusters of people not wanting to actually make her trek home any less cumbersome.

Her feet ache in her shoes, legs ready to collapse from underneath her. Today was busier than Veda had expected when she woke up this morning. More patients, more paperwork, more running all over the hospital to find the people she needed. And she knows tomorrow is going to be just as bad, just in a different way. Clarissa hadn’t looked thrilled with it, but she had assigned Veda to filing paperwork instead of interacting with patients.

“Hi, Miss Veda!”

Veda smiles, stopping just outside of the circle of children, and crouches down to be on their level. “Hey, guys. What’cha playin’?”

“Jacks!” Xavier Porter holds up the blue rubber ball. “Wanna try?”

“No, thanks. I’ve never been very good at that game.”

“Neither is Nelly, but she still plays.”

Nelly Marion squawks indignantly, launching herself at the ten-year-old with all the force she can manage, and Veda bites back a laugh even as she gently pushes the child back onto her rear. Louisa rolls her eyes at her sister’s behaviour, ever as patient as a preteen can be. Carlos Riviera yanks the ball from Xavier’s hand.

“Hey, Miss Veda, who was that boy?” Jamie asks as she scribbles on the pavement with chalk.

“What boy?”

“The one who came over. With the puppy.”

“Oh.” Veda pauses, stares down at her hands. “He’s a friend.”

“A boyfriend?” Louisa singsongs, and the other kids make gagging noises.

Veda can’t help it; she giggles and pokes the twelve-year-old’s nose. “No, Louisa, just a friend. He came over ‘cause I was sad.”

“Mommy said you’d be sad for a while,” announces Nelly, and Veda turns her attention onto her. “She said your grandpa died and you’d be sad and we should help make you feel better.”

If it was physically possible, Veda would melt into a puddle at that. She knew that contrary to most of the country’s opinion, New Yorkers can be some of the warmest, most generous people around. But hearing that the people on her block are actively wanting to help her through this is different. She swallows against the tears, smiling slightly.

“Thanks, Nelly. I appreciate it. You lot are doing a great job at that. But I’m gonna go home now. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Miss Veda!”

Veda groans as she forces herself to stand upright. An unpleasant tingling spreads through her feet and ankles, reminding her that she has been bustling about for ten hours without much of a break. Even her lunch-hour had been spent walking with Lyle and Marina to a food truck a few blocks away. She sighs but heads toward home.

Voices of the neighbours hover over the street, overlapping languages and tones and accents muddling in the air, and Veda knows she’s home. This will _always_ be her home. Granddad gave her a place to grow, and she plans on dying here. Just like he did. She reaches the top of her stoop and turns to stare at the people she’s grown up knowing and loving.

The Costa family across the street, Nonna and the grandchildren who are always around; the Nadirs next door; the Marions and Porters and Mister Thompson and Miss Sylvia, Catalina Riviera and Carlos, and dozens of other faces that have been a part of her history since Veda was a child. This eclectic, mix-matched group of people have shared their cultures and their lives with Veda and each other. Veda knows she’d not be who she is without Granddad and the families that make up the neighbourhood.

She leaves the front door open once she steps into the house. Fresh air can only do some good, force out the staleness that has lingered since she lost Granddad. The screen door closes behind her, settling into place with a soft clacking sound. Toeing off her trainers, Veda drops her bag to the floor just inside the entryway and limps toward the kitchen. A long soak in a hot bath is on the agenda, but right now, she needs a cold drink and to get off her feet. Veda grabs a soda from the fridge before heading back to the living room.

With a sigh, she drops onto the couch. The tension leaves her body almost immediately, arms going limp as she practically melts into the cushions. The breeze flows through the house, leaving cool air in its wake, bringing with it the sound of children laughing and the occasional car. Footsteps pound up steps, disrupt the otherwise routine noises of late-afternoon existence. She peels her eyes open when someone knocks on the screen door.

“Veda? You around?”

“What’s up, Tommy?”

The teenager opens the door, stepping inside, and smiles apologetically. “Hey, sorry, but can I use your toilet? Becky’s taking a shower, and we all know she takes forever.”

“You know where it is. Grab a Coke before you leave if you want. Just don’t tell your ma you got it from me.”

“You’re the fucking best.”

“Quarter in the swear jar.”

“You cuss more’n I do!” Tommy calls over his shoulder as he bolts up the stairs.

Veda huffs out a tired laugh, lets her head drop to the back of the couch. She thought that sitting here would help ease the aching in her legs and feet, but all it’s done is made her less inclined to move at all. The peaceful fog that envelops her is alluring, a siren song that beckons for her to slip into the darkness that sleeping provides.

Unfortunately, that desire is dispelled by Tommy coming back down the stairs, his trainers slamming against each step. Veda stifles a sigh and pushes herself to sit upright. Tommy doesn’t spare her a second glance as he dances toward the kitchen, and Veda wonders what music he’s hearing inside that head of his.

“Thanks, Veda,” he says, holds the Coke aloft, and she shrugs.

“Hey, toss me my phone. It’s in the side pocket of my bag.”

He does then waves goodbye, slipping out onto the stoop. Veda winces when the screen door bangs against its frame, but she focuses on unlocking the device.

> **From: Niall ✈️**   
>  _> I really don’t want to work tonight . Someone kept me awake for most of today. _
> 
> **To: Niall ✈️**   
>  _< I’m so so sorry for taking a whole hour to reply._
> 
> _< And I’m sorry that David Barkie wouldn’t let you sleep. I’d have taken him for the day if I hadn’t had to work. _
> 
> _< Hope you have a better night than the day I’ve had today_
> 
> **From: Niall ✈️**   
>  _> What happened ?_
> 
> **To: Niall ✈️**   
>  _< Boss found out I did something that’s technically against the rules and chewed my ass out for it. Now I’m “on watch” and will be written up if I do it again._
> 
> **From: Niall ✈️**   
>  _> Oh no . _
> 
> _> I’m sorry that you got in trouble . What did you do ?_
> 
> **To: Niall ✈️**   
>  _< I called a patient’s daughter because the patient wanted to see a familiar face and repair their relationship. Evidently, that’s highly frowned upon when you’re only meant to be getting their insurance information._
> 
> **From: Niall ✈️**   
>  _> How much trouble are you in?_
> 
> **To: Niall ✈️**   
>  _< Not enough to make me regret it lol. _
> 
> _< But since I’ve been on my feet since seven this morning, I’m gonna grab some dinner then go to bed early. Have a good night at work. And if you ever need someone to watch the pup so you can sleep, I’ll do it (if I don’t have to work, obviously) _
> 
> **From: Niall ✈️**   
>  _> Thanks Ve-Veda . Sleep well _

Veda smiles to herself and sets her phone aside. She has friends. Of course she does. One doesn’t make it to their mid-twenties without making at least one. But there’s something about Niall that’s different. Maybe it’s because she met him during a tumultuous time and started latching onto the sense of normalcy that he exuded. Whatever it is, she is not going to question it.

She doesn’t manage to get dinner or even up the stairs to her bed. Veda just stretches out on the couch and closes her eyes. Five minutes, that’s all she needs. Just five more minutes of not moving. She falls asleep before the five minutes are up.


	14. ★quattordici★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **trigger warning:** there's a scene of violence (nothing gory) in the latter half of this chapter. 

> **From: Niall ✈️**  
>  **>** _David Barkie and I hope you have a good day at work today . No more getting into trouble !!!_
> 
> **To: Niall ✈️**  
>  **<** _But “Trouble” is my middle name_  
>  **<** _Now go get some sleep!_

Veda bites back a smile as she closes out of the message thread. The text, and accompanying selfie of Niall cuddling with his pup, is sufficient enough in making her morning that much brighter. She isn’t looking forward to doing all the filing today, but she dreads it a little less. Glancing at the clock, she pulls up the messages again and stares at the photograph.

“Your boyfriend is cute.”

Veda startles, turns her head to the right so fast that her neck cricks. “Uh, what?”

“Your boyfriend,” the old woman repeats, nodding at the picture. “He’s a cutie.”

“Oh, um, thanks?”

“I wish we’d had that technology back when my Brucie and I were young and first in love. It would’ve been wonderful.”

“Ye-yeah, technology can be amazing.”

Thankfully, Veda’s stop arrives, and she hurries out of the carriage. The fact that a stranger initiated conversation isn’t really that uncommon, but Veda is surprised at herself for not correcting the other woman. She’s never been one to allow misinformation about herself - after-effects of two decades of her mother’s presence - so Veda doesn’t understand why it isn’t such a big deal that the woman’s mistaken assumption doesn’t bother her.

_Get a grip_ , she scolds herself as she falls in line with the other pedestrians on the pavement. _It’s just because you know you’ll never see her again, so what does it matter?_ Veda shakes her head and forces her mind to wander, to slip into autopilot mode for the last two blocks of her trek to work. Thinking about this isn’t going to make anything clearer, and she can’t exactly let herself get distracted right now.

> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _Clerical work? Not what it’s cracked up to be. I hope your honeymoon is an amazing start to a wonderful life._

She isn’t surprised when Ellie doesn’t reply. As far as Veda is aware, Chris and Ellie aren’t due to get back from their honeymoon for another three days, and she isn’t going to demand that her best friend cut her vacation short just to send a text in response. So Veda sets her phone next to her lunch tray and stabs idly at a piece of lettuce.

Since she’s in a separate department than her coworkers today, none of the ones she works with regularly have same lunch, and it’s only proved to be massively boring without Pauline’s stories about her “monsters” or Lyle claiming he’s in love for the seventh time this week. Veda almost regrets calling Belinda Cortes - if only because it means she’s eating a pitiful salad alone while the other office staff chatters on at the next table over.

> **To: Niall ✈️**  
>  **<** _I know you’re probably asleep but omg I’m bored and seriously thiiiiiiiis close to shooting myself in the foot because omg_

As she predicted, Niall doesn’t respond. The notice doesn’t even switch to Read at any point during the next five minutes. So she locks her phone, tucks it into her pocket, and dumps the scraps of her meal into the bin. Four hours down, and now, all Veda can hope for is the next five to fly by.

And maybe a stiff drink as soon as she gets home.

Thankfully, Clarissa’s anger is gone by the end of the week, and Veda is back on the floor, taking down insurance information and joking with her coworkers. She’s learnt her lesson, though: If she’s going to stick her nose in other people’s business, she plans on being far sneakier than she was with the Cortes family. Ellie and Chris are finally back in Stanford, and Veda has a video chat planned for Saturday night with her best friend. Hopefully, living vicariously through Ellie will help ease some of the aching loneliness that has made a home in Veda’s heart.

Niall wasn’t kidding when he said he had loads of photos of David Barkie, as Veda finds out. Every morning, there’s a new selfie with the dog waiting in her inbox, and another in the evening. Their text conversations are sporadic at best, given their differing work schedules, but when they happen, they last for hours. Veda figures out that Niall wakes up around four when he works overnights, which gives her three hours before his shift starts to get home, eat, and talk to the friend she made during the worst period of her life.

Too often, however, she finds herself calling out for Granddad, desperate to tell him all about Niall - how kind and caring and funny he is, how much he’s done to help Veda get through this nightmarish time. Each time it happens, she nearly shattered apart again; she knows Granddad would have loved Niall, but the fact remains he isn’t here to say so. He left her behind, and his death forced her to figure out she is without him.

Veda is lost with Granddad gone. The pain rocks through her at the most inopportune times, crashing over her as a tidal wave when she’s trying to fall asleep, the thin slice of a knife’s edge as she stands at the counter and makes her morning coffee... She will never be completely whole again, she knows she has to accept that. It’s hard, when she is curled up in the corner of her room and can’t breathe through the sobs, to come to terms with the fact that Percy Mitchell will never again walk in her life.

And try as she might, Veda can’t stop herself from reaching out to Niall - for comfort? assurance? _something_ \- when the darkness encroaches on her world. When the cold blackness seeps onto everything she is and will be, she turns to Niall, and he saves her. He may not know it, but Veda is damn sure she would have given up the day Granddad’s ashes came home if it wasn’t for Niall.

That thought should terrify her. Relying on anyone else besides Granddad has never been imprinted in her genetic code. In fact, it’s always been the complete opposite. Never trust or need another person, because they only ever let you down. Yet here she is, craving any sort of connection with someone who’s still little more than a stranger. They’ve only known each other for less than a month, and already she’s grown accustomed to his presence in her life.

This may end so poorly, but Veda just… doesn’t - _can’t_ \- care about that now. Not yet.

****

**______________**

Setting her thermos on the small table, Veda ducks down to pull her beat-up trainers onto her feet. The last two weeks have been hectic, between work and her halfhearted attempts to sort through Granddad’s belongings. This is the first day that she’s willingly given herself to feel no guilt, to be as selfish as she wants. The first thing on her agenda for today is a walk around the borough to the morning’s cool air before the heat and humidity become too much.

Veda grabs the keys off the hook and tucks her phone safely into the pocket of her jeans. The block is waking, neighbours coming from inside as she steps out onto her stoop. She waves awkwardly at Nonna Costa and turns to lock the door behind her. The sound of a car door shutting echoes over the street, but it isn’t unusual - not with Antonio, and now Aida, making a routine of coming home in the early hours of the morning. Veda waits until she hears the click of the lock settling into place before she steps back, carefully closes the screen door.

“So I see you still exist then.”

Veda’s head snaps upwards, and she just barely manages to not instantly spin on her heels. Of course her luck would run out now, just when she was starting to feel like she could breathe properly again. As it is, Veda forces herself to draw in a deep breath and swallow a mouthful of coffee. Then, and only then, does she slowly turn to face her mother.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to get what’s mine.”

“You have nothing here, Olivia. You need to leave.”

Olivia frowns but, wisely, doesn’t come any closer. “You can’t make me leave, Veda. I damn well deserve something. He was my father, after all.”

“Then where the fuck were you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You weren’t here.” Veda shakes her head, hands trembling hard enough that she has to put her thermos down or risk spilling coffee everywhere. “You weren’t here, just like your siblings. You weren’t doing anything for him. _I_ was. I sacrificed everything. It’s been three weeks, Olivia. Three weeks. And you never called, never came to see him when he was alive. Hell, you couldn’t even send an email to him.”

“What the Hell do you want from me, Veda?”

“Nothing. Just like my entire life. I want nothing from you except for you to get off my property.”

“It isn’t -”

“Granddad died. He left everything to me. Because no one else cared enough. You alone did nothing but sleep with every Tom, Dick, and Harry across the country while your father died.” Veda clenches her hands into fists, steps back when Olivia makes to climb the stairs. “You weren’t there for him, and I’ll be damned if you stand here and act like some perfect golden child when you’ve been nothing but a disgrace. You’re lower than dirt, standing here in front of your daughter and demanding things you’ve no right to. I want you gone. Now.”

“You don’t get to speak to me like that,” her mother hisses, and Veda ignores the long, sharp fingernail that presses into the tip of her nose. “I gave you life, young lady.”

“No, you brought me into this world -”

“I did, and I can take you out of it just as easily.”

“- but you didn’t do a damn thing to make my life easier.”

Even though Veda has known Olivia for twenty-five years, even she could never have predicted her mother shoving her backwards. The shrill screeching that comes from Olivia drowns out every other sound, including Veda’s own thoughts. Her arms raise to protect herself, but Olivia still manages to claw at her face, smacking her even as she continues to push her daughter against the frame of the screen door. Veda can’t understand most of what Olivia is screaming, but she definitely catches the words “ungrateful” and “shameful”.

“I didn’t raise you to be like this!”

Veda growls low in her throat and shifts all of her weight forward, arms striking out and knocking Olivia off-balance. A tendril of sick pleasure blazes through Veda as her mother tumbles down the steps, sprawls across the pavement. The neighbours have all frozen - no one dares move or make a sound, as if they’re afraid of Olivia. Of making things worse for Veda. They don’t know how little chance there is of that.

Veda stares down at Olivia, slowly descends the stairs even as Olivia clambers to her feet. There is nothing in her heart any longer. All that’s left is an emptiness. No fear, no anger, no contempt. Nothing towards the woman who gave birth to her. Her skin crawls and prickles, warmth slipping down her cheek. She raises a hand and wipes the blood away. Tires squeal as a car comes to a stop, pulling into an empty space across the street.

“Leave. There is nothing here for you. I never want to see you again, do you understand me? I _will_ call the cops if you ever come back.”

“Veda!”

She doesn’t look away from Olivia, doesn’t show any relief at Niall’s appearance while she waits for her mother to make a choice. The right choice. His hands are gentle when he tugs at her arm, trying to lift it so he can examine the wounds left by Olivia’s nails. Olivia’s face twists up, nostrils flaring as she glares at Veda. But she stays quiet. Adjusting her top, she pivots abruptly and storms down the pavement to the SUV that most likely belongs to Husband Number Six.

“This isn’t the end of this, Veda, hear me? I’ll get what I’m owed, even if I gotta fight for it in court.”

“You’re owed nothing, you shit-stain!” Veda shouts just before Olivia slams the car door closes.

The vehicle peels away, rubber screaming against asphalt, then silence. Veda waits until it’s disappeared from view before slumping, shaking all over and nearly vomiting. Niall runs tender fingers along her skull, her arms, her face, and Veda allows him. The poor man looks like he’s about to vibrate right out of his skin from worrying, and who is she to deny him the reassurance that she’s fine?

“C’mon,” she mutters quietly, remembering suddenly that they’re not alone - they have an audience made up of her neighbours and his friends. Veda avoids meeting Nonna Costa’s horrified gaze as she leads the silent group of men into the house.


	15. ★quindici★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i just updated **scars & souvenirs** but i had to update this one, too 🖤 ~~and by that, i mean i'm currently procrastinating on cleaning my room because holy hell it's boring~~

With another apology to her neighbours, Veda shuts the front door and sighs, rests her forehead against the frame. Olivia showing up was unexpected, but the attack... That was completely out of left field. Never in a million years would Veda have expected her mother to get violent. Olivia has always been all talk, no action. Until today, evidently.

Four sets of eyes rest heavily against her back, so Veda steels her spine and turns to face Niall and his friends. No one speaks as she forces a smile, slipping past them to reach the kitchen. Niall takes the first-aid kit from her after she pulls it out from under the sink. The hardness in his eyes warns her not to argue, so she doesn’t. She sits at the table while he busies himself with grabbing the items he will need.

“Here you go.”

Veda stares blankly at the ice pack in Harry’s hand then takes it from him. In all the excitement, she’d almost forgotten her head slamming into the wooden frame. She presses the ice pack to the back of her skull, hissing at the spike of pain, and closes her eyes for a moment. The silence is deafening, echoing in every corner of the room, and Veda barely resists the urge to squirm when she realises the others are staring, watching.

Niall is frowning as he wipes blood from her skin, and the antiseptic stings at her flesh with each swipe of the gauze. It isn’t hard to see how violently his hand trembles as he disinfects each claw-mark that mars her cheeks and neck and arms. She catches his eye; her heart breaks at the panic that resides there in the blue.

“Told you not every family was the Cleavers.”

The joke falls flat, not remotely humorous in the aftermath, but his lips twitch anyway. The smile falls away as quickly as it’s appeared, and Niall sighs, tossing bloody gauze into the bin. The latex gloves follow after. Veda watches him cross the room to the sink. The water hitting the basin is the only sound for a long minute, then he turns to face her.

He moves more swiftly than she expects, and suddenly, she finds himself held in his arms. She stiffens, momentarily taken aback at the display of affection - it isn’t the first time he’s hugged her, but she wasn’t prepared. Physical contact is unfamiliar, something she has only ever initiated with Granddad and Hattie, and she still isn’t accustomed to another person in her life who _wants_ to show they care for her. Warmth blooms in her chest as she melts against him, breathing in deeply.

“I’m so fucking sorry you had to deal with that,” he murmurs.

Veda pats his chest while she pulls away. “I’m used to it. Really, I am. I’m only sorry you lot had to witness it. Hi, Harry,” she says, voice surprisingly bright considering the circumstances of the morning, and he waves back awkwardly.

“Oh! Ve-Veda, this is Liam and Louis.”

Liam waggles his fingers in the air; his lips are twisted into a sympathetic smile, but Louis stares at her, blue eyes wide. Of course he’s surprised. Veda would be shocked if he wasn’t. Only Ellie has known the depths of Olivia’s cruelty, her selfishness and inability to be an actual mother. The kind that Veda needed, that she _deserved_. Veda knows what is coming before Louis even opens his mouth.

“That’s your _mother_?” he manages to squeak out.

Veda nods and shrugs. “Only in blood. I stopped claiming her a long time ago. So, uh, not that I’m not glad to see you, Niall, but why are you lot here?”

Niall scrubs a hand over the back of his neck as he exchanges a look with his friends. “We just wanted to know if you’d wanna hang out, go for a walk or hike or something, since I know you said this was your day off. But I completely understand if you’d rather be alone to recover from this morning.”

“Oh, no. I am so coming. Better walking in public looking like _this_ ,” she gestures toward her face, “than force myself to finish going through Granddad’s things.”

“How is that going?” he asks with a grimace - he must understand that this isn’t something anyone would want to do.

Veda pauses, hunching slightly in on herself. With a self-deprecating smile, she shrugs and scratches at an itchy spot on her cheek; her finger comes away tinted red. Niall rolls his eyes, wets a sheet of paper towel, and wipes gently at the blood.

“It’s not,” she finally admits as he moves to toss the towel into the bin. “It’s hard, y’know, to see everything of his life and not have him here.”

It’s less awkward this time when Niall hugs her. As if she has known his comfort her entire life, as If there is nothing that could possibly make his arms any less of a security blanket. As if his touch can fix everything, no matter how surely she knows it won’t. Veda closes her eyes, struggles against the urge to cry, as she leans into him. His heart beats steadily against his ribs, the rhythm soothing under her palm.

“If you want any help, let me know, okay?”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So are we goin’?”

Harry’s voice is unexpected, really, and Veda nearly jumps out of her skin. She smiles apologetically at his friends even as she steps back from Niall, out of the strength he provides. Exchanging a quick look with Niall, she clears her throat softly, gestures toward the door. The guys wait in the entryway while she runs upstairs to change. Again. She makes quick work of tugging off her T-shirt, grabbing a fresh one from the pile of laundry she’s yet to put away. Yet another task she’s neglected over the last few weeks.

“No offence,” Veda starts, and the guys pause in piling into the car, “but I’m smaller than all of you, even Louis, so it would stand to reason that I should sit in the back, right?”

Liam laughs and pats her shoulder. “No one is going to change our mind, so maybe you should just accept it?”

She considers arguing but doesn’t. It isn’t worth irritating them. So Veda pouts and does as directed. Harry promises that she can pick the station, but she keeps her hands in her lap. So the radio continues playing _Never Going Back Again_ , and Veda continues staring straight ahead through the windscreen as Harry navigates through the streets. The others talk around her, and she listens to the chitchat with one ear.

Now that the adrenalin is gone, Veda registers the stinging in her skin from all the scratch marks, her head pounding with her pulse. The fact that Olivia could so willingly do what she did in front of everyone on the block… Veda knows that her neighbours will have questions, ones that she isn’t sure she can answer. Her family isn’t unknown to the neighbours; most of them have lived in their homes since before Veda was born, so they have spent at least five minutes with any of the Mitchells at any point. So they’re aware of how awful Veda’s relatives are.

But still, having to explain the debacle isn’t something she’s looking forward to.

“Where are we?”

She’d asked quietly, but her voice interrupts the conversations going on around her. Harry glances over his shoulder, biting down on his lower lip to hide the smile, and Niall pats her shoulder gently before pushing open his door. Veda watches through the window as he hurries to the front door of the house they’ve parked in front of.

He emerges not even two full minutes later. She squeaks at the sight of David Barkie trotting happily next to his human. A giddy laugh bubbles up when Niall pulls open her car door and plops the dog unceremoniously into her lap.

“Oh, my gosh, hi there!” Veda ducks down to kiss the pup on the top of his head. “Hello, cutie pie. You want scratches behind your ear? Okay, I can do that.”

“I get the feeling you’re only friends with me for the dog,” Niall laughs.

“I will never admit to such a thing. It’s true, but I won’t admit it.”

By the time Harry comes to a stop again, he has driven for over an hour, and David Barkie has settled down and fallen asleep curled up on Veda’s lap. She gazes around at the fields that surround the car, the tall grass that seats gently in the breeze, green everywhere she looks. Louis opens his door first, and Liam and Harry follow suit. She bites down on her lower lip and stares at the puggle snoozing happily on her thighs.

Niall opens her door and reaches for the end of the leash by her feet, giving the fabric rope a slight wiggle. David Barkie immediately wakes, stretching with a loud yawn before perking up. Veda swallows a laugh when the dog tries to leap out of the car, only to trip over his own paws and tumble to the ground. Niall rolls his eyes.

“You are the worst, DB,” he mutters, and Veda gasps dramatically.

“How dare you? He’s a darling and doesn’t deserve such slander!” She pulls the sleeves of her hoodie down over her hands, turning to step out of the vehicle. “So what is this place?”

Louis helps her out of the car, keeps her steady when she wobbles on a clump of dirt just outside. She thanks him quietly then steps out of the way so he can push the door shut behind her. After double-checking that her phone is in her pocket, Veda heads away from the car, trailing after Niall and the others. Louis sticks close to her side and explains that the group found the fields after Niall passed his exams with flying colours.

“We wanted a way to celebrate and say goodbye to our friend at the same time.”

“And the farmer doesn’t mind us just traipsing through his property?”

Harry shakes his head as Veda and Louis catch up to the rest of them. “Nah, ‘s’long as we don’t make a huge mess. And we have to bring him some whisky every so often as ‘payment’.”

Veda nods to herself and brushes a lock of hair from her face. The grass yields all around them, bends out of the way as their bodies push through. Thankfully, it only takes a couple of minutes to reach the trail that Louis promised is there. The path winds through the grass, a ribbon of matted-down grass and dirt, and Veda breathes in the scent of nature. This wasn’t what she expected for today, but she’s thankful for it anyway.

She had anticipated the smells that came from the city - cooking from homes along the street, car exhaust and secondhand smoke - and suffocated by so many other bodies. This is much better. The fresh air eases the tension in her body, and Veda closes her eyes and inhales deeply. The excitement of the morning seems so far away now. With the warmth and the sunshine, new friends and a sky just barely bluer than Niall’s eyes, Veda can’t understand why she’s never come this far from the city.


	16. ★sedici★

Niall stays on one side, Louis on the other, as the trio follows the other two of the group. No one speaks, so Veda stays quiet, too. The only one she knows is Niall, and even then, she doesn’t know him very well. She doesn’t want to make a fool of herself around these people. Especially not after they witnessed what they did this morning.

“Here.”

Veda stares, gobsmacked, at the leash that Niall holds out. “You trust me with his safety?”

“Why not?” He shrugs and loops the leash around her wrist, folds her fingers over the rope. “You obviously can take care of yourself, so why shouldn’t I assume you can take care of a dog?”

“Niall...”

“C’mon, Ve-Veda, it’s just DB, not an infant with colic.”

She accepts the newfound responsibility without another word, but not before her brain conjures up an image of Niall’s hands cradling a tiny baby to his chest. Her heart clenches at the mental picture, and her fingers instinctively tighten on the leash. _We’re not going there_ , she scolds herself even as Niall moves ahead to chat with Liam about something.

Before the silence can grow awkward, she clears her throat. She wants to know more about these people, especially since Niall has chosen them to become friends with. He seems to be an amazing guy, so she can only hope they’re the same way.

“So obviously Niall is Irish, and the rest of you are clearly from different parts of the UK. How did you meet then?”

Harry glances back over his shoulder, bandana barely keeping his curls out of his face, and his brows furrow as he thinks. “I honestly don’t remember meeting these tossers, but I evidently did. And don’t tell anyone, but I’m kind of glad for it.”

“You were working in that bakery, so you were about sixteen,” Liam says, and Veda smiles at how obvious it is that he’s the one the others look to when it comes to guidance - and maybe even getting them in line. “You and I met through the football club, along with Lou back there.”

“Was it really through footie?”

“Yes. Remember? You’d bring pastries to every meeting. And you nearly broke your face that summer because you tripped over the ball.”

“I… do not remember,” Harry admits, scratching at his eyebrow.

Liam rolls his eyes and starts walking backwards so he can address Veda directly. He explains that he’d met their friend Zayn at a record shop when they were teenagers visiting London with their families. The following summer, Liam continues, he’d gone on a backpacking trip with his father through Ireland where he’d run into Niall - quite literally. The two kept in touch once Liam went back home.

“Then he came to visit before sixth form, and that was it. We rang Zayn, Lou, and Harry, told them to get their arses to mine. We all got on rather well, and now, well, you see how we are.”

“Liam and Zayn were the first to move over here,” Niall takes over, “because Zayn managed to get some of his art into a gallery in the city. I came next for my residency. Harry rang us up one day, said ‘Clear a room for me’, and that was that.”

Veda laughs aloud at Harry’s pleased smirk. The tightness in her chest, the ball of anxiety that’s repeatedly questioned if this was the right choice, has finally begun to loosen. Tension bleeds from her as she continues following her new friends. Her fingers brush along the tops of the long stems of grass, the scratching of the tips pleasant and grounding her here in this moment. Granddad’s voice murmurs quietly in the back of her mind, and she knows without a doubt that he’d approve of these young men.

Turning her head to the left, Veda nudges Louis with her elbow. “ What about you?”

“Hm? Oh, I was last to come over. I had things to take care of in Doncaster before I could think of leaving.” He shrugs awkwardly. “It wasn’t easy to make the decision. Imagine my relief that I got here and found this lot hadn’t changed their minds about me living with them.”

Veda lets his words register, sink into her mind. She understands well the trepidation that comes with large life changes - hell, she’s still dealing with the biggest change of her entire existence. She can’t imagine how difficult it was for him, though, to uproot and move sands of miles from his home, his family. The Mitchells aren’t close, not by a long shot, but even Veda can understand how it’s supposed to be, where relatives gave a damn and someone wasn’t ashamed of their bloodline.

She bites back the surge of jealousy - it’s not their faults that her life is the way it is. Instead, she asks where Zayn is, since they’re obviously close to him. It’s Harry who explains that Zayn is why Niall was even in Malibu in the first place, on that fateful flight when Veda met him - Niall was the only one with vacation saved up. Louis steadies her when she steps awkwardly, her foot nearly going out from underneath her.

“Careful, love. We may have a nurse in our presence, but his going rates are exorbitant.”

“Shut up, Tommo,” groans Niall, and Veda giggles, sticking her tongue out when he narrows his eyes at her.

“How hard was it, learning to live with each other?”

Liam snorts, shaking his head, and regales her with stories from their first few months living together. Evidently, Niall is a clean-freak and Louis is the complete opposite. She frowns as she listens to Liam basically admitting that they very nearly separated after ten weeks of being roommates; their personalities were too different - and so were their schedules. It didn’t help that Niall was always studying, which meant the others had to walk on eggshells around him.

“He’d doubled up on his course loads and had many a nervous breakdown from it. We all kind of expected him to just, not so much give up but step back for a bit. But he didn’t. He made it through.” Liam loops an arm around Niall’s shoulders, yanking Niall into his side. “And now he’s the one we go to for any medical questions.”

Niall shoves away from Liam, though he’s laughing. “And I’ve told you, I only work with children. You may act like children, but you aren’t actually children.”

“And now, he’s going back for his Master’s in nursing.” Harry grinned at Veda, winks. “We couldn’t be more proud of our ickle Nialler.”

Before she can say a word, Harry bolts down the path, and Niall follows, shouting at Harry without remorse - or any real anger. Liam slows until he’s side-by-side with Veda. She huffs out a laugh then stops when David Barkie does, waits for him to do his business in the grass. She stares after Niall and Harry, both of whom have become little more than silhouettes in the distance, black forms among the green sea of swaying grass.

 _Granddad would have loved you guys_. Veda inhales unsteadily at the thought, and she can’t help but smile. She may not know these young men well, but they’ve yet to give off a discomforting vibe or to make her question her sanity for being around them. It’s hard, really, to doubt any of them considering how wonderful Niall has been since they met. He wouldn’t be friends with awful guys for so long… right?

Niall approaches again, apparently finished chasing after his friend; his cheeks are flushed, stained red from exertion and the slight chill in the air. His eyes sparkle in the sunshine, and as he meets Veda’s eye, there’s something in his face - a softness she can’t quite figure out. She wants to ask, the words are on the tip of her tongue, but she doesn’t.

Instead, she clears her throat quietly and asks about what they do for a career. It doesn’t surprise her a bit when Louis, pink-cheeked and scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck, tells her he’s a model for a clothing line. With his sharp jaw and cheekbones, bright blue eyes, and slender body, Veda honestly would have been shocked if he’d said something more mundane. Harry shrugs and says he’s a radio deejay, and she stares at him for a long minute, blinking slowly.

“Makes sense. You’ve certainly got the voice for it.”

“I... thanks?”

She giggles when his face flushes, and he ducks his head - not before she sees the tiny, pleased smile that plays on his lips. David Barkie tugs on the leash as a bird swoops down low, but Veda holds tightly to her end, keeping the puggle from running off. Once he’s under control again, she turns her attention to Liam. Scrutinising him closely, she guesses he has a physically-demanding job - construction, maybe?

Or -

“Firefighter” works just as well. She grimaces at the toll that job must have on him, both body and mind. She can’t imagine having that career or even being a full-fledged nurse. She tells them so, that she’s happy enough in her position as a registrar.

“It’s hard enough going in for insurance information. I don’t think I’d handle being the one in charge of their care.”

Liam and Niall both nod as if they understand, and Veda doesn’t doubt that they do. They probably understand better than anybody else in her life, except Patrice or Granddad. Soft fingers, warm and gentle, brush against hers as Niall takes the leash from her, and David Barkie seems to realise that control has been shifted. Instead of remaining trotting happily but obediently, he lunges forward, tugging at the end of the lead. Veda giggles at the abrupt change in his behaviour.

By the time Harry pulls up outside of her house two hours later, Veda doesn’t feel so alone. These men have accepted her into their group, they’ve granted her entry into their lives. They welcomed her with no hesitation, which is astounding. Unfamiliar. Veda certainly wouldn’t have done the same in their place.

She learnt a long time ago that people will only let you down, so she has kept herself guarded, closed off from others. The only reason she trusts her neighbours is because they’ve proved, time and time again, that they will take care of her. Niall, Liam, Louis, Harry... they have no obligation to do the same. They didn’t have to be as open with her as they have been.

Veda hugs Harry as much as she’s able to over the middle console, waves at the others, and steps out of the car. Niall follows suit, pup held securely in his arms. A shiver runs down her spine at a quiet, juddering squeaking noise. As they stand there, staring awkwardly at each other, Veda feels the heavy weight of someone’s attention on her shoulders. Looking around proves that they aren’t alone.

Nonna Costa sits on her stoop, embroidery hoop laid across her lap, but her attention is firmly on the pair. The Marion kids are hanging out of an upstairs window, watching Veda and Niall closely. Miss Sylvia and Catalina Riviera have come to a stop a couple houses down, and they speak quietly to each other though they don’t look at each other. The rest of the block is much more surreptitious in their eavesdropping, but Veda knows they’re there.

Niall fidgets, shifting his weight between his feet, and his hand comes up to rub against the back of his neck. “I don’t really feel comfortable with you being alone,” he finally blurts out, and Veda stifles a giggle.

“Well, in that case, I suppose you could stay for a cup of coffee or two.”

Niall turns toward the car, but Louis is shouting “Go, go!” and slapping at the back of the driver’s seat. Harry pulls away quickly before Niall can say a word. Veda stares after the car, stunned speechless, then breaks down into laughter. Niall gapes like a fish, turns to her. All she can do is shrug in response. They’re _his_ friends, she has no answers for their behaviour. Without saying anything else, she leads him and David Barkie up the steps to the door.


	17. ★diciassette★

“Make yourself comfortable,” Veda calls out over her shoulder while she heads to the kitchen to fill the coffee-machine. Her hands shake as she holds the carafe under the tap, the rush of the water louder than it has right to be in the silence. She’s grown accustomed to Niall’s presence, especially after this morning, but it’s still awkward to have a guest. She hasn’t had a visitor that wasn’t Patrice in so long, even before Granddad was diagnosed.

“Why’d you have to go?” she whispers quietly and blinks away the heat in her eyes.

Sniffling, she sets the pot onto the warmer, fills the basket with grounds, and presses the brew button. Niall and David Barkie are sat on the couch by the time she enters the living room again once the cycle is over, two mugs filled, and she can’t help it - the smile tugs at her lips without permission, and she moves to sit on the other end of the sofa. The dog immediately wiggles until he can crawl onto her lap, tongue flicking against her chin.

“Sorry, he likes you. A lot.”

Veda grins at Niall and shrugs. “It’s better than him trying to eat my face because he hates me, right?”

“That’s true.” He pauses, reaches out to scratch at his pup’s ear. “So you’ve learnt a lot about us this morning, but you haven’t really told us anything about yourself. All I know is you work in a hospital, and your best friend just got married a few weeks ago.”

“What is there to tell? I mean, all my time was spent working and caring for Granddad, and you saw Olivia earlier.”

“I don’t think your family has any bearing on who you are.”

“You’re kidding. They’re why I am the way I am.”

“So tell me about your Granddad then. He was obviously important to you.”

Veda stares at Niall unblinkingly for a long moment. No one has ever cared enough to know Granddad, know what type of man he was or how much he influenced Veda’s life. Only Patrice, Hattie, and Ellie have asked after him, and now that he’s gone, she won’t get those inquiries any more. Now they’ll all be about how she is handling his death.

But Niall is smiling so sweetly at her, encouraging without pressure, and Veda is surprised to find that she _wants_ to talk about Granddad. She needs someone besides herself to know how strong and resilient and loving he was. So she emboldens herself with a mouthful of coffee and starts talking.

She tells him about how Granddad was born the oldest boy in a family of seven, though he was the second-youngest child total. Growing up with five older sisters and only one younger brother, he was bullied for being more on the sensitive side; his father, contrary to that era’s beliefs, encouraged it. “The world is dark enough without adding our own self-inflicted misery to it,” he’d said. Granddad carried that lesson throughout his entire life.

He was barely sixteen when he met the woman who would become his wife, and he married her before the year was up. She gave birth to their first child soon after and prevented him from being drafted into the Vietnam War. After Phil came Debbie then Olivia and, finally, Connor five years later. Granddad worked hard, taking on two or three jobs at a time, to provide his family a decent life. When Granddad turned eighteen, Mom-Mom’s parents transferred the deed to the house to him as a belated wedding gift, and the family moved from a one-room flat into the home that Veda spent her teenage years in.

“He helped everyone,” she whispers, coffee long gone cold and neglected on the coffee-table. “He bent over backwards for anyone who needed it, even if they couldn’t pay him back. _Wouldn’t_ pay him back. He was... he was the most amazing man I’ve ever known.”

Niall stares at her without speaking for a moment then he reaches out to touch her hand. “You’re like him, then.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said you dropped everything to care for him when he was diagnosed, right? You didn’t hesitate, and you didn’t stop even when it broke your heart.” Smiling softly, Niall shrugs. “I may be overstepping right now, but I think he’d be proud of you.”

Veda blinks back tears; here’s this man, a man who doesn’t know Granddad from Adam - hell, he doesn’t even really know her, except for the parts of herself that she allows him to see. But still he’s sat right in front of her, telling her Granddad would be proud of her. That she’s so similar to the man who raised her.

The man she always strived to mirror.

“It was the last thing he said to me,” she says instead of launching herself into Niall’s arms and falling apart.

“He has good reason to be, love.”

Veda swallows the last mouthful of cold coffee then stands. “That, uh, that offer of helping go through his stuff still open?”

“Absolutely.”

There is no hesitance, no reluctance or regret, on his face, so Veda carries their mugs to the kitchen. He follows her up the stairs, David Barkie racing ahead. She glances over her shoulder to see Niall examining the photographs that line the walls on the way - school pictures, candies from her birthdays, her senior year Christmas choir concert. A warm hand on her back, a soft smile sent her way, then she pushes open Granddad’s door.

“He always had that fucking camera, constantly taking pictures of me no matter what I was doing,” she explains as his eyes widen at the amount of frames on the wall.

He laughs quietly but doesn’t move from where he stands by the bed, staring down at a frame that would be eye-level if Granddad was lying down. “This is my favourite.”

Veda frowns and moves closer to examine the picture. In it, she’s curled up in the armchair that used to be in the living room, fully engrossed in a book. Sunlight slants through the windows, catches on the curls and twists of her hair pulled back in a low ponytail over her shoulder. Her legs are tucked underneath Mom-Mom’s crocheted throw blanket. The fingers of one hand cradle her chin, the nail of her pinkie pressing against her lower lip as she focuses on the novel.

The entire scene radiates peace, love, a sense of _home_. Her breath hitches in her chest, tears breaking free. She carefully takes the frame off its hook with trembling hands. In all the time she’s spent in this room, she has never once seen this photograph. The fact that all Granddad had to do was look to his right and he would see his granddaughter finally at ease, unaffected by reality...

Veda drops to sit on the bed, staring down at the image, and Niall doesn’t wait for permission. He just moves David Barkie aside, pulls her securely against his chest, and holds her silently while she cries.


	18. ★diciotto★

The silence in the room is only broken by the occasional hiccup and sniffle, and Veda hates that she’s so weak, so vulnerable right now. It seems like her entire friendship with Niall predicates on the upheaval in her life. She went to his work _twice_ because she was broken apart. He witnessed Olivia attacking her on the stoop. He cleaned her wounds and told her she was strong. He was kind.

And she’s a damn mess.

Veda pulls away and wipes at her cheeks with the sleeve of her hoodie, drawing in breath after breath to steady herself. She’s just turned back to Niall to - what? Thank him? To tell him to run far away before she could ruin his life? She isn’t sure, she will never know, because he lets out a strangled noise before she can even open her mouth.

“I lied. _That’s_ my favourite.”

Veda follows his gaze, groans when she sees exactly which picture he’s staring at. “No. You’re not allowed to like that one.”

“You were _arrested_?” he laughs, but the amusement on his face isn’t unkind.

“Yeah, I was.” Sighing, she scrubs her sleeve over her cheeks once more and goes on to explain, “Some friends and I were bored as Hell, as most sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds are prone to be, so we decided to jump the fence to the public pool and go swimming in the middle of the night. Cops showed up an hour later, busted us. Woulda only gotten a warning, no parents called and no questions asked, but Carter started throwing up all the liquor he’d drank before we went. We all had to do the breathalyser thing, and since we were all underage and drunk, we got hauled in.”

“Oooh, I’m friends with a criminal. How did your granddad react?”

Veda smiles and shakes her head. “He made this big show of being pissed off while he was picking me up from the station, but I swear he had to pull over seven times on the drive home because he couldn’t stop laughing. His friend on the force sent him the mugshot a coupl’a days later, and it’s been there ever since.”

Niall gives her a soft smile, a tender smile, one that says something she can’t understand. But she doesn’t question it. She just lets the memory of that night replay in her mind.

The cell was cold, illuminated with the sickly fluorescent lights overhead, and Veda’s knee bounced as she waited. Officer after officer milled past, but none of them spoke to the group of teenagers sat in the holding cell. They at least showed enough generosity to not stick the five teens in the drunk tank with angry, still-intoxicated adults.

“All right, guys, I need your parents’ names and numbers.”

As Carter, Nya, Denny, and Mike rattled off the requested information, Veda froze up. Her mind cleared almost instantly, and she could puke with something other than inebriation when she realised… Granddad’s number was the only one she knew off-hand. He was going to be so disappointed, so _angry_. After all the lessons he’d taught her through the years - his hopes and dreams for her future, one in which she wasn’t like Olivia - and here she was, in a cell of the nearest precinct, because she’d gotten drunk and trespassed.

Veda gave the officer the number then curled into herself, hiding away in the corner of the cell. As if making herself appear smaller could prevent the inevitable.

Niall rubs a hand along her back as she comes back to the present, and she swallows back the residual panic that lingers with the memories. Inhaling steadily, she pushes to her feet and crosses the room. Tops on the left, bottoms on the right. The way Granddad’s closet has been for as long as she can remember. As she stares at the clothes hanging neatly, her mind automatically starts organising them, her hands following suit.

It isn’t as painful as she expected, to be sorting all of his clothes into piles of _keep_ and _donate_. Granddad had allowed her to do this often enough, it feels like second-nature right now. Niall leaves long enough to grab boxes from the room across the landing. Without any overnight guests, the spare room has gone unused for so long, it’s become little more than storage. Mostly because Veda doesn’t enjoy going up and down the stairs to the attic; she barely likes going up to her room at night.

When he comes back, he immediately begins folding the _donate_ pile, setting each shirt and pair of trousers into the boxes with care. His movements are gentle, as if he’s afraid of disturbing Granddad’s spirit by being careless. Veda watches him for a moment then turns back to the closet. Her chest tightens, and she wonders why she couldn’t have met him before her world became a living Hell. Maybe then she could have had the chance, the ability, to give him what he deserves.

A shadow catches her attention from the corner of her eye. She whirls to see -

David Barkie, sniffing at a box in the back. Veda slumps, though the hair on her arms prickles. She’s certain it wasn’t a puggle that she saw, but it would be ludicrous to believe it was her grandfather’s ghost. _Ghosts aren’t real_ , she scolds herself, not quite believing her own words. Instead of focusing on the shiver running down her spine, she concentrates on picking DB up off the floor, moving him back to the bed, and dragging the box out from under the pile of blankets.

Lifting the lid exposes a massive amount of videotapes, all labelled with Granddad’s tidy handwriting. The dates span all the way back to her childhood, the earliest one stamped three days after her birth. She frowns then holds up a cassette.

“Hey, Niall, change of plans?”

He readily agrees, sets the oversized sweater down on the bed, and reaches for the box. Veda grabs David Barkie and carries him downstairs, the thump of footsteps on the staircase simultaneously familiar and not. The tapes rattle in the box with each step. Something in her gut warns her that this is a path best left untraveled, but she want to know - she _needs_ to know what Granddad thought was important enough to record over the last twenty-five years.

Niall sets the box on the coffee-table as Veda beelines for the VCR player that sits under the entertainment stand. She has to repeatedly push David Barkie out of her way, but she eventually manages to hook the correct wires to the correct ports and steps back. Never before in her life did she ever think she’d be so grateful to such ancient technology, but as she watches the screen fill with static then clear up, she says a silent thanks to Granddad for not selling the machine.

The image grows less distorted, and Veda gasps as a much-younger Granddad appears on the screen. Without looking, she stumbles back until her legs hit the sofa. Niall’s gentle hands help her to sit. She absentmindedly pats his knee, though her gaze doesn’t stray from where her grandfather is cooing down at an infant in his arms.

“Hey, beautiful little one. Oh, you’re my Percy girl, aren’t you?”

“Oh, my god, that’s me,” Veda breathes out. “Good fucking god, I was ugly as hell.”

Niall pauses the tape, frowning at her.”You’ve never seen yourself as a baby?”

“There’s a reason he took so many pictures himself. Olivia never did.” Veda sighs and shrugs. She knows she should feel _something_ , but she’s grown far too accustomed to her womb-donor’s selfishness. “I doubt she even remembers when my birthday is. Sentimentality? Not her thing.”

Before Niall can say anything else, Veda plucks the remote from his hand, pressing the play button, and listens as her granddad promises to love her for the rest of her life, to always protect her and keep her safe. It isn’t a particularly long tape, twenty minutes of taped history, and Niall puts in the next one. This one holds record of Veda’s first steps, her first time swimming as a toddler, and her second birthday.

Veda and Niall continue watching the tapes as hours slip past. Seeing Mom-Mom in a few of them reminds Veda of how little she actually knows her grandmother. Maude Mitchell passed away when Veda was only ten; she never got to see the mess her family became. Or at least, how much worse they’ve gotten since before she died.

Most of the cassettes revolves around events in her life; her cousins and aunt and uncles are conspicuously missing from a majority of them. Only one focuses on Hattie - her seventh birthday. Veda laughs at how awkward her cousin looks sat at a table while waiting to blow out the candles. Then Phil’s voice comes from behind the camera.

“I need this money, Dad. I have bills to pay.”

“I don’t have any on me, Phil, you’ll have to wait until I can get to the bank on Monday. Can we not do this right now? Please?”

“Jesus Christ, Dad,” Debbie snaps from across the table, her fingers clenching tightly to her daughter’s shoulder. “Just give him the fucking money so he can pay his dealer. Maybe this time the overdose will stick.”

The view wobbles, Hattie’s face vibrating on the screen - but there is no denying the tears pouring down her face as the camera falls to the floor. The video stills with her face halfway out of focus, and Veda stares at the frozen image. A seven-year-old child whose birthday party was just ruined by the people meant to love her.

It was bad enough that Mom-Mom’s funeral was only a month prior to Hattie turning seven, but to witness her uncle berating and shoving her grandfather on what was supposed to be a happy occasion? The poor girl should have been scarred from it. Or maybe she is, and Veda just never noticed.

Again, Niall pauses the tape, and his stare is heavy on the side of Veda’s face. She doesn’t have to look at him to know he isn’t judging her, though. She blows out a slow breath and nods succinctly.

“That explains that, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never knew why Granddad’s relationship with my aunt and uncles deteriorated so much. I mean, I could guess it’s because they’re fucking awful people, but he refused to tell me the real reason. Didn’t wanna stir up trouble that was best left forgotten, he’d say. I just wish he’d told me,” she sighed.

She could have done so many things differently had she known.

“Maybe he kept it to himself because he was ashamed.”

“ _What_?”

Niall shifts uncomfortably next to her and stares down at his hands as he says, “Well, if they’ve been like that this entire time, and if they’re anything like your mum -“

“Olivia.”

“Oh. Right. Olivia. Anyway, if they’re anything like that still and what I’ve seen of Olivia so far, maybe he was ashamed of how they turned out. He might have seen it as evidence that he failed.”

“You mean a ‘I raised these humans, and they act like selfish inconsiderate, greedy assholes. So what does that mean for my parenting?’ kinda thing?” She cocks her head, folds her fingers together. “You’re perceptive. I never would’ve thought of that on my own.”

His cheeks flush a brilliant pink, and he ducks his head to hide his blushing. “Working with kids who are going to, well, you know... It tends to lend some experience with different perspectives.”

Veda laughs quietly, nudging him with her toes. “Where have you been my whole life?”

“Well, in Ireland, mostly,” he responds cheekily, without hesitation, then his grin softens to something that causes an ache to fill her chest. “But I’m, I’m here now.”


	19. ★diciannove★

Time disappears, hours lost with each tape watched and set aside. Niall laughs, such a sweet sound that fills the room and her heart, at various events in the videos. Veda shushes him each time, but she doesn’t mean it. She wants to keep hearing his laughter, wants to feel like everything is okay again. Wants to memorise the sound and file it away, pull it out on particularly dark days and use it as a beacon to bring her back to light.

“Okay, so put your foot down on the accelerator - _gently_!”

But the damage was done: The truck lurched forward, causing both Veda and the camera to jolt. She flashed Granddad a sheepish smile then tried again. This time, she managed to get an entire mile down the backroad before things went awry.

“Oh my god, Granddad, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see the mailbox until it was too late, oh god, are you okay, is the truck okay?”

He was laughing, the camera shaking as he struggled to speak through his chortles, and Veda’s face flushed red even while she pushed open the door and slid out of the cab. Granddad followed and made sure to get a wide-angle view of the dent in the bumper, the crooked post, and the old maple tree that was no missing some bark.

“Percy girl, it’s okay. This ol’ truck has seen worse. At least it was a tree, not a person. Now let's go talk to Jenkins. Don’t worry, sweetheart, it’s an honest mistake. Nobody is gonna be mad at you. Just gotta apologise, that’s all.”

The screen goes black, grey-white static before nothing, and Veda swallows the tears. Granddad had loved teaching her to drive, and she’d loved learning from him. The thought of anyone else instructing her had never crossed her mind; he never made her feel insignificant or stupid, so why wouldn’t she trust him with something like that? She wipes at her cheeks, smiling tremulously, as Niall climbs to his feet to grab the next tape.

“Last one,” he announces, holding it up to read the date on the label. He frowns. “This was just a few weeks ago.”

Once the cassette is in the player, he moves across the dark room to sit next to her, pull her into his side where she’s been for the last few hours. Veda inhales as steadily as possible, lets David Barkie curl up on her lap again, then focuses on the television. Her breath catches as Granddad’s face comes on the screen.

He’s as thin as ever, faced lined as it was the day he died. Veda can’t breathe as he shifts against the pillows. Her head drops to rest on Niall’s shoulder, and she reaches for his hand. Granddad begins to speak.

“Veda... my beautiful Percy girl. I don’t have much time left. We both know that. And I know you’re trying so hard to stay strong through this, but sweetheart, you need to let yourself feel. You’ll be torn apart if you don’t.

“I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to cut your heart from your chest and run from any emotions, no matter how overwhelming and dark they get. I don’t want you to be alone. You’ve been my sweet Percy girl for twenty-five years, and I can’t tell you how proud I am of you.

“I know I tell you all the time that you make me proud. Your wit, your loyalty to others and yourself, how kind and generous you are. You’re so incredibly brilliant. But Percy, ‘proud’ doesn’t even cover it.” Granddad’s eyes shimmer on the screen, his nose red, and he blinks rapidly. His voice is thick when he says, “You’re the daughter I wish I’d had.”

Niall’s arm tightens around Veda, but she’s frozen, mouth agape. She never knew…

“It may sound awful, but fuck it. Fuck all of them. Just like you say. They’re not here, so why should I care?”

“Oh, Granddad,” she whispers as he dissolves into a coughing fit on-screen, reaching for a handkerchief and dabbing at his nose.

“It’s a good question, Percy. Why should I care. I guess I care for the same reason you do: We hope. We had hopes for things changing, for every one of ‘em to have that sudden epiphany that would make them fix themselves. Guess it won’t happen in my lifetime, but that’s okay. I have you. I’ve had you through all of this.

“It wasn’t right. I shouldn’t have relied on you for so much. You’re so young, you have your entire life ahead of you. You had friends that you shoulda been out raising Hell with. Instead, you were easing the troubles of an old man. You did everything I asked of you, everything the doctors said, without even stopping to think of yourself.

“I can see how tired you are, sweetie. I know you’ll deny it, you always did. You’ll tell me I’m being absurd. My body may be failing, but my mind’s still sharp as a spoon.”

Veda chokes on a watery laugh at the inside joke, the sound growing delirious when Granddad holds up a teaspoon on the screen. She wonders if he had Patrice bring it to him just for this. Niall stares at her, head cocked, so she promises to explain later as Granddad sighs heavily.

“I’m thankful for you, Perce. I’m so proud of how you’ve turned out to be. I’m sorry that this is how it’s gotta be, that this is the end, but don’t worry. I’ll always be there. Just like you’ve always been here for me. Promise me that you’ll stop fearing you’re gonna be Olivia or Debbie, okay? Promise me that when you find someone like I loved my Maudie, you’ll hold on tight and never let go.

“Promise me that you’ll finally be selfish and let yourself be treasured, that you’ll cherish yourself, the way you deserve. Now Hattie is gonna need you, Percy, with Deb the way she is and I can’t be there to steer that girl away from her mother’s influence. Help Hattie grow up to be as amazing as you are.

“I love you, Veda Persephone. You ever forget that, and I’ll come back from the grave to kick your ass into remembering. Stay sharp as a spoon, sweetheart.”

The video ends, stills with Granddad’s soft smile and kind eyes and everything he no longer is. Veda closes her eyes against the burning, but she can’t stop the tears. She can’t quiet the sobbing that rips from her. David Barkie whines as she loses her breath. Niall holds her tightly, his lips to her hair as he whispers nonsense. Soft nothings that amount to little more than promises that he is right here and isn’t going anywhere, but they mean the world.

They mean everything right now.

The planet could be imploding, everything could be going to Hell in a handbasket. Veda would never know. She’s too far wrapped up in the suffocating grief that has reared its ugly head. The only thing that keeps her from losing herself in that darkness is the warmth and strength in Niall’s arms, the way his heart beats steadily beneath her palm. The quiet support he offers with no demands in return.

How long she cries, she isn’t sure. But eventually, she calms down. The sobs taper off, and she is left sniffling and wiping tears and snot from her face. Niall pushes her hair from her cheeks, brushes a thumb under her eye to wipe away the dampness.

“I hate to do this, but I need to take David Barkie to do his business. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Veda nods shakily, pulling away from Niall, and watches as he readies the pup to go outside. The door closes quietly behind them, leaving the echoing silence and Granddad’s words replaying in her head. An aching has taken up residence in her chest, and though her heart still beats, she wants nothing more than for it to not. Anything to get rid of this pain.

She falls to the side, tucks a throw pillow under her head, and waits for Niall to come back. Voices come from out front, but she doesn’t pay attention to it. It’s probably just Mister Nadir questioning Niall’s presence this late at night. She’s just closed her eyes and let out a slow breath when the door creaks on its hinges.

Niall scratches at the back of his neck even as he approaches the sofa. “Sorry, that took longer than I expected.”

“It’s okay.”

“Do you want me to -”

“Stay.” Veda swallows thickly. “Please stay.”

That’s all it takes: Niall lies down beside her, though the couch isn’t quite big enough for the both of them, and she presses close to his side. David Barkie curls up on her ankles, licking gently at her skin, then his breath ghosts along her shins. She lays her palm flat on Niall’s chest and bites her lower lip.

“Thank you for not saying ‘it’s okay’,” she murmurs. “I really fucking hate that trite phrase.”

“You’re welcome. Will-will you tell me more about him?”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Niall chuckles softly, and Veda settles into the cushions, the warmth against her. Him being here has been a wonderful counterpoint to the pain she’s hidden away since Granddad died. It’s given her something to anchor to, to cling to as the storm blew through her. Tension bleeds from her body the longer she lies there, listening to Niall’s even breathing, feeling his heartbeat beneath her hand.

She falls asleep to his fingers brushing gently along her arm, his unintelligible whispers a lullaby she didn’t know she needed.


	20. ★venti★

A heavy weight presses down on her hip, moving slightly with each breath that David Barkie draws in. A solid line of warmth in front of her, Niall sleeps on. He has a tight hold of her wrist, keeping her arm draped over his side, and Veda doesn’t want to move.

She wants to stay right here, in this moment, forever. How could she not, when she slept so soundly for the first time in almost a year? Even before the diagnosis, before Granddad died, before she lost her whole world, she was constantly waking through the night to check on him. To make sure he was still breathing.

That he hadn’t passed, all alone.

After… She couldn’t sleep peacefully through the anguish. The heartbreak kept her awake. No matter how exhausted she was, Veda couldn’t get any relief. She was too haunted.

But with Niall by her side, she’d fallen asleep and - more importantly - _stayed_ asleep.

Veda blinks in the hazy morning sunlight coming through the curtains and shifts just enough to disrupt the pup sleeping on her side. David Barkie grumbles, yawning and stretching, then hops off the couch. After scratching at his ear with a hind leg, he looks between Veda and the front door.

“What’s up, cutie? Oh, gotta take your morning piss, don’t’cha? Sh, no. No barking. We’re gonna let your daddy sleep in a little bit.”

Veda manages to slip out from between Niall and the back of the couch without waking Niall. Her fingers tingle as they drag along his chest, but then she’s on her feet. DB follows her to the front door where his harness and leash hang on the key-rack. Something flutters in her chest at the sight. It shouldn’t look so much like home, but it does.

She shakes off the thoughts and gets David Barkie secured - with a lot of struggle and copious amounts of swearing under her breath. He waits patiently, though, standing still while she fumbles with the buckles. Veda presses a kiss to the end of his nose then stands.

Nonna Costa is just coming outside herself when Veda steps out onto the stoop. Thankfully, the community grandmother doesn’t question why Veda is walking a dog that isn’t hers at seven in the morning - or why said dog is still there at this hour. Veda knows that Sofia Costa isn’t an idiot, which means she is well aware of the fact that Veda had a gentleman friend who stayed the night.

“Good morning, Miss Veda.”

“ _Buongiorno, Nonna_.” Veda pauses to let David Barkie pee on the side of a fire hydrant. “Aida stay home last night?”

Nonna Costa laughs, shaking her head. “Yes, she was a good girl.”

“I’m glad. Oh! Tell her I have some clothes that I’ll never wear, if she wants to come over later and look through them.”

“That is kind of you, darling. I’ll be sure to pass on the message.”

DB finishes doing his business and yips as if to alert Veda, like the proof isn’t in the grass six inches from her bare feet. Her face screws up in disgust, even as she pulls a baggie from the canister hanging on the leash, and she ducks down to scoop up the pile.

The pup immediately curls up by his human’s feet once the harness is unbuckled. Veda takes a moment to stare shamelessly at Niall, to take in the relaxed smoothness of his face as he sleeps on. The rise and fall of his chest is almost hypnotic, but she manages to drag her gaze away.

Once she’s washed her hands - twice - Veda starts the coffee machine and grabs two mugs from the cupboard. The floor creaks under her feet as she hurries up to the second-floor bathroom. Her purple toothbrush sits by itself in the cup, left alone by lack of regular visitors.

 _Maybe Niall will become one_ , a traitorous part of her brain hopes, but she swallows it down. He’s already done enough for her. He’s held her while she cried, comforted her through the never-ending darkness. He helped her sleep through the night for the first time in a long while. She can’t ask him to continue wasting away his precious free time on her.

But she can’t deny that the sunlight doesn’t seem so frightening, not even with the pain dredged up by the home videos yesterday. A light shines behind her eyes now. Something stirs to life beneath her ribs.

Hope.

Affection.

Happiness.

And it’s all because of him.

_Promise me that you’ll finally be selfish and let yourself be treasured, that you’ll cherish yourself, the way that you deserve._

“I promise, Granddad,” she whispers to her reflection, closing her eyes at the ghost of his kiss on her hair.

Her phone screen is lit up with a new message by the time Veda reaches the living room. She scoops it up before the vibrating can wake Niall, unlocking it on her trek to the kitchen.

 **From: Clarissa**  
 **>** _Hey, hun, I know things are probably still really hard for you, but would you mind coming in at noon for a half-shift?_

Veda chews on her lower lip, deliberating. Picking up a few extra hours, even if it’s only five, can’t do any harm to her financial situation. But does she really want to cut away from the time she has with Niall? Sighing, she realises she can’t let herself be selfish about this. His time isn’t hers to steal. So she sends back up a thumbs-up emoji and pulls the mugs closer to the machine.

 **From: Clarissa**  
> _Gonna need actual words for confirmation. At least PRETEND to be professional._

 **To: Clarissa**  
< _I’ll be there, Boss Lady._

Shuffling footsteps come from behind her, and Veda turns in time to see Niall stumbling into the room. His hair is sticking up on the left side of his head, and his cheek bears the imprint of the cushion fabric. He yawns widely then stares at her with bleary eyes.

“Time’s’it?” he mumbles, ambling closer.

“Almost eight. I made coffee.”

“You’re an angel, I swear.”

Veda shakes her head, smiling as she passes one of the mugs to Niall. “I try.”

“Fuck,” he groans when David Barkie’s collar jingles from the other room. “I gotta -”

“Drink your coffee, that’s all you gotta do. You look like you’re about to fall down.”

“But DB -”

“Has already emptied his bladder and bowels, approximately half an hour ago. He was a very good boy.”

“I stand corrected. You’re a fuckin’ miracle.”

“Shut up and drink your damn coffee.”

Niall chuckles and reaches for the sugar. Veda steps to the side, leans against the counter out of the way and watches him fix his coffee the way he likes it. Without permission, her gaze skims over his body; the dimness of the room accentuates the planes of his face. His eyes seem to glow that much brighter in the small amount of sunlight that’s followed them from the living room.

When her attention drifts from the expanse of his shoulders, down his back, to land on his ass, Veda forces her gaze away and swallows a mouthful of coffee.

“So, uh, you work today?”

He wipes the sleep from his eyes and nods. “I have overnights for the next four shifts.”

“Ouch. That sucks.” Veda hesitates, shifting from one foot to the other and back again. Before she can lose her courage, she says, “You’re more than welcome to come over here to sleep if your friends are being too loud.”

Niall laughs softly. “Honestly, by the time I get home, I can sleep through a nuclear bomb.”

“Oh. Right.”

“But I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Ve-Veda.”

Is it her imagination running wild with newfound hope, or is his voice genuinely that much softer? The red tint to his cheeks must be her eyes playing tricks on her.

Veda turns away as her face grows hot; he isn’t even looking at her, hasn’t since she made the offer, but she is still so terrified. She can’t allow him to see how much he affects her.

She hurries through drinking her coffee and rinses her mug out, putting it upside-down in the bottom of the sink. _Get a hold of yourself, you idiot_. Right. Easier said than done, really.

Veda nearly shrieks when she turns around only to run face-first into Niall’s chest. He huffs out a laugh and leans around her to set his mug in the sink with hers. His body is still sleep-warm, yesterday’s cologne clinging to the fabric of his shirt.

Ignoring the voice in her head, she decides to take the risk - she snakes her arms around his waist, pulling him closer, and he hugs her back just as tightly. She could cry with how secure, how _safe_ , he makes her feel with nothing more than an embrace.

“There’s an extra toothbrush in the cupboard upstairs if you wanna hang out ‘til I have to leave.”

Niall pulls away, smiles down at her. “I think I will.”


	21. ★ventuno★

Veda leads Niall up the stairs to the spare bathroom, quickly showing him where the hand towels and unused toothbrushes are stored. Before she can turn to leave, his mouth opens as if to say something, but then he shakes his head. That’s something Veda understands - having so much to say but being unable to find the words.

So all she does is nod, smile, and exit the room. Claws clack against the hardwood, trailing after her to her bedroom. She glances down to see David Barkie trotting one step behind, and a giggle breaks free. She hadn’t even realised he’d gotten off the couch, let alone followed her and Niall upstairs.

“You don’t like being left alone, do ya, buddy?” she asks as DB hops up onto the chair in front of her vanity. “I guess I can understand that. Being alone sucks.”

Sighing, Veda turns toward the clothing rack that holds every pair of scrubs she owns. She belatedly remembers she isn’t by herself in the house, shutting the bedroom door even as she pulls off her tank-top. The pup watches her every move, almost as if he’s afraid she is going to disappear if he looks away for a split second.

Veda has never had a pet. Life was too unstable with Olivia - too many skipped meals because of no money, weeks with no heat in the winter or electricity due to the fact that Olivia found chasing different men was more important than caring for her child. There was no way Veda could have added the responsibility of an animal that relied on her. She never even took home the class hamster in the fourth grade, knowing that Olivia would either lose her temper and get rid of the pet - or worse.

Even moving in with Granddad didn’t change the fact that Veda couldn’t trust herself with a pet. He’d asked. He’d offered. He’d searched only to be told no, she didn’t want one, she hated animals. She couldn’t bear to tell him the real reason.

Like King Midas, Veda ruined everything she touched, only instead of gold, it all turned to shit.

A shuddering breath escapes her, and Veda blinks rapidly to get rid of the quickly-forming tears. _No. No getting emotional._

She can’t change the past, but she’ll be damned if she lets it control her future. As sad as it is to say, Granddad’s death has a pretty decent silver lining: There is no reason for her family to even come around again. They know that everything is now Veda’s, and they can try to fight it. But they’ll lose. And she is a helluva lot colder than her grandfather ever was.

She’d watch the world burn before she ever helped any in the Mitchell bloodline whose name isn’t Hattie.

Pulling her hair into a tight bun, Veda calls for David Barkie and heads toward the stairs. Niall is no longer in the bathroom on the second floor; he must have finished and gone down to the living room. She double-checks that he capped the toothpaste back up then turns away.

The dark beyond Granddad’s door beckons her closer, and though she tells herself to go down the stairs, away from the memories that cling to everything inside, her feet carry her closer. The cluttered desk, the boxes of clothes, the empty bed… It’s less painful in the morning light than it was before.

A phone rings downstairs, the shrill sound echoing up to the second floor, and Veda gasps in a breath. It may be less painful, but it isn’t painless. She gives the room one last look, nudges DB out of the room with her foot, and closes the door behind her.

Niall is on the phone by the time she reaches the ground floor, and Veda pauses, listens as he assures the caller that yes, he’s still alive.

“Because it was late, and I don’t trust the late-night crowd,” he laughs, his head coming up when she steps off the bottom stair. “Oh. Hi. Okay, Harry, I’ll be home shortly.”

He hangs up without another word, and Veda shakes her head. He doesn’t seem like the type to end a call without a goodbye, but then again, she doesn’t really know him, does she? Sure, he’s proved he can be incredibly sweet, that he’s mildly obsessed with taking pictures of his dog, and he does a great job of maintaining friendships.

But he’s still essentially a mystery. Veda doesn’t even know his last name, for god’s sake. She has no idea of his hopes and dreams, or his biggest regret, or what he’s afraid of. Whether he is a tidy-as-you-go type or a complete slob. His favourite food, song, drink. Nothing. She wants to, but she doesn’t know him.

So why does he feel like home?

“You look different,” he says with a gentle smile, breaking Veda from her thoughts.

She glances down at her outfit, the black scrubs and bright purple socks, and laughs. "Yes, that’s what happens when a person changes out of leggings and into work attire.”

He grins and ducks down to scratch David Barkie behind the ear. “Harry says hi, by the way. Oh, and the lads like you.”

“Oh. That’s good.” And it is. She can’t imagine why, but it is. “I like ‘em, too. They’re funny.”

“Gotta get to work?”

“Kinda?” Veda shrugs, tugging on her sneakers. “It’s s’posed to be my day off, but my boss has been so fucking understanding and given me as many days off as I need, even without advanced notice. So when she texted earlier asking if I’d pick up a shift, I figured I might as well pay her back. Let’s be real, she’s most likely the one who covered the shifts I skipped on.”

“Okay. Well, I hope you have a good day.”

“So do I. This feels weird,” she admits slowly, and he cocks his head.

“What do you mean?”

“This is the first time since Granddad died that I’m actually looking forward to going into work, instead of it just being a way of getting my mind off things.”

Niall smiles a gentle smile, one that says he may not understand what she’s going through, what exactly she’s feeling, but he’s there for her anyway. He nods slowly then fidgets with the leash.

“So, uh, mind if David Barkie and I walk with you?”

Veda gapes for a second, surprised by the offer. Coughing quietly, she covers her shock with a, “What, mean to tell me you aren’t sick of me yet?”

Niall’s answering grin is impish, and he throws an arm over her shoulders. “What can I say. You, Veda Persephone Mitchell, are a very interesting person.”

“Oh, my god,” Veda groans. “How much do I have to pay you to ever forget my full name?”

“Babe, you couldn’t pay me enough.”


	22. ★ventidue★

Niall waits on the pavement with David Barkie as Veda climbs the stairs to her neighbour’s brownstone. Mister Nadir watches her approach with no expression on his face. She remembers when that was intimidating; now, it’s just Iman Nadir.

“Good morning, Mister Nadir. Uh, I normally wouldn’t bother you about this, but… could you maybe watch over my place today? It isn’t your responsibility, I know, and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

The man dips his chin succinctly. “Of course, Miss Mitchell. Your grandfather was an asset to this community.”

“Oh. Uh, thank you. I’m sure he’da been tickled to hear that.”

“What would you like me to do if anyone shows up?”

Veda rattles off her number, waiting until he sets his phone down to thank him with heartbreaking sincerity. She isn’t as close to the Nadirs as she is with the Costas, but she has grown to love Iman and Huda nonetheless.

She has just turned to leave when he says her name quietly. Veda stops on the second step, pivoting to face Mister Nadir once more. He gestures with his chin towards where Niall waits.

“Is that boy going to be around often?”

Veda glances back at Niall, who waves before saying something to David Barkie. Turning back to Mister Nadir, she doesn’t even try to hide her smile.

“I… I hope so.” She shrugs. “He’s got a cute dog, and I’m a sucker for cute dogs.”

Mister Nadir’s laughter follows her down the steps, and Niall cocks his head when she joins him. All Veda can do is shake her head in response. This is something she is going to keep to herself. At least, for a little while.

“So. Question. How are you going to take DB on the subway? Pets aren’t allowed, and I highly doubt you’re the type to fake a disability for special treatment.”

Niall scoffs. “Of course I’m not. The trick, love, is confidence. Just watch and learn.”

True to his word, no one bothers giving him a second look once they’re on the subway, even when the dog yips at someone who’s gotten too close. Veda stays close to Niall’s side during the stop-and-go. She hopes that by being with him, being _obvious_ about the fact that they’re here together, the weird guy a few feet away will stop leering at her. It doesn’t quite work, but at least he stays in his seat.

“So,” Niall starts, breaking her from her uncomfortable attempts at avoiding eye contact with the creep. “There’s something I don’t understand about the last video.”

“What’s that?”

“What the fuck does ‘sharp as a spoon’ mean? Spoons aren’t exactly sharp.”

Veda laughs, shakes her head. “That’s the point. You can stab someone with a spoon, and it won’t cause damage like a fork or knife will. It takes a lot of force, effort, to hurt someone with a spoon as you would with a knife. ‘Stay sharp as a spoon’ was Granddad’s way of saying don’t be so callous as to hurt anybody, but if you need to, use a damned knife.”

“That’s…an interesting way of passing on that lesson,” Niall chuckles.

“Granddad had a very interesting method of teaching.”

It shouldn’t affect her as much as it does to watch him walking away once they reach St Francis. Veda frowns as he disappears in the crowd. Granddad would adore Niall and David Barkie, there is no doubt in her mind about it. But she can’t stop fearing that this connection is only due to her loss. That it will end when Niall realises they have nothing in common except for that fateful flight.

Would he have spoken to her in the airport if she had kept herself more composed? Hell, if Patrice hadn’t called the night of Ellie’s wedding, Veda wouldn’t have even been in LAX until two days later. She and Niall might not have ever met if not for the worst event of her life.

Veda struggles for a minute to figure out why the thought chills her to the bone.

Shaking her head, she pushes herself toward the doors, smiling at the patients and families in the waiting rooms. Nurses and doctors shove past her as if she isn’t even there, but Veda doesn’t take it personally - they’re under the stresses of working against the clock. Plus, the doctors tend to generally be jerks to everyone.

Veda shoves her bag into her locker, grabbing her lip balm from the side pocket, and shuts the door. She checks the time then opens up her messages, hoping that Ellie isn’t too busy.

> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner, but Granddad passed._

To her surprise, Ellie responds within the minute.

> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _OMG! Do you need me? Are you okay?_  
>  **>** _Wait, what do you mean ‘sooner’?_
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _It happened shortly after I got home…_
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _Oh no!!! Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been there for you, V._
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _You JUST got married, El. I didn’t want your honeymoon to be cut short. Speaking of: How was it?_
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _You are the literal worst at changing subjects. Are. You. Okay?_
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _Yeah, I think so. It’s kinda rough still, getting used to the silence. But I haven’t talked to any of the bloodline except Hattie since the fifth so… Bonus, right???_  
>  **<** _Now tell me about the honeymoon! Better have gotten some amazing photos!_  
>  **<** _And not tit pics - I saw those enough in high school_
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _I have a feeling you’re supposed to be starting work, sooo… I’ll send loads of pictures tonight, and you can explain the clerical work thing. But V, promise me that you haven’t been alone this whole time._
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _I’ll call after work, I promise._

Veda sends a message to Hattie, checking up on her, then shoves her phone into her pocket. There’s work to do, and she can’t spend all day in the locker-room texting her best friend. Clarissa passes over a few clipboards the second Veda shows up at the desk.

“Busy already?”

Clarissa sighs. “It wouldn’t be so bad, but Jan got food poisoning, Angela and Dwight didn’t bother showing at all, and Lyle broke his damn glasses. He’ll be in, just late. So yeah, you can say it’s been busy.”

“Okay. How many patients still need to be logged?”

“Fifteen in Emergency, one on Ped.”

Veda skims through the three files in her arms. “Give me Ped and four EDs.”

“You sure? Alex and Li agreed to come in a bit early, so -”

“Well, I’m here now. Use me, Boss Lady.”

Clarissa rolls her eyes but passes over the requested files with a relief-drenched “Thank you.” Veda gives a sloppy salute and organises the paperwork by arrival time. No point in keeping people waiting even longer to be pestered for their insurance information. Once she’s ready, she gets started.

It’s second nature by now to slip quietly slip into a room and get the information necessary and be gone before the patient really registers what’s happened. Veda might as well be a ghost, a figment of their imagination as she cuts through half her pile of clipboards. No one yells at her for doing her job - for once.

She understands when a patient takes their fears out on her, but she definitely prefers when they don’t. Veda does her best to make their time around her as pleasant and painless as possible. It doesn’t often work.

“Why can’t _you_ give me the pills? You’re a nurse, aren’t you?”

Veda stifles her sigh. “No, sir. I’m not. I’m a registrar with the hospital. My job is to get your insurance so we can bill them instead of you. So please, I’m going to ask again. Can you give me the name and policy number of your health insurance?”

“Not until I get my damn pills!”

“I’m not allowed to do that, sir. I’m sorry.”

The man grabs the nearest item available - his pillow - and throws it at her. Or, in her general direction. Soft, fluffy projectiles rarely make the best weapons. Veda blinks down at the pillow as it slides across the floor, coming to a stop nearly three feet from where she stands. Biting back her frustration, Veda nods succinctly, tells the man a nurse will be in soon, and she’ll come back when he’s less upset.

“Hey, Nadia? Guy in 315C -”

Nadia sighs and pushes her ponytail back over her shoulder as she continues filling out a form. “Is a giant pain in the ass who comes in every two weeks like clockwork demanding pain medication, though none of the barrage of tests and bloodwork we’ve done has given any indication that he’s actually in pain? Yeah, I know. Ramirez will deal with him, since he won’t listen to women.”

“So what should I do?”

“Do what everyone else does,” sighs Nadia, dropping her pen into her breast pocket. “Put down that he has no insurance then move on. Flier ain’t had insurance since the Bush years.”

“Has anyone helped him get on, like, Medicaid?”

“Look, Veda, this isn’t a case of no one reaching out a helping hand to a poor soul in need. Nearly everyone here has jumped through hoops for him. Medicaid, resources for addiction, the numbers for a dozen different rehabs and NA groups. We’ve _tried_. But we are all too overworked, too underpaid, and too tired to keep trying to save this man from himself.”

“So I’m supposed to just forget about him?” Veda asks incredulously, heart lurching at the thought.

“Yes. Exactly. Some people don’t wanna be rescued, kid. So focus on the ones that do.”

Nadia walks away before Veda can think of a response. Veda hates this. Somehow, in the three years of working at Saint Francis, she’s gotten lucky enough to not encounter someone like the man seeking pain medication. She’s known it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence - it’s hard not to know these behaviours with Phil and Marshall in her family - but it’s different experiencing it as part of her job.

Sighing, she does as Nadia told her to do: She fills out Ronald Foster’s form as “No Billable Insurance” and moves onto the next patient.

> **From: Hatchling**  
>  **>** _I’m doing okay. Trying to finish up this semester in one piece which is just so much fun. Sarcasm, in case you couldn’t tell. How are you? House haunted yet?_
> 
> **To: Hatchling**  
>  **<** _Lol no, but I kinda wish it was. It’s too quiet._  
>  **<** _You know you always have a place here, right? No matter what._

Veda waits until the text is delivered then drops her phone into her pocket. Her bag digs painfully into her shoulder as she makes her way down the stairs, out of the thick muggy air of late-afternoon and into the sweat-stench of the underground platform. She is incredibly thankful to be going home - finally.

The half-shift she’d accepted had been incredibly busy. Even after Li and Alex showed up, it seemed the list of patients never went down. As if all of New York decided today was the perfect day for medical emergencies. Veda’s head is pounding, screaming for a quick meal and sleep.

So much sleep.

She really doesn’t know how much more bad she can handle.

“Watch it,” some businessman snaps as she pushes past him.

Veda ignores him and finds a space between a woman playing _Candy Crush_ on her phone and a teen who scowls as if the universe peed in his cereal this morning. Once she’s grabbed a hold of the pole, Veda settles in for the ride home. The swaying of the carriage lulls her brain into autopilot, her thoughts travelling far from the commute.

_How was work, Percy girl?_

_Busy. Did you take all your pills?_

_Yeah. Patrice threatened to call you if I didn’t. You look upset, sweetheart. Come sit with me._

_A patient won’t let the staff help him get the help he so clearly needs._

_And?_

_Nadia said we can’t save everyone._

_Nadia is right. Baby, why are you crying?_

_I just wanna save him like I couldn’t save. Why couldn’t I save you? I can’t - I can’t live without you._

_I’m not far away, Percy. You know that. I’ll always be with you._

_I just wanted to save you, Granddad._


	23. ★ventitré★

The door closes with a quiet click that seems too loud in the house. Veda ignores the silence, so deafening now that she’s alone again. Humming to herself, she kicks her shoes to the side and digs through her bag, dropping it to the floor once she’s retrieved her phone from the depths.

Five, six rings, then Ellie’s voice fills the line. She is breathless, exuberant in her greeting, and Veda laughs as she ambles toward the kitchen.

“Lemme guess, you lost your phone again.”

“Shut up, Veda. As if you never lost yours before.”

“Irrelevant. Hi, I miss you.”

Ellie sighs. “I miss you, too. If it wouldn’t have been weird, I would have invited you on my honeymoon.”

“I think your new husband mighta had a problem with that.”

“He would’ve gotten over it. Anyway! I feel like it’s been ages since I heard your voice. Feed me information, woman.”

Veda giggles but obeys her best friend’s command. She sets about making a cup of tea as she tells Ellie about Aida’s newfound habit of sneaking out at night, about the Marion kids, little Carlos losing his first tooth. It feels unnatural, almost, to be discussing these things as if she was proud of them - but she is.

She loves the neighbourhood kids like they were family.

In a way, they might as well be. Veda has watched Aida grow from an infant to a seventeen-year-old young woman exploring her boundaries. Veda was here when Hector Riviera went back to Mexico to care for his parents. When Jack and Ellen Marion brought Louisa, then Jamie, then Nelly home from the hospital. When Miss Sylvia fell down her ice-covered stoop three winters ago and was told she would never walk again. When old Mister Thompson came barrelling down the block as quickly as a ninety-year-old man could move, crowing about his newest great-grandchild, pictures in hand.

Veda has been around for events in their lives, big and small, and they’ve done the same for her.

Ellie reacts just as expected when Veda recounts the standoff the morning her family showed up.

“I’m sad you didn’t record it,” Ellie cackles, and Veda rolls her eyes with a smile. “I’ve always loved watching you go off on them.”

“It’s because you thrive on upsetting the status quo.”

“True, true. So you’ve talked about everyone else. Now tell me how _you_ are doing.”

Veda sighs and grabs the milk from the fridge, nudging the door closed with her hip. “I’m… fine. It’s awkward, but I’m finally adjusting. I, uh, I found some old home videos in Granddad’s room, so Niall and I spent all day watching them which -”

“Uh, excuse me? Who the Hell is Niall, and why have I not heard that name before?”

“Oh. Niall is, uh, he’s a guy I met on the flight back home. He kept me distracted by not shutting up all the way from LAX, and now we’re kinda friends. He’s got _the cutest_ dog ever, too, and -”

“And you’re a sucker for cute dogs.” Ellie blows out a breath; Veda can almost see the way her best friend cards her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Okay, well, I want a picture of both of ‘em. Gotta know who’s in my babe’s life.”

“You _do_ realise I’m a grown adult who can take care of herself, right?” Veda asks even as she puts the call on speaker and brings up the message thread with Niall.

Ellie continues on as if Veda never interrupted her, “Secondly, Veda, are you sure it’s wise to be getting so close to someone new right now? I mean, I’m so glad you’re opening up instead of shutting down, but this is a very tumultuous time in your life. I don’t want you to be -”

“I’m not, like, trauma-bonding or whatever it’s called, so put away your psychiatrist voice. He’s just been a great guy to have around, El. Like, he’s genuinely so nice and caring. He doesn’t push me to talk if I’m not ready. He listens without judgement or interrupting. Hell, he’s let me cry on his shoulder twice.”

Whatever Ellie plans on saying is interrupted by her loud gasp and cooing over the picture that’s just landed in her inbox. Veda laughs quietly - this was her dastardly plan: Distract Ellie from th psychoanalysing with images of an absolutely adorable puggle. Elizabeth is nothing if not as weak against cute pups like Veda.

“He saw Olivia hit me,” Veda announces softly, sipping at her tea as Ellie falls silent.

At Ellie’s terse demand for an explanation, Veda tells her about Olivia’s unexpected appearance that morning, the way Niall saved her just by showing up at the right time. How he and his friends hadn’t hesitated to invite her on their walk. Ellie hums loudly when Veda says they hadn’t asked for details - or offered trite platitudes.

“They were… really sweet, El. Honest to God sweet dudes who did their best to treat me like a normal person, though I’m certain Niall told them about Granddad. Anyway. He came in for a cup of coffee and to help go through Granddad’s stuff.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

Veda chokes on her tea, spluttering through her laughter. “Oh, fuck off. But, uh, honestly?”

“No, I want my best friend of nine years to lie to me. Yes, you idiot, honestly.”

“I felt, I felt safe,” admits Veda slowly. “Does that make sense? That a stranger could make me feel so safe? Like I finally have someone I can trust and rely on besides you, Hattie, or Granddad.”

“Well, he sounds amazing already. Just be careful, V. Grief can make people withdraw completely or get attached in unhealthy manners.”

“Don’t worry. I’m being as careful as a nun in a brothel.”

The line stays silent long enough that Veda thinks her best friend has hung up. But then Ellie clears her throat daintily.

“Gonna be honest here, I have no idea what the Hell that means.”

“Yeah, neither do I.” Veda shakes her head and puts her mug into the sink. “Okay, I hate to do this, but I smell like a hospital, so I’m gonna take a shower and get dinner. You still owe me pictures.”

Ellie giggles. “They’ll be waiting for you by the time you’re done. I promise. And I’ll send you an email with all the details. You know I’m better at writing than speaking. Remember what I said.”

“Yes, Doctor Hargrove.”

“Not a doctor, just play one on TV.”

Veda is laughing even as she ends the call. As she sits there, though, the amusement fades away, and she stares down at the tabletop. What if Ellie is right? What if this sense of security is just her mind latching onto the nearest person who doesn’t immediately send up red flags?

She doesn’t think she could handle it if it turns out that what she has with Niall is gold-plated nothing.

Somehow, Niall has become important to her. He and David Barkie have brightened her entire world, and she might shatter if she loses that sense of normalcy that they bring to her life.

Veda blinks away tears and pushes to her feet. Dinner no longer sounds appealing.


	24. ★ventiquattro★

The doubts linger in Veda’s mind through her shower. She knows Ellie - probably - didn’t mean to make her question her new friendship, especially only a month and a half after it began. Veda also knows Ellie’s concerns are valid.

Veda has been spent her entire life shying away from connection. It took a year of Nonna Costa’s persistence before Veda accepted the woman’s affection. It’s difficult to open herself up to the risk of being let down by people she is meant to trust. A lifetime of instability has rendered Veda unable to fathom reliability from… anyone, really.

And now that she’s lost the one person who has been there since the day she was born, through all the horrible things she’s done?

She supposes it makes sense that a part of her subconscious would seek out that sort of familiarity, even in the form of a complete stranger. Doesn’t mean Veda has to like it being pointed out, though.

So over the next week, Veda does what she’s always done, what she does best: She avoids thinking, she compartmentalises, and she lets herself sink fully into working. She picks up shifts anytime Clarissa sends out an SOS, no hesitation at all. Veda even does back-to-backs, her least favourite part of the job, in order to not be left alone with just her thoughts. It’s tiring and effective.

By the time she gets home at the end of every shift, her pay-check has grown larger, and she is far too exhausted to dwell on Ellie’s warning.

The only downside to this plan is the lack of communication with Niall, which means a noticeable lack of new pictures of David Barkie. Sure, Niall has sent a couple of his own volition, unprompted by her request, but it isn’t nearly as often as before.

Veda wants to complain, but she can’t. This is a consequence of her own decisions, after all.

“Hey, Ve-Veda.”

She’s tired. Too tired. That has to be the reason she’s hearing Niall’s voice so clearly right now. Why else would she hear him saying her name at her stop? To be sure, she looks to her left and nearly trips over a step.

Stood at the top of the stairs is Niall, smiling as if it hasn’t been nearly two weeks since they last saw each other. Heart lodged in her throat, Veda ducks between the other pedestrians emerging from the platform.

How could she have forgotten how brightly Niall’s eyes shine in the afternoon sun? How brilliant his smile is as it spreads across his face? Photographs saved to her phone do no justice to his beauty.

“Hey. Uh, what - I’m not not happy to see you, but why are you here?”

He shrugs and falls into step beside her, clicking his tongue to get DB’s attention. “Someone woke me up, so we decided to come by yours to see if you wanted to go for a walk.”

“Just now?”

“A couple of hours ago. The woman across the street said you’d gone in around six-thirty, so I figured you’d be coming home by now. So… here we are.” He pauses, glancing at her quickly. “We can go home if you’d rather be alone. Guess I should’ve asked first.”

“It’s okay. Feel free to come by whenever. I don’t mind. Besides, how could I be upset when you brought along cute Davie boy?” She crouches down to greet the pup, laughing when he jumps up to lick her face. “Hey, claws to yourself and not on my mouth, you butthead.”

“Again with our friendship being about my dog,” Niall laughs; his words, light and playful though they are, bring a frown to Veda’s lips, and she wipes away the blood from where DB’s claw had cut her lip.

“Are we? Friends, I mean. It’s been a while since we actually talked, and I don’t even know your last name.”

“Fair enough. Niall James Horan, nice to meet ya, Veda Persephone Mitchell.” His quick smile sends her heart racing, and she ducks her head to hide her burning cheeks. “And we don’t have to talk every single day, Veda. We’re adults. We could send one text a week, and I’d still consider you a friend.”

“Well, that’s a dumb choice on your part. I’m a freakin’ mess.”

“Not as disastrous as you think,” he says softly, though it sounds more like a promise of - _something_.

She bites back a grin and nudges him with her shoulder. Ellie’s words ring through her mind, but Veda swiftly brushes them off. She’s tired of doubting her own judgement. Doing so only goes against her promise to Granddad.

A freezing chill, sharply contrasting to the sweltering humidity of the day, snakes down her spine. Veda shivers, adjusts her bag on her shoulder. Something isn’t right. Something has gone horribly wrong, something unrelated to the warmth that comes with being so close to Niall with his pup leading the way.

“What’s wrong?”

She shakes her head, frowning. “I-I don’t know. Something is, I just don’t know what.”

“What the fuck?”

Veda looks up from watching David Barkie bouncing around, and she gets the answer for the apprehension.

Five black-and-whites idle in the middle of the street, lights flashing - bright beacons warning of danger. Veda exchanges a puzzled look with Niall before rounding the corner fully. As one, Catalina and Miss Sylvia turn towards her; their faces are twisted up in sympathy, a pity that wasn’t there even after Granddad died. Veda looks toward the cop cars again.

Strong fingers pull the bag off her shoulder, and Niall murmurs in her ear, “Go.”

She does. DB yips and whines, but Veda ignores him, ignores the fatigue in her bones, just sprints down the block. Past Mister Thompson, the Marions on their steps. Past Tommy and Becky and the Porter kids. She stumbles to a stop at the bottom of the Nadir’s stoop, struggling to catch her breath as she stares at the scene in front of her.

“Go on, Miss Veda, they want to speak to you.”

Veda nods, leans into Mrs Nadir’s soft touch on her shoulder, then takes shaky steps toward her home. Scraps of paper flutter in the weak breeze, freed from the decoy safety box she purchased after Granddad’s death, and she blinks owlishly at one that comes to a rest on the toe of her shoulder.

Black ink forming letters, thick and blocky and teeming with vindictive rage: _You have NOTHING here and you never will._

“Where’s my dad’s stuff, you bitch?”

Veda tears her gaze from the note, cold settling in her chest as she meets Phil’s eye. Her vision pulses with her heartbeat. Her anger. A wave crashes over her, and a voice screams for her to hurt him, to cause him as much pain physically as he inflicted on Granddad emotionally.

“Oh, honey.”

And leave it up to Olivia to turn on the waterworks on cue. The world has always been her best stage. So effortlessly pretending she’s nothing if not the best mother the universe has ever seen.

“Please, darling,” Olivia simpers, a plastic smile marring her face, “tell these lovely gentlemen that I’m allowed to be here and your neighbours are just being silly.”

Veda glances at the jagged edges of what used to be the living room window then turns toward the woman who birthed her. The woman who has made her life a living hell at every turn. The woman who’s counting on a loyalty to blood that Veda no longer ascribes to.

Cocking her head, Veda puts on the most innocently confused expression she can muster. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

The immense pleasure she derives from watching Olivia’s face turn a deep puce is strong enough to drown out the pain that blossoms in her cheek. One cop shouts while another drags Olivia away from her daughter. Veda touches the handprint on the side of her face even as her eyes start watering.

The taste of copper fills her mouth, and she swipes her hand across her lips. Olivia struggles against the officer’s grip, snarling something about teaching Veda a lesson on how to be a better daughter.

Vicious growling comes from behind Veda. She doesn’t need to turn to see that Niall has caught up or that he’s fighting to keep a hold of David Barkie. She spits bloody saliva into the grass at her feet and pointedly hands Niall the key from her pocket.

“Take him in. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“You sure?”

“Go.”

Thankfully, he doesn’t argue further. Veda waits until he’s closed the front door behind him before drawing in a steadying breath. Phil continues shouting from where he’s sat on the pavement, hands cuffed behind his back, but no one pays him any mind. Olivia has, wisely, shut up since Veda gave Niall the key.

Officer Tony Daniels sighs as he approaches her. “Sorry you had to come home to this, Veda.”

“’S’not your fault. So what happened?”

‘Got a call ‘round twenty minutes ago about two suspicious individuals trying to pry open the front door. Then the man - Phil, right?”

“Yep. Connor wouldn’t be dumb enough to pull this kind of stunt. He’d drag me through court if he actually gave a damn.”

“Well, anyway, Phil broke the window while Olivia kept lookout. Evidently, he decided to be greedy by himself before he unlocked the door for her.”

“Of course he did. He’s got dealers to pay.” Veda glances over at Olivia. For once, the coldness in her mother’s eyes has no effect. Veda is no longer afraid. “What do I need to do to press charges and file for restraining orders?”

Tony is far too gleeful, practically oozing ecstasy, as he gives Veda the information. He’s been around the Mitchells long enough to know each of them well. Veda is just thankful he seems to hate them as much as she does.

Once upon a time, she’d had a crush on the man. He’s only five years older than she is, and at sixteen, that age difference had seemed so sophisticated and worldly to her. But then she’d found out his father was Granddad’s friend on the force, and the attraction vanished in an instant.

Even at that age, she knew she was too wild for someone like Tony. If news of her behaviour got back to Granddad, it would have killed her. It’s bad enough that he had to bail her out for underage drinking and trespassing. He didn’t need to know everything else.

“Can I go inside now? I need to see the damage.”

“Absolutely. If you find anything missing, gimme a call so I can add it to the report.”

“Thanks, Tony.”

She keeps her head held high as she strides toward the steps, even as her uncle screams and Olivia shrieks. Veda gets one last look at the pair of them being escorted to a cruiser before she shuts the door. _Two down, five to go._


	25. ★venticinque★

Niall stands by the window, staring down at the scattered glass with a deep frown on his face. There’s a tension in his body that Veda hasn’t seen before. A second later, she puts a name to it: Anger.

“It’s okay.”

His head snaps up, and his eyes gradually lose their ice as he registers her presence. “No. It isn’t.”

“It really, really is. This isn’t the worst thing any of ‘em have done. At least windows can be replaced.” Veda sighs. “Lemme go grab the broom.”

She turns toward the kitchen, but his voice stops her.

“How can you be so - so _calm_ about this? Your family just tried stealing from you.”

“Because if I got mad every time the Mitchells tried to fuck me over, I’d have an ulcer the size of Antarctica, or I would be in an asylum. Look, Niall, I grew up with them. This isn’t unusual.”

“You -”

Veda snaps, “Fine. Really wanna go here? How about when Mom-Mom died? Debbie stole all of Mom-Mom’s jewellery and pawned it. Just for the fun of it. I had to pay nearly a grand to get it back. I got into Olivia’s wallet, stole the debit card, and took almost a thousand dollars out of the savings that my grandparents set up. All to buy back what should never have been taken in the first place.

“When Olivia found out, I couldn’t sit for a week. And Phil! He didn’t even bother showing up to the funeral. Connor sent a generic ‘my condolences, sorry for your loss’ card as if it wasn’t his mother we just buried.

“So please, for-fucking-give me for not losing my temper over a damn broken window.”

“Ve-Veda… fuck, I’m sorry.”

Her voice wobbles as she pleads, “Don’t try to tell me how I react to things is wrong. This is my life. I’ve lived it for twenty-five years. If you can’t respect that, respect _me_ , then leave. Take DB, go, and don’t come back.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, then he’s holding her tightly, as if he’s trying to fix the damage her family has caused over the years. “I’m - I’m still angry for you, but I’ll try to be more understanding.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“DB, no!”

Veda jerks back, rubbing a hand over her ear. Niall’s shout had been startling, unexpected, and _loud_. Her mouth opens to scold him - how could he actually yell at the adorable pup who stole her heart? - but then she follows his gaze.

David Barkie stands completely still; his front paw hovers over glittering shards of glass. Veda bites back her admonishment and moves carefully to scoop him up. He immediately burrows against her chest, seeking comfort after being scolded.

Veda understands that. It wasn’t that long ago that she sought out that same comfort from Granddad after Olivia pulled one of her stunts.

Setting him on the couch, she points at the cushion and tells him to stay as firmly as she can. Cold washes over her even as he whines and lies down. She hates not cuddling him like he so obviously wants - like she wants to do. Chest tight, she turns away, moving toward the kitchen instead of giving in.

When she comes back, broom in hand, she tells Niall that Antonio might have a tarp they can hang over the window for the night, please go ask. Niall doesn’t argue, just nods and does as she’s requested. Veda busies herself with sweeping up the mess left behind from Olivia and Phil’s selfish, stupid actions.

She doesn’t have to look through the house to know they were unsuccessful in their attempts at finding Granddad’s belongings. Veda has grown to know them too well to ever leave it to chance. She spent hours making sure nothing of value - sentimental or monetary - could be found without intense searching.

She dumps the glass into the bin in the kitchen then goes back to stand at the window. Antonio and Niall are across the street, talking amongst themselves as Antonio digs through his supplies for a spare tarp. Nonna Costa and Aida sit on their steps, Catalina by their side. Miss Sylvia makes another pass in front of the house, and Veda fights a smile.

They’re all looking out for her. She knows it. And she has never been more thankful for her neighbours, these colourful threads in the tapestry of her life.

“I have to go to the market,” she announces as soon as the tarp is pinned over the window, and Niall frowns.

“Why?”

Sighing, she explains what she wants to do. The confusion melts from his face, morphs into something pleased and speaking words she can’t quite understand. He nods succinctly when she finishes.

“I’ll go for you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. This way, DB won’t be left alone. Just make a list, and you can shower and relax while I’m gone.”

“You’re amazing. So amazing. Thanks. I’ll pay you back, don’t worry.”

She giggles at the flat look he shoots her, but he doesn’t argue as she grabs her phone. Once she’s spent five minutes using Google, she writes down the ingredients she needs and passes over the paper. Niall kisses David Barkie’s head and leaves, promising to be back as soon as possible.

“DB, c’mon, bud. Your daddy was right. I need a shower.”

The dog scrambles up the stairs ahead of her, nails skidding across the hardwood, and Veda can’t help but laugh. He has such a large personality - something she never expected to find in a dog. He stares up at her, head cocked, as she shuts the bathroom door so he can’t escape.

“Dude, you gotta stop watching me, it’s awkward.”

He doesn’t. Veda pointedly turns her back to him and resumes stripping down to her underwear. When she looks back at him, he’s curled up on the floor, eyes closed and seemingly asleep. He doesn’t even twitch when she turns the shower on.

She makes quick work of rinsing away the shampoo, singing under her breath as she pushes her wet hair from her face. The sharp needlepoint pressure of the water pushes into her muscles, stabbing out the tension she hadn’t realised she was carrying. She told Niall that she’s used to the behaviours of her relatives, but that doesn’t mean she blindly accepts them. That anger no longer boils in her blood when she’s affected by their actions.

Something swipes across the tops of her toes, warm and wet and decidedly not the water from the shower-head. Veda shrieks as her eyes fly open only to find David Barkie cowering in the far end of the tub. His tail thumps against the porcelain when he sees her looking at him, and if she didn’t know better, she would say the puggle is grinning up at her.

A breathy laugh escapes as it registers that she isn’t going to die at the hands of some weird, toe-licking burglar. Shaking her head, she crouches down and taps David Barkie on the nose.

“Fine. You can stay, you devious little shit. Just… don’t tell your daddy you saw me naked before he did.”

It doesn’t take long to get through the rest of her shower. With DB keeping watch, she doesn’t feel comfortable shaving; the last thing she wants is for shaving cream to fly off the end of her razor, hit him in the eye, and blind him. That would be devastatingly awkward to explain to Niall.

And it would probably be the end of their friendship.

David Barkie whimpers as she scoops him up into a towel, scrubs his fur as dry as possible. Once she releases him, he shakes his entire body then slumps in the corner of the room. Veda rolls her eyes.

“God, you’re such a dramatic one, aren’t ya? Stop pouting.”

Veda is in the kitchen, readying the cookware she is going to need, when Niall arrives. He sets the bags of groceries on the counter and starts unloading everything. She watches him for a minute, admires the way he moves, the almost fluid shifting of his body.

The way he looks like he belongs here in her kitchen.

In her life.

She pulls herself from her thoughts, adjusts the neckline of her top, and hopes he doesn’t notice the way her cheeks have begun to burn. It seems so ridiculous to be so flustered over him seeing her in a tank-top. Then again, she’s only ever worn scrubs or hoodies around him.

Even the dress she wore as Ellie’s maid-of-honour hadn’t shown this much cleavage.

“I’m impressed,” Niall announces as she places the serving bowl in the bottom of a towel-lined basket.

Veda glances up at him through her lashes and frowns. “I _can_ follow a recipe. It really isn’t that hard.”

“I wasn’t talking about that,” he laughs, tying off the ribbon in his hands. “I meant I’m impressed that you even did this. Most people wouldn’t.”

“The Nadirs protected my home like a good neighbour does.” She shrugs. “It’s the least I can do.”

“Your granddad would be proud of how much you’re like him.”

Veda freezes when Niall presses a quick, gentle kiss to her temple. The words are exactly what she’s needed to hear; she’s feared for so long that she can’t be cured of the toxic blood passed to her through Olivia. But the warm touch of his lips to her skin…

It does more to her heart than she could ever explain.


	26. ★ventisei★

David Barkie behaves, obeys Niall’s command to sit, as the trio reaches the top of the Nadirs’ stoop. Niall knocks on the door, since Veda’s hands are full, and she says a quick thank you as the door opens. Mister Nadir’s gaze darts from her face to the basket she carries.

“Miss Mitchell?”

“Hi. This is for you two.”

“Oh, we couldn’t -” Mrs Nadir starts, but Veda shakes her head vehemently.

“Please. You watched over the only place I have ever considered home. If it weren’t for you calling the cops, my uncle coulda cleared out everything that meant anything to me. So please, accept these as a gesture of my gratitude. Not a repayment, not… anything like that. But my way of saying ‘thank you’.”

Mrs Nadir exchanges a look with her husband then gingerly peels back the dishtowel over the top of the basket. “Are these - did you make _yazdi_ cakes?”

“Yes?” Veda shifts awkwardly. Niall smiles comfortingly, reassuringly, and she steals strength from that. “If they turn out awful, I’m really sorry. I never made them before. Oh! There’s also, uh, _seviyan kheer_ , but I wasn’t sure if you had, like, dietary restrictions, so I made it with gluten-free vermicelli.”

Her neighbours stare, dumbfounded and silent, and Veda swallows thickly. This isn’t how she expected this to go. Before the quiet can drag on to uncomfortable lengths, she pushes on.

“I know it isn’t Eid al-Fir - did I pronounce that right? I hope so. Sorry if I completely butchered it, but anyway. I figured the situation called for something special, and…” Her voice trails off, wavers when she asks, “Did I do something wrong?”

Niall stifles a laugh next to her. Veda ignores him and chews on her lower lip. Mister Nadir recovers first; he shakes his head slightly then smiles.

“Of course not, Miss Mitchell. This was very kind of you. It’s just surprising. Not many people show such consideration to our faith.”

His wife nods slowly next to him. Her eyes gleam in the late afternoon sunlight, unshed tears catching the glow. To give her privacy, Veda turns to Niall and gestures for him to pass over the mesh bag.

“I read that _yazdi_ cakes are best with hot tea or coffee. Since we didn’t know what you liked or could have, we went with a-an abnormally large variety of herbal teas. Everything said it was halal, so hopefully the packaging wasn’t lying. But, uh, we’ll leave you to your evening. Thank you again. It, it means a lot to me.”

She forces a quick smile, hands the basket over to Mrs Nadir, then turns on her heel. Niall and DB follow her back to her house. When she looks over, it’s to see her neighbours still stood in their doorway, watching her. Veda waves then goes inside.

A fierce warmth has bloomed beneath her ribs - pride that she brightened the Nadirs’ days just a bit. Pride that she’s following in Granddad’s footsteps. Pride that she hasn’t managed to run Niall off with everything that her life includes. Pride that she’s made him smile that soft, sweet smile at her.

He sits at the dining table while she slides a frozen pizza into the oven and cooks a half-pound of ground beef and scrambled eggs. She glances over her shoulder then plasters a fake frown onto her face, pointing the spatula at him.

“Hey, I’m feeding your dog. The least you can do is chop up some apples.”

“Can dogs have apples?”

She pauses. “You’re kidding me, right? You’ve had DB for how long, and you’ve never figured out what non-dog-food foods he can have?”

“I mean, I give him peanut butter every so often!” Niall protests as he grabs a knife. “I’ll do better research tomorrow, I promise.”

“You better. Can’t starve my favourite baby.”

“Trust me, Ve-Veda, he eats enough.”

She nudges him with her hip and laughs at the pout on his face. It’s pleasant, cooking with him. As if he has always been in her life, her home, making her laugh and smile and feel like nothing has ever gone wrong. That maybe, just maybe, her bloodline has no control over her destiny.

Without thinking, she reaches over to place her hand on his wrist. He tilts his head to the side, brows drawing together over his eyes. Veda can do nothing but shrug.

“Thanks. For everything.”

His expression softens, and he leans over to rest his head against hers. “Anytime.”

Dinner is a quiet affair. He seems a million miles away, frowning down at his meal, and Veda doesn’t interrupt his thinking. Whatever it is that changed earlier, she doesn’t know, but she isn’t going to try to find out. Not when it has the chance to ruin so much.

“I have to work tonight,” he says quietly, setting his plate in the sink. “I don’t wanna leave you by yourself, though. Mind if I leave DB here with you? I can pick him up in the morning after my shift.”

Veda inhales shakily against the twisting in her chest. It’s such a simple offer - but so thoughtful at the same time. Even if it turns out to be borne of a selfishness on his part, not wanting to go all the way home before he goes to work, the fact remains that he’s given Veda the chance to not be alone tonight. A dog is better than nothing. Warmth burns behind her eyes as she crouches down to scratch under David Barkie’s chin.

“Uh, sure. Yeah. That’s fine. I have to work at nine, though, so I could actually bring him to you around half-eight.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, Saint Francis isn’t too far from yours.” She swallows before meeting Niall’s eye. God, there’s a tenderness there that she wants to fall headfirst into. “Though don’t be surprised if he tries to sleep in your bed from now on.”

He laughs quietly, shaking his head. Veda watches him closely as he approaches, kneels down to run his hand over DB’s tan fur.

“Be good, okay, bud? See you tomorrow.”

The pup licks Niall’s hand then turns to Veda. She giggles at the incredulity on Niall’s face at being ignored by his own dog, skipped over for attention. He pouts and stands, carding his fingers through his hair.

“Remember, it takes confidence to take him on the subway. _Confidence_.”

“I think I can manage it,” she replies dryly as she pulls the puggle into her arms; once he’s situated against her chest, she follows Niall to the door. “Have a good night at work.”

“Thanks, Ve-Veda.”

Niall hesitates on the threshold, stares at her with an unreadable expression on his face. She adjusts her grip on David Barkie, frowning when Niall doesn’t say anything.

“Everything okay?”

He nods then shrugs. “Yeah. Just… call me if anything happens.”

The soft pleading in his voice sends an ache through her. He _cares_. And that is unfamiliar, even after years of living here with neighbours who seem to have forgotten the meaning of ‘private business’.

She wants to ask him why - why does he give a damn, why hasn’t he run away screaming from the toxicity in her life, why _her_. He’s beautiful and kind and purer than she deserves. She hasn’t earned the right to have someone like him.

The questions remain, but Veda doesn’t give voice to them. Instead, she promises to call if she needs to, just to see the relief that paints his face. Niall grins, nodding, and steps outside. She blows out a breath and holds DB tighter as Niall ambles down the block.

Once he has disappeared from view, Veda sighs, kisses DB’s head. “I shouldn’t miss him this much already, should I?”

David Barkie’s only response is to lick her chin and yip quietly. Veda giggles, touching her fingertip to his wet nose, then closes the door on the falling twilight.


	27. ★ventisette★

High-pitched whines break through the haze, and Niall disappears in a puff of smoke, though his kiss lingers on her lips. She can still feel the softness of his skin beneath her fingertips, his heartbeat strong and steady under her palms, the heat of his body resting over hers. The way she felt full, _complete_.

A sharp bark, then Veda bolts upright. A dream. That’s all it was. A wildly inappropriate dream to be having about one of your closest friends. She shivers as cool air rushes across her overheated skin, damp with a thin sheen of sweat. Her stomach clenches when she realises just how much the dream affected her.

“I’m fucked,” she groans before grimacing at her choice of words - not the right time to be using that particular phrase.

The whimpering comes again from her left, and Veda turns her head to see David Barkie nearly dancing at the top of the stairs. Her brain clears of its fog as the meaning behind the wiggle registers. She curses under her breath, scrambling out of bed and down the stairs. He’s close on her heels the entire time.

Hoping his recall is good, Veda doesn’t bother taking the time to grab his leash or harness. She just unlocks and pulls open the front door, pushes the screen door out of the way, and watches him nearly fly off the stoop. Thankfully, the pup is too focused on finding a satisfactory patch of grass to pay mind to the early-morning bustle of the neighbours.

Veda hesitates for a split second then ducks back into the house to grab a waste bag from the canister on the leash. DB is sniffing at a fire hydrant when she steps outside again, and she hurries down the steps. If he decides to take off, she wants to be as close as possible to have a chance to stop him. However, he stays by her side as she cleans up his mess then follows her obediently to the bins.

It isn’t until she is in the kitchen washing her hands that she realises the entire block just saw her in nothing more than one of Granddad’s old shirts. It’s been her favourite shirt to sleep in since she was young, but it doesn’t provide nearly as much coverage now that she’s a grown adult. Sighing, she dries her hands on the towel hanging by the sink and frowns down at David Barkie.

“Today just isn’t my morning, is it?”

He cocks his head, ears flopping with the movement, and whines. It’s effective; Veda can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face. _At least I have you, little dude_ , she thinks. She mutters to herself and heads up the stairs to get ready for work.

Once she’s dressed in a tank-top and a pair of baby-blue bottoms, Veda shoves the matching top in her bag and hurries through the rest of her morning routine. The click of nails against hardwood is familiar, peaceful. It means she isn’t alone.

_Crap_. She sighs and crouches down to pet DB. “Sorry, baby boy, you’re gonna have to wait until you get home for breakfast, because I have literally nothing but a half-gross peach.”

He scratches at his ear in response then flops onto the floor. Veda laughs and sets off in search of something she can carry him in for the trip. Hattie’s oversized purse still hangs in the cupboard, the sweet scent of disuse and old mints lingering in the air.

To Veda’s surprise, David Barkie fits perfectly. Only his head pokes from the top, and he looks completely content to travel in a bright yellow bag dotted with pink flowers.

“Don’t you dare pee in there, mister, or I might change my mind about pup-napping you from your daddy.”

His tongue lolls out of the side of his mouth, a dopey smile on his face, and she loves him just a little bit more. She hefts the makeshift carrier more securely onto her face, stuffs her phone into her purse, and steps outside. He barks quietly as she locks th door behind her.

“Have a good day, Veda!”

Veda grins and waves at Nonna Costa. “Thanks, Nonna, I’ll try my best.”

Waving at her neighbours, Veda briskly makes her way down the block. No one mentions her appearance earlier, nobody acts any differently, and she knows these people. But she can’t stop wondering if they are all silently judging her.

_Screw it, they can all deal with seeing my Oogie Boogie underwear_. Veda wishes she was actually as confident as her inner voice. Instead, she’s a mess - and not only because of the whole ‘showing off her panties in an old T-shirt’ debacle.

The dream.

The dream that was so realistic, she could _feel_ Niall’s hands on her body, the heat of his breath ghosting across her skin. The taste of his kiss and the tender light in his eyes. The softness between her fingers as she buried her hands in his hair and he buried himself in her.

The highly-inappropriate and privacy-violating dream.

The dream she knows she can never have again but wants to so badly, she aches.

_That_ dream.

As amazing as it was, it can never, ever happen again. Niall is a friend. And friends don’t have sexual dreams about friends. End of story.

Not one of the other passengers look her way as she finds a seat. No one but a small child and her father. Veda lets the little girl pet and kiss David Barkie to her heart’s content, and DB preens under the attention.

“What do we say to the nice lady for letting us pet her puppy?” the man prompts, and Veda’s heart clenches at the brilliant smile on the child’s face.

“Thank you, Miss Nurse Princess!”

“You are very welcome, honey. Thank _you_ for asking first. Not every dog is as happy with strangers as DB is, and you could get hurt.”

“Daddy, can I stay with Miss Nurse Princess?”

Veda stifles a laugh at the exasperation on the father’s face. “As much as DB and I would love that, I have to go to work.”

The little girl gasps and bounces in her seat; pale blonde pigtails dance with the movement. “I’ll watch him like my mammy watches me! Daddy has a _lot_ of work and he can’t be home with me, and Mammy and I can watch the puppy!”

“Mammy has a surprise for you, Dani, which means the puppy has to stay with Miss Nurse Princess.” He flashes a sheepish smile in Veda’s direction, his dark eyes full of sympathy - or is it embarrassment? “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve been called a lot worse,” Veda giggles.

She says goodbye once the subway reaches her stop, stepping out of the car to Dani’s chorus of “Bye, doggie! Bye, Miss Nurse Princess! I’ll miss you!” Tugging the strap of her bag further onto her shoulder, Veda shakes her head with a smile. Leave it to an adorable little kid to put her in a much better mood.

The dream was almost out of her mind.

Niall sits hunched over on a bench - the same one Veda waited for him on the day before their friendship started. She stops at a nearby coffee-cart, buys two drinks, then weaves her way through the foot-traffic until she stands in front of him. He doesn’t seem to notice her presence, staring blankly at the ground.

“Please tell me you aren’t going on the subway?”

If the situation was different, Veda would find it comical, how long it takes him to react. He blinks slowly then twitches, dragging his gaze to her face. But… she’s worried. He can barely keep his eyes open.

“Huh?”

“Are you going on the subway?”

“No. Liam’s on his way. I think. Yeah, I rang him.” He yawns and pushes to his feet. “So who knew flowers could make DB actually look cute?”

Veda lets him change the subject, though the concern still ripples under her skin. “Excuse you, sir, but he’s always cute. Florals just accentuate that.”

“C’mere, buddy,” he murmurs as he reaches for his dog, but Veda steps back.

“Actually, could you, uh, take the bag, too? I don’t wanna risk my coworkers having an allergic reaction.”

“Yeah, ‘course. I’ll return it the next time I see you.”

“Perfect.” She carefully removes the bag from her shoulder, passing it over, then ducks to kiss DB’s nose. “You be a good boy, okay? Remember, what happens at my house is a secret.”

Niall frowns at her words, and she shakes her head. It’s nothing more than a stalling tactic - how is she supposed to explain that to him? Especially when she isn’t sure as to why she’s trying to put off the inevitable. Concern for him? Yes. Not wanting to say goodbye to the pup? Absolutely.

Not wanting to be away from Niall himself? Without a doubt.

Putting that into words, especially after the dream… it’s not a good idea. So instead, she thanks Niall for letting her keep his dog overnight and moves in for a hug. One he willingly returns, even if she isn’t expecting him to lean so heavily against her.

She also isn’t expecting her mind to completely lose itself or to find herself kissing him, his lips soft beneath hers, as she’s pulling away.

It isn’t until she’s turned to walk off toward Saint Francis that she realises what she has done. Her steps falter, but she doesn’t face Niall again. She takes the coward’s way out, instead: She speed-walks through the morning crowds until she all but disappears from his sight.


	28. ★ventotto★

> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _OH MY GOD I JUST KISSED HIM!!!!!!!_

Veda shoves her purse into her locker, drops her phone onto the bench, and tries to breathe as steadily a possible. Her heart races painfully in her chest. What the Hell was she thinking?

She wasn’t. That’s the only logical excuse she has for kissing him like that - she wasn’t thinking properly, and her thoughts were still jumbled from the dream. That’s all. But god, she has so much apologising to do.

The beeping of her phone echoes in the empty locker-room, and she exhales shakily and looks down at the screen. Ellie. Thank God. Ellie will know what to do.

> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _WHAT?!_
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _I hugged Niall because he let David Barkie stay with me last night because he didn’t want me to be alone after what Phil and Olivia did, and when I pulled away, I kisSED HIM. ON THE MOUTH._
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _OMG what did he say/do?_
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _Idk, I ran away_
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _VEDA PERSEPHONE! Why did you go and do a foolish thing like that?!_
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _Obviously, I’m an idiot._
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _Clearly. Text him and figure out how he feels about it._
> 
> **To: Ellie**  
>  **<** _I’d rather be Spongebob burying myself in sand, thanks. Work._
> 
> **From: Ellie**  
>  **>** _K. Text me later - I wanna know what Phil and Olivia did._

Veda tucks her phone into her pocket and blows out a breath, staring at her reflection in the mirror. All she can hope for, since she doesn’t want to actually _talk_ to Niall about this, is that he’ll forget it ever happened. Maybe he’ll be too tired to remember.

A girl can hope.

Somehow, she manages to make it to her lunch break before checking her phone. There’s only one new notification; Veda isn’t surprised - though she is oddly thankful _and_ disappointed - that it isn’t from Niall. She scolds herself even as she responds to Aida’s enquiry about when Veda’s shift ends.

Lyle smacks her head gently with his water bottle as he sits in the seat next to her. “Earth to Veda. Come in, space cadet, Mission Control speaking.”

“Piss off,” she retorts, laughing and shoving at his shoulder.

“Seriously, what’s up? You’re, like, a million miles away.”

“I… I might have done something stupid this morning, so now I’m just waiting for the consequences.”

“What, did ya kiss someone you shouldn’t have?” Lyle snorts, peeling back the cling-wrap on his jello, but he stills when Veda doesn’t reply. His eyes widen behind his glasses. “Dude, I was _kidding_. Did you really?”

“Kinda?”

“How do you ‘kinda’ kiss someone? Either you kiss them or you don’t. There’s no ‘kinda’ about it”

“Whoa, Mitchell kissed someone? Go on, tell me more.”

Veda groans when Todd and Alice drop into the chairs across the table. Sending a half-hearted glare in Lyle’s direction, she reluctantly admits to maybe a little brush of her lips against someone else’s.

“But it doesn’t count -”

“How does it not count?” Alice giggles. “Your lips plus your boo’s lips equals totally a kiss. It’s simple arithmetic.”

“It was less than a second!” protests Veda, but she knows the other three don’t follow with her line of thinking.

If she’s being honest, neither does she.

It was a kiss. No matter how accidental, no matter how quick, no matter how chaste - she kissed Niall.

She kissed him, and she can only hope he thinks it was a dream.

Veda really should have known better than to let her hopes grow so high. Nothing else in her life has gone according to her wishes, so why should this? She blows out a breath, presses the casing of her phone firmly to her forehead, and says a silent prayer that the message has changed in the last three seconds.

Nope. No luck.

> **From: Niall**  
>  **>** _What did you mean by the kiss?_
> 
> **To: Niall**  
>  **< <** _I’m… not sure. Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable._

There - honesty and an apology. Well, as close to the truth as she can get right now. She somehow doubts _I had a sex dream about you, so I wasn’t in the right state of mind_ will make the situation any better.

> **From: Niall**  
>  **>** _Okay. As long as I didn’t do anything to make you feel like I was demanding repayment for letting DB stay with you last night._
> 
> **To: Niall**  
>  **<** _Of course not. If I felt like that, I woulda given you cash. Or baked goods. ___
> 
> __**From: Niall**  
>  **>** _Well, I’m gonna make it clear now. You don’t ever have to pay me back for anything. We’re friends.__ _

_  
___  


__Friends. Right. That’s all. Veda knows this. Sighing, she closes out of the message thread without replying, ignoring the twinge in her chest at his last text._ _

___Friends._ _ _

__She can handle that._ _

__Veda spends the rest of the trip making a mental to-do list - “search for window fixer” right at the top. Anger struggles to ignore at the reminder of what her family did, but the feeble flame barely manages a single flicker before dying out. She meant what she said to Niall after it happened._ _

__She may not have expected that specific action, but Veda anticipated retaliation long ago. The only surprise is that it happened nearly two months after Granddad died and left everything to her._ _

__It isn’t unusual to see children playing in the street or the older generation keeping a watchful eye over the block. The sight has greeted Veda since she was in school, and she’s come to rely on the familiarity._ _

__But this… this is completely different._ _

__Miss Sylvia sits on her stoop, waving a magazine in front of her face as a makeshift fan. Catalina stands in her doorway with Carlos at her side. The Marion girls hang out of their bedroom window on the second floor, and Mister Thompson’s customary wave is a bit more exuberant than usual._ _

__Veda slows her steps as her skin ripples. Did she step off the subway into the Twilight Zone? Even the air feels different, thicker with more than just humidity. Nelly giggles from the window, Louisa hurriedly shushing the seven-year-old, and Veda frowns but continues making her way down the block._ _

__“What the -?”_ _

__Late-afternoon sunlight washes the front of the house a pale golden-yellow, gleams off the glass fitted perfectly in the window-frame. Her gaze travels along the facade until it lands on the door. The door that was most certainly not a beautiful sky-blue this morning when she left for work. Veda swallows down the tears and gapes in awe._ _

__The street echoes with the silence and the scratch of metal against plastic. Veda blinks rapidly, wiping at her eyes, then turns to see Antonio and his friends loading up the bed of his truck with paint cans and tarps. He says something to the others before hurrying across the street. All Veda can do is gesture wordlessly toward her house._ _

__He grins smugly, scratching at his brow. “Yeah, looks pretty good, doesn’t it? Almost as if a professional did it.”_ _

__“Ye-yeah, it’s great. But… why?”_ _

__“You have enough to worry about without adding the cost of fixing damages your family caused.” He shrugs and shoves his hands into his pockets. “Besides, your _nonno_ was loved by everyone, so we all pitched in.”_ _

__If she was with anyone else, Veda would be absolutely mortified by how she bursts into tears and drops to sit on the bottom step of the stoop. Her phone clatters to the concrete, but she ignores it in favour of burying her face in her knees and crying. Antonio crouches down beside her, hand smoothing over her hair._ _

__“Hey, no. No fair, Veda, I’m no good with crying women. You don’t wanna make me feel awkward, do ya? Or worse, you’ll make Nonna think I upset you, and we all know Nonna would kill even _Zio_ Paolo for you.”_ _

__Veda giggles, swiping a hand over her cheeks. “How am I ever going to repay you all?”_ _

__“What? Veda, we don’t need you to pay us back, what the fuck. We just, we need you to be okay, and like the fantastic neighbours that we are, we’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”_ _

__“I can’t -”_ _

__“You can, and you will, accept that we’re here for you, and you’ll shut up about it.” Antonio squeezes her shoulders comfortingly. “And just so you’re aware, our tasks include making sure that Irish fella of yours treats you right.”_ _

__“He’s- he’s not my ‘fella’,” Veda argues weakly, and Antonio snorts._ _

__“Sure. No man looks at a woman the way he looks at you without _something_ being there. As Nonna would say, you hung the moon for him.”_ _

__He kisses her forehead before walking away without another word. Her mind repeats what he said, over and over and over, until she can no longer make heads nor tails of it. _Antonio doesn’t know what he’s taking about_ , it’s the only logical conclusion. So she lets herself wonder if maybe he’s telling the truth before giving up on it._ _

__Niall is a friend, and she will never be the one to paint the stars in his sky._ _

__Veda breathes in the heavy early-summer air, watches as her neighbours start moving about now that she’s seen what they have done for her. After a moment, she climbs unsteadily to her feet and grabs her phone off the ground. A bird screeches from the trees, the volume on the world is turned up again, and the sounds of laughter and old familiar conversations fill the air._ _

__Running her finger lightly over the wood of her door, Veda can’t help but smile. She may have lost Granddad, and her biological family may be a mess, but she’s found a new one in these people._ _


	29. ★ventinove★

Ellie is disgusted and completely unsurprised when she hears about what Phil and Olivia did. The Brooklyn in her voice grows thicker over the phone as she curses in every language she and Veda grew up learning. Her overprotective, vindictive nature has her plotting out a revenge that would horrify and scandalise the nuns who used to rap her knuckles with a ruler before she left the Catholic school. Veda knows with full certainty that Sister Abigail would be the first to condemn Ellie to Hell for the vengeance she plans.

Veda is also completely sure that Ellie won’t act on any of it. She isn’t the same hotheaded teenager who picked fights over injustices. She has matured enough to know violence may feel great, but it often creates more problems than it solves. And when it comes to people like the Mitchells, Ellie knows psychological warfare yields far more satisfying results.

By the time Ellie calms down and stops listing off various methods of torture, Veda has eaten a quick dinner and even taken a shower with the call on speaker. The sound of water running hadn’t put a stop to Ellie’s rambling, but Veda isn’t shocked. They have ten years’ worth of empirical data that proves Elizabeth Hargrove doesn’t slow down when she’s on a roll.

“And now that you’ve imagined killing my relatives in multiple gruesome ways, how is Chris?” Veda giggles as Ellie lets out an exaggerated groaning sigh. “Hey, you’re still technically within the window of newlywed bliss. I’m gonna live vicariously through you while I can.”

“Didn’t you _just_ kiss someone? Live your own life, V.”

Veda huffs and rolls her eyes, reaching for her hairbrush. “Don’t deflect. We’ve talked about my shit enough.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Ellie sighs. “I just like knowing when your family gets what they deserve. And hearing about cute guys that you kiss and run from like a bumbling idiot.”

As Veda readies for bed, she listens intently while Ellie tells her of all the changes in her life - his parents co-signed a mortgage, so Ellie and Chris are waiting for the papers to be drawn up. He got a promotion at work and a part-time position as a public relations liaison for a new local charity, so his hours at home have been cut short.

“It’s great, though,” Ellie rushes to assure Veda. “I mean, I don’t see him a lot, but this foundation is incredibly important. It’s, it’s gonna change lives. I couldn’t be more proud of him for that.”

“Look at you, being all mature,” laughs Veda; at Ellie’s indignant _hey!_ , her mind dredges up a snapshot of the familiar expression of affront - a scrunched nose, narrowed blue eyes, Ellie poking her tongue out in response.

Veda misses that.

She misses all the nights they would stay out late and try to sneak back into the house in the early hours of dawn, only to be caught by every adult on the block. She misses the way Granddad treated Ellie like another grandchild, giving her a safe place to hide away after an argument with her parents. How he’d taken Ellie out on a “date” when she got stood up by her boyfriend of two weeks.

Since the beginning of their friendship, Ellie has been family, and Veda only wishes there weren’t almost three thousand miles between them.

Ellie suddenly gasps. “We’ve been talking for four hours.”

“Does this really surprise you?” Veda questions with a snort. “We once had a Skype call last nineteen days. One call!”

“Yeah, but we were younger then.”

Veda pauses then buries her face in her hands. “El, that was six months ago.”

“Exactly. Younger. I wasn’t a married woman then.”

“I’m hanging up before you start making sense. I’ll call you tomorrow, ya weirdo.”

Veda is still giggling quietly as she ends the call and climbs into bed, but the amusement vanishes with the darkness that settles over her room. It’s too quiet, silence pressing in on her. She isn’t afraid of the dangers of living alone - her neighbours are too nosey twenty-four hours of every day - but something doesn’t feel as it normally does.

The truth blankets her mind just as she’s falling asleep: She’s lonely, lonelier than she has been in a long time.

When Clarissa says “Sorry, people, we’re understaffed” the next morning, Veda foolishly thinks it’s just for the day and that one or two of her coworkers have called out for various reasons. It’s annoying, sure, but nothing the rest of them can’t handle. Besides, she has no right to be upset about it - they picked up her slack when she was on bereavement leave, after all.

Oh, how naive she is.

Because it turns out that “understaffed” means two people were fired for attempted insurance fraud and theft, another put on unpaid suspension, and one more quit before they could be punished. It also means Alice is off on her scheduled vacation and Dwight has a family emergency. Again.

The department of fifteen-plus-Clarissa drops to nine-plus-Clarissa seemingly overnight. Veda has high hopes through the first two shifts with a skeleton crew, but by the third on Wednesday, she has reluctantly accepted that Clarissa severely understated the definition of “understaffed”. Not even the allure of a larger pay-check makes Veda any less frustrated with the giant mess that is her new schedule.

Thankfully, Clarissa appeals to her boss who pulls some strings with sister hospitals for their staff to help relieve the load on Saint Francis’s registrars. It only takes a week for Veda to be given some time off. It isn’t much - only from nine pm on Sunday to six am Tuesday morning - but Veda has plans to make the most of that time: going to the market first thing on Monday then absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.

She didn’t count on the fact that even the best-laid plans go awry.

Veda spends nearly an hour trying to convince herself to get out of bed. Even Tommy’s stereo can be heard from two doors down, which means a fifteen-year-old on summer vacation has woken up before she did. If she wasn’t so exhausted, Veda would find it pathetic. As it is, she really doesn’t care right now.

Her body ends up making the decision for her: Her stomach growls, her bladder aches, and a pounding starts up behind her eyes from a lack of caffeine - and sufficient sleep. So Veda has no choice but to get up. She heads to the attached bathroom, grumbling as she goes.

By the time she’s downstairs, she feels slightly more human. The morning is still annoying, chipper birds singing in the trees with a background of heavy bass-line and Coolio rapping about a “gangsta’s paradise”. All she wants is to go back to bed. She shuffles into the kitchen instead. First things first: coffee, _then_ everything else.

“You’re up late this morning.”

Veda shrieks and drops her mug at the unexpected voice behind her, whirling on her heel to face the intruder. “Damn it, Aida!”

Aida shrugs a thin shoulder, pushes her dark hair behind her ear. “Sorry. Can you do me a favour? Don’t tell Nonna you saw me?”

“Okay, first, how the Hell did you get in my house? Second, why am I lying to Nonna?”

“Because I told her I was at Taylor’s last night and I wouldn’t be home until around noon.”

“But?”

“But I, um, I was at a club and then went to Stefano’s.”

“Why didn’t you just stay there until noon, then?” Veda asks as she turns back to the coffeemaker. “That would make more sense than breaking into my house. And again, you never answered how you got in.”

“Your spare key.”

“You mean the one I gave Nonna just in case of emergencies?”

“That one.”

“I hate you. Fine. You can stay here. Just don’t mention my name if Nonna finds out you’re a liar.”

With her coffee drank and feeling sufficiently alert for the day, Veda exchanges her pyjamas for a sleeveless Blind Melon T-shirt and a pair of denim shorts she really should have thrown out eons ago. One pocket is torn along the bottom seam, rendering it useless, and the left leg is little more than a scrap of fabric across her thigh.

Veda stares at her reflection in the mirror for a minute then decides she doesn’t care. None of the staff at the market cares about what the customers dress in as long as they’re covered, and paying attention to judgemental strangers takes far too much energy. Besides, she has gone out in public wearing far worse.

After pulling on socks and beat-up sneakers, Veda heads downstairs, her footfalls a rapid _thump-thump-thump_ on each step. Aida has moved from the kitchen to the living room, sprawling across the couch with a mug of coffee balanced on her belly. Veda rolls her eyes at the sight.

“Spill anything, and I’m ratting you out to Nonna,” she warns, tucking her phone into her back pocket and clipping her keys to the strap of her bra. “Lock up when you leave, troublemaker.”

“Yes, _Mamma_.”

Veda giggles and steps out onto the stoop, coming to an abrupt stop. Nonna stares from her own steps, and even from across the street, Veda can see one brow raised sharply. She’s abruptly transported back to being a teenager trying to hide things from the Italian grandmother. It was always a futile attempt - she failed every time - but she is an adult now.

That piercing gaze cutting to her soul shouldn’t work any more, but by god, it does.

Veda grins brightly, waves, then heads off. If she isn’t around, she can’t tell Nonna the truth about where her granddaughter has been. The street is mostly barren; everyone must have either slept in or chosen to stay out of the thick heat that has descended upon the city already.

The sun is hot, harsh, on her bare skin, but Veda relishes the slight pain. After a week of nonstop shifts, going in early and leaving late in the afternoon, the muggy air is refreshing. A breeze swoops along her skin, carrying with it even more sweltering heat and the aromas that make up the block - families cooking meals from their various cultures, the flowers that crowd Catalina’s stoop, the car exhaust that stains every inch of the borough.

She breathes in deeply and turns her face up toward the sky. Her closed eyelids burn pink-orange, criss-crossed with a spiderweb of dark red lines. Sweat pools in the curve of her lower back as her hair swishes along her shoulders, tickling at her upper arms with each step she takes. If she concentrates, she can almost see the atoms of the universe as they flow into her lungs and sings through her blood before escaping back into the wide open.

In this moment, she is the world, and the world is her.

Veda is pulled from her reverence of nature by a vibration from her back pocket. Sighing, she frowns and reaches for her phone. Whoever is interrupting her day of nothing better be important.

“Ve-Veda… I’unno where I am.”

Veda pauses mid-step then slowly puts her foot down on the concrete. From the corner of her eye, she sees Mister Thompson starting to rise to his feet, so she waves and promises that she’s okay before focusing on the call.

“Niall? What do you mean, you don’t know where you are?”

“I mean, I’m in a bed, but it’s not mine. Wait, never mind, it is.” Static clouds the line, then he continues, his voice growing increasingly more panicked, “I just have so many blankets why do I have so many blankets right now I don’t even own this many blankets!”

She stifles a giggle and resumes walking. “Okay, take a deep breath, hun. You’re getting hysterical. Why don’t you give me your address, and I’ll come take of poor hungover you like you’ve taken care of me?”

But he must have already fallen back to sleep, judging by the snores in her ear. Veda rolls her eyes and hangs up. Of course. Her gaze darts from phone screen to her path, making sure she isn’t about to run into anyone or anything while she brings up her rarely-used FaceBook app. She finds his profile five results down the list - a photo of DB and a private account. Thankfully, he’s left his friends list public.

**To: Liam Payne**   
_So Niall just rang me. He’s hungover. Poor him. Anyway, since you lot have been so wonderful to me, I’m returning that kindness. What’s your address? (It’s Veda, by the way. The one who’s a registrar and has been taking up all of Niall’s free time because I’m selfish)_

Liam responds within the minute, though the message is only six cry-laugh emojis. Then comes a message with the address and, following that, a friend request. Veda accepts the request, tucks her phone away, and turns toward the nearest McDonald’s.


	30. ★trenta★

The teen behind the counter stares blankly for a moment. “I’m sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted four bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits; six sausage biscuits with cheese, four sausage, egg, and cheese McMuffins; ten hash-browns; and four egg McMuffins?”

“Yes. All of that.” Veda smiles in sympathy. “I promise that this isn’t a joke. I just have four friends who are incredibly hungover right now. Oh, can I add on a bottle of water and a large caramel frappe?”

Molly doesn’t look any less gobsmacked, but she adds the drinks to the order and recites the total. Her voice wavers as she does, as if she expects Veda to start screaming about the price. Veda doesn’t understand why anyone would do such a ridiculous thing - it isn’t like the staff sets the prices; that’s all on the owners - especially if it’s an adult throwing a tantrum like that. She hands over the cash with a smile, takes her change, and moves to the side to wait.

Thirty-five minutes later, Veda slides out of the backseat of the Uber, one less McMuffin and hash-brown in hand. The driver vows to give her five stars for the breakfast before he pulls away. She giggles and turns toward the house.

“Did you get forgotten out here?” she croons down at David Barkie, and he barks again, if possible, louder than before.

She somehow manages to get through the gate and up to the porch with the puggle bouncing around her feet. Thankfully, the ruckus seems to have roused one of the inhabitants, because the door swings open before she can even knock. Harry’s scowl disappears at the sight of yellow arches on brown paper bags.

“You look far too chipper this early in the morning, but fuck if I can be mad at you,” he grumbles before he leaves a smacking kiss to her cheek.

Veda rolls her eyes affectionately as he takes the food from her arms. “Brush your teeth before you kiss anyone else.”

He snorts and stumbles further into the house. She nudges DB through the door, pushes it shut behind her. Toeing off her shoes, she rounds the corner to see Louis curled up on one half of the couch, only his messy dark hair visible over the hoodie he has pulled up to hide his face. Liam grabs a hash-brown and wrapped sandwich from one of the bags, says a quick hello, then disappears down the darkened corridor.

Harry smacks at Louis’s leg. “Oi, Veda brought food.”

“Don’t talk about food,” Louis groans in response, but he does pull his sweater down.

Purple-black semicircles spread under his bloodshot eyes, face pale and drawn - and slightly green, if Veda looks closely enough. He forces a smile and gestures lazily toward the hallway Liam went down.

“Assuming you’re here for Nialler, yeah? First door on your left - Christ, Harry, I will vomit on you if you keep trying to shove food in my face!”

“Boys, let’s just get along,” she laughs, thanking Louis before following his directions.

At the end of the hall is a bathroom, and Veda makes a quick detour to search through the medicine cabinet. For some inexplicable reason, there is no bottle of ibuprofen or acetaminophen - only single-use packets of ibuprofen tossed carelessly into a basket hanging on the back of the door. She grabs three then steps back out into the hallway.

To her left is a staircase leading to darkness. She idly wonders what is up on the second floor then decides it doesn’t matter. Shaking her head, she hurries back to the door that Louis said was Niall’s. Veda knows it’s probably pointless, but she knocks anyway before carefully pushing the door open.

Her eyes slowly grow accustomed to the dim lighting provided by sunlight slipping through a crack in the curtains, falling across the end of the bed in a thin triangle; dust motes swirl in the air, and the blankets rustle slightly then go still once more. When she can see more clearly at the scene in front of her, she almost wishes she was the type of person who takes pictures of her friends in compromising positions.

Niall is practically invisible in his bed, sprawled under a thick, fluffy, black comforter. Over that are three fleece throw blankets - one blue, one green, and one a dizzying rainbow tie-dye. There is also a cheetah-print Snuggie, and Veda can’t help but giggle at the thought of it belonging to Liam, simply because he doesn’t look like the type to sport cheetah-print. It isn’t until she nears the bed that she realises there is one more strip of fabric.

A tablecloth. Inexplicably, Niall decided to use a tablecloth as a blanket.

She rolls her eyes and slowly lowers herself to sit on the bed. Her fingers fidget with the edge of the blue throw blanket, and she deliberates the best way to wake him up. He’s going to be hungover, and while he’s been an incredible sweetheart thus far, Veda doesn’t know what he is like after a night of drinking.

“Niall,” she singsongs, “time to wake up, babe. C’mon, I brought breakfast.”

His head lifts off the pillow, and Veda smiles as he peers blearily at her through one half-opened eye. Her smile vanishes when he frowns and drops back onto the bed.

“Not wakin’ up. You’re jus’ a dream, an’ dream’s not nice.”

Cocking her head, Veda can’t figure out what the Hell he means. She sighs, pushing away the confusion, and pokes his nose. “Nope. Can’t sleep all day.”

After ten minutes of prodding and bribing, Veda sits back as Niall pushes himself to sit upright. He stares at her with narrowed eyes, scrubs away the sleep, then does a double-take.

“You’re actually here.”

“Yes, sir. I actually am. Here’s some water and ibuprofen. I brought food, so hopefully, it’ll make you feel better.”

He swallows down the pills without hesitation, grimacing before taking a sip of water. Veda stares around the room while he finishes waking up the rest of the way - anything to not focus on his very-bare chest, begging for her fingers to bury into the hair there.

Posters cover the walls, all of musicians and football teams. Everything seems to have its place; cologne bottles line the top of the bureau, each one flush with the next, and a small wooden case sits prominently in the centre. Veda has seen Antonio and Tommy’s bedrooms, so she’s surprised at how neat Niall keeps his. She assumed every being of the male persuasion had little regard for tidiness.

“You ready to get out of bed yet?” she asks, turning back to Niall. It takes a concerted effort to maintain eye contact instead of letting her gaze drop to the broad expanse of skin below his neck.

“If I have to,” he grumbles before throwing back the mass of blankets.

Veda will blame it on pure instinct - a nosiness ingrained in her from years of living around people who have no sense of boundaries. Or maybe she’s just selfish enough to want to look at him for as long as possible. No matter what the real reason is, she lets her gaze roam along his body, and heat floods her face. She immediately turns away and covers her eyes with one hand.

“Uh, I, um, I can - you’re naked,” she finally manages to stammer out, heart thundering in her chest.

“What? Oh, _fuck_. Veda, I’m-I’m so sorry.”

She hears a soft thump as Niall swiftly covers himself again, but she can’t meet his eye now. Pushing to her feet, she breathes out a quick promise that she will meet him in the living room. Her tongue feels heavy in her mouth, fumbling and awkward, as she rushes from the room and pulls the door shut behind her. She slumps against the wall and exhales unsteadily.

“Shit,” she whispers.

David Barkie sniffs at her ankles, whines when she doesn’t duck down instantly to pet him. Veda lowers herself to sit on the floor outside Niall’s room, letting the puggle crawl into her lap, and blows out a breath. The image of Niall is seared into her brain, printed on the back of her eyelids, and she fears this might make things awkward.

Granted, it isn’t a surprise that she has feelings for the man. He’s been here for her repeatedly over the last two months - and how the Hell has it only been two months since Granddad passed? It seems so much longer. But Niall has done so much to make the pain easier to manage. Veda really should have known that whatever she began feeling for him would spiral out of control, especially after The Dream (and in her mind, there’s an enormous trademark symbol to denote just how life-altering The Dream was).

It doesn’t mean she needed to know _exactly_ what Niall looks like naked. Her imagination was bad enough, so to have actual knowledge of… everything, it’s a bit too much to handle.

“You okay?”

She gasps aloud at the sudden voice, blinking and looking up at Liam. “Uh, yeah. I’m, I’m fine.”

“Then why are you sat on the floor?”

“Cuddling David Barkie?” _Please believe the lie, I can’t handle speaking the truth right now._

Thankfully, if Liam can tell that she’s fibbing, he doesn’t speak on it. He just reaches out a hand to help her to her feet. She runs a hand through her hair and follows him back to the living room. Louis looks less like death warmed over now; the shadows beneath his blue eyes are still there, but he’s smiling and laughing at whatever cartoon is playing. Harry is fiddling with his phone, occasionally looking away at the television.

Veda drops to sit on the couch. “What are we watching?”

“ _Animaniacs_. Please tell me you’ve seen this before.”

“Uh, should I have?”

Even Liam gapes at her in shock, and maybe some judgement, at her non-admission. Veda squirms awkwardly and bites back the urge to defend herself. If electricity and heating weren’t important priorities to Olivia, then cable wasn’t even an afterthought.

Cartoons were the last thing on Veda’s mind, even when she stayed with Granddad. She cared more about spending time with someone who loved her unconditionally, which meant gong around the block to visit neighbours and be a mini-handyman with him. Not wasting away the days in front of the television.

“Styles, where the _fuck_ are my clothes?”

Harry freezes, head snapping up at Niall’s shout. “Wait, what am I being blamed for, and _why_?”

“My clothes - all of them - are gone,” Niall announces through gritted teeth, storming into the living room wearing the cheetah-print Snuggie. “Everything is missing, and I want to know what you’ve done with them.”

“Maybe it was Louis, ever think about that, you wanker?” Harry’s indignant expression melts away, replaced with a mixture of chagrin and childish glee. “Oh, yeah. It _was_ me. I Joey’d you when you kept arguing with yourself about whether or not to -”

“I remember now,” Niall rushes to interrupt, and Harry cocks his head to the side as a sly smirk spreads across his face.

Niall scowls and disappears back down the hallway, but not before Veda gets a glimpse of his ass through the split in the back of the Snuggie. Her cheeks warm, and she ducks her head when her stomach lurches.

“Ooh, I think someone fancies our Nialler!”

Liam’s voice is drenched in disapproval as he orders Harry to leave her alone. Then he sighs, carding his fingers through his dark hair. “Sorry to leave you alone with these idiots, Veda, but I have to get to work.”

“I’ll be okay. Worse comes to worst, I’ll leave and take the food with me.”

His laughter follows him out of the door, and Veda smiles to herself even as Harry pouts next to her. Before he can say anything, Niall reappears again. Thankfully, he’s fully-dressed this time in a dark blue tee and black basketball shorts. Veda gets no warning - he just flops to lie on the couch beside her, rests his head on her thighs, and closes his eyes as he sighs deeply.

“Well, good morning to you, too.”

He grins and scrunches up his nose. “I’m tired, leave me alone.”

“I brought breakfast.”

“Tired.”

“Food.”

“Tired.”

“Food.”

“Oh, bloody Hell,” Louis groans, pushing to his feet. “You two are worse than a married couple. Annoying pricks. Here, Niall.”

The breakfast sandwich bounces off of Niall’s stomach, followed by a hash-brown, and Niall snorts in amusement. He does sit up to eat, though, so Veda counts it as a win. As soon as her lap is vacated, David Barkie yips and wiggles, hops up to curl up against her stomach. She smiles down at him and scratches behind his ear.

“I swear, he loves you more than me.”

Veda shrugs and sticks her tongue out at Niall. “It’s because I let him sleep with me.”

“And you haven’t let Niall sleep with you?” Harry gasps. “For shame, Veda. For utter shame.”

“Piss off, Harry,” Veda says breezily, as Niall echoes the sentiment.

Harry lets out a huff of annoyance and grumbles about people being rude, even as he stuffs half a hash-brown into his mouth. Veda rolls her eyes, but she can’t fight her smile.


	31. ★trentuno★

Harry’s words echo in Veda’s mind even as she settles in to watch the show. She and Niall have _slept_ -slept together, curled up together on the couch, but she knows that Harry meant more than that. The impish leer on his face screamed it. And she wonders if maybe she should act on the feelings that have only grown stronger since the beginning of the friendship.

It would be awkward, she thinks, to bring it up, and it would certainly be uncomfortable if he doesn’t feel the same - or, worse, if he does feel the same but things don’t work out between them. Then she will have had an amazing friendship only to lose it. But keeping this to herself isn’t working any more, not if it’s bleeding into her dreams.

It isn’t a surprise when twenty minutes later, Niall moves David Barkie from her lap and lies back down, considering he’s been yawning since he finished his breakfast. It isn’t a surprise that she doesn’t mind it, she doesn’t care that he’s invading her personal space without permission. It _is_ a surprise, however, when her fingers immediately come up to play with the ends of his dark hair. He hums quietly and smiles up at her before closing his eyes.

The mouse-rat-whatever-they-are characters of the cartoon are no longer important. All Veda can focus on is the softness of his hair between her fingertips and the way her mouth has gone dry with him so near. Stubble dots his jaw, but it works for him. His chest rises and falls with his steady breathing, and she can nearly feel his heartbeat against her palm - an echo of the time he stayed the night, when they cuddled on the sofa after watching the home videos.

She wonders what he is thinking about. If it’s her or something else, if anything at all. She wonders what his heart and brain are telling him. She wonders if she has a chance or if it’s completely stupid of her to let this attachment continue growing.

A soft chiming comes from her right, and Harry fumbles with his phone for a second before answering the call. Veda frowns when she realises the device had been pointing toward her and Niall. She turns her head to catch Harry’s eye.

“I want that picture,” she mouths, and he hesitates then nods, smiling sheepishly at having been caught.

“Hey, Zayn, what’s up?”

“Zayn?” Niall tilts his head back to see the screen. “About time you get in touch, you arse. It’s been two months.”

The man on the other end of the video rolls his dark eyes, shaking his head. “I’ve been busy, shut up. You’re lucky I even have time right now to chat, Harry.”

“Why - oh, my god,” Louis laughs, clapping a hand over his mouth. “Did you text Zayn to tell him Veda was here?”

Harry flushes, pouts, and flips Louis off. “I might have. I mean, we’ve all met her, but Zayn hasn’t, and we all have to approve of her, right?”

“I’m sitting right here,” Veda says slowly, and her brows draw together over her eyes. Approve of her for what?

“Oh, right.” Harry throws his arm around Veda’s neck, yanking her closer, and beams at Zayn. “This is Veda!”

“You can’t strangle the poor girl, Haz,” Zayn admonishes even as he waves. “It’s nice to meet you, Veda.”

“You, as well. I’ve heard a bit about you.”

“I’ve heard too much about you,” he replies with a laugh, disregarding the awkward noise that comes from Niall.

Veda frowns down at him, but he avoids her eye, pretends that he’s been silent the entire time. She can’t make sense of it, any of it. Why Zayn would be saying he’s heard “too much” about her or why Niall has reacted the way he has. Does that mean she is a frequent topic of his conversations? The thought warms her through, and she lets it go for now. It isn’t important. Besides, learning otherwise would be too painful.

So she buries her fingers in his hair again, scratching lightly at his scalp, and acts as if her world hasn’t just been tilted on its axis. Zayn shows off a small portion of his latest piece - a graffiti-style portrait of an angel standing tall over a mountain of skulls - and talks about the last couple of months. Evidently, the fact that he has a girlfriend now is unexpected, judging by the way Harry and Louis immediately start hounding him for details. He laughs but doesn’t give them any information - which doesn’t seem to surprise any of the three men in the house. Zayn must keep his life as private as possible, even with his friends.

Veda understands that. She would do the same if her neighbours weren’t so nosey.

“You’re vibrating,” Niall announces quietly, and she drags her gaze away from Harry’s phone.

Niall is right. Her phone is going off in her pocket. She nudges at his head until he moves with a halfhearted protest, pulling her phone free as soon as she’s able. _Hattie_. Frowning, Veda tells Zayn it was a pleasure to speak to him and hopefully they can meet in person at some point, then she hurries to the kitchen. Hattie’s voice fills the line the second Veda answers the call.

Unfortunately, her cousin is crying too hard for Veda to understand any of the words, so she waits for Hattie to calm down, occasionally making noises of acknowledgement. Finally, Hattie takes a deep breath and says the one thing that Veda never expected to hear:

“Mom kicked me out.”

“What?”

“She just, she told me to get the Hell out and she’s no longer paying my tuition, so fuck me, I guess.”

Anger rips through Veda at the news. She anticipates this kind of behaviour out of Olivia, but never Debbie. The woman lives purely for the chance to hold something over her children’s heads. Especially Hattie. As the youngest child, Hattie was meant to be the golden one, but Hattie never fell quite in line. She hasn’t completely swallowed the whole “my mother is perfect and can do no wrong, so therefore, I must emulate her” pill.

“What the fuck is Debbie thinking?” Veda spits out as she scrubs at her face with her free hand.

Hattie sighs and says, bluntly and without inflection, “It’s because of you.”

“Me? What did _I_ do?”

“She found out we were still talking to each other. It doesn’t matter that it was just a few texts,” Hattie says, obviously detecting Veda’s protest, “it was ‘too much’, in her opinion. Then she found out you allowed me into the house after Grandpa died. _And_ you pressed charges against Phil and Olivia and had restraining orders instated against everyone but me.”

“So she’s pissed at me, and you’re being punished for it. Fuck, Hatchling, I’m so sorry.” Veda paces the kitchen, struggling to control her rage. Taking it out on Hattie is not an option, but all Veda wants to do right now is find her aunt and punish her for hurting Hattie like this.

Hattie snorts, but the tears in her voice contradict her next words. “I don’t care. She can be as petty as she wants. I’m so done trying to play peacekeeper. I’m done putting myself second so everyone else can be happy in their misery.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Well, I’m kinda, sorta on my way to yours. Mind if I crash with you for a while?”

“Hattie, you are more than welcome to just move in. Never doubt that, okay? When are you gonna be here?”

“I’m less than an hour away.”

Veda laughs and shakes her head. “What would you have done if I’d said no?”

“Probably live on the stoop and hope my pathetic existence would be enough for you to take pity on me and let me in.”

“You’re so weird. Okay, well, I’ll be home soon. If I’m not there by the time you arrive, go to Nonna’s. She’ll make sure you’re not bothered. And fed. God, that woman will stuff you so full of food, I’ll have to roll you across the street.”

“Thanks, V.”

Veda hangs up and dials Nonna’s number. Harry and Niall are watching her closely, their faces twin masks of confusion as she continues pacing. The ringing stops, and before Nonna can say a word, Veda is speaking, informing the grandmother that Hattie is on her way and will need a place to hang out until Veda can get home. Nonna assured Veda it isn’t a problem and to take her time - “Getting into an accident isn’t what you need, _piccolina_ , so be careful.”

“Everything okay?” Niall asks quietly as she ends the call, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest; his blue eyes are ridiculously clear, dark with worry, and she avoids meeting his gaze if only so she doesn’t fall into them.

Veda scoffs and lets out a slightly-delirious giggle. “My aunt just proved that she’s competing against Olivia for ‘Shittiest Mother of the Year’ award.” She glances up at Niall, at his cocked head and furrowed brows. “She kicked my cousin out because Hattie was talking to me.”

“Wow, that’s awful. Is your cousin okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. She, uh, she’s actually gonna be staying with me for a while, so that’s good. Gotta help her get settled in and her credits transferred to a university near here, though. I’m not gonna let her fail out just because her mother is terrible. But I, uh, I have to go.”

“Thanks for breakfast, Veda, you’re an angel!” Harry calls from the living room, causing Niall to roll his eyes and Veda to laugh.

“I figured if Niall was hungover, there was a good chance the rest of you, too. And what better way to get rid of a hangover than greasy food?”

She waves a goodbye to Louis and Harry as she makes her way to the door for her shoes. Niall trails after her, clearing his throat softly as she pulls her sneakers onto her feet.

“Do you want a lift home so you don’t have to grab a cab?”

Veda could kiss him with gratitude at the offer - waiting for a taxi or an Uber sounds like Hell when she’s already angry and worried about her cousin. She knows Hattie will be fine with Nonna, but it’s the emotional repercussion of Debbie’s actions that Veda is concerned about. Though Hattie is strong and resilient, Veda knows how devastating it is to learn that your mother doesn’t want you.

“That would be amazing, thanks.”

“Stealing the car,” Niall announces as he grabs the keys off the hook.

Once his shoes are on, he tells David Barkie to stay and leads Veda out the door. The pup’s whining grows quieter the further they get from the house, but it echoes in her ears. She nearly begs Niall to let DB tag along before she realises it would be selfish. It would only be so she has something to focus on other than the fact she’s seen Niall naked - and the mess inside her head.

“So… Joey’d?”

Niall snorts as he steers the car out of its parked spot. “A scene in the show, _Friends_. Joey and Chandler are arguing about something stupid, so Joey goes across the hall to their flat and puts on every single item of clothing that Chandler owns, including his underwear. It was such a stupid thing to do.”

“Yet Harry did it to you,” she giggles. “Why?”

“Because he’s a prick.”

“He’s your friend.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s not a prick. Nah, I guess I annoyed him so he did something to annoy me.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, you look amazing in cheetah-print.”

Niall laughs, shaking his head, and glances at her. “I look amazing in anything.”

 _And nothing at all_. Veda bites her lip to prevent the thought from becoming words. That’s something she would never be able to un-say, to take back and pretend never happened. The kiss is still on her conscience, even though he hasn’t brought it up since the texts.

Hattie’s Escort sits out front by the time Niall comes to a stop, and Veda stares at her house for a moment. When she looks back at Niall, it’s to see his head is ducked, and he’s staring out her window. He catches her eye.

“You got the window fixed.”

“Uh, sorta? Antonio and his buddies fixed it while I was at work.”

“That was sweet of them.”

She shrugs. “Evidently, my neighbours care. Who knew.” Sighing, she reaches for the handle then hesitates. Should she? “Hey, Niall?”

“Hey, Ve-Veda?”

“Would you, um, would you wanna go to dinner sometime? With me, I mean? As a date?”


	32. ★trentadue★

Veda’s words echo in the sudden silence, and her heart beats out a rapid, unsteady rhythm. Panic twists in her gut, aching and ugly and growing worse the longer Niall stays quiet. It seems her question has rendered him unable to do more than blink stupidly at her.

Swallowing against the tears that fill her eyes, she nods slowly as fire erupts across his face. Of course his answer is ‘no’. Hell, it isn’t even so much a ‘no’ as it is apparent disbelief that she’s asked. That she’s grossly misconstrued their friendship. This must be why he made sure to call them friends in the text after the kiss.

He still hasn’t said a word. The silence stretches on, and Veda’s heart sinks lower in her chest. _Congratulations, you just pulled a rookie move and fell for a friend. What would Ellie say?_ That’s a conversation Veda will put off for as long as she can. The mortification is horrid enough on her own - she doesn’t need an audience privy to her rejection and the subsequent end to an amazing friendship.

She keeps her face turned away from Niall as she reaches for the door handle. Making him feel guilty about not returning the attraction is the last thing Veda wants, and him seeing her cry will only do just that. It isn’t his fault that this is so one-sided. Veda just hopes she can get out of the car before she loses the fight against the tears.

“Yes! Fuck, yes. Yes.”

Veda jumps in her seat, the thin metal of the handle snapping back into place with a loud _thunk_. She swallows hard and turns to face Niall.“What?”

“Yes. I’d - I’d love to. Go on a date with you, I mean.”

“Really cuttin’ it close there, Horan,” she scolds, though a smile plays at her lips. Her heart is still racing, but for a different reason now.

“Sorry. I just, I didn’t expect you to ask.” He pauses and runs a hand along the back of his neck. “This isn’t just because you saw me naked, is it?”

“No. Definitely not. It maybe helped, though," Veda tacks on, biting back a mischievous smile.

Niall rolls his eyes with a self-deprecating chuckle. “I’ll take it, I guess.”

“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t expect to ask, not today. But, uh, I’ll call you once Hattie is settled in?”

“Sounds good,” he murmurs, and his eyes are bright over pink-stained cheeks. Veda wants to kiss him.

Instead, she smiles and slides out of the car, closing the door with a trembling hand. He waves through the window and pulls away; she hates watching him disappear around the corner. Wiping away the dampness in her eyes, Veda lets out a breathless laugh and a squeal of happiness she will deny making if asked. Veda Persephone Mitchell does not squeal over something as trivial as a date with a guy.

_Except maybe Niall_.

“Yeah, shut up, Benedict Arnold,” she mutters to the smug voice in her head, drawing in a deep breath before turning toward Nonna’s.

She doesn’t bother waiting for an answer to her knocking, just pushes open the door and steps inside. The living room is full - aunts and uncles and cousins all here to visit. Veda is almost jealous of how close-knit this family is, but how can she be when they’ve all accepted her as their own?

So she hugs the various relatives as she makes her way through the living room, asking about Louisa’s newest baby and assuring _Zio_ Lorenzo that he’s still a heartbreaker without his toupee - according to Little Frankie’s translating, the chihuaha next door stole it. Veda doesn’t want to know how that happened, but the mental image is enough to send her into a giggling fit if she isn’t careful.

Though her Italian is rusty from disuse, she recognises the words “cousin” and “kitchen” easily enough. She kisses _Zio_ Paolo’s cheek in gratitude and weaves around the family filling the room. Jimmy and Sofia Maria dart ahead of her, shouting about her presence.

Nonna Costa turns away from the stove as Veda enters the kitchen, and the older woman’s sweet smile lasts all of two seconds before she gasps. Veda has no hope of understanding the rapid-fire Italian. All she knows is that whatever Nonna is saying, it draws the attention of every adult in the house. Soon, the kitchen is crammed full of inquisitive Italians, and they all stare at Veda as they speak over each other.

Nonna sniffs tearfully, clasping her hands to her chest with a watery smile on her round face. “Piccola Veda è innamorata.”

“What?” Veda frowns and shakes her head. “No, Nonna, it-it isn’t like that.”

“You _do_ look a little lovestruck,” Hattie says, grinning impishly over her cup of coffee as if she isn’t throwing her cousin to the wolves.

“It’s just a date, that’s all!” protests Veda, but it does no good: Nobody is listening, and if they are, they don’t believe her.

“Cute boy in car, yes?” _Zia_ Teresa nudges Veda with a knowing smile. “ _Bene_ , Veda.”

Nonna claps her hands together loudly, causing the chatter to die out. “Now, where is he taking you?”

“Or are you just coming home?” Aida asks, winking lasciviously, and she laughs as she ducks Nonna’s hand.

“Aida Valentina, do not be so crass! I have raised you better than that.”

“What the-? _No_! I told him I’d call him so we could plan it.” Veda groans when everyone starts giving suggestions, languages overlapping into a chaotic mess of voices. She turns to Hattie with pleading eyes. “Lord save me. You ready to go, Hatchling?”

Hattie bites back a smile as she finishes off her coffee, rising to her feet. Once she’s rinsed out the mug, she hugs and thanks Nonna for the company. Nonna pulls her back in for an embrace that Veda can see restricts Hattie’s breathing even from across the room, but Hattie melts into it. Veda steps closer for her own rib-breaking hug from Nonna - they are always the best hugs she could ask for, and Nonna seems to know just how often Veda needs a hug.

As Veda and Hattie make their way to the door, the other adults pat Veda’s shoulder, kiss her cheeks. Everyone shows their affection with proud, knowing smiles on their faces and love in their eyes. Veda loves being loved like this, but she still has never been more glad to be out in the hot summer air.

She laughs awkwardly and exchanges a look with her cousin. “What the Hell was all _that_?”

“They love you, V, you know that.”

“So they have to make a big deal about me getting a date?” she grumbles as she hurries down the steps. The more distance she can put between herself and the Costas, the better.

“Yes, yes, they do.” Hattie sighs, looks both ways before stepping out into the street. “When was the last time you had one?”

“I…”

“Exactly. It’s been what, almost three years since you dated anybody, even for one single dinner? So of course Nonna and, by default, the rest of the family is gonna be thrilled that you’ve started dating again. So tell me about him.”

Veda blinks a few times then sighs. Maybe Hattie is right. Between work and schooling, Veda hadn’t had time for relationships, and that only got more true after Granddad’s diagnosis. Her stomach lurches when she recalls how disappointed he was when she admitted she’d withdrawn from school to take care of him. Now it looks like Hattie is going to be the only Mitchell to earn a degree.

Veda wonders how different her life would be if she stayed in school. If she never ran away from home. If she let herself become Olivia’s mirror. She can guess at the answer to it: She wouldn’t have a job she loves, a relationship with Granddad that made losing him so hard, or a date with the most wonderful man she’s met in so long. Everything that’s brought her to this point has been well worth it.

So she tells Hattie about Niall as they carry her belongings into the house - how selfless and genuine he is, how he has helped Veda work through her anger and grief. She even admits to kissing him in a momentary lapse of functioning brain cells. Hattie finds it far too amusing, nearly dropping a suitcase from laughing so hard.

“Keep laughing, and I won’t show you a picture of his dog,” Veda grumbles as she tosses a duffel bag onto the guest bed.

“He has a dog? Show me, show me, show me!”

Veda relents within seconds, digging her phone from her pocket and bringing up the photo gallery. Hattie coos over David Barkie, baby-talking to the picture, before swiping to the left. A low whistle escapes her, and she waggles her eyebrows at Veda.

“Now _that_ is a good-looking man. He got a twin or something?”

“No, but he has three friends who I think might be single.”

“Be a good cousin and hook me up,” laughs Hattie. “Nah. I’m happy for you, Veda. Really.”

“But?”

“No buts. Just… make sure you two are quiet. I need my beauty sleep.”

Hattie disappears through the door, ostensibly heading downstairs to bring up the boxes left in the living room. Veda stares after her cousin, jaw dropped. The implications of Hattie’s request haven’t gone unnoticed. She manages to find words before Hattie can get too far down the staircase.

“Who said I was gonna fuck him?”

Hattie snorts but pointedly doesn’t reply. If Veda is honest, she has to confess that it would be _really_ nice to make The Dream a reality. She’ll never admit it, though.


	33. ★trentatré★

The guest room is an utter mess. Boxes are stacked in every available inch - some Mom-Mom’s, some Granddad’s, and now Hattie’s - and a thick layer of dust covers the furniture. Veda frowns and starts ripping the blankets off the bed, hoping she can find the duster around here somewhere.

“Okay, so. I was meant to go shopping this morning for food, since it’s my day off. But then you rang, and now here we are.”

Hattie slides the pillows out of their cases, drops the fabric into a pile at her feet, and tosses the pillows back onto the bare bed. “We can go now and pick up takeaway on the way back.”

“You just drove how many hours to get here?” Veda snorts. “Shopping can wait. I wanna get you settled in.”

“V, please. It was only four hours. We can shop today, I promise.”

Veda sighs - as much as she just wants to relax tonight, let Hattie get accustomed to being in the house again, she knows it’s pointless to argue. So she relents with as much grace as possible. “If you insist. I suppose you can start unpacking, and I’ll throw your bedsheets in the wash.”

“Call your boyfriend,” Hattie shouts as Veda makes her way down the stairs with an armful of blankets.

“Already planning on it, brat.”

Once the machine is started, a low thrum of noise muffled by the laundry room door, Veda moves to the living room and drops onto the couch. This morning has already been hectic and full of surprises. She’d planned on doing very little in the way of existing, but instead, she has managed to see Niall naked and gain her favourite cousin as a roommate. And now she has a date to plan.

Niall answers on the second ring, as if he’s been impatiently awaiting the call. Veda smiles as her stomach clenches, his voice soft and light as he greets her, and she can’t help but wonder why she ever doubted the feelings she has for him, Ellie’s warning be damned. Exhaling slowly, she settles further into the cushions.

“Hey, Hattie is mostly settled in now.”

“That’s good,” he murmurs, and she closes her eyes, imagines him sat next to her on the sofa, his fingers gently playing with the ends of her hair.

“Yeah, I’m-I’m glad. Uh, Nonna knows about the date now.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep. She kinda… figured it out when I walked in, so now you have a _lot_ of Italians invested in you. Us.”

Niall laughs quietly, and static fills the line for a moment. “Well, I suppose I better exceed their expectations.”

“What are you up to?” Veda asks after a long silence, grimacing at how awkward the question is - he is going to think she’s never dated before.

“Currently, I am being a bed for a very needy dog. Me taking you home evidently means I was never going to come back.”

“Aw, I miss David Barkie already.”

“Of course you only miss my dog,” he says on a chuckle, and her face heats up.

“Not just the dog. I, uh, I miss you, too.” She pauses, scrubbing a hand over her cheeks. “God, I feel so lame right now.”

“Don’t. This is… It’s new. Of course we wouldn’t be good at it.”

She sighs and picks at a thread on her shorts. “Well, yeah, I guess that’s true, but we’ve never had awkward silences like this before I asked you out on a date.”

“Ve-Veda, again, it’s new. We’ll figure it out.”

Exhaling sharply, Veda decides not to argue further. Instead, she changes the subject to the reason why she rang him in the first place: planning the date. His voice grows muffled, distant, then he’s listing off his schedule for the next week. Veda brings up her own on the Saint Francis employee portal, frowning when she sees the times she’s listed to work conflict with his.

All except Wednesday. He has the day off, and she is meant to be out of work by four.

“Wednesday it is,” Niall says softly; she can see his gentle, sweet smile in her mind. “I’ll be ‘round at six?”

“Perfect. Now, you cuddle my baby boy. I have to do the shopping I meant to do before you needed food to fight a hangover.”

“All right. I’ll see you Wednesday.”

Veda stares down at her phone with a dopey smile on her face after she ends the call. This isn’t the first date she’s ever had - she has been in a few serious relationships, though more on the toxic side - but it is the first one in years. And it is with someone who is far better than any guy before. Someone who gives more than he takes, who genuinely cares and listens. Someone who has seen her at her worst and still sticks around.

Shopping with Hattie ends up being an adventure in itself. They both were raised with opposition mindsets: Debbie taught Hattie that only name-brand will do, whereas Veda learnt that generic is often better - and damn near always cheaper. Veda can’t see the point in spending an extra two bucks on a box of macaroni, so she refuses to cave on this particular hill. Hattie, however, will not back down when it comes to potato chips.

“Lay’s or nothing.”

“Fine,” Veda groans. “Get the four-dollar bag of air.”

Thankfully, living with Hattie looks like it is going to be a helluva lot easier than shopping. She wakes when Veda does on Tuesday and even has all of Veda’s scrubs cleaned and ready to go by the time Veda gets home from work. It’s unusual for the rack to be full in the middle of the week, considering Veda washes laundry on Friday nights. The best part is though they now live together, there is no rush to fill every single silence with idle chatter.

Sure, they reminisce over Granddad and memories made with this neighbourhood, and Veda tells her everything that happens at work, but the quiet between conversations is comfortable, less lonely. The house doesn’t feel like it’s closing in on Veda, and she actually has started to look forward to time spent within the walls.

Veda almost manages to forget how nervous she is for the date but is reminded when she finds herself rushing up the stairs on Wednesday afternoon. She strips on the way up to the third floor, dropping her scrubs where they land as she all but sprints into the en-suite bathroom. She has less than an hour to get ready, and she hasn’t even begun to pick out an outfit.

She could win an Olympic medal with how quickly she showers. The water doesn’t even get the chance to warm up properly before she steps out, shivering and reaching for a towel. Hattie has hung a simple sundress on the rack with her scrubs by the time Veda enters her room again.

Veda stands rooted to her spot as she stares at the dress. Nothing elaborate, the pale yellow dress is easy to move in, and it makes her feel pretty. It was one of Granddad’s last gifts to her before his diagnosis. It was her favourite at one point - for all of an hour. Now pain stains the fibres: She’d worn it for a “date” with him, the night he told her of the cancer.

Her cousin meant nothing by the choice; she probably knew that the colour brought out the golden tones to Veda’s hair, the bronze in her skin. Veda swallows thickly and rips the dress from its hanger, stuffing it in the back of her top drawer. Her heart aches with the loss, a hurt she can’t acknowledge tonight. Not when she’s on the precipice of a bright spot in her life.

Veda wipes away the tears, sniffles, then stares at the ceiling. Forcing some semblance of control over herself, she moves toward the closet to choose something else. Something less imbued with love lost and broken hearts. Focusing on the impending date with Niall helps. A lot.

One final swipe of mascara thirty minutes later, and she steps back to examine her face in the mirror. Nothing looks out of place or uneven - or like she’s tried too hard to be beautiful. She chose to keep her makeup light, mostly to spite Hattie’s unhelpful note taped to Veda’s bedroom door: “Make him want you!!!”

Her phone vibrates on the counter beside the nylon makeup bag. Veda bites down on her lower lip, fighting a smile, when Niall’s face grins back from the screen. Dropping the tube of mascara with the rest of her cosmetics, she scoops up her phone and slides the icon to answer.

“Hi-”

“Veda?”

_Oh, no_. Dread sinks, heavy in her belly, but Veda goes for a joke. Maybe it will remove the tension from his voice. “Nope. Mitchell Pimp House. We whore ‘em, you bore ‘em.”

“Clever.” But Niall isn’t laughing. In fact, he sounds even more frazzled now. “I-I hate to do this, but I can’t make it tonight. I swear, I’ll explain later. I don’t have time right now. I just wanted to let you know and say I’m so, so sorry.”

“Oh. I, um, I understand. Just… call me later?”

He promises to do so, then the call ends. Disappointment surges, ugly and sharp, inside of her. Sighing, Veda lets her phone clatter to the countertop and reaches for a makeup wipe. He sounded genuinely apologetic for having to cancel, but…

She got her hopes up too high. She knew better, and still, she let herself be too excited for this date. Of course it wouldn’t happen. At the last second, it was ripped from her grasp, just like everything else that’s brought her happiness.

Hattie glances up from the television when Veda finally heads downstairs, dressed in a pair of ratty pyjamas with her honey-blonde hair pulled into a messy bun. “Uh-oh, what happened?”

“He cancelled on me.”

“Oh, no! Why?”

Veda shrugs helplessly. “I dunno, he didn’t say. He said he’d tell me later.” She groans and flops down onto the couch next to her cousin. “I really thought he wanted to go out with me, but maybe he doesn’t and just has no clue how to tell me.”

“V, I love you. So much. You know that, right?” at Veda’s nod, Hattie swats the back of her head. “Stop being so stupid. Of _course_ he wants to go out with you. Nonna told me about how often he’s been over here and that he looks at you like you’ve - her words, not mine - ‘hung the stars in his sky’. What does he do?”

Veda rubs at the back of her skull, frowning. “His job? He’s a ped nurse.”

“Then have you considered that maybe, just _maybe_ , he got called into work on an emergency?”

“No,” Veda admits petulantly after a long pause; Hattie’s argument is logical, and Veda can’t believe she didn’t think of it.

“Jeez, Veda, you work in a hospital.” Hattie rolls her eyes, shoving a hand through her dark hair. “You are surrounded by nurses, doctors, surgeons, and whatever else every single day. Yet you still somehow managed to let it slip your damn mind they get called in all the time? Hell, _you_ get called in all the damn time, and you’re a registrar!”

“Well, you don’t have to be so rude. And will everyone stop saying that he feels that deeply for me? We’re friends. Well, I suppose more than that now, considering we’re going on a date. Eventually. Hopefully.”

Hattie pats Veda’s knee, lips quirking, then shakes her head as she turns _One Day at a Time_ back on. Veda sticks her tongue out at her cousin before rising to her feet, heading to the kitchen. Hattie had begged for a bottle of Bailey’s when they went shopping, and Veda hadn’t argued. She may not be getting some time with the beautiful Irishman she fell for, but Irish coffee is a pretty good substitute.


	34. ★trentaquattro★

Veda groans at the first touch of sunlight on her face, wondering why she put her bed in front of the window in the first place. She has never quite liked waking in the mornings - a loathing that was born from a disinterest in spending time with Olivia - and that hatred only grows each time she drinks too much the night before.

After the first drink, she and Hattie had decided to forgo the coffee altogether, switching the Bailey’s for Jim Beam straight from the bottle. They spent half the night comparing horror stories of their lives, and Veda is somehow surprised that Debbie let JJ continue living with them after he drunkenly drove the car through their living room window. Then again, John Jr has always been her first-born, her precious little baby. So maybe it isn’t that shocking.

A loud vibrating noise kicks up, and Veda groans, rolls over to grab her phone off the nightstand. Without looking at the caller ID, she slides her thumb across the screen and brings the device to her ear.

“You’re interrupting my routine of hating myself for drinking too much, what do you want?”

The line goes quiet for a moment, then Niall’s voice comes through the speaker. “Sorry. I, er, I can leave you alone?”

“No, no. It’s fine. I just… hungover, that’s all. Please, continue. I like hearing your voice.”

“I like hearing yours, too, especially when you’re grumpy from just waking up.” His laugh is soft in her ear, but there’s something to it that isn’t settling right. She frowns and sits up as he continues, “I am so sorry about cancelling last night. I only now got off shift, and I’m exhausted. I just, I wanted to explain -”

“Get called in?”

“Yeah. It was… Veda, it was awful.”

Veda chews on the edge of her thumbnail, wincing when she rips the skin. “Do you want me to come over so you can talk about it?”

“Not right now. I’m just gonna sleep for a while. I’ve been awake for nearly thirty hours. Either people have been cloned, or I’m seeing double.”

“Okay, you definitely need sleep. Sweet dreams, babe.”

His accent is thicker, words slurring a bit around the edges, though the smile is there. “I’ll probably end up dreaming about our date. If you still want to go?”

Veda snorts inelegantly at his hesitation and drops back onto her pillows. “Of course I do. I asked you, didn’t I? Let me know when you make it home.”

“I will. And Ve-Veda? Thanks. For being so understanding and for, y’know, being here for me.”

“Not going anywhere, doll.”

His yawn is the last thing she hears before Niall hangs up, and Veda stares at her phone, grinning stupidly. She burrows further into her blankets and scrolls through her notifications.

Ellie has texted a few times during the night, which isn’t unusual, and Aida tagged Veda in a post on Instagram. Veda taps on the icon then yelps as her phone drops onto her face. She gives up on checking her alerts, instead tossing her phone onto the bed next to her.

Knowing that Niall didn’t _want_ to cancel makes it easier to accept the fact that he had. Veda sighs and stares at the ceiling, the pebbling of the spackle, the slight discolouration in the corner where the roof leaked a few years ago. She’s spent a majority of her life in this room, and it has never once failed to fill her with peace. Knowing it is home, it always has been, and that Granddad was only ever one floor down…

And now she doesn’t have him, but she still has this.

Footsteps echo in the stairwell, and Veda groans before pushing herself upright again. She might as well get up for the day. Her shift starts in three hours, and she really has to pee.

Hattie glances up from where she’s shovelling food into her mouth, and Veda can’t help but laugh at the similarity her cousin bears to a chipmunk. She crosses to the coffeemaker, the pot already blessedly full.

“Where’d you get that?” she asks with a quick jerk of her chin toward Hattie’s plate.

“Antonio brought it over. Said Nonna made too much.”

“Otherwise known as she thinks we need doted on because we’re two mid-twenties young women who live alone and have busy lives.”

Hattie shrugs and swallows down the rest of her apple juice. “Like I’m gonna complain. It’s delicious. She can feed me all the time if she wants.”

“Any for me?”

Hattie merely points toward the stove, and Veda opens the oven. A foil-wrapped plate sits in the middle of the rack, taunting her. Grinning, she immediately reaches for the dish only to curse aloud at the burns she receives on the ends of her fingers. Hattie clears her throat, but the sound doesn’t disguise her laugh.

“Oh, yeah. It’s hot.”

“Thanks, asshole, I don’t think I figured that out on my own.”

Veda reaches for a dishtowel, retrieving the plate with no further injuries, and sits at the table across from Hattie. The pair eats in silence until Hattie has finished her breakfast. Veda frowns when her cousin coughs quietly.

“I’m gonna call around to see if my credits will transfer.”

“Prob’ly a good idea. What’re you gonna do if they don’t?”

“Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to restart. Maybe this time, I can do a better job of juggling my responsibilities. But, uh, mind helping me with filling out the FAFSA?”

“Sure, I think I remember Granddad walking me through it. You’ll have to call your parents for their income information, though.”

“I forgot about that,” groans Hattie, letting her head thunk to the tabletop. “Can’t we lie?”

“No.”

“That sucks. Anyway. You should call Ellie today. She’s gonna be so pissed you didn’t tell her about the date in the first place.”

Veda pauses then realises Hattie is right - Ellie is going to freak out when she finds out Veda asked Niall out. “I hate you,” she manages after a long moment of silence.

Once the dishes are washed, Veda runs upstairs to get dressed for work. She would much rather spend today being lazy, recovering from a date gone well, but it was taken off the schedule by whatever Niall had going on last night. She is in the middle of brushing her teeth when the doubts resurface.

What if he was lying about something coming up that would prevent their date? _No, don’t go there_. He has given her no reason to second-guess him. Besides, Veda doesn’t think he’s a good enough actor to have that much frustration and pain in his voice. All she can do is trust that he’ll explain at some point.

Thankfully, he still wants to talk to her, judging by the text she gets around four that afternoon. A simple question - _Are you busy?_ \- but it’s enough to squash her worries. Hattie’s argument last night was logical, and Veda found herself believing it easily. Today, though, the time between the phone call and now has been filled with overthinking and wishing Granddad could be here.

He would give her advice, and she wouldn’t doubt it.

> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Kinda? Mostly avoiding filling out paperwork. What’s up?_
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _How about Saturday night?_
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Perfect. I have a half, so I should be out by 4._  
>  **<** _Need to talk?_
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _We can talk when you’re home. I’m not going to be the reason you get fired._
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Well, what kinda boyfriend are you then?_
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _The kind who likes his girlfriend to have a job she loves :)_
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Fiiiiiiine, if you have to be so damn sweet about it. :P_  
>  **<** _I’ll text when I get off._  
>  **<** _Work, I mean_  
>  **<** _Not “off” off._  
>  **<** _Okay, I’m gonna shoot myself in the foot now byeeee_

His response is only a long string of laugh-crying emojis, and Veda grins even as she sends back an emoji of a hand flipping him off followed by a kissy face. Before she locks her phone, she sends a text to Hattie informing her of the rescheduled date then another text to Ellie saying only _Big news._

The sun is setting over the block by the time Veda makes her way down her street. She breathes in the aromas of dinners, of cigarette smoke and sparklers. Of home. Hellos are exchanged, but nobody stops her as she ambles toward her house. Hattie’s car isn’t out front.

Antonio scoots over so Veda can sit next to him on the Costas’ stoop. She lets out a slow breath and stares out over the street. The occasional car comes through, honking on the way, and kids scatter each time before coming right back to continue their games.

“You look happy, Veda.”

Veda sighs and lets out a soft laugh. “I _am_. Didn’t think it was possible after losing Granddad, but I really, really am happy.”

“Good. You deserve it, kiddo.”

“’Kiddo’? You aren’t even two years older’n me.”

“Still older,” Antonio laughs, and she shoves her shoulder against his.

If he was anyone other than him, if he was just some man she crossed paths with in the world, Veda might have found him attractive. With thick, black hair and caramel-brown eyes that contrasts beautifully to his olive skin, he’s certainly good-looking. As it is, she has considered him family for far too long. She idly wonders if he’s managed to find a girlfriend at any point recently.

“Tell me about this guy,” he says abruptly, reaching for the cigarette tucked behind his ear. “I wanna know he’s good for you.”

Veda giggles and takes the cigarette before he can light it up. “He makes me happy, isn’t that enough for you?”

“You realise we will all chase him outta town if he hurts you, right?”

“Well, Ant, I don’t think he will, but thanks,” she whispers as she rests her head on his shoulder, exhales slowly.

“I’m glad.” Antonio pauses. “Any possibility I can get my smoke back?”

“Not a chance in Hell, buddy.”


	35. ★trentacinque★

> **From: Niall  
>  >** _I think I’ve planned our date really well._
> 
> *To: Niall  
>  < _I’m trusting you. Don’t make me regret this._

Veda giggles, dropping her phone into her pocket. Niall had woken up yesterday evening and sent a long text apologising - again - for having to cancel. The explanation he gave was vague, but she didn’t want more details. Reading that there was an influx of patients in his ward was bad enough; knowing the extent of their conditions would have been worse.

Unfortunately, Veda had tortured herself by opening up the local news website last night before bed, only to read about a car accident that sent four kids to the hospital and a fire at the Boys and Girls club that injured seventeen.

She hadn’t read on to see if any had died.

Sighing, she grabs her name-badge from where it hangs in her locker, shuts the door, and turns to leave the locker-room. The world swims, fuzzy and blurring around her. The vertigo has occurred a few times already today; she’d hoped it was something she ate, but that theory is quickly turning inaccurate. It wouldn’t be getting worse if it was merely food disagreeing with her.

“Veda?”

She peels her head up from the counter of the nurses’ station, blinking slowly, and peers at Nadia as the woman’s face warps and doubles. When did Veda get here? She was just in the locker-room, on the other side of the floor. “Hm?”

“You look awful. You okay?”

“‘M fine,” Veda says as she lets her head thunk down on the counter again. “Just tired. Na’ya? Gimme bin.”

Nadia barely gets the garbage bin in front of Veda before she’s throwing up. Someone lets out a groan of disgust, another gasping, and Nadia rubs her hand along Veda’s back. When she’s finished, Veda tries to stand upright, but her body rebels against the order - she sways unsteadily, and her knees buckle. Nadia carefully lowers her to the floor.

“Okay, this isn’t just being tired, Veda. Holy shit,” she breathes when she presses her hand to Veda’s forehead. “Angela, get Phyllis. Alice, thermometer.”

Veda closes her eyes and leans heavily against the front of the station. The lights are far too bright, piercing through her eyelids until her head throbs. Or maybe it’s the fire in her throat. Or the tightness in her chest. Voices grow muffled around her, but Nadia’s comes through, ordering Veda to open her mouth. She gags, nearly throwing up again, on the thermometer under her tongue.

“You’re going home, Veda.”

“‘M fine,” she protests, words clawing from her throat and leaving behind glass fragments.

The night manager snorts, and two pairs of hands haul Veda to her feet. She doesn’t open her eyes, letting out a whimper as her stomach lurches. Alice tells Veda to chew on a piece of gum and put on a mask, she will give Veda a lift home.

“The subway is the last place you should be with a fever of a hundred and two.”

Veda stops trying to argue. There’s no point, and she’s exhausted. Nadia was right - this isn’t just being tired. Alice helps her out to the car park, into the passenger seat of her tiny hatchback, and Veda rests her head against the window. Maybe going to bed will be a good idea. Rest. That’s what usually the doctor orders when a person is ill.

Veda doesn’t even get upstairs to her room. Instead, she drops her bag by the door, trying and failing to shut the door behind her, and shuffles to the couch. Falling face-first onto the cushions, Veda falls asleep in her scrubs with her sneakers still on her feet.

Somehow, she feels even worse when she wakes the next morning - the cruel punishment of karma or fate or something who absolutely hates her. Veda shivers and burrows further into the blanket. A small, non-feverish part of her mind wonders where it came from; she didn’t grab one last night. Then again, she can’t recall the trek from locker-room to nurses’ station, or even the drive home.

But she definitely did not put the cool, wet cloth on her forehead.

Hattie’s voice nears the living room, singing an old Kenny Rogers song from their childhoods. She comes to a stop at the end of the passageway connecting the living room and kitchen, smiling slightly when she sees Veda is awake. In one hand is a glass of water, the other carrying a bowl of soup. The bottle of ibuprofen balanced on the top of her head is unexpected, and Veda raises a brow before grimacing.

Why does even her hair hurt?

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty. You scared me. You left the door wide open last night, and I swear I thought the air-con was gonna blow until I realised it was you breathing.”

Veda pushes herself to sit up with shaky arms, coughing and wincing when her chest burns. “Sorry.”

“Okay, you’re going to Urgent Care today.” When Veda shakes her head, Hattie frowns and carefully lowers the bowl to the coffee-table; she somehow manages to not dislodge the plastic bottle on her head. “Nope, no doing. I was okay with you staying home and sleeping it off if it was just a cold. But you sound like you’ve smoked since you popped outta the womb, and you’re obviously in pain.”

“I’m fine,” Veda protests, but she can’t argue against the fact that her lungs seem to have morphed into a fireplace at some point.

She flops back to lie on the couch, the world spinning around her, and closes her eyes. Pills rattled as Hattie slams the bottle onto the tabletop. Footsteps slide along the hardwood, the front door opens. Then -

“Nonna, Veda won’t go to the doctor!”

Veda groans and tugs the blanket over her face. It’s a low blow to get Nonna Costa involved; everyone knows that unless it’s an actual emergency, Nonna is best left out of it. She reacts swiftly to anyone being ill, and she doesn’t relent until the lingering cough or other discomfort is gone completely.

Not even thirty seconds later, Nonna bustles into the house. Veda whines like a petulant child when the woman yanks the blanket down, presses the back of her hand to Veda’s forehead and turns toward the ibuprofen on the coffee-table. She doesn’t let up on the admonishment, given in both Italian and English to double the impact. Veda sends a pleading look toward her cousin, but Hattie raises her hands and takes a pointed step back.

Groaning, Veda throws her hands into the air - or she thinks she does. She isn’t quite sure her body even recognises the signals her brain is trying to send. “Okay, okay, I’ll go. God.”

“Do not take the Lord’s name in vain, Veda. You may not believe in Him, but I do, and you will not drag me to Hell with your heathen ways.” Thankfully, Nonna is smiling, an amused gleam in her large brown eyes. “Now, take your medicine like a good _piccolina_ , and rest.”

Nonna kisses the air over Veda’s head and moves toward the door. Her final words before leaving are an order for Hattie to come get her if Veda continues being stubborn. Once the door is closed, Veda flips her cousin off and rolls over, burying her face into the back of the couch. She can just die here, and she wouldn’t care.

Unfortunately, Hattie is equally as obstinate as Veda is, so Veda finds herself wearing a medical mask as she is half-dragged to the car fifteen minutes later. She lies down on the backseat, not bothering with buckling her seatbelt, and piles Hattie’s spare sweater over her face. The sunshine is far too bright, painful.

It isn’t until she’s curled up in a chair, waiting to be called, that she remembers what today is supposed to bring. She holds the wet washcloth to her forehead with one hand and searches through her scrubs pockets for her phone. Every movement brings with it a crashing wave of nausea and another round of pounding in her skull.

She needs to stop moving, but she needs to call Niall. He can’t think she stood him up. She’d never do that. Not to him.

Hattie wiggles Veda’s phone in the air. “Already called your boyfriend. I explained what was going on, and he understands. He says he wants you to feel better soon, and he and DB send all the virtual cuddles you can stand.” Her face scrunches up. “How can you stand that much cutesy stuff?”

“Shut up, he’s amazing.”

“Yeah, yeah. So you keep saying. Anyway. I also told him he is not to step foot into our house until you are no longer a biological weapon and we’ve decontaminated everything. We’re not risking him catching this and passing it on to his patients.”

“What would I do without you?” Veda croaks, settling down in her seat. The wall is blissfully cool against her forehead, and she sighs at the small amount of relief.

“Probably be an idiot about potentially having strep or bronchitis or pneumonia or a variety of other highly contagious illnesses.” Hattie shrugs as she slides the phone into her purse. “Seriously, V, you work in the health sector. You should know not to take being sick so lightly.”

“It wasn’t this bad last night. Just some throwing up and a headache. And a fever.”

Hattie snorts. “Yeah, well, whatever this is, sounds like it’s gonna kick your ass for a while.”

‘This’ ends up being strep throat and double-pneumonia. Veda almost isn’t surprised - she rarely gets ill, but when she does, it’s always worse than it could be. The doctor winces in sympathy as Veda doubles over with a cough that rattles in her chest. Prescriptions written for antibiotics and cough medication, Hattie helps Veda out to the car and into the backseat.

It takes nearly a week for her body to fight off the infections properly. Each time Veda wakes, Hattie is right there to force medicine into her and disinfect anything within reach. Her cousin also allows her exactly ten minutes of ‘phone time’ to read well-wishing texts from her coworkers, Niall, and even his friends; then the phone is wiped down with a Lysol wipe and tucked into Hattie’s pocket.

Most of the past week has been a blur - it’s impossible to notice time passing when it is spent either sleeping for hours or floating around in a fever-induced haze. But finally, Veda’s temperature remains normal for longer than three hours, and she can breathe without feeling like someone’s stuck hot irons in her lungs. She still falls into bouts of coughing and wheezing breaths, though they are lesser now. Not as harsh.

She continues to wear a mask outside of the house. She may not be contagious any more, not as likely to infect others, but she does it, anyway. It’s a safety precaution, for one, and it seems to make people less wary about being around her during her coughing fits. Thankfully, her neighbours appreciate her caution, especially Miss Sylvia, so Veda doesn’t find it to be a nuisance to always have a stock of masks with her.

Veda gives the camera her cheesiest grin and a peace-sign, attaching it to a text message with a caption of _I liiiiiiiiive!_ Once it’s on its way to Niall’s inbox, she locks her phone and slides it into her pocket before shutting her locker. This is her first day back to work, and she is excited to get back into the swing of things. Never before did she think she would miss working so much.

Obviously, it only takes a week of feeling near death to make it a reality. Who knew.

“Office work only,” Clarissa says without looking up from the scheduling book in front of her, pen flying over the paper.

“Okay.”

Her boss finally glances up, frowns at Veda’s lack of arguing. “You sure you’re not still sick? You usually try to fight me on this.”

“Why should I?” Veda shrugs and drops to sit in the chair across from Clarissa. “I just spent the last six days thinking I was gonna suffocate to death. I’ll take it easy if you say I should.”

“You realise this doesn’t mean you can sit on your ass and text your boyfriend all day, right?”

Veda laughs, shaking her head. “I know.”

“You’re scaring me, Mitchell,” Clarissa mutters, but she’s smiling down at the pages anyway.

With a wave of her hand, she dismisses Veda, who bounces to her feet. She hadn’t lied. She _will_ take it easy. Mostly because her lungs haven’t fully recovered and breathing is still a chore at times, but also because she doesn’t want the patients to worry more about their health when they see her wearing a mask.

And because Clarissa will never know if Veda spends the time texting Niall.

> **From: Niall  
>  >** _Welcome back to the land of the living, petal_  
>  **>** _Feeling better?_
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _So. Much. Better. I can taste things again! I can breathe! And I am no longer contagious so we can actually go on a date now!_
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _Yeh I’m excited for that :) glad you’re feeling better. I was worried when your cousin texted and said you were doing so poorly ._
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Worrywart <3 I was fine._
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _Yeh ? What was your temperature then?_
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Excuse me, sir, that violates HIPAA guidelines._
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _Don’t quote HIPAA guidelines to me, especially when you’re incorrectly quoting them lol you’re the patient. You can tell me._
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _I can, but I won’t ;)_
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _Rude_  
>  **>** _I’m free Monday night_
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Hey! Me, too! I guess that means we fiiiiiinally get to go on our date then?_
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _Looking forward to it_

“Mitchell! I said not to spend your entire shift texting your boyfriend.”

Veda jumps in her chair, heart pounding a mile a minute under her ribs. She flashes an innocent smile, but Clarissa’s expression doesn’t change. In fact, she frowns even more, which shouldn’t be possible.

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. Getting to work now, Boss Lady.”

> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Gotta go. Boss is gonna kill me. I’ll call after work xxxxxxxxxxx_

“Mitchell.”

“Hey, am I just expected to ghost my boyfriend for _work_?”

“Yes,” Clarissa deadpans, rolling her eyes. “That’s exactly what you’re expected to do. Unless you’d rather be out of a job?”

“I mean, if it gives me more time with him - I’m kidding!”

Veda giggles and pulls a file closer, pointedly flipping it open. She reads the contents with an exaggerated look of concentration. Clarissa sighs, though the sound crackles with withheld laughter, then her footsteps fade as she walks away. Veda makes sure the coast is clear before tapping the screen of her phone.

> **From: Niall  
>  >** _I miss your face_  
>  **>** _I can’t wait until our date ! Xxxxxxxxx back to you_

And, really, how is Veda supposed to concentrate now?


	36. ★trentasei★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was going to be split into two chapters since it's 4k words. thanks to phoenix, it is only one. enjoy.

Veda frowns at her reflection, smoothing down the front of her dress. It’s too much, she knows it is, but Hattie had been adamant about this particular outfit. She’d said that if Niall didn’t want to take Veda to bed immediately after seeing her in this dress, then he’s either stupid or just not that into her. Veda crosses her fingers and hopes her cousin is right.

But she still walks out of the bathroom and into Hattie’s room with doubts swirling in her mind. “Are you sure I’m not, like, showing too much?”

“Veeeeee,” groans Hattie as she tosses her book aside. “Look. Yes, your back is exposed, and yes, maybe it’s a deeper neckline than you’re used to. But you don’t look like a two-dollar prostitute, so it’s a win.”

“Well, thank god for small mercies.” Sighing, Veda makes her way back to the mirror, calling over her shoulder, “What should I-?”

“Oh, step aside. Your favourite cousin is here to save the day. Sit,” Hattie orders with a vague gesture toward the tub.

Veda rolls her eyes but obeys while Hattie rummages through the bag Veda brought downstairs with her. Hattie comes up with an eyeliner pencil and bottle of foundation. She warns Veda to stay completely still - “Or I _will_ stab you in the eye and not feel bad at all” - then gets to work. Veda follows every command, tilts her head up and down and side to side. She even manages to somehow control the twitching of her eyelids as her cousin applies mascara.

Finally, Hattie steps away and beams. “Hey, you actually look somewhat presentable.”

“Hey, you’re actually kinda being an ass.”

Hattie yelps when Veda goes to stand. “What do you think we’re doing? We aren’t done!”

“I’m supposed to be meeting him soon,” Veda protests, and Hattie shoves at her shoulders until Veda sits again. “If I’m late, I’m blaming you.”

“Worth it.”

Forty minutes later, Veda is slipping her feet into a pair of nude peep-toe heels, courtesy of her cousin who heard about the date _finally_ happening and went shopping. She sighs and checks her reflection again. Dark red lips, perfect winged liner, curled lashes, and a touch of peach on her cheeks make her look entirely different than her every-day face. The mass of curls pinned on top of her head is definitely a change from her usual bun, and Veda will never waste the time again.

But even she has to admit Hattie’s magic has made her look incredible.

“Be home by Cinderella, or the carriage turns back into a pumpkin.” Hattie drops to sit on the couch and cocks her head. “Better yet, don’t come home at all.”

“Wow, you really think I’d put out on the first date?”

“For Niall? Yes.”

Veda pauses before collapsing into giggles. “Okay, yeah. You’re right. Don’t burn down the house.”

“I’ve been cooking since I was six. I think the house will be standing when you come home in the morning.”

Veda slides her phone into her purse and steps out onto the stoop, pulling the door shut behind her. Someone whistles sharply across the street, and she checks that Nonna isn’t watching before she raises her middle finger at Antonio. He laughs, shaking his head, and tells her to have fun. He really doesn’t need to add the lascivious wink - she hears the innuendo in his voice - but he does anyway.

“I’ll tell Nonna you’re pestering me, Ant.”

“She gets one look at’chu, she’s gonna wonder where you’re goin’ all dolled up. You really want questions right now?”

“I’ll tell her tomorrow,” she giggles as she makes her way down the block to the subway.

The sun edges closer to the horizon, but the heat of the day is nowhere near dissipating. Veda’s heels click against the pavement, joining the cacophony of fellow pedestrians moving to and fro. The restaurant is just ahead.

Her heart beats faster in her chest the closer she gets.

Hattie made sure Veda was out of the house in time, but Veda didn’t make sure she was actually ready for this.

This is a huge step, a leap forward that she won’t ever be able to take back. And if this all ends disastrously, she will not only lose the only man who’s held her interest in three years but the man who has made her happy through such a horrible time. She meant what she told Antonio. She didn’t think she would ever smile again after Granddad passed, and that thought alone terrifies her.

Niall is quite possibly the most wonderful she could ever love like this, and losing him would be just as devastating as losing Granddad.

Love. _Far too early for that, Mitchell._

Light streams through the enormous windows, catches on Niall’s dark hair like a halo around his head. He’s staring down at the phone in his hand; his thumb taps at the screen, he pauses, then his thumb taps again. The process repeats five times before Veda’s phone vibrates against her side. She steps out of the foot-traffic, digging through her purse until she comes up with the device.

> **From: Niall  
>  >** _I’m excited to see you_

It is such a simple message, but it brings a smile to Veda’s face until her cheeks hurt. She locks her phone and looks at him. He’s gorgeous. His face falls when he sees she’s read the message but isn’t responding. She swallows down the sudden surge of nerves and eases her way through the evening crowd.

“How many times did you write that message only to delete it again?”

His head snaps up, and his smile falters as his gaze skims over her body. “Fuck, Veda, you look - wow. You’re gorgeous.”

“Oh. Um, thank you. Hattie did all the work. I just played the role of live-action Barbie.” Her face heats up at the way his eyes are still on her. She steps forward to kiss his cheek. “You look amazing, too.”

And he really, really does. The gunmetal grey of his V-neck brings out the blue in his eyes, and his dark jeans only accentuate the muscles they hide. Veda’s mouth grows dry as she stares, fragments of a dream worming its way to the forefront of her mind. She wants to feel beneath her fingertips the stubble along his jaw, the soft strands of his hair between her fingers.

She wants to make him look as turned inside-out as he makes her feel.

Ever a gentleman, he holds the door open and waves her through. She laughs softly.

“This is just so you can stare at my ass, isn’t it?”

“I’m only a man, Ve-Veda,” he chuckles as his hand settles on her lower back, a steady point of warmth that rapidly overtakes her entire body.

Veda will remember nothing of the decor, none of the faces they pass as they follow the host to their table, or the aromas of meals that mingle in the air. All she can focus on is how his hand hasn’t moved. The way his fingers brush against the hem of her dress above the curve of her ass. The rush of her heart as it desperately tries to push oxygen through her veins instead of the desire to lead him to the bathroom.

As much as she loathes the loss of contact, Veda is thankful when they sit. His touch was far too distracting, and it is nearly impossible to be on your best behaviour when all you want to do is feel more of that touch in places unsuitable for public audience. He grins at her from across the table; his eyes hold a knowing gleam, and she wonders if he’s thinking the same thing.

She barely spares a second to check the menu, ultimately deciding on a salad. He frowns slightly, opens his mouth, but she shakes her head. The confusion on his face disappears when she explains she only eats like a pig at home. Being out in the real world means she has to use the manners Granddad worked so hard to teach her. Niall laughs and tells her she’s doing a great job.

“So, I have to admit something. I’ve been wanting to ask you out for, well, too long.”

Veda cocks her head. “Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to make you feel like I was pushing myself onto you.”

She can’t help it - she starts giggling. “Sorry, sorry. It’s not funny. I mean, it kinda is? It’s why I don’t text you every day asking you to come over.”

“You should have. DB and I would’ve loved to spend more time with you.”

Ellie’s words echo in her mind, and Veda drops her gaze to stare at the glass of water. She doesn’t want to voice the doubts, but she knows she needs to. She has to know.

“Can I ask why? You wanted to ask me out, I mean. Aren’t you worried that this is just me, like, latching onto the first person who shows me a teeny tiny iota of stability during a life-altering event?”

“Well, I wasn’t _before_!” He taps his finger against his glass and laughs quietly. When he looks at her again, there’s an earnestness on his face that astounds her. “No, I’m not. Veda, I figured out a long time ago that sometimes, you make a choice and it turns out to be the worst fucking decision of your life. But it’s a lesson learnt, and you move on and try to remember that lesson.”

“But what if it turns out this is just my brain craving affection and comfort after I lost my best friend?”

He smiles softly, reaches for her hand, and she lets him link their fingers together. “Then I can’t be too upset, can I, that I’m the one who got to offer it to you.”

“Nope, nope, nope,” Veda mutters as she blinks rapidly, but the burning remains in her eyes. “I can’t do this. You are too damn perfect. What the Hell.”

The stricken expression on his face is replaced with amused exasperation, and he lifts her hand to press a kiss to the back of it. She bites her lower lip to stop her giggles, even as the server arrives with their meals, and Niall sticks his tongue out at Veda.

The date seems almost…effortless. As if it’s merely one of their hang-outs in a restaurant instead of her house. Even the knowledge that this is changing their relationship isn’t enough to make Veda panic for long. He keeps her laughing with stories of his childhood, and she tells him more about her life with Granddad, even the tale of her throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the street while he taught Hattie how to ride a bike.

She never wants it to end.

“Where to next?” she asks as he leads her toward the door.

“Well, I figured you weren’t the type of girl who would be content with sitting in the dark for two hours while watching a film that may or may not be awful.”

“You guessed right.” Veda frowns when he hails a taxi, his hand tight around hers. “You’re not gonna tell me, are you?”

“Absolutely not.”

“You’re lucky I trust you.”

“I’ll do my best not to fuck that up then.”

Veda stares at him for a moment then shakes away the feeling that he is far better than she deserves. Everything he’s told her has been pleasant, wonderful. Even the strained relationship with his brother pales in comparison to her own familial ties. She doesn’t tell him that, though. It isn’t a competition, and she would hate to ruin the atmosphere of the evening. She would take the win in a landslide, anyway.

Niall helps her from the backseat, his hand solid and strong and not releasing her even after she’s on her feet. His lips brush against her cheek, and Veda ducks her head to hide her smile as they step away from the cab so it can drive off. She squeezes his hand then turns toward their destination. She pauses, blinks at the dark blue building and bright yellow letters.

“IKEA?”

He shrugs and shifts his weight. The lot lights wash his eyes an icy blue, but there’s so much warmth there. “Has a date ever done this with you?”

“No, I can say with absolute certainty that this is incredibly unique.” She bites her bottom lip at how uncomfortable he looks, as if he’s afraid he has messed this up. She sighs, touching his cheek with her free hand. “You were right. A movie would have been cliche, and I am so not dressed for anything requiring more than walking. Niall, this is perfect.”

His gaze drops to her lips, but he doesn’t kiss her like she desperately hopes he will. Wants him to. Instead, he smiles and loops his arm with hers. She waits to pout until he’s not looking at her. Why won’t he just kiss her already? He has had ample opportunity, and she’s practically begging for it by this point. After all, it was only a month ago that she kissed him. It’s his turn now.

He suggests a game as they walk through the aisles, pointedly following the arrows on the floor unlike the other people. The rules are simple, he says: Find the most ridiculous items on the shelves to decorate a home with, and whoever has the weirdest collection wins.

“What’s the prize?” she asks even as she adds a tray printed with ugly Santas to her list.

“If I win, I… hm. I get another date with you.”

“And if I win?”

“Another date with me.”

Veda giggles, presses her face into the side of his arm. “So either way, we both win?”

“Exactly.”

She tugs on his arm after a moment, and he follows obediently to the mini-home setup. His face scrunches up once inside, his eyes darting around the small space. Veda understands his distaste for the tiny home - the idea of leaving less of an imprint on the environment is nice, but she needs more room to move.

This, though, seems more like -

“Are you claustrophobic?”

“I am,” he admits with a self-deprecating chuckle. Nervous. Anxious.

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t be. How could you have known?”

She immediately steps out of the display, pulling him with her, and Niall draws in a deep breath once they’re back in the aisle. He squeezes her hand gently. Forgiveness. With an apologetic smile, she gestures for him to lead the way.

The kids’ section instantly catches her attention. Not the bedding or furniture, but the toys. She never really had playthings as a child, since Olivia wasn’t much of a mother, so Veda, without shame, checks out the stock of every store she steps foot into. Granddad started her plush animal collection, and Veda adds to it every chance she gets.

Niall doesn’t judge her for her excitement over the stuffed dogs and teddy bears and penguins. In fact, he even moves away to look in other bins, holding up various creatures for her scrutiny. She falls a little more for him because of it. For once, she feels like she doesn’t have to hide a part of her.

That she can show everything she is, and he won’t think less of her.

“Veda! Oh, my god, come here.”

Veda turns away from the pandas and makes her way through the cramped aisle to his side. Her eyes widen, and she gasps at what he’s found. “Holy hell, they’re amazing! They’re bigger than DB!”

“It’s ridiculous.” He pauses, resting his hand on her back, and she meets his eye. “Want one?”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t need it.”

He frowns as his fingers catch her chin, hold her head still so she can’t look away. “Ve-Veda, I didn’t ask if you needed it. I asked if you wanted it. Yes or no, no thinking allowed.”

And what else can she say except “Yes”?

His smile lights up his entire face, and he lets her go to dig through the bin. She raises a brow when he comes back victorious with a plushie in his hands. He lifts a shoulder jerkily, explains that the ones on the bottom haven’t been touched by gross hands nearly as often as the ones on top.

Veda accepts the reasoning - it’s logical, after all - and reaches for the shark. He takes her purse so she can clutch the stuffed animal to her chest. She knows her grin is too wide, too childlike, but the heat beneath her ribs overwhelms any potential embarrassment.

No guy has ever offered to buy her a stuffed animal, let alone a three-foot shark.

Once he’s paid for the blåhaj, as the tag proclaims, and a new leash for David Barkie, Veda follows Niall back out to the car park. He wraps his arm around her shoulder, kissing her temple, and they walk in silence toward the nearest subway stop. A heady thrumming kicks up in her veins, singing praises of how wonderful the night has been.

How amazing Niall is, even before he’s given her one of the best dates she’ll ever remember.

Her mind suddenly stutters to a halt as they stand together on the subway, scarcely an inch between them though there’s no need. They’re the only ones on within a two-seat radius. She groans as her head drops back. He stares at her with a question in his eyes. Veda sighs and wonders how to explain what she’s thinking. What comes out is:

“This date wasn’t terrible.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” he asks, the words slow and purposeful. Like he doesn’t want to offend her or be offended himself.

“Yes and no.” She exhales sharply and decides to go all-in. “Okay, so you remember how we met because of my friend Ellie’s wedding? Well, I was the maid of honour, and I gave a speech about Chris and Ellie’s first date.”

“I’m guessing it was terrible?”

“The worst. She called me after, and I swear, I almost fell asleep as she told me because it was just… so boring. There was no chemistry! But she went out with him again, and now they’re all gross and in love and married. So I said I wanted a date like that. Something terrible that lead to an amazing love like that.”

Niall nods slowly, and Veda leans into him when the car sways, coming to a stop. “Well, I suppose this could be our second date, because me coming over after your granddad passed was a terrible time for you.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Veda laughs, the sound watery but bright. “I think I’ll take the perfect first date considering how long it took to finally get to it.”

Niall steps out onto the platform first, reaching back for her hand. His brows are drawn together, a slight downturn to his lips, and Veda wonders what he could be thinking about. What could have made him so serious so quickly? When he strokes his chin, she realises he’s putting her on.

“The perfect first date?”

She rolls her eyes but plays along. “Yep. Almost guaranteed you’ll get a kiss at the end of the night.”

“Anything I can do to make it happen?” he asks, pulling her closer when a group of men walk past. Not even nine-thirty and they’re already drunk. One of them whistles under his breath, his gaze heavy on Veda’s exposed skin, and Niall hurries her along.

“Keep being you, I suppose.”

Nonna stands in her doorway, watches as Niall and Veda approach, but she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even wave. Veda appreciates that, though she would like a bit more privacy as she comes to a stop at the top of her stoop.

Setting the shark down at her feet, Veda stares up at Niall through the glow of the porch light, at the soft curve to his lips and the way his eyes shine. She steps further into his space and thanks the inventor of heels as she kisses Niall’s smile away. His hands settle gently on her hips, warm even through the fabric of her dress, and she wraps her arms around his neck to bring him closer. His heartbeat is rapid against her, or maybe it’s hers that is fluttering so quickly beneath her ribs.

Nearly every single neighbour is peering through their windows when Veda finally pulls back, and she huffs out a quiet laugh. “And here I thought living in a small town would be the only way to get this kinda nosiness.”

“They worry about you,” he whispers, shrugging, and Veda kisses him again. God, she is falling too hard for him, and she doesn’t want to stop.

“Thank you for tonight. I really enjoyed it.”

Niall is the one who kisses her this time. One hand cups her cheek, and she chases the taste of wine and chocolate on his tongue. Heat flares up in her belly as his fingers press firmly into her skin. She wants more than this slice of perfection.

She wants _him_ , any way she can have him.

The invitation is on the tip of her tongue, the plea for him to stay the night, for the night to never end. But then he’s pulling away, putting a sliver of distance between them, and her body goes cold without him. He whispers a goodnight, his lips brushing hers once more, then makes his way down the stairs.

Veda watches him walk away and wishes she’d asked him to stay. Her mind catalogues all the things she’s going to tell Granddad about tonight, about how amazing and unique and unexpected it was, before -

Right.

She can’t tell him anything. Tears burn in her eyes at the reminder. Granddad would have loved Niall, and Niall would have loved Granddad. Granddad will never meet Niall.

So Veda does the next best thing: She grabs the stuffed shark off the stoop, carries it inside, and sets off to find Hattie.


	37. ★trentasette★

> **from: Niall  
>  >** _Can you watch DB today?_
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _What a dumb question. You’re supposed to be SMART. Why the hell would I not wanna watch him?_  
>  **<** _In case you still aren’t picking up what I’m putting down, bring him. I need to see the cutie._  
>  **<** _And kiss you, I guess_

The delivered notice ticks to read, but Niall doesn’t reply. Veda isn’t surprised. They saw each other two days ago. Their contact has been sporadic over the last three days, since their date, due to working opposite schedules. They haven’t even had much of a chance to text each other because of the long hours.

And if he feels anything like Veda does, he is probably rushing to get things together so he can be here as quickly as possible.

Veda hates that this is what their relationship has become so early in its formative stage, but years of being neglected and pushed aside by her family means she is comfortable with long stretches of radio silence. It helps that each message from him overflows with apologies and promises to make it up to her whenever they see each other next. She might be falling too fast; she doesn’t care.

Niall shows up within the hour, and Veda has no more patience than it takes to let him step into the house. Hattie calls for DB ad leads him to the kitchen while Veda throws her arms around her boyfriend’s neck. He comes willingly, kissing her back with just as much enthusiasm. He tastes like mint and coffee, and she wants to chase it every day for the rest of her life. _Way too soon for that, Mitchell._

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers before his lips are on hers again.

Veda giggles but doesn’t bother with responding. Her head swims from the lack of oxygen and the strength of his body pinning her to the wall. Her fingers curl against his shoulders, digging into the skin beneath his scrubs, and he groans into her mouth when her nails drag roughly across his shoulderblades. He tries pulling away, tries ending the kiss, but he seems just as unable to quit. His body reacts against hers, hips pressing forward into her. Veda breathes out a moan as her blood boils in her veins.

“Do you _have_ to work today?” she whines.

“Yeah, love, I do.”

“Can’t you tell them you came down with something?”

He chuckles hoarsely as his lips move to the side of her neck; a sharp nip to her throat, and Veda is lost. Lost in the sensation, the heat of him so near, the soft brush of his fingers as his hand slides beneath the waistband of her cotton shorts. Her cousin is just in the other room, too close by for this to happen, but Veda doesn’t stop him. Her head falls back, thunks against the wall, and Niall continues biting and sucking at her skin as his fingers drifts along her core. His breath gusts hot, unevenly, across her overheated skin.

Clapping a hand over her mouth, Veda moves against him, closes her eyes when her stomach lurches. It’s not enough, but it’s almost too much. She wants more than this. She needs more than this. This is all she can have right now, though, so she bites back her whimpers when he curls his fingers just right. His thumb strokes against her, awkward and stilted and so perfect, as his teeth press firmly into the skin over her jugular. Veda comes apart on his hand with his name spilling from her lips.

He flashes a sharp, bright grin as she pants heavily. The wall and his body are all that’s keeping her on her feet; her knees have turned to jelly, and her thighs quiver too much to provide stability. Niall kisses her gently, a wild contrast to his hand only a moment ago. His gaze tracks over her face, and she revels in the way his blue eyes have gone dark with want. She cards her fingers through his hair, stifling a breathless giggle before kissing him again.

“I really wish you had the time.”

He steps back and wipes his fingers on her shorts, laughing at the way her face screws up in disgust. “After that? So do I. But unfortunately, I should go.”

“Did you plan this?” she asks when he continues stands there, and he cocks his head.

“I knew I wanted to make you feel good at some point,” he whispers, coming closer, and Veda’s breath hitches when his lips ghost across hers. “And God, I’m going to remember those sounds you made for a very, very long time. But no, I wasn’t planning on it. You just… you kissed me, and I needed to do it now.”

“Thanks, I hate you.”

Thankfully, Niall laughs as he kisses her again. “I hate you, too.”

“Sure you don’t have time for me to help you out there?” she murmurs with a cursory glance between them.

“I’m leaving before you get me in any more trouble.”

Veda gapes and swats at his chest. “More trouble? When did I ever get you in _any_ trouble?”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Ve-Veda.”

Niall leaves with one last kiss, a chaste thing that sends Veda into a fit of giggles. She closes the door behind him and inhales unsteadily before turning toward the stairs. She asks Hattie to watch the dog then heads up to her room. She needs a shower - and privacy to cope with what just happened. He hadn’t kissed her outside of IKEA like she wanted him to, but now he’s turned her inside-out with only his hand and mouth. It makes no senses.

What could it possibly mean? Did she have something on her face after dinner, and Niall was too kind to point it out? Veda sighs and shoves her shorts down to her feet. Her heart is still racing from the events of downstairs. The thrill of possibly being caught. Kicking the shorts toward the hamper, she pads into the bathroom and starts up the shower before staring at her reflection in the mirror.

Splotches of vivid pink spread high on her cheeks, a brightness in her eyes that seems so out of place. Kiss-swollen lips and red blossoms on her throat from his teeth. Veda watches her hand raise, touch the marks he left; her fingers tremble and blood buzzes in her veins. He has flipped her entire world in the most amazing way, a taste of what’s to come. She hopes it happens again. Soon.

She steps under the spray, hot water pricking at her skin with needlepoints as she closes her eyes. Guilt eats at the edges of her happiness. Niall had made her forget about everything - the importance of his job, Hattie, how Granddad would approve of her doing something so filthy at risk of her cousin catching them. She’d been so tempted to beg Niall to stay. She’d tried.

Maybe she _had_ been single for too long, if only three days away from him could affect her this much. If she finds it so easy to pretend reality and responsibilities don’t exist. Even with the shame of neediness, Veda leans against the wall and blows out a breath. She lets herself imagine the scrape of teeth against her skin, the heat of his body pressed to hers. It isn’t long before her knees are shaking once more.

Hattie raises a brow when Veda shuffles into the kitchen thirty minutes later. “How dare you two scar poor Davie here.”

“What?”

“He wanted to go back to you and Niall, but I figured you were, uh, busy.” Hattie giggles when Veda’s cheeks burn. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask for details. But I took the pupper here out back until I was sure Niall was gone.”

Veda ignores the knowing gleam in her cousin’s eyes as she ducks down to scoop the puggle into her arms. David Barkie tries to lick the stray drops of water left in her hair, but she keeps her head pulled back. She just washed her hair, she doesn’t need dog slobber in it. Hattie follows her to the living room, failing to hide her smirk.

“We’re never talking about this,” Veda vows with a scowl, and Hattie lifts her hands in surrender.

“Trust me, V, I don’t wanna hear how good that ‘o’ was.”

**_______________**

Veda groans when the knocks sounds on the door again. Her shifts over the past few days have been long, the last one turning into a double without warning. Veda only got home an hour ago, and she’s spent that time trying to fall asleep on the couch. It’s been a struggle, since the couch isn’t nearly as comfortable as her bed, but damn if she wasn’t desperate to keep trying. Unfortunately, another knock forces her to her feet, and she shuffles toward the door as Hattie appears at the top of the stairs.

“Mom?”

Debbie smooths out the front of her pantsuit, studiously ignoring Veda to stare at her daughter. “You’ve proved your point. Now it’s time to come home.”

“Okay, first of all? I’m already home, Mom.” Hattie joins Veda at the door. A united front against Debbie. “Second, I wasn’t trying to prove any point. _You_ kicked me out. It wasn’t my choice to leave.”

Somehow, though she really shouldn’t be, Veda is still surprised at the sharp nail that jabs against her cousin’s collarbone. Hattie’s subtle wince sends red across Veda’s vision. Her hands itch with the desire to remove Debbie from the stoop with force.

“Henrietta Joan, you get your ass in the car this instant, or I swear to God I will -”

“I feel like I should remind you there’s a restraining order in place, Deborah,” Veda announces, and her voice shakes with ill-concealed anger. “It’s against you, too. So should I go ahead and call the cops, or are you going to leave of your own volition?”

With her immaculate makeup and dark hair expertly twisted into a perfect chignon even after a day at work, Debbie would be beautiful. Veda knows if she didn’t loathe her aunt so much, she would be able to admit that Debbie is definitely a good-looking woman. But with her face twisted up in rage, Debbie is anything but attractive right now. She pivots abruptly on her heel, storming down the steps.

“I’m going to have you arrested and charged with kidnapping, Veda, just you wait.”

“I kidnapped you?” she asks in a low voice, her head cocked toward Hattie.

Hattie giggles and waves her fingers at her mother before the Focus peels away. “If anything, I’d be the one who gets arrested for attempted unlawful squatting.”

Veda closes the door and heads back to the couch. Her phone lights up with a text message, and she drops to sprawl across the cushions as she unlocks the device. It’s the third text from Clarissa since Veda got home. A continued argument that Veda wasn’t even participating in, demanding that she take tomorrow off; ‘Alice is taking your shift. That’s final’ is a pretty damn solid to not bother fighting her boss on this. She lets out a quiet cheer and tosses her phone aside, groaning when her spine pops.

“-nothing when the bill dropped forty bucks a month?” Hattie is saying when Veda wakes; she rolls her eyes at whatever she hears. “Yes, it was her idea to switch me to her plan.”

Veda nudges her cousin with her foot, mouthing, “Who is it?”

Instead of answering, Hattie pulls the phone from her and puts the call on speakerphone. A sigh comes through the speakers, then John’s voice fills the air. Veda sits up, reaches for her cousin’s hand, and Hattie clings to the contact.

“Look, Henry, I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry that your mother did what she did.”

“She kicked me out, Dad.” Hattie scrubs a hand over her face, blowing out a breath. “Go ahead, say it. Admit that your wife of thirty-three years kicked your only daughter out of the house because she’s fucking immature and couldn’t handle the fact I still talk to the cousin our entire family hates.”

“You’re right, and-”

“Damn right I’m right. I, I don’t get it, Dad. JJ is a dramatic asshole who refuses to get a job and move out, and Marshall does enough coke to rival a drug cartel. But sure, _I’m_ the bad guy for maintaining contact with Veda.”

“I’m not trying to argue, Henry.”

“Neither am I. I’m just done letting people dictate my life. Yes, she’s my mother, but she can’t control me. I’m an adult. And guess what. If Mom is mad at me, Mom can get over it, or she can piss off. I don’t care either way.”

Veda bites back a squeal of pride. It isn’t often that Hattie stands up for herself, especially against her parents. This is a rare sight, but it looks good on her. She grins as if she knows what Veda is thinking, her cheeks flushing pink. John sighs again.

“Do you need anything?”

“Nah, Veda and I are doing just fine.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m not angry with her. Tell her I said thank you.”

“Tell her yourself,” Hattie says as she passes the phone over to Veda as John asks if Veda is there.

“Hey, Uncle John. Long time since we talked last.”

“It has been. I’m sorry. I know Debbie and them have treated you, well, horribly. I wish I could have made any difference. I’m just the outsider who married into the family, though, so who listens to me.”

“Dude, I was _born_ into the family, and it doesn’t seem to matter. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

John snorts and exhales sharply. Veda can see in her mind the defeat that fills his hazel eyes, the lines on his face that speak volumes of the Hell he’s been through while married to Debbie and raising the sons he has. “Well, thank you for taking Henry in. It shouldn’t have been your responsibility.”

“I’m not ‘taking her in’, Uncle John. All I’m doing is giving her a roof over her head. I love her, and I have the room to do so. Granddad would’ve done the same. She’s doing everything else on her own, because she’s a grown-ass woman no matter how hard Deborah tries to treat her like a child.”

“I’m aware of that, and I’m incredibly proud of the woman she’s grown to be.”

Hattie covers her face with a throw pillow, shoulders beginning to shake, and Veda runs a hand along her back. Sighing, she gives Hattie privacy by turning away as she says, “Debbie is an awful human. Hell, most of the family is. None of that has anything to do with your daughter. Why should I punish her for the sins of her relatives? I appreciate your gratitude, but it’s completely unnecessary.”

“I suppose I’m just thankful that you’re not vindictive,” John chuckles, and Hattie lets out a giggle as Veda frowns.

“Oh, no, I am. I’m the most vindictive person I know. Just not to people who don’t deserve it.” She laughs as her cousin shoves her shoulder. “Don’t be rude, Henry. Fair warning, though, John. If your wife ever comes around here again, I’ll have her arrested for violating the restraining order.”

“Understood.”

And isn’t it relieving that John doesn’t sound angry about that. He actually sounds hopeful - for what, Veda has no clue, but she accepts it anyway. He tells Veda to let him know if she or Hattie need anything. Veda thanks him absentmindedly, moving to the front window and pushing aside the curtain. Warning her uncle to delete the call from his log, she excuses herself and hands the phone to Hattie, hurrying outside.

Nonna has Niall at a standstill at the base of the steps, chattering away as he listens with polite interest. Veda bites her lower lip and stifles a giggle. He is far too kind to ever let on that the last thing he wants to do is listen to Nonna’s rambling. The grandmother is oblivious to it. Veda steps carefully down the steps, ignoring the way the hot cement burns the bottoms of her bare feet, and clears her throat.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’d like to steal my boyfriend back if possible.”

“Oh, Veda, he’s so charming! I see why you adore him.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing,” Veda agrees as she laces her fingers with Niall’s, smiling up at him. “And I haven’t seen him in, like, _days_ , so I’m abducting him now.”

“Well, you must join us for dinner sometime, _caro_. Anyone Veda loves is always welcome.”

“Nonna, you can’t just adopt all the people I care about.” Veda shakes her head, shifts her weight between her feet, and Niall chokes on a laugh when Nonna raises a brow. Her brown eyes swim in mischief.

“And you will stop me?”

“C’mon, Niall, before she tries to stuff you full of cannoli and I have to roll you back across the street.” Veda steps forward to kiss Nonna’s cheek, inhaling the scent of flour and herbs. “Love you, Nonna.”

Nonna chuckles and orders Veda to find a day she and Niall are off work, and Veda halfheartedly promises as she leads him into the house. He closes the door behind them, and Veda crowds him against the wall to kiss him. She hadn’t lied; she’s missed him fiercely over the last few days, and the five minutes they had together three days ago wasn’t enough. It never will be. He huffs out a laugh against her lips, snaking his arms around her waist, and pulls her even closer.

“Okay, you two are gross. I’m almost not hungry anymore.”

Veda jerks back at Hattie’s voice, groaning. “Screw you.”

“A, incest is wrong. B, your boyfriend is right there. You should screw him instead.” Hattie beams at Niall and waves enthusiastically. “Hi. Let’s go, you’re helping me make dinner.”


	38. ★trentotto★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone asked me when the next chapter of this was coming out. the answer is evidently now. (i wrote this in 30 minutes so if it sucks, blame it on that.)

Niall fits perfectly in the comfortable routine with Hattie and Veda. He obeys the orders given, smiling the entire time. Hattie asks questions about himself, about David Barkie, about Ireland and his family and everything he left behind when he immigrated. Veda listens to his answers and jolts when he slips past her, pinching her ass on the way. Thankfully, Hattie doesn’t see.

Once dinner is made, the trio heads to the living room. Hattie sits in the armchair, Veda and Niall on the couch with scarcely an inch between them. She’s oddly grateful that he’s left-handed. There is no bumping of their arms as they eat. Her cousin grabs the remote and brings up Netflix, scrolling through the ‘Continue Watching’ list until she finds _One Day at a Time_.

“We’ll have to restart the series,” Veda manages to say through a mouthful of mashed potatoes, and Hattie rolls her eyes.

“No duh, dumbass.”

Niall is enthralled from the beginning. Veda ignores the show in favour of watching his reactions, the way his laughter lights up his eyes. His nose scrunches up when he laughs. It’s utterly adorable, and she wants to kiss the smile from his lips. Unfortunately, her cousin is right there. Kissing is off the table.

Veda pouts to herself at the thought. She can’t be angry at Hattie, though.

“Lydia is my favourite.”

Veda shakes her head. “Wrong choice, buddy. Penelope is the best.”

“Lydia is feckin’ hilarious, and you know it.”

“You two need to stop being cute. I’m about to puke up my dinner.”

“Love you, Hatchling.” Veda grins as her cousin gathers up the dirty dishes. “Leave ‘em in the sink. I’ll wash up later.”

“Again, no duh. I did the most work while cooking.”

They spend the rest of the evening watching the show, and Veda finds herself shifting closer, leaning heavily into Niall’s side. The slide of his arm around her shoulders tells her he doesn’t mind. In fact, his fingers run along her arm. He knows what he’s doing, that his touch is driving her wild. He can’t stop smirking as she squirms uncomfortably beside him.

“I’m going to bed,” announces Hattie, and Veda looks at the clock - it’s just gone nine.

“Oh, you start your new job tomorrow!”

“Yep. Night, Niall. It was nice to meet you for more than five seconds, especially when those five seconds aren’t right before you practically fuck my cousin against the wall.”

Veda’s cheeks burn, and she buries her face against Niall. Hattie is a menace, laughing as she heads upstairs. Her bedroom door closes; Veda wonders if the slam was intentional. But then she turns toward Niall, her fingers curling in his hair. He huffs out a laugh when she drags him closer.

The kiss is just as amazing as any other they’ve shared. His left hand slides to rest on her hip, and all thoughts fly out of Veda’s brain. If they don’t revolve around him or his very enthusiastic participation, she doesn’t give a damn.

He pulls her further into his chest. Her hands come up to push against his chest, and his breath comes out on a hiss when she throws a leg over him. She swallows his moan, a high-pitched hum escaping her lips when his fingers press into the curve of her ass.

“Fuck, but I missed you,” she giggles breathlessly, pushing her body down. She relishes the way he reacts instantly, the way his hips jerk up against her. He’s hard already, and she wants him more than she’s wanted any man in her life.

“Missed you, too, love.”

“God, don’t stop,” she pleads against his lips, and her heart races in her chest.

Stomach clenching, she pulls away to move her face to his neck. He exhales sharply when she nips at his throat, when she tightens her grip in his hair. She can’t breathe with how much she needs him. His heart pounds in his chest, she can feel it against her.

This isn’t enough - she wants the heat and solid line of his body above her, pinning her to the mattress as he takes what she will give.

She’d give him everything if only to feel his touch on her.

“Wait, Ve-Veda, wait. Hang on.”

His words crash over her, and she stills on his lap, panting shakily at how quickly Niall has destroyed the buzzing in her veins. He grimaces in apology, groans when she pulls back. He whispers for her to _just stop fecking moving, damn it_ , but his hips rise into the pressure of her body on his. Even though he’s made her stop, he still wants her just as badly as she needs him.

“What’s wrong?” she murmurs, her hands sliding along his chest.

“I need to tell you something.” He pauses. Her face falls, she knows it does - this is it. This is when he tells her he’s changed his mind about them. But then he’s pulling her back in for another kiss, speaking against her lips: “I’m going back for my Master’s.”

She jerks backwards, nearly toppling off his lap. When she’s steady once more, she stares at him. It isn’t what she expected to hear. She imagined a breakup, no matter how close they came to having sex right here on the couch. Not him telling her he’s going back to school. Her gaze tracks over his face, the pupils blown wide and his kiss-swollen lips. The flush in his cheeks. She did that to him.

“What?”

“I start in a couple weeks.”

“Holy shit, Niall, that’s amazing! Congratulations, babe.”

“This means I won’t have a lot of time outside of school and work,” he warns, wincing at the admission.

“I can handle that,” she promises. And she _can_. They’ve already proved they can go days without seeing each other; what’s a few weeks, in the grand scheme of things? “Wait, unless… Does this mean you want to break up?”

“God, no. No, I do not. I _really_ do not. I just, I thought you would. I mean, we hardly get time together as it is, and now we’ll see each other less.”

Veda kisses his worries away then rests her forehead against his. “Absolutely not. No breaking up. You’re too amazing to give up, and what can I say. I’m fucking selfish. I’m also so damn proud of you, sweetheart. This is a huge thing you’re doing. The sacrifice of not seeing your gorgeous face or being pinned to the wall as you drive me crazy is worth it if it means you’re doing what you love.”

“I’d rather do you,” he mutters, pouting.

“You’re so crass,” she giggles, but her smile is too sappy for the moment. She knows it. She doesn’t care. “All in due time, Ni. All in due time.”

Niall laughs and captures her mouth with his. The moan is on her tongue, begging for release, even as he holds her with a strength that’s just this side of painful. Too much. She never wants this moment to end.

Unfortunately, he has other plans: He tells her ten minutes later that he should leave. She frowns, cards her fingers through his hair, and asks if he really has to go. He lets out a soft chuckle and kisses the tip of her nose.

“If I stay any longer, I’m gonna end up taking you upstairs. Then I’ll never leave.”

“I don’t have a problem with that,” she replies immediately, but he doesn’t change his mind.

Veda clambers off his lap and adjusts her top. It bunched up sometime between the first round of kissing and the second. He follows her to the door, slips on his shoes. She pouts as he steps out onto the stoop. He presses his lips to her cheek then walks down the steps. At the bottom, he turns to grin brightly at her. She wants to rid him of that smirk, replace it with a blissed-out smile and a body very well-satisfied.

To her surprise, he bounds back up the stairs and cups her cheeks with hands too warm, too tender, for the searing kiss he imprints on her lips. Her head spins, and she grips onto his wrists to keep herself steady. The invitation, the _plea_ for him to stay the night, falls from her before she can stop it. Niall laughs quietly before pulling away.

“I only put out after the third date, love.” He winks, the joke easing the sensation of rejection residing in Veda’s gut. He brushes his thumb along her lower lip and promises they will see each other again soon. “After all, how could I resist you?”

He’s gone before she can formulate a response. _You ass_ , she thinks as she stares after him. Her grin breaks free even at the twinge of dissatisfaction. She’d wanted more than she got, but it’ll have to be enough. For now.

She hopes he’ll put out long before the third date.


	39. ★trentanove★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not even ashamed

Work gets in the way - for both Niall and Veda. When she works days, he works overnight. When he works days, she’s stuck with the graveyard shift. But four days later finds them meeting up at a cafe for lunch, and she can’t stop staring at him. Her body still aches with the want to finish what they started the other night.

“Do you know how to drive?” he asks suddenly, and she frowns.

“Yes, you watched the video of Granddad teaching me, remember? I just never got my license because I didn’t feel like I needed to. Public transportation is a _thing_ , babe.”

He laughs and reaches for her hand, kissing along her knuckles. “I was just curious because you’ve only ever taken an Uber to my place.”

“I walk from the subway sometimes.”

Niall shakes his head with a soft grin, and her lips burn with the memory of his kiss. The way she’d nearly fallen apart on his lap so easily. The words he whispered, telling her of his plans for his Master’s and the desire to take her upstairs. She wishes he had.

Veda barely eats, too enthralled by him. His eyes are impossibly blue in the sunshine pouring through the windows, and his words come without hesitation. He tells her stories from work - as much as he can while being as vague as possible - and she drinks it all in. He is far more perfect than she ever thought a man could be.

After lunch, he stops outside of the house he shares with his three friends and promises to be right back. She giggles, settling into her seat. Of course she should have known he’d want to bring David Barkie along. The puggle bounces excitedly on her thighs when Niall deposits DB into her arms. She grabs the collar of his shirt before he can close the door, tugging him in for a kiss.

The drive out to the fields is quiet, only music breaking up the silence, and Veda rolls her window down to feel the wind rushing past. DB sticks his head out of the window, tongue lolling in the gusts. She scratches behind his ears, closes her eyes. This is perfect. It feels like home.

Niall is absolutely gorgeous like this: The sun highlights the plans of his face, lights up his eyes, and his dark hair gleams against the brilliant blue sky above. His shirt shifts with each step he takes - the strength of his muscles as he held her tightly to his chest while she’d fallen further for him. She wants him so bad, she can almost taste it.

She laces her fingers with his and pulls him to a stop.

“Ve—?”

Veda presses her lips to his before he can finish speaking. His breath ghosts across her face as she deepens the kiss, and she wraps her arms around his waist. Niall groans when her hands slide along his back, gasps when she grabs his ass and tugs him even closer. Her fingers dance along the edge of his shorts, slipping beneath the waistband. Her mind short-circuits as he skims his free hand - the other holding tightly to DB’s leash - up her side under the fabric of her shirt.

His touch brands her skin, claims her as his, and it’s a heat that will never wash off. Veda slides her hands under his shorts, pressing her fingers into the soft skin of his ass. Niall moans on her tongue; the sound sends sparks along her spine. Her knees quake, and she loses all control of herself. She can’t believe she is doing this, even as she makes the choice.

She gives in, lowers herself to her knees, and stares up at him. He towers over her, so damn beautiful under the endless sky, and his fingers wrap in her hair. Veda lets out a shaky breath and reaches for the waistband of his shorts.

“Are you _serious_?” he snaps, digging his ringing phone from his pocket. “What, Lou? Yes, I can stop by the market on my way home. You couldn’t have just texted me this, you prick?”

Veda rests her head against his thigh, ignores the way her knees have sunk into the damp soil. Niall exhales sharply at the close proximity. He continues arguing with Louis, even as she presses her lips against him. His cock twitches, and Veda swallows against the nerves. What if she’s awful at this?

Before she can pull his shorts down, he stops her with a tug on her hair. She frowns up at him, stares at him through her lashes, and he hangs up without another word.

“You are trouble, Ve-Veda. So much trouble. Come with me.”

“Well, I’m _trying_ to.”

Niall groans and hauls her to her feet. She follows close behind as he hurries them toward the car. DB hops up into the front seat without hesitation, even as Veda stretches out in the back. She barely gets a breath in before Niall is pulling the door closed behind him and settling with his hips nestled in her thighs.

She should be mortified, disappointed that their first time is so cliche - the backseat of a car in the middle of nowhere, instead of in her bed. But she is nothing of the sort. She craves him more than the cigarettes Granddad caught her smoking when she was fourteen. More than any connection at all after Granddad died. She wants Niall however she can have him.

Veda lifts her hips so Niall can pulls her shorts down, kissing the skin he exposes. Her head falls back when he tugs his own bottoms down. God, how did she miss he isn’t wearing underwear? He leans over the front seat to grab his wallet from the cup-holder, and Veda whines impatiently when he doesn’t move fast enough. He kneads his fingers into her thigh, thumb brushing against her. She gasps and pushes toward it.

She wants more than this.

David Barkie yips, nails scrabbling at the window, and Niall’s head snaps up to see what has set his dog off. He curses under his breath, tugging his shorts up. Veda groans and lifts herself onto her elbows. The farmer - the one who lets Niall and his friends traipse around on his property - has evidently noticed the car. He’s heading their way.

“Fuck.”

“I wish,” Niall mutters as he helps her back into her shorts and panties.

Veda hides her face in her hands while he clambers out of the car. He stays where he is just outside the vehicle, on the opposite side, and she lets out a breathless giggle when she realises it’s because he is trying to hide evidence of their attempted activities. She crawls over the seat and pulls DB into her lap, willing herself to calm down. It was stupid to think she and Niall could get by with something like that.

He slides into the driver’s seat after a minute, and the farmer waves before walking off. Veda chews on her lower lip then sighs.

“So, uh, that happened.”

“Yeah, it did.” His cheeks flush a more vivid red. “What’s worse is he offered us the hayloft so we didn’t have to be in the car.”

Veda groans and closes her eyes. “Oh, god, please tell me you didn’t take him up on that.”

“Of course I didn’t.”

The kiss they share outside of her house is chaste, too quick to amount to much. She understands why; the afternoon has been full of trying to go too far, doing something they can’t undo. But damn it, she is beyond frustrated.

She has to admit, she thinks as she sits on the couch, she is somewhat glad they were interrupted. Twice. As much as she wanted to feel him in all his glory, she wants it differently than this afternoon. She may say she isn’t a romantic, her notions of love are that it’s nonexistent and not worth the effort. But with Niall, she might just start believing in the fairy tale romances.


	40. ★quaranta★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just for phoenix, who has allowed me to send teasers and who has been incredibly patient and encouraging through **all** of my writing.

The next two weeks pass with no more attempts at intimacy, especially not in public. Veda and Niall trade steamier texts, pictures that should never see the light of day. There was even a phone call before he went to work that left him gasping for breath and calling her trouble, and Veda wishing he was in her bed.

Thankfully, their schedules finally align. Niall accepted immediately when she invited him over for dinner, so now all Veda has to do is wait for him to show up. Hattie raises a brow as Veda paces through the living room.

“You know wearing a hole in the floor isn’t gonna make him come any quicker, right?”

“I know. My hands will do that.” The words are out of Veda’s mouth before she can stop them. Her mind is elsewhere, and it isn’t until Hattie gags that she realises exactly what she’s said. She shrugs unabashedly.

“Ew, gross, V. Why do you hafta scar me like that?”

“Because you’re my cousin, and I love you.”

“Loving me should mean you don’t give me a reason for therapy!”

A knock sounds at the door, saving Hattie from any more crass remarks, and Veda rushes to the entryway. David Barkie darts inside as soon as she opens the door. Niall stares after his dog for a moment, but then his eyes - and hands and lips - are on Veda.

“Why do I feel a weird sense of deja vu?” she whispers against his mouth, and he laughs quietly.

“Because I’ve been wanting this since we were caught the other day.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Hattie’s voice forces them apart, the disgust more than evident. “Are you two gonna screw in the entryway again? Just need to know so I can disappear.”

“Well, we’re gonna _now_.”

“Stop being gross, Veda.”

Much like the last time, Niall and Veda take the couch while her cousin curls up in the armchair. Hattie goes to bed at nine, taking David Barkie with her. Veda tries to watch the show on TV, but she can’t follow the plot. She doesn’t even remember the title.

She makes it almost two hours.

She sucks in a breath when Niall initiates everything. His hand rests too high on her thigh to be an accident. His fingers squeeze into her skin, and her legs part automatically. His hand trails higher as he leans toward her.

His teeth graze against the shell of her ear, and he murmurs, his voice sending shivers down her spine, “I have tomorrow off. Can I stay the night?”

Veda swallows thickly and grabs his hand. She doesn’t bother stopping to lock the door; she just leads him up to her bedroom. He closes the door behind them. As soon as it clicks into place, she launches herself at him. He catches her easily, half-carrying her toward the bed as he kisses her back just as fiercely. Just as hard and desperately.

She arches against him once her back hits the mattress, her leg wrapping around his waist. Niall groans and pushes his hips into hers. Veda can’t breathe, her head swims, and she just wants him.

Her hands tremble as she tugs his shirt off, and he rolls off of her so she can remove her own. Instead, she slithers along his body. Pressing kisses to the expanse of beautiful skin before her, she undoes the buttons of his jeans and slides them and his briefs down his legs.

“Ve-Veda—”

She grins before taking him into her mouth. His hand slaps over his mouth, but she still hears the cry, muffled though it is. She loops her fingers around his shaft, strokes in tandem with the swirling of her tongue. He can’t lie still, and she doesn’t want him to. She relishes the weight and taste, the softness of the skin, the gasps and moans she is dragging from the depths of his lungs.

Niall thrusts up on instinct, his cock hitting the back of her throat. She struggles to catch her breath even as she continues drawing him closer to his orgasm. Her belly clenches, body aches with her own desire, but she can’t stop. Her pleasure can wait. He wheezes out her name when he falls over the ledge. Veda wipes her lips and sits up.

The red in his cheeks spreads to his chest, and she flashes a smug smirk at having affected him so much.

“That was… That was amazing,” he pants out as she stretches out beside him.

“It really was.” She kisses him, swallows his groan at the taste of him on her tongue. “I’ve wanted to do that since Louis called.”

“If I’d known it’d be that fantastic, I woulda let you suck me off even while on the phone.”

She giggles, pushing her hair from her face, and drapes her arm over his waist. “It woulda been hot, not gonna lie. But maybe next time, babe.”

Niall returns the favour moments later, all mouth and fingers with her hands clenched in his hair. She gasps and whimpers, squeezes her eyes closed only to open them so she can watch him work her through the crest. Her entire body quivers with tremors, and she squirms when the sensations grow to be too much. He nips at the inside of her thigh then pushes himself until he hovers over her.

“Those noises were better than I imagined,” he whispers.

“Just wait until you’re fucking me,” she whispers back.

His head falls to rest on her shoulder, arms shaking beside her head. “I really, really want to.”

Without saying another word, he heads off to the bathroom to clean up, and Veda grabs a T-shirt from the hamper to wipe herself. As she does, she wonders if they will move past this tonight. She shakes her head. This was amazing enough. No need for further expectations.

Her brain evidently doesn’t get the memo. The clock on her phone reads just after midnight, and Veda tries to figure out what’s woken her. Right. The unfamiliar feeling of someone in her bed, holding her so close his breaths ghost along her skin. Niall’s fingers twitch in his sleep, and she pulls his arm more securely over her waist.

His breathing changes from the deep steadiness of sleep to the faintest of hitching as he wakes. His fingers trail softly along her stomach, feather-light through the fabric of her bedsheets. Veda grabs his wrist, biting her lip even while she moves his hand to her chest. Niall huffs, but he takes the cue she gives. He presses his lips to her bare shoulder.

“What are you doing to me, Ve-Veda?”

She lets out a breathless laugh, arching further into his touch. “Tell me ‘no’, and we stop right now. If you don’t want this, tell me ‘no’.” _Please want this as much as I do._

He shakes his head and shifts so her ass settles against his thighs. She reaches back to hold onto his hip, her own undulating as she rests her leg over his. His hand immediately moves between her thighs; he bites the curve of her neck as he slides one finger, then two, inside of her. She rocks down on his hand, breathing punching out of her with each shift of his fingers.

“Please tell me you’ve got protection,” he groans.

“What, you’re not a Boy Scout?” Her breath stutters when he strokes his fingers roughly. “Fuck, okay, sorry. No joking right now. You’re definitely not a Boy Scout. Gotta stop if you want me to get a condom.”

He pushes his fingers deeper into her, his dick slipping along her ass, and she doesn’t think he’ll ever stop. He doesn’t stop. She cries out a ‘wait’ but it’s too late. Her lungs seize up as she loses control.

Thankfully, _she_ is as prepared as a Boy Scout. She’d purchased a box of condoms in hopes of this happening. God, she’s been hoping for this to happen.

It’s more wonderful than she could ever have imagined. Her breath catches in her throat as he slides into her with patience and tenderness. As if he’s worshiping how easily her body welcomes him. As it adjusts to the stretch and fit of him. His grin is soft, achingly soft, and Veda wishes she could drown in it for the rest of her life, ‘too soon’ be damned.

He feels like home, like he is meant to be here, like her body was made only for him. She lingers on his lips, the kiss only sharpening the edge of desire in her gut. It should be awkward, finally coming together like this, especially when it’s been so long since she was with someone so intimately.

But this is more than a physical need being met. This is the love and care and connection she has yearned for her entire life. Her heart races in her chest for a reason different than the way he rocks into her, his thrusts gentle and promising so much good.

It’s for the fact that, as she stares up at him, she knows she loves him in a way she could never explain.

She is in love for the first time in her life, and she can never come back from this.

She never wants to come back from this.


	41. ★quarantuno★

Waking up next to Niall feels like Veda has finally found her place in this world. She was always meant to be held like this, his fingers pressing gently into her side as his arm drapes over her belly, his face resting against her arm. Their legs managed to entwine during the night. She should have known, way back when they met, that he would become her own personal octopus.

That Niall would steal her heart, and she’d never want it back.

The fact he ever came into her life was mere coincidence. Falling for him was pure chance. Being in love with him is a blessing.

Over the next month, her days fill with work and Niall in her bed most nights. He’d practically begged her and Hattie to allow him to study at theirs: “I’d do it at home, but I can never get peace there.” It wasn’t a hardship for both women to agree immediately.

Hattie makes a copy of the key for him. Veda comes home to Niall sleeping, sprawled out on her bed with books and papers scattered around him. Sleeping alone loses its familiarity.

Her birthday dawns bright and hot. The August heat rises around ten in the morning, and it’s still sweltering when she heads to work at three. He’d apologised before he left this morning, saying he couldn’t spend the night tonight. He has a shift, then he has to stay home with David Barkie. Veda understood, but she hates the thought of coming home to an empty bed.

She never thought she would reach twenty-five. She always assumed she would fall into the trap of Olivia and ruin her life. She would die trying to escape the blood in her veins. But here she is, sat on the subway, unable to stop smiling. She has her neighbours, her cousin, and an all-consuming love for an amazing man.

Her life could only be better if Granddad was alive. If he’d been able to meet Niall and see how much Hattie has grown into her own woman. Veda is sure he wouldn’t approve of the activities she and Niall partake in during the night and afternoons spent alone, but Granddad would certainly approve of Niall as a man.

Nadia and Lyle corner Veda as soon as she steps into the locker-room. She barely gets her bag on its hook before Lyle is slamming the door shut, and they both latch onto each of her arms. She rolls her eyes but follows dutifully as they practically drag her to the nurse’s station.

“Happy birthday, Veda!”

Veda stumbles back a step at the enthusiasm in her coworkers’ voices, then she’s grinning, bright and real. She hadn’t expected much - her birthday is low-key for a reason - but she can’t be awkward under the attention. Not when these people make her feel like she actually belongs here.

An elaborate birthday cake sits on the desk, covered in fondant “paperwork” and clipboards. Her name breaks up the pale pink frosting in huge, purple swirling letters. She could cry. She doesn’t, but she could.

Of course nothing ever goes to plan. The patients are all rude, taking their awful moods out on her. Veda struggles to keep a pleasant smile on her face even as her soul dies a little bit more. Hour after hour, room after room, she is yelled at far more often than she’s ever been before. The last three alone spent twenty minutes apiece screaming at her.

Finally, she only has one more patient, one more room. Then she can go home with a plate of her birthday cake and watch TV with Hattie. One more. That’s all.

She comes to a stop in the doorway, mouth ajar. Maria inspects her nails as she sits on the bed. Veda swallows thickly; she hadn’t expected to ever see Phil’s daughter ever again. Veda really hates today.

She backs away from the room and rushes to the nurse’s station. Phyllis doesn’t look up from the files in her hands, even when Veda explains she can’t do her job.

“There’s a restraining order against my family.”

“I’m sorry, Veda, but everyone else is loaded.”

“Restraining. Order.”

“Again, the others can’t do it.” Phyllis sighs and meets Veda’s eye. “You know I wouldn’t order you to do this if I didn’t have to.”

“Fine. Just know I’m doing this under duress, and I hate you.”

“Hate me all you want. I’m not here to be your friend.”

“You wound me, Phyllis.”

Steeling her spine, Veda grabs up her clipboard once more and heads back to 314. Her footsteps are slow, reluctant, until Phyllis demands she get her ass in gear. So Veda does.

“Oh. It’s you.”

“Hi, Miss Mitchell.” Veda draws in a shaky breath, stares down at the paperwork. “Do you have any insurance for the visit today?”

“I’m in really bad pain, and I need to be admitted so the doctors can figure—”

“I’m going to stop you there, ma’am. I’m not a nurse, so I can’t know about the reason for your visit. I just need your insurance information.”

Maria scoffs. “You know damn well I don’t have insurance, Veda. Are you fucking stupid?”

Veda marks ‘No Billable Insurance’. “Alright, ma’am. The nurse will be with you shortly.”

“Ha, you can’t even defend yourself. You _are_ stupid. And worthless, both as a person and as a nurse. It’s no wonder Grandpa died, if he had to deal with you all the time. Moron.”

Veda’s hands tremble. Her vision goes red, pulsing at the edges. The words explode from her lips before she can stop them: “Yes, well, at least I do something useful in this world. It’s more than you can say.”

She wants to say more - she _aches_ to say more - but anything else will result in a complaint against the hospital. It would result in her losing her job. She pivots on her heel, storms from the room, and breathes unsteadily as she hurries to the nurse’s station. Nadia jumps when Veda slams the clipboard onto the desk.

“What—”

She’s gone before the other woman can ask. Todd trails after Veda, pleading for answers, but she ignores him. It’s hard enough to keep her tears at bay without opening her mouth. She can’t handle the way her heart is shattering in her chest.

Maria knew exactly what to say to hurt Veda the most.

Veda knows she shouldn’t take Maria’s words to heart. That Maria is too similar to the rest of the family to ever amount to much. Maria is a drain on society, and anything she says shouldn’t matter.

But damned if Veda isn’t broken apart by it.

She blinks back to herself at the squawking over the speakers, the name of the station not the one she meant to go to. Instead of the one nearest her house, she has come to one across the city. She grabs her bag, tossing the strap over her shoulder, and shoves her way carelessly through the other riders.

No one complains.

Her skin is coated with sweat, icy and unrelated to the heat of the evening. The tears come. She sniffles but doesn’t wipe them away. What’s the point? Her chest tightens, the pain a physical ache in her ribs.

The gate squeals when she pushes it open, and she barely remembers to lock it behind her. Lowering herself onto the porch, she manages to send a text to Hattie - “Won’t be home until late, sorry” - then she presses her face against her knees.

How long she sits there, she isn’t sure. She is dragged from the hurt by the door opening behind her, the clack of nails on the wood beneath her, and a voice cursing loudly. David Barkie shoves his nose against her cheeks, snuffling before he whimpers.

“Fuck, Veda, you startled me.” Harry pauses, falling silent. She can almost see the concern in his green eyes, even without looking at him. “Hey, are you okay?”

All she can do is shake her head. If she opens her mouth, she will lose control and sob without end. He doesn’t need to see that. This isn’t his burden to bear. His hand falls onto her shoulder, then he’s sitting beside her. As pathetic as it is, Veda leans into his side and breathes as steadily as possible.

He kisses her hair. It’s gentle, but nothing like Niall’s. “I don’t know what’s happened, but if you ever wanna talk, I’m here. Okay?”

“’Kay.”

“Nialler is still awake. Why don’t you go on in?”

She gives a slow nod and climbs to her feet. Harry catches her hand, waits until she meets his eye, and reminds her that they all care about her. No one will hesitate to help her. All she has to do is ask. More tears.

The closer Veda gets to Niall’s room, the more guilt consumes her. He told her he has an exam coming up. She shouldn’t be interrupting him like this. He doesn’t deserve to fail because she is selfish and needing the comfort only he can give. She almost changes her mind, but Harry is there by the door. DB struggles to break free from his hold.

Harry gestures encouragingly, so Veda opens the door.

True to Harry’s word, Niall is very much awake, frantically checking his notes against the textbook in his lap. He glances up at the quiet squeak of hinges, and the frustration on his face bleeds away. Confusion, happiness, concern.

“Ve-Veda?”

That’s all it takes. Veda lets her bag fall to the floor and crosses the room. Niall shoves his books aside so she can drop, face-first and sobbing, onto the mattress. He lies next to her, pulls her in against him, and Veda can’t handle the tenderness in his hold. It’s all she wants, but it’s too hard.

“Love, what happened?” he whispers, and she hiccups as her tears taper off.

She explains, and his arms tighten. His body quivers with ill-concealed rage. Niall is far angrier now than when Phil and Olivia broke into the house. Maybe because Maria’s words have affected Veda so much, whereas the break-in was nothing more than an inconvenience in her life.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, pressing her face into the curve of his neck. “I’m so sorry. I shoulda just gone home. I… I couldn’t. Hattie woulda gone to kick Maria’s ass, and I don’t think I have enough money for bail.”

His lips brush along her hair, his breath ghosting the shell of her ear, and she breathes out a sigh. It’s what she needed. “Stay as long as you need to, sweetheart. Stay the night, the week. I don’t care. I just want you to be okay.”

“I’ll be fine.”

He grimaces when she pulls away. Telling her he has to get back to studying, Niall reaches for his books once more. Veda kisses the bare skin above his knee then clambers to her feet.

> **To: Hatchling  
>  <** _Won’t be home at all tonight._
> 
> **From: Hatchling**
> 
> **>** _Get some, giiiiirrrrrrrllllllll._  
>  **>** _No details. I’m begging._

Niall groans low in his throat when Veda strips to her underwear. “This isn’t fair,” he whines.

“Study, _then_ we can have fun.”

“Unfair. So unfair.”

She slips between the sheets, tugging the comforter up to her chin. She falls asleep to his muttering and the gentle tug of his hand playing with her hair.


	42. ★quarantadue★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have five chapters ready to go for this story. enjoy the quick updates lol

Veda wakes with a start, the slam of a door and yipping filling the room. She bolts upright as David Barkie jumps onto the bed. Someone curses, a body hits the wall, then the door slams shut again.

“I’m so sorry, Veda, I should’ve knocked,” Liam calls through the wood.

It takes a moment for his words to register in her mind. For her to realise exactly why he’s apologising. Her face heats up as she belatedly covers herself.

Niall had woken her in the middle of the night, assuring her he’d finished studying and he was taking her up on that offer of ‘fun’. Then his face had screwed up before he asked if she even wanted to. She had rushed to promise him that she was completely up for it. That she wanted it more than she was upset about Maria.

He had fumbled as he opened the wrapper, nearly dropping the condom to bed in his rush to put it on. Veda took pity on him and done it for him. Mostly because she was impatient for it, anyway. For anything to push the echoes of Maria’s cruelty from her mind.

And he certainly had forced those thoughts away as he pushed into her.

It was just as amazing as their first time. His enthusiasm hadn’t diminished when she couldn’t sleep after an hour, with her mouth on him. The third time was lazy, both half-asleep but craving the connection. He’d fallen asleep within five minutes, and she followed soon after.

Never again will she try for three rounds of sex in two hours. Her body aches in ways she’d never known possible. Maybe she’ll stretch it to three-in-three next time.

“Why the Hell did you burst in like your arse was on fire?” Niall shouts before burying his face into the pillow.

“You have two hours before your exam.”

“Shite.” Niall scrambles out of bed, grabbing up a pair of sweats from the floor. Veda pouts as he tugs them on. “Thanks, Liam.”

“So… no quickie?”

He groans and leans across the bed to kiss her. “I wish. But a, I’ve gotta get to class and b, you wore me out last night.”

“Well, don’t be so good at sex, and I wouldn’t want it so much.” She pulls him back in for another kiss. “Now go ace your exam, babe.”

“Yeah? What’s my reward?”

“Remember last night? I’ll give you a repeat performance. I’ll even strip for you.”

“You did that last night.”

“Yes, I did. But this time, I’ll make it super-sexy.”

“You are so much trouble,” he moans against her lips.

Veda laughs while he moves away. He hurriedly searches through his closet for a clean pair of pants and a shirt, then he’s out the door. Once he’s gone, she looks down at DB, lying at the foot of the bed. As if he was waiting patiently for her attention, he bolts into her lap.

“You’re such a needy little thing, aren’t you? Sorry you couldn’t sleep in here last night, baby, I just needed your daddy to myself. Can you keep a secret?”

All the puggle does is roll over to expose his belly, and Veda giggles as she scratches lightly. DB’s tongue lolls from his mouth, his eyes closing. She glances at the door then whispers the word she’s been fighting against:

“I’m in love with him.”

She hears the front door banging shut, a car start up. Sighing, she realises Niall has left, and she’s all alone in his bedroom. She pushes David Barkie away gently then climbs out of bed. The air-con sends gusts of cool air along her bare skin. She shivers as she pulls her scrub bottoms on, searching for her top.

How the Hell did she manage to lose her top, when she’d dropped it to the floor with her bottoms? No answer comes, and she wonders idly if Niall had hidden it from her so she couldn’t leave. _Well, joke’s on you, Horan. You have an entire wardrobe for me to ransack._

She does. Coming up with an Eagles T-shirt, she pulls it on and stuffs her bra and underwear into the bottom of her bag.

Liam apologises again once she enters the kitchen, and Veda waves him off.

“If I’m not gonna be embarrassed about the fact all my neighbours saw me in my Oogie Boogie underwear, I’m not gonna give a damn that you saw my boobs.”

Thankfully, that seems to be the end of that. Harry shakes a box of cereal in her direction, and Louis slides the milk toward the empty chair. She grabs a bowl and spoon from the cupboard and drawer that Liam directs her to.

Breakfast is quiet, everyone wrapped up in their own thoughts. Veda has no clue what they’re all thinking about, but she knows exactly what’s on her mind. It certainly isn’t Maria. It isn’t the horrible shift she had yesterday.

It’s what she confessed to DB in the solitude of Niall’s room. She doesn’t know if it’s too early in the relationship to admit it to Niall himself. What if he’s scared off by it? What if he thinks she’s too clingy for having such strong feelings for her and he breaks it off?

She doesn’t think she could withstand another loss like that. Saying goodbye to two men she loves so fiercely would surely shatter her.

“I better get home,” she announces once her bowl is empty. “Hattie might think Niall’s kidnapped me.”

Liam chuckles. “I’m sure he’d love to. Have a good day, Veda.”

“Yeah, we all know you had a _great_ night,” Harry crows, ducking his head as Liam reaches out to smack him.

“Yes, I did. Should I tell you exactly what Niall and I did? Because I can if you really want me to. First, he—”

“No, no, please don’t. I don’t need to know anything like that about my best mate.”

“Then don’t be a smartass if you can’t handle the consequences.”

She grins to take the sting out of her words then heads for the door. The three men call out goodbyes, and she shuts the door behind her. DB whines and scratches at the wood. She deliberates but ultimately decides she can’t abduct her boyfriend’s dog. Pouting, she heads down the walk.

Hattie is sat on the stoop when Veda arrives home. Her cousin raises a brow and passes over the mug of coffee in her hands. Veda lowers herself onto the step beside her, sipping at the too-sweet drink, and raises her face to the sun.

“I see you had a good night,” Hattie says lightly. “An awesome night, really, judging by the hickeys on your neck.”

“Do you really want details?”

“Fuck no.”

“Hmm. Harry said the same thing.”

“Everything okay?”

Veda sighs and hands the mug back to her cousin. Her thoughts tumble in her head. Should she tell Hattie what happened? Blowing out another breath, Veda stares down the block.

“Just had a bad shift. Everyone shouted at me, and it just... It was a lot. My birthday shoulda been better than that.”

“I don’t think that’s all. You’re used to people being dicks.”

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

“Depends. Okay, okay, I swear,” Hattie concedes at the glare Veda shoots her.

“Maria showed up.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I stopped her before she could tell me. But, uh, she called me stupid. Which I expected from her, let’s be real. Then… she said that Granddad died because he had to deal with me all the time.”

“She fuckin’ _what_?”

“You swore not to get angry.”

“That was before I heard that our cousin was a cruel bitch. Gimme your phone.”

“No.”

“Veda Persephone, give me your damn phone.”

Veda knows she won’t win this argument, so she digs her phone from the bottom of her bag. Hattie scrolls through Veda’s contacts until she finds Ellie’s number.

“Hey, V, what’s up?”

Hattie covers Veda’s mouth and launches into an explanation. Ellie gasps, outrage drowning the sound, and the two launch immediately into plans for vengeance. Veda knows she should be upset - both that Hattie lied about not getting angry and the fact that they’re starting a battle with their family on her behalf. Instead, she settles into the warmth in her chest.

She follows her cousin into the house, watches as Hattie grabs the laptop off the coffee-table. Hattie agrees without hesitation to Ellie’s idea of a glitter bomb every week for the next six months. Her own revenge comes in the form of signing Maria up for every single newsletter to be found on the internet: Scam medicines, low-libido medication and sex therapy, self-help.

Maria is addicted to her phone. Everyone knows that. So she will loathe the constant notifications and having to delete the emails one-by-one.

“Thank you, El, for being so helpful in this.” Hattie smirks smugly at Veda. Veda fears that smirk. “So, in other news, our girl has been gettin’ some on the regular.”

“Wait, what? Veda, how come I didn’t know this. Details, details, details!”

Veda laughs as she grabs her phone from Hattie. Her cousin kisses her temple then disappears upstairs. Once Hattie’s door closes, Veda turns back to the conversation at hand.

“Well, buckle in, boo. There’s a _lot_ to talk about. We’ll start with the fact I nearly sucked him off in the middle of a field.”


	43. ★quarantatré★

Hattie groans loudly from the kitchen, then there comes a thump. Veda pauses on the bottom step of the staircase before making her way to the other room. Hattie rarely lets her frustration out audibly; it’s always in slamming doors and stomping footsteps and scowls.

“Everything okay?”

Hattie clenches her hair in her fingers, glaring down at the notebook in front of her. “I hate school. I’m going to fail and be the laughingstock of the family, and my mother will gloat that she told me so. Why didn’t I drop out when I moved here?”

“Because you’re a strong, intelligent young woman who wants to better her life. You want to be around dead bodies and science-y shit and solve crimes. A nerdy Sherlock Holmes, if you will.”

“Sherlock Holmes is already a nerd. Your comparison doesn’t even make sense.”

“Hatchling, listen to me. You’ve got this.” Veda lowers herself into the seat across from her cousin. “What are you stuck on?”

“You can’t help.”

Veda frowns and tries not to let her feelings be hurt. “I’m not exactly stupid.”

“I know. But do you know chemical formulas and their reaction with various bodily fluids? Do you know how much time it takes a body to break down and DNA not be viable?”

“Well, depending on different factors, the rate changes. Decomp begins immediately after death. Then the internal organs begin breaking down twenty-four to seventy-two hours once the heart stops beating. Bloating begins eight to ten days after, nails and teeth fall out within several weeks, and the body starts to liquify after about a month.” Veda pauses and thinks. “Don’t know the rate of DNA decay, though.”

“It’s absolutely terrifying that you knew all that offhand.”

“What can I say, I like horror enough to look into the science behind it. Hattie, breathe. You can do this. If no one else will tell you, I’m proud of you. I have faith in you.”

Before Hattie can say anything, her phone starts vibrating across the tabletop. She lets out another groan when she glances at the screen. Mouthing ‘Dad’, she reluctantly picks up the device, answering the call on speakerphone. Veda heads to the fridge to grab a soda while her cousin greets John.

“Hattie, please stop screwing with your cousin. Phil is constantly over here bitching about glitter bombs, and Maria whines about how many emails she gets in a day.”

“Whatever do you mean, dear father?” Hattie asks, her tone dripping with innocence, and Veda claps her hand over her mouth as Coke comes out of her nose. “I haven’t spoken to Maria since Veda read the will.”

“Henry...”

“Look, I can’t promise we can stop what’s been started. I honestly expected it to take longer than two and a half weeks before they got annoyed. And seriously? Two glitter bombs is all it took for Phil to complain? Lightweight.”

“They’re annoying me.”

Hattie sighs. “I refuse to stop. Did Phil even tell you what Maria did to warrant this?”

“No, he just said they were being bombarded with glitter and emails. Really, Henry? Emails about Viagra?”

“My oh-so-wonderful cousin decided to go to the one hospital she should never have gone to, considering the restraining order which I _know_ she knows about. She also decided to tell Veda that our grandfather died to get away from her.”

Silence reigns over the line. Veda exchanges a look with Hattie, shrugging at her cousin’s look of confusion. John is Hattie’s father; how should Veda know what he’s thinking? Finally, John clears his throat.

“I couldn’t reach you, and your voicemail was full.”

A click, then Hattie’s phone beeps as the call ends. Veda dissolves into giggles, and Hattie follows soon after. Once they’ve calmed down, Veda wipes excess soda from her upper lip and nose. She grabs a towel to wipe up the Coke from the floor.

“So, uh, he approves.”

Hattie shrugs. “I knew he would. At least _he_ has a heart.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Always figured him for a softy when it came to you.”

“I’m his favourite.”

“As if there’s competition,” Veda mutters as she digs her phone from the pocket of her sweats pocket. “The Hell?”

“What’s up?”

“Liam’s messaged me on the ‘book.”

> **Liam Payne**  
>  Veda, ring me NOW.

Under that is a phone number. Veda’s hands start trembling as she reads and rereads the message. What could possibly be so important? _Oh, god, something’s happened to Niall. He’s fatally injured or dying or—_

“Hey, calm down. What happened?”

All Veda can do is cross the room to show Hattie the message. Her hand stretches out to rub along Veda’s back, ordering Veda to match their breathing together. After a long minute, Veda can think clearly. Hattie smiles gently and taps on the number. Veda switches the call to speakerphone. She needs her cousin to hear, especially if it’s something that will turn Veda’s world upside-down.

“Liam? Who’s died? What happened? Do I need to rush to the hospital or something?”

Liam pauses then groans, cursing under his breath. “I’m so sorry, Veda. I didn’t even think you could take the message that way. I promise everyone is fine. I just wanted to talk to you about something, and I didn’t want you to ring me right as I was walking through the front door.”

“Oh, my god, you’re such an asshole. I can’t feel my heart anymore. I think _I’m_ the one dying.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Hattie says with a roll of her eyes. “You’re fine.”

Veda sticks her tongue out at Hattie but turns back to the conversation. “Okay, so we’ve determined there are no funerals in the near future. What’s up?”

“Well, our favourite Nialler has a birthday coming up in a few weeks. We’re planning a party, and I wanted to see if you maybe wanted to come.”

Veda chews on her lower lip before asking what day. He tells her it’s the thirteenth of September. She promises to get the day off; it’s Niall’s first birthday since they started dating, and she absolutely wants to be there.

“Um, can Hattie come, too?”

“Definitely! The more, the merrier. Besides, it’ll be nice to see more of your life outside of your boobs.”

“He saw your _boobs_?” Hattie squeaks.

“Purely accidental, I promise.”

“Oh, Veda, one more thing.” He sighs, and Veda’s heart beats faster in her chest. “His mum is coming.”

Veda stares at the phone, eyes wide and jaw dropped. Finally, she manages, “I have to meet his mother?”

“Is there a problem?” She can hear Liam’s frown in his voice, the panic edging his tone.

“Nope! There’s no problem,” interjects Hattie, smacking at Veda’s hand when Veda slaps her arm. “Veda would absolutely love meeting his mother, as long as his mother doesn’t mind the implications of the dirty things her son does to my cousin.”

Veda snorts. “Okay, one? Those are completely consensual actions. We are both _very_ willing participants, thank you very much. Two, I thought you didn’t want details of what Niall and I get up to.”

“I don’t, but when you come home with hickeys, it isn’t hard to guess what you’ve done.”

Veda laughs even as she promises Liam they will be there with bells on. Liam exhales sharply, thanking her. She doesn’t understand why - she has never given any implication that spending time with Niall is a hardship. On the contrary, she loves being with him.

She glances at Hattie. “Think Niall might kill me if we threw him a party here?”

“Inviting the neighbours?”

“Of course. It’ll give him a chance to meet them properly. You know Nonna loves any excuse to pry into our lives, and no one will accept us hosting a party without them being involved.”

“Oh! We can have the party _after_ his birthday, so he doesn’t suspect a thing!”

Decision made, Hattie and Veda split up to talk to the neighbours, though Hattie is quick to designate Veda as the one to tell Nonna. Veda watches her cousin skip down the pavement toward Mister Thompson’s house, then shakes her head.

Why wouldn’t Veda be the one to tell Nonna? After all, it’s _her_ boyfriend’s party they’re planning.

Nonna agrees immediately, to absolutely no one’s surprise. Veda is only surprised Nonna manages to close the door with how far into her thoughts she is. The older woman was mumbling to herself about the menu before the door shuts. Veda shakes her head and makes her way along the street.

By the time Veda and Hattie meet up on the stoop again, everyone has been informed of the party. The Marion kids, Tommy, and Becky have promised to help decorate. The Nadirs offered to bring food as well, so Nonna has to cook fewer dishes. Veda knows there is going to be too much food. Carlos and Xavier even pitch in with a promise of bringing games for the kids when the party get dull.

“You’re grown-ups. Grown-up parties are the most boring things ever,” Carlos whined, while Xavier nodded enthusiastically.

Veda sits on the stoop and watches as her neighbours congregate. Even with the distance, she can hear their planning, splitting of the tasks, themes and decoration ideas. It’s a mish-mash of accents and voices, high and low. She wonders to herself how she never saw - really saw - how beautiful they are.

The way their warm, giving spirits shine through.

The depth of their love for one another. And her.


	44. ★quarantaquattro★

Thankfully, Clarissa and Phyllis both sign off on Veda’s request for not working on the thirteenth. She does a happy little jig in the locker-room when she sees her name crossed off on the calendar; someone has written ‘icky boyfriend stuff’ in pencil, with a gaudy heart around it.

She blames Lyle.

The rest of the weeks leading up to his birthday pass by at a snail’s pace. Veda wakes up every morning hoping the day has arrived only to pout when she realises she has ten days left. Eight. Five. Two.

Hattie is already awake by the time Veda rushes down the stairs at seven o’clock, unable to sleep at the prospect of surprising him. Liam had assured her Niall has no idea she is coming by. He’s operating under the assumption the evening will be spent at home with only his friends and David Barkie to celebrate with him.

Even the fact she’s meeting his mother can’t dampen her spirits.

“Whoa, Roadrunner. Keep racing through the house like that, you’re liable to spend the day in the hospital with a broken face. Then how could Niall ever love you?”

“Excuse me, I’ve still got my body, don’t I?”

Hattie groans as she ducks down to grab the cake pans from the cupboard by the stove. “Why are you so gross.”

“Have you _seen_ him? Wouldn’t you be gross, too, if you were dating him?”

“Well, the world will never know.” Hattie comes up victorious, passing the pans off to Veda. “Now let’s get crackin’. Liam said the party starts at four, and cakes take forever.”

Veda sends her cousin on a last-minute run to the nearest bakery in hopes of finding a cake box large enough. Then they’re bundled up in jackets and out the door by three. Hattie carefully slides the cake box into the backseat, shaking her head when Veda buckles the box in.

Harry opens the front door, using his foot to hold DB back, and Veda kisses his cheek as she bustles past him. Louis helps her set the box on the counter then hugs her once her hands are free.

“He’s going to love you being here.”

“He better. I don’t wake up before eight unless there’s an emergency,” she laughs as she sets the candles Hattie grabbed next to the cake. “Wait, where’s DB?”

“Locked him in Niall’s room,” answers Harry as he walks into the kitchen. “Stupid thing ate my cake this year, so Niall had to rush him to the veterinarian just to spend four hundred dollars for the doctor to tell him his dog has an iron stomach and miraculously wasn’t going to die from a triple-chocolate fudge cake.”

Louis leans in to whisper, “His mum is in the living room helping Liam hang streamers, if you want to meet her.”

“I’m scared,” she whispers back.

“Don’t worry. She’ll love you. After all, Niall, er, Niall is happy with you.”

Veda can sense he’s changed what he wanted to say - what he meant to say. She doesn’t dwell on it, stomach lurching more with each step she takes toward the living room. She can barely breathe through her nervousness. Liam notices her first, beaming and thanking her for coming.

 _This is it_ , she thinks as Niall’s mother turns around.

“Oh, you’re just as beautiful as Niall said you were. I’m so glad to finally be meeting you, pet.”

“He talks about me?” Veda breathes as the woman hugs her tightly.

“Darling, you’re practically all he talks about anymore. You’ve done wonderful, making him so happy.”

Veda pauses - can she trust Niall’s mother with this? “Can you keep a secret?” His mother nods immediately, a slight frown tugging at her lips. Veda blows out a breath. “I’m in love with him. And I want to make him this happy for the rest of our lives.”

To her shock, his mother bursts into tears and drags Veda in for another bone-crushing embrace. Liam, thankfully, takes pity on Veda’s ribs.

“Maura, can you tape the rest of the streamers please? I need to get started on the balloons.”

Maura nods, sniffling as she moves toward the couch. Brightly coloured strips are scattered across the cushions, and Veda exhales slowly. She’s done it. She’s met her boyfriend’s mother and admitted the depth of her feelings for Niall in one fell swoop. All she can do is hope Maura won’t tell Niall before Veda is ready.

“What’d you say to her?” Liam asks quietly once he is by Veda’s side.

She shrugs and bites her lip to hide her smile. “Just told her Niall makes me happier than I’ve ever been.”

 _Please don’t question it._ Liam only smiles in response, throws his arm around her shoulders, and steers her towards the coffee-table. Veda takes the small pile of deflated balloons he hands her, automatically separating them.

“So Niall said you were good at sucking, but how good are you at blowing?”

Veda gapes for a long moment then swats at his arm. “Oh, my God, I’m going to kill you!”

“Now, now, pet. Let’s not ruin Niall’s birthday with murder. Wait until tomorrow.”

“Maura!”

Veda cackles at Liam’s wounded expression and gives the woman a thumbs up. Maybe it isn’t so bad having met Niall’s mother.

It isn’t but forty-five minutes later that Hattie peeks through the curtains on the front window, hissing that Niall is home. Nobody bothers hiding, but the others do sit on the couch while Veda heads to the front door. Her heart is racing in her ribs, a hummingbird pushing joy through her veins. He stumbles to a step as soon as he steps into the house.

“Ve-Veda?”

She beams and shuffles forward to kiss the shock off his face. “Hey, babe. Liam told me today was your birthday, so... Surprise! I’m your gift.”

“Does this mean I can take you to my room and unwrap you?”

She giggles and lets him wrap her in his arms. “Maybe later.” Veda turns her head, whispering, “As much as I want to take my time with you, drive you wild, make you a mess under me...” His harsh swallow echoes in her ear, his hands twitching against her back. “I have other plans.”

She nips at his earlobe then breathes in his quiet groan with another kiss. It’s far too filthy, demanding. His mother is in the other room, along with their friends and her cousin. She aches to do just what she said. Right now. Birthday party be damned. But unfortunately, she can’t.

So she leads him to the living room, _maybe_ putting a bit more sashay than necessary in the swing of her hips, and laughs when he nearly collides with her. Before he can do anything so devious as latch his lips onto her neck - he knows she dies for that - she gestures toward the room.

Party poppers explode confetti everywhere. Niall gapes at the decorations, his mother, then turns to Veda. She leans into his side and grins up at him.

“Told you I have other plans.”

“You’re so much trouble,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to her temple. “How am I supposed to make it through this when I have something better to look forward to?”

“Ah, but anticipation makes the experience sweeter, my dear.”

“Trouble, I swear.”

“Go say hi to your mother.”

Somehow, they manage to make it through the cake, the singing and wishes made over blown-out candles. Veda watches him, wondering what wish he’s made. If it has anything to do with her. The candlelight flickers across his face and illuminates the brilliant smile on his lips. Maura pats her arm as if she knows what Veda is thinking.

Drinks flow more quickly than Veda anticipated, and soon, even Maura is tipsy. Louis is the drunkest of them all, singing at the top of his voice and throwing his arm around Liam’s shoulders. Veda catches Niall’s eye from across the room and jerks her chin toward the hallway. He stands before she’s finished.

“Thought you’d never ask,” he mumbles when he reaches her side.

Veda doesn’t speak. She just laces his fingers with his and leads him to bedroom amid catcalls. Nerves turn her veins to lead - is his mother going to notice their disappearance? She glances over her shoulder and snorts when she sees Maura pointedly looking away. As if she’s pretending her son isn’t leaving his own party with his girlfriend. As if she hasn’t an inkling as to what they’re leaving to do.

Veda closes the door behind her, looping her arms around Niall’s shoulders. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

“Best birthday ever.”

“And you haven’t even gotten to the good part.”

He groans and crashes his lips to hers, hands trembling as they cup her cheeks. She doesn’t break the kiss even as she pushes him toward the bed. He stares up at her with wide eyes, as she straddles his hips and leans down to graze her teeth against his jawline.

He obeys without hesitation when she tells him he can unwrap his present now. And Veda does exactly what she promised to do.


	45. ★quarantacinque★

Veda wakes to an octopus clinging to her side, a lightness in her bones, and one helluva headache. She hadn’t drank more than a beer last night, but smacking her head against the headboard comes with consequence. Thankfully, it hadn’t interrupted the activities very much - once he stopped asking if she was sure she’s okay.

“Put away nurse-Niall and be boyfriend-Niall. I’ve had enough concussions in my life to know what one feels like.”

He’d frowned at her, brushing a kiss to her collarbone. “That’s not as reassuring as you might think.”

“Well, stop thinking.”

He did.

He grumbles, pushing his face further into her shoulder, and holds on tighter. Veda huffs out a quiet laugh and turns her head to watch him sleep. It’s always peaceful, the few moments between sleep and awake. She loves the stability that comes with being his. She loves the snuffling, the quiet snores, the heat of his body so close even when it causes her to get too hot.

She loves him.

Maura is already awake by the time Veda extricates herself from Niall’s grip. She made sure to replace her body with a pillow, so hopefully he sleeps on. And she put on clothes. Clothing is very important when one’s boyfriend’s mother is in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

“Good morning, love.”

“Mornin’. How’d you sleep?”

“I slept just fine.” Maura meets her eye, grinning. “You?”

“Really well. Your son is a great cuddler.”

“Mhm. He’s always been an affectionate one. He has also been one to jump too fast into a relationship, getting his heart so set on someone that he’s taken absolutely by surprise when it doesn’t work out.”

Veda sighs and sits at the table. “Do you think he’s doing the same with me?”

“Oh, no. I think… I think you’re a good one, dear. He’s told me how you two met and that you even told him there might be a chance that you’re latching onto comfort after your granddad’s passing. The fact you worried about that tells me enough about you.”

Maura pours a cup of coffee and brings it to Veda. They sit in silence together, morning sunlight slanting through the kitchen window. Dust motes dance in the beams of light. The white walls are golden in the glow, and Maura’s hair shines. Veda is mesmerised.

“He truly feels so deeply for you. All I’ve ever wanted was for him to be happy. I just wish he’d come home every once in a while.”

“I think I might be able to help with that,” Veda promises, grinning despite herself.

Leaving causes a physical ache in her chest. Not only because the distance from Niall, but because of their friends. His mother. She’d talked with her for over an hour, listening with rapt attention to all the stories he never spoke of. The trouble he got into growing up, his friends back home, even his first heartbreak.

Veda still wants to hug young him and tell him everything will be alright.

Chatting with her felt like the kind of relationship Veda should have had with her own mother. The affection and genuine interest on her face as Veda talked about Granddad were almost too hard to handle. She’s jealous. Niall has such an amazing mother. She never did.

She never even had a facsimile of one.

Thankfully, she’s distracted over the next twenty-four hours by the constant in-and-out traffic through her house. Neighbours pile in and pour out, each one promising they are prepared for the next day. Veda loves them all so much, for this and everything else they have done for her, but she is more than thankful when the visitors stop.

Her alarm goes off before the sun is even up, but she waits for a more reasonable hour to phone him. The last thing she wants is to irritate him and give him a reason to not come over. She wastes away the next three hours with cleaning the entire first floor, drinking cup after cup of coffee, and even doing a load of laundry.

“Come over,” Veda says as soon as Niall answers, his voice sleep-rough and muddled. “I miss you.”

He chuckles and yawns. “You just saw me two days ago, love. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

“How could I forget? It was a very memorable night.” Hattie stands on the bottom step and mimes gagging. Veda raises her middle finger. “Please, babe? I feel like I haven’t seen you in literal years.”

“Fine, since you asked so nicely. Noon okay?”

“Noon is perfect. Hey?”

“Yeah?”

 _I love you_. She bites back a smile, waving at Hattie to acknowledge her cousin heading upstairs to get dressed. “You sound really sexy when you first wake up.”

He’s still laughing when they end the call. Veda sets her phone on the coffee-table and runs to the door. Her socks slip and slide across the hardwood floor, but she manages to get to the stoop without falling. The Costas stand on the pavement, staring at Veda’s door as if waiting for this moment.

They probably were. Nonna is far too snoopy to not.

“We have four hours, people. Let’s move it!”

This signals a rush of activity. Nonna sends Sofia Maria and Jimmy door to door to alert the rest of the neighbours, and Antonio sets off down the pavement to Mister Thompson’s house. Tommy follows close behind. Somehow, the old man had gotten his hands on twenty folding chairs and was willing to let Veda borrow them for the day.

Chilly though the morning is, Veda keeps her front door open and the screen propped out of the way. Nonna and Aida carry platter after platter of food across the street while Hattie directs them on where to put the food. The dining table nearly groans under the weight of so many dishes.

Veda barrels down the steps to help Miss Sylvia carry the cake into the house, and Becky carries in enough cases of soda to quench the largest army’s thirst. Mister Nadir pokes his head into the door only to scramble back quickly at the exuberant Hattie bolting out to help Antonio carry in the first stack of chairs.

“Miss Veda? Where should we put the games?”

“Shit. Uh…”

Veda forgot about the games. Now she’s left struggling to find a place for them. The living room will be too full; it would pose a safety hazard to have kids playing underfoot. The upstairs floors are off-limits to anyone who isn’t Hattie or Veda. Finally, she clears her throat and tells Carlos to set the games up out on the back patio.

“Not afraid of it raining?” Hattie pants as she drags another two chairs toward the living room wall.

“Forecast said it’d be cloudy, but no more rain for the day. We’ll just keep an eye on it.”

“Okay. Well, we’ve got everything. I’ll watch the Marion kids so they don’t kill each other while decorating. You go get dressed.”

“Thanks, Hatchling. What would I do without you?”

“You can pay me back later.”

Veda sprints up to her room and closes her door. She never knew planning a party could be this hectic. She’s never done it before.

No one has ever been worth it.

She blows her hair out of her face and crosses the room to her bureau. The sundress is still there in the top drawer. Staring down at it, she can almost hear Granddad’s voice encouraging her to wear it today. He would want her to wear it for something - some _one_ \- so special in her life.

“Hatch, need you!”

“On my way. No, Nelly, don’t try to stick your sister with a thumbtack. Nonna!”

Nonna’s voice drowns out any other sounds, then Hattie is stood in Veda’s doorway. Veda chews on the inside of her cheek then asks her cousin to do her hair. Hattie doesn’t look surprised when Veda tells her what she wants.

“You look beautiful, V. Really, really gorgeous. Like, I know I did this hairstyle for your date, but… That dress is amazing on you.”

“Wish Granddad could be here.”

Hattie scoffs as she slides the last bobby pin into place. “Grandpa woulda called you crazy for involving Nonna in this. Now, Veda, I’m trusting you with this next task. Can you handle it?”

“Christ, Hattie, what is it?”

“Go do your makeup.”

Hattie pats Veda’s cheek then disappears from the room. A loud thud, cursing, then “I’m okay!” Veda can’t stop giggling even as she does what Hattie ordered her to do. When she steps back from the mirror, she hardly recognises herself. There’s something in her smile, her eyes, that speak of a woman she wasn’t only six months ago.

> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Hey, I have to jump in the shower so you’ll have to use your key when you get here._

A lie, sure, but one for his sake. What kind of surprise would it be if he walked in without the others having any warning? She grabs a pair of flats from the box in her closet, sliding them on her feet while she walks down the stairs. It’s a difficult task, but she’s impatient.

Her boyfriend is on his way. Hopefully, this party helps say what she can’t.


	46. ★quarantasei★

Everyone gathered is nearly vibrating with excitement by the time the key scrapes in the lock. Veda squeezes Hattie’s hand as the door swings open, shut, and Niall appears around the archway. He freezes at the explosion of noise, eighteen people shouting ‘Happy birthday’ at the top of their lungs. His eyes find Veda’s, and she shrugs with a smile on her face. David Barkie cowers at his feet.

Before she can approach, Nonna is there in front of him. Her hands cradle his cheeks, and she gives him a watery smile. “Happy birthday, _caro_. Welcome to the neighbourhood.”

Veda loses track of where he moves to. One second, he is talking to Antonio, then he’s nowhere to be seen. She weaves her way through the family she’s found, smiling at everyone, accepting kisses to her cheek and even loving tugs on her curls. DB trots behind her, clearly still uncomfortable with the large amount of people. Thankfully, the kitchen is slightly less crowded.

“Oh, there you are.”

“Sorry, darling, I borrowed your sweetheart for a minute. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not, Miss Sylvia. But I _am_ gonna steal him back.”

“If you must.” Miss Sylvia passes by, leaning in close at Veda’s side. “He’s a keeper, honey. You ever tire of him, we’re kicking you out and keeping him.”

“Gee, thanks. I see where I stand.”

Niall is watching Veda when she turns back to him. She smiles, accepts the cup that Catalina hands her, and dances to his side. He wraps his arm around her shoulder, tugging her closer, and grins at all the people moving around. The ones who are here for _him_ , even though they don’t know him.

“Surprised?” she whispers as she kisses his cheek.

He chuckles, pressing his lips to her forehead. “Absolutely. It isn’t even my birthday anymore.”

“Which is exactly why Hattie and I chose today for the party.”

“I have no idea why you think I deserve you, but I’m selfish enough to never let you go.”

“The feeling is absolutely mutual,” she murmurs before kissing him gently. It’s soft, sweet, so much better with the realisation that he’s the one for her. He always will be.

“Hey, everyone! Veda’s kissing her boyfriend,” Hattie singsongs from the archway.

Laughter floats through from the living room, the people in the kitchen turning to grin at Veda. Her cheeks burn furiously, and she buries her face against his chest. Leave it to Hattie to ruin the moment.

“Can I kill her yet?”

“Definitely not,” he laughs. “She’s pretty awesome, embarrassment aside. Plus, I don’t think you’d look good in an orange jumpsuit.”

“Well, damn. There go my hopes of being an astronaut.”

Thankfully, no one else tries to embarrass Veda as the day goes on. He fits in wonderfully into this moment, with these people who have been family since long before she ever figured it out. Even during the rough times, Veda has never doubted his presence in her life.

Antonio has somehow managed to get his hands on sparklers and firecrackers. The evening fills with the sound of kids shrieking in the streets, the loud pops and hissing as firecrackers explode on the asphalt, and the laughter of the guests. She sits on the stoop with him, leaning against his side with her head on his shoulder, and watches everyone have fun.

Even David Barkie has decided to join in on the festivities. He chases after the kids, yipping with his tongue hanging from his mouth. He doesn’t even startle at the firecrackers now. Veda isn’t surprised when Jamie and Nelly call him to their laps and start petting him. The girls have been begging their parents for a dog for years.

Music starts playing, and Tommy moves away from the boombox he’s brought with him.

“Miss Veda, may I have this dance?”

Veda giggles, looks at Niall. He shrugs. “As jealous of a man as I am, I suppose I can let him have _one_ dance with you.”

“I’ll always come back to you,” she whispers as she presses her lips to his cheek.

She doesn’t get the chance to enjoy the surprise on his face before Tommy is pulling her down the stairs. Lady Gaga sings of a poker face. Kesha begs the DJ to blow the speakers up. After Tommy comes Antonio, and he spins her before pulling her back against his chest.

“This was a great idea, Veda. I think he’s enjoying himself.”

Carlos is next, bouncing around with Veda to Will Smith’s _Wild Wild West_. She giggles when he gets distracted by the fresh round of firecrackers. Mister Thompson holds out his hand, and how can she refuse?

The old man smiles down at her. His brown eyes shine with the streetlights, and the flicker of the sparklers catch on the deep lines in his face. Veda isn’t surprised to see he dressed in his Sunday best.

“I approve of your choice in men. At least _this_ man. The others, I didn’t care for.”

Veda looks over his shoulder to see Niall watching them, his lips curved into a gentle grin. She turns her gaze back onto Mister Thompson. “I do, too. If I didn’t, I certainly wouldn’t be in love with him, would I?”

“I suppose not,” laughs Mister Thompson. “Oh, no. You should probably save him from Miss Sylvia.”

“Forget Miss Sylvia. Nonna is the one I’m worried about!”

Mister Thompson squeezes her hands, gives her a little bow, then toddles off to the chairs set along the pavement. Veda steps off to the sidelines. Her chest aches with the love that consumes her. Kids laugh, racing down the pavement using cars as markers. DB is curled up on Catalina’s lap. The adults chat amongst themselves, and never before has she ever felt like this.

“He’s lovely, Miss Veda.”

Veda turns to see Mrs Nadir approaching, taking the cup the woman offers. She can’t speak as she looks back at Niall. The light catches on his hair. His eyes. The strength in his body that she knows so well. Miss Sylvia beams as he twirls her, brings her back into his arms.

“You love him.”

Veda can only nod in response, though a weight settles in her belly. She’s told nearly everyone else, even his mother. Why can’t she say it to _him_?

She’s surprised when Mrs Nadir pats her back with a gentle hand. Had Veda spoken aloud?

“Because if you tell him, you risk him not feeling the same. But if I may be so bold? He absolutely does.”

Veda swallows thickly and hopes - prays - that Mrs Nadir is right. That he feels for her what she’s felt for him for so long. Mrs Nadir smiles, murmuring that now is Veda’s chance to steal her boyfriend back from Miss Sylvia’s grip. Especially considering Nonna is approaching him.

She recognises the gleam in the woman’s eye.

Hattie catcalls when Veda gets to Niall’s side before anyone else can fill his dance card. He chuckles, sweeps her into his arms, and Veda stares up at him. A fine mist clings to his eyelashes and his hair. He’s more beautiful than she ever thought someone could be.

“Oh, Christ,” she giggles when the stereo begins playing _I Knew I Loved You_ by Savage Garden.

The amusement vanishes when Niall pulls her closer, when he leans down to sing in her ear. His heartbeat is steady when she rests her head against his chest, and she catches Mrs Nadir’s eye across the distance. Maybe she’s right.

Veda pulls back just enough to watch his face as she whispers the truth everyone but him has known: “I love you.”

His eyes are impossibly brighter, and the tenderness in his smile tells her she’s made the right choice to admit it. He brushes his lips to her forehead, cups her jaw with one hand. She melts into the kiss.

“I love you, too,” he whispers back. “I have for a long time.”

“Since before you met me?”

He doesn’t take the bait. Instead, his expressions turns serious as he pushes a curl from her face. “I think… I feel like I’ve been waiting for you my entire life. Like you’re the destiny I’ve been chasing. After all, why else would we have met on the plane that day if it wasn’t fate?”

“Oh, my God, you’re too perfect,” she says on a shaky laugh, blinking rapidly to get rid of the tears. One slips free anyway.

“Nah. I’m just in love with you, Ve-Veda.”

“That’s disgusting, Horan. Super disgusting.”

He laughs and kisses her harder. It should be awkward, with everyone around watching them, but Veda can’t care about that. She feels too at home with him holding her like this. Kissing her as if she’s the whole world cradled in his palms. The best part is, she loves him and he loves her back.


	47. ★quarantasette★

The party winds down around two in the morning. Parents carry their sleeping children home, and Veda assured everyone that cleanup can wait until tomorrow. She and Niall thank each of the guests personally for coming; their presence has made the day perfect. Even when Nonna nearly crushes Niall’s ribs with her embrace, his smile doesn’t dim.

Veda helps Hattie put away the leftovers, then the trio makes their way up the stairs. Hattie waves lazily as she disappears into her room on the second floor, David Barkie hot on her heels. Niall leads Veda up to her room. Neither of them speak as they ready for bed, but she can’t stop thinking about the kiss. The one that said so much, repeating the ‘I love you’s they exchanged before all of the neighbours.

“I was wondering where that ran off to,” he comments lightly, tugging at the hem of the Eagles shirt Veda changed into.

She shrugs. “Couldn’t find my scrub top, so I borrowed one from you.”

“Can’t say I mind. I like seeing you in my clothes.”

“I like wearing your clothes. Makes me feel like you’re with me, even when you’re not.”

She curls up close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. She hadn’t lied - the day _was_ perfect. Everyone accepted him so easily. She admitted the truth, and he confessed his own. She wishes Granddad could have witnessed it. He would have loved Niall, made him feel comfortable and like he’s part of the family.

Running her fingers lightly over his bare chest, Veda exhales slowly. “I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you, too.”

He sighs, placing his hand over hers. She closes her eyes at the steady beating of his heart beneath her palm. “I’m only sorry we met under the circumstances we did.”

“I’m not. You... you showed me what it’s like to have someone care for me so much. I mean, I had Hattie, and I had the neighbours. But I grew up with them. They’re _supposed_ to love me and want the best for me. You didn’t have to. You do anyway.”

“I always will, love. Mostly because you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time:”

“I love you.” Veda chews on her lower lip then pushes herself up onto one elbow. “I thought it would scare me, loving you this much. With who my family is, y’know? But it doesn’t. I’m not scared at all. Loving you is, well, it feels like the most natural thing I’ve ever done.”

His lips curve into an achingly tender smile, and he pushes her hair over her shoulder. She shivers as his fingers brush against bare skin. He pulls her down for a kiss so gentle, she yearns for more.

“I’m absolutely terrified of loving you. You deserve to be cherished, appreciated for how wonderful you are. If I lose you, I lose someone amazing and strong and selfless. I would never forgive myself for that.”

She blinks back the tears even as she promises she will always be right here for him. Always be within reach. She can’t lose him, either. He is what she’s needed for the past twenty-five years, and she’ll be damned if she lets him go.

“Let’s go back to bed,” Niall whispers into Veda’s neck the next morning, his breath tickling along her skin. Devil that he is, his lips press against the curve of her shoulder, teeth following shortly after.

“I can’t, babe. I’m awake for the day.” Veda sets her toothbrush into the holder, turns to face him. “I can never fall back asleep once I wake up.”

“Who says we have to sleep?”

Veda groans and drops her head back, knowing he’ll see it as a sign of weakness. Victory on his part. His smirk burns into her skin, and his hands settle on hers hips as he sends her head spinning. She digs her fingertips into his shoulders, exhaling unsteadily, and lets him pin her against the bathroom door.

“I love you, and I want to show you how much.”

The words are soft, but the tone is anything but. It’s desire and need wrapped up in a pretty Irish-accented, blue-eyed bow. This is a losing battle, she knows this. Still, she puts forth the effort to not cave.

Unfortunately, her best-laid plans go out the window when his hands slide around to rest just below the curve of her ass.

“Going to work, V. See you tomorrow.”

“I hate your cousin,” he groans before continuing dropping kisses to Veda’s throat.

“Oh, and Niall? No more leaving hickeys on my cousin. She’s a respectable lady.”

Veda giggles, gasping when Niall lifts her easily. The wood of the door is hard and uncomfortable behind her back, and Niall is just as unyielding in front of her. He fits himself between her thighs, and her breath loses its steadiness as she wraps her legs around his waist.

She somehow manages to call back, “Fuck you, Hatchling. He can mark me up as much as he wants.”

Hattie gags, shouts that they’re absolutely disgusting, then the front door slams shut. Veda wraps her arms around Niall’s neck, tugging him in for a hard kiss. He chuckles against her lips before pulling away.

“I can mark you up?”

“Yes, please.”

By the time Veda steps through the doors of Saint Francis, Niall has done exactly what she pleaded for him to do. He painted her body with multiple bruises sucked into her skin, no rhyme or reason to placement. The one on her hip was because she squirmed and told him it tickled. It didn’t tickle for long.

He’d even taken a picture of his handiwork before allowing her to get dressed.

Thankfully, none of her coworkers seem to notice that Veda repeatedly touches each mark on her skin, that she smiles to herself with a slight shiver down her spine. That she seems far more distracted between patients than usual.

“Oh. Hi.”

Patrice smiles softly from the chair beside the bed. Veda’s heart thunders beneath her ribs, all thoughts of Niall fleeing from her brain. She’d never expected to see the in-home nurse again. Yet here she sits, in the same room as Veda.

“Hey, sweetheart. It’s been a while.”

Veda nods, swallowing harshly. “Yeah, uh, six months.” Before the tears can come, she reverts to professionalism. The default. Safety from her own emotions.

Patrice answers the information about the insurance, passes over the card without hesitation. No other words are spoken while Veda jots down the number and company. She thanks Patrice for the time then heads to the door. Patrice follows.

“Mind if I come over tomorrow? I want to catch up. And apologise.”

“There’s nothing to apologise for, Patty Melt. You did your job, that job ended, and you had others to tend to. I understand. But yeah, you can come over.”

Veda turns away from the other woman’s bright smile. If she doesn’t, she might just spill everything right here. She has other rooms to get to.

By the time Veda gets home, she’s too exhausted to even send a text to Niall saying she loves him. She tries, but she falls asleep on the couch before pressing send.

Patrice shows up at half-ten the next morning, and Veda shuffles toward the kitchen with the woman following. Once the coffeepot is brewing another round, she leans against the counter and yawns. She’s already gone through one pot, but there isn’t enough coffee in the world to combat how tired she is.

“I see your blood is still about ninety percent caffeine,” Patrice chuckles.

Veda shrugs. “Gotta get my energy somewhere, right?”

“Listen, Veda. I should never have left you alone after Percy passed. I should have check in on you more.”

“I get it. I do. Like I said last night, you had other jobs to do. Jobs that were paying you. Looking after me was never in your job descendant I was never angry with you.”

“I thought about stopping by a few weeks after. I didn’t think you’d want to see me. After all, I was the last person with him besides you.”

Veda crosses the kitchen, lowering herself into the seat next to Patrice, and reaches out for the woman’s hand. “He adored you. You know that, right? You were the only other person that he trusted to care for him.”

“He was amazing.”

“He was. He was also stubborn as a damn mule. we had another nurse before you. She didn’t last a day before Granddad sent her packing. He said she may be competent, but she had ‘shifty eyes’. Then you came along. You didn’t put up with his nonsense, and he loved that. He considered you family.”

Patrice’s smile trembles, and she sniffs and wipes at her cheeks. “For what it’s worth, I loved that old cuss. He made my days brighter.”

“Ah, yes.” Veda nods knowingly. “You fell for the ol’ Percy Mitchell charm. Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.” Sighing, she stands and makes her way to the coffeepot. “I don’t think I would’ve liked to see you. It would’ve been too hard, I think. Then when I saw you last night, I was surprised, but there was no pain. No more than I’m used to.”

“I’m glad to see you’ve healed, honey. I can only imagine how hard it was on you.” Patrice sniffles once more, turning the conversation to a lighter topic: How Veda has been doing.

“Well, let’s see. My cousin Hattie moved in. I have a restraining order against my family. I went and fell in love like an idiot, and my best friend still lives all the way in California which is just rude of her.”

“What do you mean, you fell in love? Veda, that’s great!”

“Yeah, it’s awesome. He’s amazing, and he has the cutest dog ever.”

Patrice snorts, shaking her head. “Shock of the century. You’re a sucker for cute dogs.”

“Why does everybody say that? I mean, it’s absolutely _true_ , but it’s just mean to point it out.”

Veda laughs and tells Patrice about Niall. Her heart aches the longer she talks; all she wants is for him to be here, right now, with her. Unfortunately, it isn’t possible. She just has to wait for their schedules to align once more.

Patrice asks how they met, and Veda pauses then taps her finger on the tabletop. It should be difficult, speaking of the time after she lost the most important person in her life. But it isn’t. She feels the phantom pain, the chill of waking up to her grandfather dead. It isn’t nearly as overwhelming.

As Veda tells her of every kind thing Niall has done since he burst onto the scene, Patrice’s eyes fill more and more with tears. A soft smile tugs at her lips, and she scoffs when Veda says it wasn’t love at first sight. Even Veda has to agree that the foundation was there from the moment he loaned her his jacket, all because she ‘looked cold’.

“I’m so glad to see you happy, baby. You deserve it.”

Veda ducks her head, cheeks burning. As much as she loves her life now that there is colour in it once more, she can’t help but feel selfish. She should still be mourning Granddad. Not finding peace after he’s passed. He was everything to her for so long, and she should feel the waves of devastation that losing him brought.

Instead, she’s found hope. A deeper connection with her community and her cousin. Love she never dreamt of ever having.


	48. ★quarantotto★

Time crawls. Days are spent without Niall - he warned her, back when he told her he was going to school again, that their time together would be minimal. Veda can’t be upset. She’s proud of him for following his dreams. She’s selfish enough to admit that she wishes it didn’t come at such a steep cost.

Between his studies and picking up extra shifts, and her own schedule, they barely even talk over the next month. A few texts here and there, meeting up for lunch once or twice, and a single night that she spends in his bed. That’s all they have together.

She knows she can’t ask him for more. Making him feel guilty is the last thing she wants to do. His career is far more important than anything she could ever bring to his life. So she focuses on work and helps Hattie with preparing for her final exams of the term.

“I... I’ve been thinking about going back to school.”

Hattie pauses in the middle of writing then sets her pen down. “For what?”

“To get my degree.”

“Well, no duh. I meant, what would your degree be in?”

“I dunno,” Veda admits, shrugging. She hasn’t thought that far ahead.

“You should go for nursing.”

“No. Definitely not. It’s hard enough having my job, seeing these people in pain or ill. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to actually take care of them. It was draining doing it for Granddad.”

“Hmm. Maybe you could do, like, physical therapy? You’re already somewhat in the medical sector, and I’m sure Saint Francis has a rehab program for patients.”

“Why are we even talking about this?” Veda groans as she lets her head thunk to the tabletop. “I said I was considering it, not that I was actually gonna.”

“Because you know damn well that Grandpa wanted you to do more with your life than just skate by. More than just taking care of him. He would’ve loved to see you get a degree in a field you enjoy.”

Veda exhales sharply, but the words come out harsher than even she expects. “Yes, well, he’ll never see it, will he? So what’s the fucking point?”

“The point is, asshole, you could be happier.” Hattie’s eyes fill with tears, and her voice wobbles when she says, “You could be greater than a registrar. You could help people more. But hey, what do I know? I’m just the cousin already in school for forensic sciences. So fuck you, Veda.”

“Hattie—”

But Hattie is already gathering up her books and pens, storming out of the house. In the echoes of the door slamming shut, Veda wonders what she’s just done.

She is sat on the couch when her cousin comes home. Hattie won’t talk to her; she barely looks in Veda’s direction before going upstairs. Veda can’t swallow past the lump in her throat or the tight leaden weight in her chest.

She should never have lashed out like that. All Hattie wanted was to help. Instead, she’d gotten Veda biting her head off. Reminding her their grandfather was dead, and he will never witness anything his granddaughters accomplish.

Veda locks the front door and climbs up the stairs on shaky knees. She mindlessly goes through the routine of getting ready for bed - teeth brushed, changed into pyjamas, in between the sheets. She can’t even text Niall. If she does, it’ll distract him from his studies - or worse, she’ll tell him what she’s done, and he’ll be disgusted by her.

The tears come once her head hits the pillow.

“You’d be so ashamed of me, Granddad,” she whispers, sniffing against the tears though they don’t stop. “I was a knife, not a spoon.”

She falls asleep still crying, still fighting the violence of the guilt.

An arm drapes over her waist, a face pressing into her back. Even half-asleep, Veda recognises the lilac of Hattie’s body wash. She links her fingers with her cousin’s and squeezes. The moonlight through the window tells her it’s late in the night.

“I’m sorry I pushed so hard, V.”

Veda swallows down a manic laugh. “Don’t be. I’m the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I’m just - Hatchling, I’m terrified. Everything has changed so much in such a short time. I feel like I don’t know where to go from here.”

“What do you mean?” Hattie murmurs, and Veda sighs, tugging the edge of her pillow over her face.

“I disappointed Granddad by dropping out. We don’t have any family left. And if I go back to school, Niall will definitely break up with me because we’ll literally have no time for each other.”

Hattie snorts, her arm tightening around Veda. “First of all, you didn’t disappoint Grandpa. He was so proud of you for everything you’d done, even with Olivia as your mother. I watched the videos, V. He was more proud of you than you’ll ever know. Second, fuck our family. We’ve got each other, don’t we?”

“Yeah, we do,” whispers Veda as she sniffles.

“That’s all we need. We’re the two black sheep of the family - is it sheep? Or sheeps? I can never remember how to pluralise ‘sheep’. Anyway. No matter what, I’m always gonna have your back, even when you’re being a downright bitch.”

“And Niall?”

“V, honey, sweetheart, dumbass. You could tell him you were moving to live with nudist cannibalistic lepers, and he’d follow you in a heartbeat. Nonna didn’t lie, okay? He looks at you like you’re everything he’ll ever need in his life. He looks at you like you’re the entire world.”

They fall silent for a while. Veda draws comfort from her cousin’s warmth behind her, the steady cadence of their breathing. The knowledge she hasn’t made Hattie want to leave. A strong wind rattles the window, and the curtains sway in the breeze that slips through the cracks. Veda makes a mental note to seal the frame better.

“I told him I love him.”

“And I’m sure he said it back, so don’t worry so much.” Hattie lets out a soft laugh, scooting closer. “You two are disgusting, okay? I don’t think that will change just because you go to school.”

“Hattie?” Veda murmurs after a few seconds of quiet. Hattie hums in response. “Thanks. So… what’s going on between you and Liam?”

“Go to sleep, Veda. You’re delirious.”

“I saw you two at Niall’s birthday party. Then again at the block party. And again at Thanksgiving. You were pretty chummy with each other.”

Hattie sighs and swats at Veda’s belly. “If I tell you, will you go the fuck to sleep?”

“I promise.”

“We’re seeing where it goes.” Hattie yawns widely. “Nothing concrete at the moment.”

“Hattie?”

“This isn’t going to sleep, Veda.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, you damn pest.”

Veda bites her bottom lip to stem her giggles. “Hattie?”

“Oh. My. God. _What_?”

“I’m happy for you.”

Even Hattie can’t fight the laughter that bubbles up. It takes a moment, but then she’s letting out a soft breath. “I’m happy, too. He’s a good kisser.”

“No details.”

“What, don’t wanna hear how weak in the knees he makes me or how I want to jump his bones every time I see him?” Hattie lifts up onto one elbow so she can speak directly into Veda’s ear. “Wonder what he’s packing under those clothes of his. If it’s anything like what I’ve felt so far, it’s gonna be amazing.”

“Oh, my God! You disgusting little cretin! Go to sleep, jeez.”

Hattie blows into Veda’s ear, ignoring the way her cousin squeals in disgust. “You started it.”

Veda raises her arm and shoves at Hattie over her shoulder. Hattie falls backwards onto the bed with a shriek. They both lose control, giggling like schoolgirls at their first slumber party. It’s what Veda needed - the unspoken assurance that Hattie is still here, and what Veda nearly broke can be fixed. _Has_ been fixed.

She falls asleep to Hattie’s back pressed to hers and the feeling that everything will be alright.

The weather grows colder, but children still play outside. Skipping rope, hopscotch, games of hide-and-seek that go awry when Catalina nearly trips over Xavier where he hides on by her bins. Veda drags the armchair to the window where it always was before and watches the world pass. It’s familiar, something she’s known since she was young.

It’s as much a part of her as Granddad ever was.

Cardboard black cats and jack-o-lanterns line the stoops, bats and ghosts hang from the eaves, and Halloween approaches with gusto. Hattie and Veda bring home bags of sweets every day for a week until they realise there is enough to give away to a small country. Neither had realised the other was increasing the supply.

“Miss Veda, your boyfriend’s coming!”

Veda glances up from where she’s winding strings of orange lights around the door. True to Louisa’s word, Niall is making his way down the pavement. Her heart could burst with how he greets the adults and high-fives Carlos and Xavier.

How willing he is to skip rope for a moment, darting in and out with ease.

He even participates in hopscotch with Nelly without spilling anything from the to-go cups in his hands.

“You look good playing with them,” she says as he climbs the stairs. He grins and steps into her space. “Seriously. I never thought you could fit in here. If you hadn’t noticed, we’re a very tight-knit community, and we’re a bit snobby when it comes to who we let be a member.”

He chuckles at the dainty sniff, the way she sticks her nose in the air in a mimicry of the stuffy elite. “I’m honoured to belong. Now kiss me, I’ve missed you.”

Veda laughs and does as he oh-so-politely demands. He tastes of coffee and mint. Pulling back, she gives the cups a pointed look.

“One of those better be for me.”

He chuckles and passes one over. A frown tugs at his lips before he takes it back, replacing it with the other. “Of course it is. I wouldn’t dream of coming over without fuelling your caffeine addiction.”

“Not an addiction,” she corrects. “Just a need for caffeine every hour of every day of my life. And you.”

“And you say I’m perfect.” He glances at the string of lights hanging limply around the door frame. “Want some help?”

“Oh, god, yes. Please. I’ll pay you in kisses.”

His laugh is beautiful and everything she wants to hear for the rest of her existence. He sets their coffees aside and grabs up the tacks. They work together easily, and soon enough, Veda is plugging in the lights and stepping back to admire their handiwork.

“Not bad, Horan. Not bad at all.”

“Where’s my payment?”

“I love you,” she whispers before tugging him in for a kiss. He huffs out a laugh, deepening the kiss. The unspoken words paint her world a brilliant blue - the shade of his eyes in the sunlight.

“I love you, too.”

Hattie pokes her head out of the door. “Oh, goody. You two are being gross. Now come on, we have to get the webs hung up and bowls filled.”

Veda giggles and leads him inside for the massive pile of cottony cobwebs. Liam grins from where he’s pressing cauldron and witch stickers to the front window. She pats his shoulder as she gathers up the last of the outdoor decorations.

Lowering herself onto the stoop two hours later, Veda situates the bowl of sweets at her feet and watches as children pour from their homes. Families come from all around, even outside of the neighbourhood. She shivers, wrapping her jacket more tightly around herself, even as she drops a handful of candies into plastic pumpkins.

She chews on the inside of her cheek then leans into Niall’s side. “I’m going back to school.”

“What brought this on?” he murmurs, and she can hear the frown in his voice. Is he unhappy?

She shrugs and fakes shock when Xavier approaches, followed closely by Nelly. “Oh, gosh, Xavey, you look awesome! Best Transformer I’ve ever seen. And Nelly, you look ready to blast off into space. Such an amazing astronaut you are. I think that deserves _two_ KitKats each.”

“Thanks, Miss Veda!” the kids say in unison before rushing down the stairs in search of more candy.

She sighs, shifting the bowl between her feet. “I just… I want to make Granddad proud of me. I want to finish what I started before I started taking care of him. Different degree, but still. A degree.”

He doesn’t speak. Veda doesn’t look at him. If she sees the disappointment in his eyes, she’ll change her mind. She has to follow through with this, even if it costs her happiness. The breeze blows by sharply, whipping her hair around her face.

“I know this means we’ll get a lot less time together. I hate that. But this is what I want to do. If it means you decide you need someone who can actually be there, well, I understand.”

His hand encircles her wrist, fingers gentle and so large in comparison to her bone structure. She knows so well how much love he holds in his touch. She doesn’t want to lose him.

“I love you,” he says. “ _You_ , silly woman. Less time doesn’t mean less feelings. It means just that. Less time. And guess what? Five seconds with you in my arms is a helluva lot better than no time at all.”

“So we’re not breaking up?” she whispers. Doubt swirls in her mind, makes her second-guess her choice and his reassurance.

Niall snorts and nudges her with his shoulder. “If we didn’t break up when I said I was going back to school, why would we now? It’s my turn to be proud of you, even though I have been since we met.”

“God, I fucking love you. So much. Hey, Hatchling, you wanna finish passing out candy?”

Hattie comes to the door, laughs without humour. “Hell no. You and your boyfriend can sit out there in the cold. _I_ , on the other hand, will stay nice and warm inside with _my_ boyfriend.”

Veda groans then narrows her eyes at her cousin. “No defiling the couch. That’s communal property.”

“Surprised you haven’t already.”

“How dare you,” gasps Veda in fake outrage. “I am a _lady_. I deserve a bed at least.”

“Or the backseat of a car?”

“Okay, first of all, we never had sex in the backseat of the car. We were interrupted.” She turns to Niall and raises a brow at his reddened cheeks. “Second, you told Liam?”

Niall shrugs. “In my defence, he asked why I was, how’d he put it, acting like I had a dick up my arse.”

“So you think telling him was the right course of action?”

“Sorry?”

She sighs and kisses his cheek. “Ugh, I can’t be mad at you. I told El. Probably woulda told Hattie, too, if she wasn’t my cousin.”

“I thank you for not ruining my life,” Hattie calls as she moves further into the house.

Finally, the stream of trick-or-treaters dies down. Veda waits another ten minutes then blows out a breath of relief. _Ooh_ ing and _ahh_ ing over dozens of costumes has gotten repetitive. She picks up the two bowls they’ve gone through tonight, carrying them inside, while Niall locks the doors.

“Someone better have held back at least one bag, or I might lose my mind,” she whines as she collapses onto the couch.

“It wasn’t that bad, shut up.”

“Excuse me?” She turns her head to glare at her cousin. “You aren’t the one who had to watch all the candy go bye-bye into the hands of little kids instead of your mouth. You stayed inside with Liam dearest and watched - Jesus, _Chucky_? Turn it off.”

Niall sits on the floor beside her legs, pressing a kiss to her knee. “Don’t like horror films?”

“I do. But _Chucky_ is so overrated.”

“Then what do you suggest, your royal Highness?”

Veda doesn’t respond to Hattie, only pushes herself to her feet. Her fingers trails along the shelf of DVDs until she finds the one that’s most likely to traumatise Hattie - simply because Hattie has been so mean tonight, not handing out candy while Veda took Niall up to bed.

By the time _Pet Sematary_ ends, Liam and Veda are the only two who have shown any interest or investment in the film. Hattie slowly pulls the throw pillow away from her face, lobbing it at her cousin. Veda giggles and tosses the pillow into the armchair. She runs her fingers through Niall’s hair, frowning when he doesn’t react. Has she scarred him for life?

He follows her upstairs without a word, and the shower they share is just as silent. Veda slides soap-slick hands along his back, around to his chest. The hair under her palms tickles, but she doesn’t stop touching him. She’s wanted to do this all evening.

Niall finally makes a sound, one that sends Veda’s blood boiling. His breath comes out on a stuttering gasp, and she presses herself closer into his back. It doesn’t last long, but she doesn’t mind. The water washes the evidence down the drain.

“You’re trouble,” he groans as she drags her hands along his waist.

“You love me.”

“I do.”

God, she aches to hear that phrase again.

Instead of speaking it aloud, she helps him rinse the soap from his skin, linking their fingers together. She whispers an _I love you_ before kissing him softly. And she does. So much more than she could ever say.

She doesn’t point out that he clings to her more tightly than usual as they fall asleep.


	49. ★quarantanove★

The end of November comes. Hattie and Veda spend the morning at the guys’ house, then they convince the men to come with them to the Thanksgiving feast held by the neighbourhood. It’s too cold to sit outside, so they make their rounds to each house, eating enough to not make the hosts feel jilted before moving onto the next one.

Everyone loves Liam, Harry, and Louis as easily as they love Niall.

Veda waits until December to admit she was accepted into a nearby university to become a physical therapist. Niall pulls her into a bone-crushing embrace then drags her out for a celebratory dinner. He shows how proud he is of her later that night. She falls asleep in his arms wearing his Eagles T-shirt.

He hasn’t ever asked for it back. Instead, he’s added to her collection each time he comes over.

Veda finally gets her first day off in two weeks, and she sits at the kitchen table with Hattie. Niall is working tonight, and David Barkie curls up in Veda’s lap. He doesn’t seem to mind the lack of his human. Veda, on the other hand, can barely tolerate that Niall isn’t here.

“Hey, Hatchling, can we talk?”

Hattie doesn’t hesitate to set her books aside. “Absolutely. What’s up?”

“I, uh, I want your input on something.”

“Talk to me, V,” Hattie says; her voice is too soft for the situation, as if she can sense how Veda’s heart is in her throat. How her blood is buzzing in her veins, the haze of fear clouds her mind.

“I want to ask Niall to move in.” The words come out in a rush. Once she starts, she can’t stop. “It might be too soon, but he’s been in my life since April. He… he means so much to me. I just, I wanna be able to come home to you and him and DB every night. But if you don’t want him to, feel free to say no. I won’t ask him, I promise. This is just—”

“Really stupid of you, V.”

This brings Veda up short. She blinks owlishly at her cousin. Hattie sighs and taps her fingers against the tabletop. Veda shrinks in her seat at the flat expression on Hattie’s face.

“Why the Hell would I have a problem with your boyfriend moving in? Honestly, Veda, he’s here _all the freaking time_. This would just be him moving in officially.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Nope. Look, you’re practically my sister. All I want is for you to be happy, okay? He’s amazing for you. I can see why you love him so much. And you deserve to be loved as much as he loves you. So if you don’t ask him, I will.”

“I think I can ask my boyfriend to move in on my own, thanks,” Veda protests, and Hattie doesn’t bother stifling her snort of disbelief.

“Mhm, I’ll believe it when I see it happen.” She pauses then throws her pen at Veda’s forehead. “Keep the PDA down to a minimum, please? Because it sucks when your should-be sister is so deliriously happy and you haven’t even taken your own boyfriend to bed.”

Veda cards her fingers through her hair, lets out a breathless laugh. This has gone better than she expected. “Fine. I’ll ask him. Also, you might have to spell it out for Liam. Love the dude, but damn, is he dense. Or he’s just super old-fashioned.”

“Then what do you suggest I do? Just walk right up to him, stick my hand down his pants, and lead him by his dick to his room?”

“It’s as good a plan as any.” Veda shrugs. “Can’t hurt to try.”

Hattie shakes her head and reaches for the pen from where it bounced across the table. “Go away so I can work. One last exam, and I am free for the next three weeks.”

Veda kisses her cousin’s temple and wishes her luck. Hattie waves her off, so Veda makes herself scarce.

> **To: Niall  
>  <** _How are we working Christmas?_

She yawns and burrows further into her blankets. The question has been on her mind all day, but she’s only just now gathered up the courage to ask. Right before bed. Because she didn't think this through. If she has to spend their first Christmas apart, she might just lose her mind.

> **From: Niall  
>  >** _I work overnight on the 24th and 25th and I’ll be spending the mornings sleeping :( but! I have 8-4 on the 23rd, so I should be able to come by in the afternoon. I miss you._
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _I have to work Christmas, too, but I have the 23rd off as well, so my schedule is completely free for you, my love. I miss you, too. Send me a picture so I won’t forget your face._
> 
> **From: Niall  
>  >** _Nope. I think I’ll make you wait. What was it you said ? Anticipation makes the experience sweeter._
> 
> **To: Niall  
>  <** _Don’t you dare use my words against me._  
>  **<** _I love you._

A picture comes through seconds later, captioned with _I love you, too_. Veda smiles at the soft smile, the tender light in his eyes, the barest hint of chest hair as he lies in his bed. She wonders if he knows how much she needs him.

Now that she’s made the decision to ask him to move in, she can hardly make it through the days. Hattie starts studying in the library, citing Veda’s inability to sit still as a distraction. Veda understands; she paces around the house or finds something to clean whenever she’s home. Work can only do so much to keep her from her thoughts.

The want of the future she envisions with Niall.

She craves the stability that he brings, the love he’s given to her and taken from her. The warmth of his body in her bed and the kisses that burn into her skin. She needs him, just as he is.

Thankfully, decorating the house for Christmas helps take her mind off of the question that will change everything. She winds tinsel around the banister of the stairs while Hattie hangs fairy lights around the living room. She even tacks up mistletoe above the archway to the kitchen.

They place ornaments on the tree Veda drags down from the attic. Nonna brings over packets of homemade hot chocolate mix, and Veda bakes dozens of cookies for the neighbourhood. Hattie frosts them and placed them carefully into cellophane bags. Once that’s finished, they bundle up in their coats and make their way along the street. They slip and slide on ice, but they don’t fall.

It’s as much a tradition as it is for the Marions to go house to house singing Christmas carols. For Miss Sylvia to pass out candy canes, giving children extras. For Mister Thompson to pretend to be Santa’s helper in charge of finding out who’s naughty and nice. For Tommy to shovel off stoops and dig cars out of the snow.

The cousins separate to their own bedrooms to wrap gifts, and Veda doubts that Niall will like what she purchased for him. She isn’t sure about the thick sweater she paid Nonna to knit, a soft blue that almost matches his eyes. She wonders if he will even find the second one romantic, like she’d thought it was.

They both seem too simple. Not grand enough to show how much she loves him. Niall is so down-to-earth, gentle and sweet, but Veda knows he deserves better than these two measly presents.


	50. ★cinquanta★

Niall walks through the front door at five o’clock on the dot. He sets a large gift bag on the floor by the tree then heads up the stairs to change out of his scrubs, barely waving at Hattie as he goes. Veda exchanges a look with her cousin but waits for her boyfriend to join them in the living room.

Hattie is the first to speak once he’s sat on the couch next to Veda. “So I know most people do, like, food before presents, but I’m impatient. We’re doing gifts first, and if you don’t like it, you can kiss my ass.”

Niall shakes his head, chuckling under his breath, and accepts the wrapped present from Hattie. He passes over a box for her. Veda inhales slowly, the gifts for him resting at her feet. Why did she choose what she had?

Unfortunately, Niall turns to her too soon. She blows out a breath and hands him the bag with the sweater then the frame that holds the second present. Her breath hitches as he passes over something long and thin and a smaller box. He leans over to kiss her cheek and gestures for her to open it.

“What the—”

Niall’s eyes gleam in the evening sunlight coming from the front window. “Like it?”

“Niall…” She averts her gaze back down to the necklace nestled inside the velvet box. “It’s-it’s gorgeous.”

And it is. A pendant in the shape of the North Star, dotted with tiny blue gems at the end of each point. Nearly as beautiful a blue as his eyes. She swallows down the tears and meets his gaze.

“Thank you. I love it.”

“That’s not all.”

She exhales unsteadily and reaches for the smaller box. A small voice in her head screams a hope that it isn’t what she thinks it is. She doesn’t think she could handle it. She also wishes it is.

The earrings are just as beautiful as the necklace. One is a half-moon lined with the same blue gems, the other a sun surrounded by yellow sapphires. Her heart sinks, but she shoves aside the disappointment to appreciate what he’s done. The jewellery is stunning, perfect for her, and she can’t wait to wear them.

Niall seems to be reading her mind. He pulls the necklace from its box, moving to sit behind her, and she closes her eyes as he does up the clasp. She puts the earrings on herself, replacing the plain studs she’s worn for years with the ones that Niall obviously spent time choosing.

“I love you,” she whispers before turning to kiss him. “It’s… it’s your turn now. I’m sorry that they’re not as great as what you got me.”

“I’m sure they’re amazing, love.”

A smile tugs at his lips as he opens the bag and pulls out the sweater. He immediately tugs it on over his head, smooths his hands down the front. Veda loves how expressive he is. How he wears his emotions on his face. That she can read him like a book.

“What’s this?” he asks once he’s torn the wrapping off the frame.

“It’s, um, it’s a map of the stars over LAX the night we met, around the time you gave me your jacket because you thought I ‘looked cold’. It’s where our story started, even if I hadn’t realised it at the time.”

When he looks at her, she can’t read him. Her palms have gone clammy, and she swipes them along her tights. It does nothing to alleviate the dampness. Veda glances at Hattie, who is absolutely no help in deciphering him.

“I thought you said these weren’t as good as the presents I got you.”

“They’re—”

“They’re amazing. Ve-Veda, they’re perfect. I love them.”

Hattie grins and rises to her feet. “I’m gonna go upstairs and call my boyfriend so you two can be gross together.”

Thankfully, Niall misses the pointed look Hattie gives Veda before she goes. Veda reaches for his hands once Hattie’s door closes. His fingers so comfortably with hers. As if the myth was true - that people were split in two and destined to roam the earth in search of their other half. Their soulmate. Veda is certain she’s found hers.

“I, um, I know I said I love you already. Just, just remember that, okay? I love you so much, it hurts.”

He frowns and looks down at their hands. “Are you trying to break up with me?”

“No. Absolutely not. We both agreed. No breaking up. Besides, if I wanted to do that, why the Hell would I do it on Christmas? I’m not the fucking Grinch.”

“It’s not Christmas yet.”

“It’s _our_ Christmas, so good enough. Now can I continue, or should we keep finding various tangents?”

“I’m sorry. Please go on,” he laughs as he kisses her knuckles.

“Well, as I said, I love you. Like, a lot. A disgusting amount. What the Hell are you doing to me, Horan? I was fine before you came along. I did my job. I came home and took care of Granddad. Sure, I went to bed with an ache in my heart that I could never recognise.

“Then you entered my life, and I’ve never been the same. You brightened up my life with more colour than I ever thought possible. I fell in love with you, and I would never change that. Anyway. I was, uh, I was wondering if you’d move in with me. You and DB.”

Niall stares at her without speaking. Without blinking. Veda isn’t sure he’s even breathing still. Finally, he whispers, “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely.” Veda nods and squeezes his fingers. “I just… I love you. And I hate coming home and not having you here. Even when we work different shifts, I’d still be able to see you for five seconds before I fall asleep. It _sucks_ , sleeping alone. Damn it, I’ve grown accustomed to you in my bed. So… yeah, move in with me. Please?”

“Can, can I think about this?”

Veda struggles to not let the pain show on her face. She assumed there would be some hesitation on his part. It’s an enormous shift in the relationship. But it still hurts to hear him be so reluctant. Uncertain. She swallows against the tears that threaten to spill over.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Take your time.” She ducks her head, hoping he hasn’t seen her burning cheeks. “Am I allowed to ask what you need to think about? Because if it’s whether it’ll bother Hattie by living here, you don’t need to worry. You’re already here most days anyway, even when I’m not.”

He sighs, but she refuses to meet his eye. She can’t bear to see the beginning of rejection. “She’s okay with this?”

“She told me if I didn’t ask, she would.”

“Look, Veda, I love you. I really do. You fit so well into my life, no matter how many times I can’t give you the attention you deserve. But we, we haven’t even talked about what we want for the future.”

“Like what?”

Niall hooks a finger under her chin, nudging her face up until she’s looking at him. Pain flickers behind his eyes, and she almost believes that he feels bad about declining. Almost.

“Like, do you want to get married? Have kids? Move to Mars and start a civilisation there?” He uses his thumb to brush a tear from her cheek. “These are important things, and we’ve completely sidestepped the conversations this entire time.”

Her heart thunders in her chest. Can he hear it? Swallowing harshly, she pushes her hair out of her face and stares at a spot over his shoulder. He’s right. They should have had this discussion in the beginning, before the feelings she had for him grew into love. Before he became so integral to her life that existing without him is impossible.

“Okay. Well, I have always had an open mind toward marriage. The only healthy marriage I’ve ever witnessed had been Mom-Mom and Granddad. I want a marriage like that. Even after my own childhood, I want kids. Two or three, but I’ll settle for one if that’s what you want. I want to be a better mother than Olivia ever was.”

He opens his mouth to speak, most likely to tell her to slow down, she’s speaking far too fast. But he has to know this. She needs to convince him that whatever he wants, she wants it, too. Unless it’s going their separate ways, she wants everything he wants. She draws in a steadying breath and talks over whatever he tries to say.

“I want to be a damn good wife, _your_ wife. I want to come home to you every single day of the rest of my life, of your life. As for Mars, fuck that. I’m not colonising a planet we’re not entirely sure is devoid of life. I don’t wanna be Columbus or somethin’,” she mutters, nose scrunching up with disgust. Columbus is awful.

Niall laughs, curving his hand around the back of her neck, and pulls her in to press their foreheads together. “Your mind works in incredibly odd ways. I love it.”

“But it got you to smile, so I consider it a win.” Her amusement fades abruptly. “Look, I get it. I do. These _are_ very important questions. I just needed to know why you were hesitating.”

“I’m sorry. I just—”

Veda shakes her head and raises a hand, covering his mouth. “Please don’t. You have every right to your reservations. Just know I’m here when you wanna talk about them.”

“Thanks, Ve-Veda.”

“So… do you? Want marriage and kids and Mars, I mean.” She chews on her lower lip, impatient to hear his answer. Tension bleeds into her body, and she wants to get up and walk away. The wait is too much.

What if their desires aren’t compatible? God, if he tells her he doesn’t want any of that, what would she do? Could she handle it?

His grip tightens around her neck, dragging her from her thoughts. “I want to be the best husband who has ever husbanded for you, and I want to be a proud father. We can discuss how many kids we want later. As for Mars, you’re right. We shouldn’t strive to be like Columbus.”

Veda gasps with the tears that slip free, and she tugs him in for a kiss. His tongue tastes like hot chocolate and peppermint and everything that makes him who he is. _I want to be the best husband for you_. ‘For you’. Her brain echoes his words on a loop, each repetition spiralling joy through her veins.

“So, I have one question,” she murmurs, and Niall pulls back to raise a brow. “How do you feel about having our own personal baseball team?”

“I am completely okay with the practice, but… Maybe not those specific results.”

“Practice it is.”

Veda laughs with him, kisses him. She pulls on him until he’s settled over her. His weight is comfortable, a line of warmth that she cherishes. When they separate, Niall brushes his lips against her cheek then slips into the space between her and the back of the couch.

She can’t breathe with the tightness in her chest - something unrelated to any fears she had in the beginning of the night. It’s knowing that he wants her just as much, wondering if she can always make him this happy. She wants to make Maura proud of her son and his relationship. She wants to be the kind of daughter-in-law that Maura is ecstatic to introduce to friends.

“Can I come down now? I need to know if we have a roommate, and I don’t wanna walk in on anything nasty.”

Niall chuckles and tells Hattie nothing gross is happening. Hattie barrels down the stairs, bottom lip sucked between her teeth. She stands on the last step, tucking her hands into her pockets, and stares at them. Veda runs her fingers through Niall’s hair.

“I think he’s gonna think about it.”

Niall hums low in his throat and drapes his arm over her waist. “Don’t need to. We talked about the things I was worried about. I’ll call the lads tomorrow.”

“Are you serious?” Hattie shrieks before bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Veda grins, rolling her eyes. Niall’s fingers ghost along her side, his lips press to her collarbone. This is exactly what she hoped for, against her better judgement. As terrified as she was, she is thankful that she took the risk.

The necklace and earrings are absolutely gorgeous, but this is the better of the Christmas presents.

How could she want anything more? He’s saved her from herself. From falling into the trap of her family without Granddad there to pull her from the fire. From losing herself in the nebulous deep after Granddad passed.

“So. I couldn’t help but overhear.” Hattie taps her chin with one finger, an exaggerated face of concentration. “Does this mean you two are pre-pre-pre-engaged?”

Veda laughs and shouts “You annoying little snoop!” right as Niall shrugs, saying “Looks like we are.”

“Cool. Welcome to the family, buckaroo. Run while you can.”

Veda groans and lobs the box from her earrings at her cousin. “Go beg your boyfriend to take you to bed already and stay out of my relationship.”

“First, that’s _my_ Christmas present. Second, don’t you mean your pre-pre-pre-engagement?”

It’s only because of the stress and rollercoaster of emotions during the day that Veda doesn’t notice at first. She’s so far lost in the whole notion of ‘pre-pre-pre-engagement’ that she misses Hattie’s quick steps toward the door. She definitely notices when the doorknob squeaks. Bolting upright, she scowls.

“Henrietta Joan, don’t you dare!”

Niall sits up and wraps his arms around her waist, keeping her next to him. Preventing her from committing murder. Sneaky jerk he is, he’s taken Hattie’s side. It’s unfair. Hattie beams and throws the door open. She screeches at the snow under her bare feet, but then she’s shouting for the whole world to hear:

“It’s a fucking Christmas miracle, everybody! Veda and Niall are pre-pre-pre-engaged!”

The street fills with the sound of people shouting, and Hattie repeats herself until Veda can hear every neighbour cheering. She meets Niall’s eyes and sighs.

“I’ll completely understand if you wanna get out while you have the chance.”

“And miss the entertainment that comes with loving you? Not in my worst nightmare, darling.”

Veda giggles and pulls him closer. She loses herself in the heat, the taste, the feel of him blanketing her on the couch. Her hands slip around his back, press against his shoulders, and he doesn’t hesitate to settle in over her.

“Oh, that’s gross!” Hattie whines - obviously, she’s seen the position Veda and Niall are in. “I’m telling Nonna.”

Veda huffs out a laugh, pushing against Niall’s shoulders. Her pre-pre-pre-fiance. Her future husband. “Merry Christmas, my love.”

“Happy Christmas, and a happy one it is.”

As he kisses away any words she may try to speak, Veda can’t help but think Hattie was right: This is the biggest Christmas miracle of Veda’s life. It pains her to admit it, but it wouldn’t have come to her if Granddad never passed. Without his declining health, Veda never would have been in LAX that March night, and she would have missed out on the most wonderful man she’ll ever know.

The twinge in her chest is drowned out by the love and joy that Niall has brought to her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe we've reached the end of this story. like, i legitimately can't believe we've gotten to this point. i don't like saying goodbye to my characters - i've always had difficulty letting go - but it's somehow harder to see veda and niall's story come to a close. thank you so freaking much for the love you've shown. i couldn't have done this without any of you.


End file.
